A visit from Reverend Kotch
Was a funny thing to watch.
To get a whiff,
He likes to sniff,
He buries his nose in his crotch.
--- Puff Adder

I feed old Blue about ten;
He hurls it now and again.
But I don't carp
When old Blue barfs,
In five minutes he'll eat it again.
--- Puff Adder

My neighbor's poodle Nicole
Had a coat as black as the coal.
She disappeared one day
And I'm sorry to say,
Old Blue had swallowed her whole.
--- Puff Adder

Necking with my girl Meg,
I was hot; she stiffened my peg.
The time was right
To turn out the light,
But Blue was humping her leg.
--- Puff Adder

Blue you good dog you;
You're a friend tried and true.
I'll morn the day
When you pass away --
My good old faithful dog Blue
--- Puff Adder

A dachshund whose name was Graustark,
Had a bite that was worse than his bark.
As he scratched at a flea,
I said: "Let's you and me,
As a lark, take a walk in the park."
--- William K Alsop Jr

A fine old hound name of Jake,
Fifteen years by my side when I wake.
He loved chasing squirrel
And the canine type girl
And an occasional trip to the lake.
--- Tim Rusk

As close as the closest of kin;
As close to me that dog has been.
He knew all my moods
And bad attitudes,
And still greeted at the door with a grin.
--- Tim Rusk

I am now typing sadly with a frown,
Looking back on the memories found.
All of those years
Bring a whole lot of tears.
Tonight I had to put that dog down.
--- Tim Rusk

Such sadness will rob you of sleep,
But Tim, you must try not to weep;
What you had to do,
Last night, Tid did too.
His hound down? No, it was his sheep!
--- Travis Brasell

A white cocker spaniel from Poole,
Had a thing about Peter O'Toole.
When he came on the telly,
He'd roll on his belly
And do funny things to the stool.
--- Michael Palin

There once was a young man from Dent
Who didn't seem to have a scent.
And there was not a hound
For many miles around
Could tell you where it was he went.
--- Lims Unlimited

Our Nemo was truly well-bred;
A Wiener from tail to his head.
He'd roll over and fetch
With not even a kvetch,
But his latest trick now is "play dead".
--- Rich Maisel

A boy had a dog cart at Stukey,
That was pulled by a good strong Saluki.
The hound was his pride,
Until one day it died;
Now he noisily rides a Suzuki.
--- Anon

The hounds of Bartholomew Rand
On his dining room table looked grand;
Standing posed, running free,
Just as dead as can be,
Being stuffed, and held up on a stand.
--- Cap'n Bean P0402

Even now, there's a very great span
'Twixt the viewpoints of woman and man.
Just watch each face change
When they hear this exchange:
"Why's a dog lick his prick? 'Cause he CAN!"
--- John Miller 0059

One question was high on my list:
Why do dogs lick after they've pissed.
But then I knew
What fido can't do:
Help himself by making a fist.
--- Anon

I once asked a friend, I said "Dan,
You're a veterinarian man,
Can you tell me why dogs
Sit and lick on their logs?"
To which he replied "'Cause they can!"
--- Anon

The dog that we label first class
Is one that won't shit on the grass.
And he will not be cursed
If he licks your face first
Before licking his way through his ass.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1127

John Peel, as ye ken, was well hung,
And though girlfriend Glennis was young,
He'd say "Not now Glen, I'll
Be off to the kennel,
For I do love the hounds to give tongue."
--- Anon

'Tis only for the canine species
That can reach their bits and their pieces;
Much as I like the mutt
As they keep sniff the dog butt,
And roll 'round in each other feces.
--- Anon

Now I'm a fan of all mutts,
But I think that the biggest of cuts,
Is whenever those fellas
Make human guys jealous
By lying there, licking their nuts.
--- Irish

Though Benjy the dog is a mong-
Rel, ladies his praises have sung.
He sure loves to flirt,
His nose up their skirt,
And giving the length of his tongue.
--- Anon

Our Chihuahua's dreadfully well-hung;
Personality's sometimes pure dung;
'Cause he's angry, I'd say,
See, his tool's in the way,
When he bends 'round to lick clean his bung!
--- Anon

God made dogs but the project was blown
And dogs' assholes were everywhere strown.
Now each dog goes his way
Sniffing assholes all day
In the hope he can locate his own.
--- Albin Chaplin

"When I'm back in the next life," said Watt,
"A dog's life would be a good lot.
I would search every day
And I'd find me a stray,
And I'd sniff on her asshole and twat."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1184

I once owned a dog named Gnawles;
He was constantly licking his balls.
He wore a hole in the skin
Which kept his testicles in;
He then sucked on them just like a Halls.
--- Anon

By day Lizzie's paid to taste noodles
And oodles of cheese and fruit strudels,
But when it gets dark,
She goes to the park
To taste, free of charge, lost male poodles.
--- Anon

There once was a dog called Etcetera
A handsome but horny Red Settera.
He turned down a Pug
With a socket to plug,
For to lick his own bollocks; felt bettera.
--- Peter Wilkins

My pup with a smile on his face,
Lifts leg as he pees with much grace.
His choice, we often see
Quite purposefully
Is at some ARBOREAL base.
--- Chris Papa

Chew toys and things like that
Are natural dog habitat.
Fire hydrants -- obsession;
My shoes -- his possession;
Most people would rather a cat!
--- Blue Raspberry T9801

My eccentric Uncle Ernie
Once disguised himself as a tree.
Which was really neat
Apart from wet feet,
Every time a dog stopped for a pee.
--- Tony Burrell

There once was a puppy named Teeky,
Who, on our new carpet would leaky.
I said, "That's enough,
You dumb little scruff,
Once more and I'll cut off your 'pee-pee'".

