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I found, when naughty and young, Romance on a hot summer's night, I stroke and caress my love's curves, Just before I reach my zenith, When they sent my dumb ass off to school, Young James had drunk too much tea, I had given the manual to Herb, A bashful teenager named Hugh Man learned to burn timber to heat with, "My dear, I shall not write your name, My hands are a wonderful thing; 'Twas a fellow of Tatamagouche, Oh Father! I have a confession! Young Gregory sat on the pot There once was a fellow named Cronin, There once were two brothers named Burns Orgasm by manual action, Not saying it ought to be banned, When I dined with the Rajah of Kutch, To her grandson, said inquisitive Miss Todd, A young Catholic they caught masturbating, There once was a man from Grand Haven A vision appeared before me; The evil that lurks in men's hearts! A father observing his son -- Laughed horny old Larry from Leeds, In massage parlors, clock-watching Clive, There was an old man with a dong, Leonardo was a great titillator. I began this with a huge expectation, I once knew a vixen named Candy, Ah Candy! I knew her quite well! But Hope came again later on, Ah, yesterday, Candy. Ah, young! I heard that this young female fox Though Candy is hot, there's mood swing, I like to be wearing her box... A survey of young Air Force fliers 'Tis normal for boys adolescent Under the spreading chestnut tree (Also in the Ball of Ballynoor)
The Chinese Ambassador Ping In a lather all slippery and thick, Though sport a la Portnoy was banned, Vicky, we know you're a skag. (complained she got online harassment)
I've always enjoyed fornication Carlotta wears work boots and shades. Lubricious young Lulu just loves How many times must I tell you? There was a young girl named Hannah, A feisty young lady from Devon There once was a waitress named Janna, Donald's dick was a scant several inches, The Duchess of Drood's lewd and crude, Guess what happened today; There was a young man of St. Bees, While the coozy on Connie is cute So expertly she tossed me off, an' There was a young fellow of Calais A fair-haired young damsel named Grace A horny young lad named Rob, 'Twas no one as kind as my neighbor, I too, had a neighbor who gave I must have been only 'bout age An agreeable girl named Miss Doves, I once knew a gal, Alice E. "For a fondle, I'll be in your debt,"
And upright my dickie had sprung,
For a wank in the loo,
Robin's-egg blue
Is a colour whose virtue's unsung.
--- Anon
The room lit by soft candlelight.
There's love in the air;
I haven't a care;
My true love brings me delight.
--- Gearhart
And softly I whisper sweet words.
The seconds I'm counting
As tension starts mounting.
My love gets attention deserved.
--- Gearhart
I slow down to catch my own breath.
My fingers upon her;
They're starting to wander.
"My wuv is my vewy own penith."
--- Gearhart
The nuns whacked me around with the rule.
I was more apt to scoff
'Cause I'd heard whacking off
Was what turned someone into a fool.
--- Anon
So he went to the pot for a pee.
There he found daddy's 'zines
Chock full of pre-teens;
He didn't emerge until three.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who I think was a Pole or a Serb.
Took the book from the shelf
And then played with himself,
'Cause he thought that the word was a verb.
--- Anon
Would jerk himself off in the loo;
Picture nude Meryl Streep,
Wide awake, still asleep,
Or begging him, "Do it on cue."
--- Armand Singer
And he fashioned utensils to eat with.
Though his brain he has grooved,
He has never improved
On the hand that he uses to beat with.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1866
Since you are my mistress with shame;
I'm pleased to inform
I've bested my norm:
With thoughts of you ...nine times I came."
--- Anon
They treat me as though I'm a King.
No V.D. or syphilis,
And sex is ambifilous..
No worries producing offspring.
--- Rodney Williams
Who would go, when he went, with a whoosh!
He was frequently known
To perform all alone,
So had nowhere to squirt all the juice.
--- Keith MacMillan 28c
A naughty and sinful transgression!
I fondled myself
With a deft little elf,
And now he's become an obsession.
--- Ogni Gioia
And he played with his pecker and thought
Of lovers, fictitious,
And scenes so delicious
Than rather than shittin', he shot.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Through whose door could be heard frenzied moanin'.
But despite the wild rhythm,
No woman was with him,
An avid disciple of Onan.
--- Lloyd Rawley
Who liked to frolic in ferns.
They took off their pants
And did a little dance;
One comes while the other one yearns.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Produces much adverse reaction.
There's things you can't do,
But one thing is true,
It's only you, needs satisfaction.
--- Anon
Since a little can surely be grand,
But my great consternation
About masturbation
Is, it's gotten a bit out of hand.
--- Anon
He enquired, "Do you masturbate much?"
I replied with a stare,
"That's a private affair,
And I'll thank you to treat it as such."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Do you spend your nights rubbing your rod?
Your old man, as a kid,
Most undoubtedly did--
If you don't do it too, you're quite odd."
--- Grand Prix Lim 974 G2218
Was told "It's a sin to be wasting
Your sperm!" Said the lad,
"I haven't been bad,
I've been saving it all in this waste bin."
--- Tim@raptor
And a piece of ass he was cravin'.
So he sat in the sand,
And did it by hand,
And said, "Look at the money I'm savin'."
--- Frank Stevens
It's loveliness did implore me.
To take it all in,
I'll see it again,
The next time my fingers explore me.
--- Anon
To think how they lust after tarts!
Why even is school
Kids play pocket pool,
Abusing their most private parts.
--- Armand E Singer 293
Four shakes are enough when you're done.
A fifth if you must.
A sixth! Prevents rust?