This is file luk

There once was a canine brown,
That pissed on everything around.
He pissed on the trees
And he pissed on our knees;
We put that fucker in the pound!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

My dog hoisted his leg
Too close to big sister Meg.
She let out a scream,
When she saw that the stream
Was enough to fill up a keg.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a dog name of Billy
Who had a very long willy.
He bounced on his dick
Like a new pogo stick,
And looked extraordinarily silly.
--- Wobbly

My dog, with his left hind leg missing,
Has taken to growling and hissing,
Because he gets miffed
When he tries to lift
His right hind leg, when he is pissing.
--- Travis Brasell

Now Darwin, if you got him beery,
Would tell you, that using his theory,
That dog's dick would grow
To compensate, so
He'd walk with it, not getting weary.
--- Tiddy Ogg

My nearsighted dog barely sees,
But I took him walking with me,
When I felt something warm,
I looked down with alarm;
My dog thought my leg was a tree.
--- Shelby Forrest

I had a young puppy named Duddley,
So small, very cute, and so cuddley.
He wasn't house trained,
And some tempers were strained;
His failing was that he was too puddley.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Your dog's your best friend, we agree,
Your loving and true devotee;
Loyal protector and guide
Who'll not leave your side,
Except for a hydrant or tree.
--- C W Dalton

My house will be home to a tree
Just as pretty as Christmas can be;
It'll stand in a place
Where my terrier, Ace,
Will decide that it's proper to pee.
--- Cap'n Bean P0212

When training pups to crap out of doors,
Use paper to cover your floors.
But do read the news,
Before your dog poohs,
Or else get him some plastic drawers.
--- Anon

There once was a doggie named Pete
With a face that was silky and sweet.
He would pause near a tree,
Lift his leg for a pee,
And piddle all over his feet.
--- Jean Fox

There was a poor man named Magee,
With a peg-leg, about two-foot-three.
He stood by a log,
When up came a dog,
And mistook him somehow for a tree!
--- Friar

There once was a dog named Lee,
Who went to the side of a tree.
And when he got there,
He was in for a scare,
'Cause there he was stung by a bee.
--- John Ponto

Bad Doggy! You tore curtains right here!
You'll have to be punished, I fear.
But -- I didn't do that!
It was that damned cat
That barfed and then pissed in your beer.
--- Lynn Mostafa

A big wooly dog named Lee,
Had a host of friends to see.
So he paced the street,
On all four feet
But visited mainly on three.
--- L1464

There once was a dog named Gearhart
Who was an obnoxious old fart.
His cock was as large
As a seagoing barge;
Thus you see now the three-legged part.
--- Gearhart

A three-legged dog named Rover
Lives happily in Wyndover.
But when he tries to pee
Up against a tree,
He almost always topples over.
--- Lichtman

A dog, not with four legs, but three,
Does not need to lift one to pee.
For him it's quite fair
To use one that's not there
Whenever he comes to a tree.
--- Tony Burrell

In the infamous town of Wendover
Dwells a three-legged dog they call Rover.
When he tries to pee
Against a tall tree,
He invariably topples right over.
--- Aleck Lichtman

There once was a doggie from Ealing,
Whose balancing act sent it reeling.
With no tripedal knack,
It lay on its back
And pissed on the lamp in the ceiling.
--- Gearhart

Let's see; Have you ever had fleas?
Lifted your leg to pee on some trees?
Ever had kennel cough?
Tried to get a boff,
By humping someone at the knees?
--- Anon

A coyote crept up on a sheep
And captured her lamb with a leap;
"Oh Lambie, don't cry,"
Said the ewe with a sigh,
"You're part of the coyote's upkeep."
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

The coyote said, "Ain't I cute!"
As he bit off a lamb's little snoot.
But the herder said, "You're
Cuter when fewer.
To endanger your species, I'll shoot!"
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

A coyote pursuing a hunch,
Spotted some sheep in a bunch.
"Oh yum," he exclaimed,
As he wounded and maimed,
"I'll have a sheep sandwich for lunch."
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

The alopex lives near the pole
Where he feeds on the marmot and vole;
And wears socks on his feet
In his wintry retreat:
A cozy Alaskan fox-hole.
--- Rory Ewins Q

Reggie, a cunning red fox,
For breakfast ate bagel and lox.
"Scrawny spring chickens
Are very slim pickins.
I wish they'd all die of the pox."
--- Nancy Henry-Kline P9305

A raven once sat in a tree;
In his beak was a portion of Brie,
Or maybe 'twas Roquefort,
He hadn't yet spoke for
To tell us the type it might be.
--- Anon

A fox sat below, and said smiling,
As if taken with ravenly styling,
"J'admire ton plumage."
(Which was mere persiflage.)
With words he intended beguiling.
--- Anon

It's unlikely that this will surprise
The reader observant and wise,
Since it's often been noted
That a fox is devoted
To unblushingly flatter with lies.
--- Anon

"You'll forgive an obsequious clamor-tongue,
But I'll bet you have often with glamour sung.
I wonder, old sport
If I might not exhort.
For a fan, would you trill 'Gotterdammerung'?"
--- Anon

This was all of the coaxing he needed,
And the crow, like a shot, then proceeded.
In flattery doused,
Sang the 'Jewel Song' from 'Faust',
Which was never done better than he did.
--- Anon

The result of the fox's depravity
Showed proof of the law of earth's gravity:
As Newton had showed it,
The cheese soon bestowed it
To end in the fox's gut cavity.
--- Anon

I'm embarrassed to add, that the bird
Emphatically mentioned a word
Unfit for this forum,
But the fox, with decorum,
Replied only "Tut", so I've heard.
--- Anon