A seventh? You son-of-a-gun!
--- Irving Superior P8502
"I daily subscribe to my needs.
But the state of my lech
As I reach the home stretch,
Determines the requisite speeds."
--- Armand Singer
Needs a number of girls to arrive:
While a team works his cock,
He'll be watching the clock
To get off at the stroking of five.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Who played with it all the day long.
They called out, "No more!
You're a horrid old bore!"
But secretely admired his prong.
--- Edwardian Leer 018 P9306
The Passions of Bach were still greater.
But boys still handle
And girls still candle,
For the Master of all's Masturbator.
--- Dick Buenger P9006
Of wildly concocted creation.
Though my block has now lifted,
My mind has since drifted,
To thoughts of satisfying masturbation!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Curvacious, exotic, quite randy.
A stellar love joy,
And I just a boy,
But thoughts of her, sure came in handy!
--- Cyber Wizard
Raising hopes that I just couldn't quell.
We were both underaged,
But the judge was enraged,
Sending me and my hopes to a cell.
--- John Miller
When Candy and youth were all gone.
She came and she came
Until I was lame,
And shrivelled and withered and wan.
--- John Miller
This is file lkl
I might if I'd been better hung.
Though she did turn me down,
Years later she'd frown
When I showed her the use of my tongue.
--- Cyber Wizard
Is known for her teasing of cocks.
She pops every fly
Each time she walks by.
That's why I am wearing a box.
--- Cyber Wizard
And baring her may a brood bring.
Unless your day to day
Includes "family way",
Bewaring her box is a good thing.
--- Cyber Wizard
While wearing, in turn, "rubber socks".
So, after me, you
Can do what you do,
And she'll still taste like two-week-old lox.
--- John Miller
By psychiatrist Old Dr. Meyers,
Showed that ninety-eight
Percent masturbate,
And that the remainder are liars.
--- A N Wilkins P8701
To be troubled by urges incessant;
In bed, every night
When they turn out the light,
They do things they find rather pleasant.
--- Anon
The village smithy sat,
Amusing himself
By abusing himself,
And catching it in his hat.
--- Anon
Was a fan of Kung Fu and I Ching (!)
And a gold medal winner
When younger and thinner,
In martial-type arts like Wang King.
--- Peter Wilkins
Earnestly trimming my wick,
In a slurry of foam,
When there's nobody home,
No one cares how long I wash my dick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The boys at the school thought it grand.
When asked if they tried
To abstain, they replied:
"It's a problem we've got well in hand."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
We've seen pictures in that old porn mag.
And young boys at night
Will cream with delight
Over you, when you're then an old hag.
--- Tiddy Ogg
With maidens of every nation;
And sucking of tits
And cunt give me fits,
But I prize most a joint masturbation.
--- G2126
She's a no concerned about AIDS.
No matta you job,
She handles you knob.
I think she's a jacked off all trades.
--- Anon
To jerk off men's peckers with gloves.
She's in no position
To consider coition,
Being pregnant from previous shoves.
--- G2159
Said the nurse to her patient at Bellevue.
If your hand gets too spunky
While spanking your monkey,
I'll be more than happy to spell you!
--- Anon
Who loved madly her lover's banana.
She loved pubic hair
And balls that were bare,
And she jacked him off in her bandana.
--- L1432
Had to be home at half past eleven.
Her horny young date
She did masturbate;
'Twas the best wank that she'd ever given.
--- Jayne
Who jerked sodas in Great Falls, Montana.
But the cowboys took notice,
'Cause she jerked more than sodas,
And had a split better than banana.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
but when stoked by his girlfriend's soft pinches,
It grew (so they say)
Several sizes that day,
Just like that heart of the Grinch's!
--- Stargazer
And the men think her terribly rude.
When they swim by the docks
She tickles their cocks,
And laughs when the red tips protrude.
--- L1393
I'm almost too ashamed to say.
She fondled my prick,
But I came too quick;
We hadn't yet started to play
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who said to his mistress, "Now please,
First give me a kiss,
Then take hold of this,
And then, very gently, of these."
--- Anon
She won't open up for your brute...
She fondles your gland
In her hot little hand,
And caresses your root till you shoot.
--- Grand Prix Lim 715
My rhythm stick started to soften.
She said "One more time?
As that old pick-up line
Goes, Honey do you come here often."
--- Anon
Who took his best girl to hear Halle's.
When the music got flat,
He played with her twat,
And she did the same with his alleys.
--- G2096
Thought it very, very foolish to place
Her hand on a cock,
When it turned hard as rock,
For fear t'would explode in her face.
--- L1273
Whose cock did constantly throb,
Convinced a young lass
With an exquisite ass,
To give him a five-star hand job.
--- Jeeves
A widow named Mrs Ruth Tabor,
Who'd show us boys thanks
By giving us wanks,
For doing just quick minor labor.
--- Travis Brasell
Me fellatio so she could save
Me from going blind,
And relief I would find,
For sometimes I could dive in her cave.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Thirteen when I'd stand on the stage
At the old ladies' club,
And they'd give me a rub.
What's more, they would pay me a wage.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Likes to jack off young men that she loves.
She will use her bare fist,
If the fellows insist,
But she really prefers to wear gloves.
--- L1264
Whose fingers grew all callousy,
From stroking my member
For days in September --
If you ask, she'll claim it's a phallacy.
--- Anon
I told Chris, but the chick was upset.
When squeezing her tits,
My cock shot a spritz,
And the jet got her sweater all wet.
--- Hugh Clary
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