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Her dalliance left not one, but two The "doctor," whom we will call Jack, Said Rob, "We're alive! Ain't that nice? So Rob died a horrible death, But then it transpired in some way This story got out, 'twas the prod But God laughed his ass off: "You see, A pregnant girl down on her luck, There was an old codger named Wright, A mistress of good doctor Spencer An Episcopal bishop named Dozier There was a young hooker named Harriet, There was a young lady from Cork, There was a young man named Jesus, (French-letter - old term for a rubber prophylactic)
Housewives in this block are so careless 'Twas a typical summer romance. And when their vacations were done, Your offer is hard to ignore; Please don't knock on the door of my house; Or we could sneak off to your place, While your hubby is chopping down trees, You're setting a merry old pace, But usually married's don't bring A lively old fellow from Unity "A thousand times no, lord!" she cried. "As lord of this country estate, So shortly she made no affray; One night of continual reamings While his lordship, the peasant girls plied, So Tid and John's wife had a fling? Dear Sarah, Bid hubby adieu There was a young fellow named Hal, Sneered a hooker who hails from St. Ives, With no "single man" have you tarried The bastard next door--name of Stan, Unbeknownst to folks over here, But what if he comes back home early, Well Tid, this may cause you to squirm, A cat, O, can look at the Queen; While you three were "rattlin' the can", Some advice before joining the fray, My Katie says I am her man, The doctor informed Mr. Meek A seducer of houswives named Brutus From your childhood, I'm sure you've been taught: Susie suffers from husband neglect; "Honey, though I'm far from home, So far as I know, no Inuit "No sex Monday nights," said Doc Strauss. There was a young woman named Stacey An aging professor named Frye, An elderly housewife named Bess The old gentleman stared at the fire A famous theatrical actress, A horny young housewife named Sue, Poor Doug didn't know what to say, Now the story I told you is true; There was a young lady in Maine, If you value a healthy, long life, If you think once a week's not enough, In Ireland, a man named O'Grady Two former good friends, Fife and Cline, "She's clean from a bath and well-fed, Said Cline, "Fife, you should raise a fuss; I never would have thought it was true, "Please Cline, let me finish," said Fife, Said Cline, "Well, they're both rotten sluts;
Little babies inside, Rob and Sue.
Their mother said, "Rats!
I don't want the brats!"
So off to the Clinic she flew.
--- Q
Was soon delving deep in her crack.
With legal approval
For fetus removal,
Sue somehow survived the attack.
--- Q
I'll join you outside in a trice!"
Said Sue, "Don't be droll!
You're still in the hole";
Jack won't make the same mistake twice."
--- Q
Before he could take his first breath
While welfare bound Sue,
Lived off me and you,
And trafficked in cocaine and meth.
--- Q
Rob's tissue was sold. DNA
Was tested and found
To simply astound:
"A genius was here thrown away."
--- Q
For ranting on paths often trod:
"Precious lives have been spent!
We all must repent
For killing the children of God!"
--- Q
Rob came from the Devil, not me!
If he hadn't died,
He'd have cheated and lied
And risen to be an MP!"
--- Q
With a child didn't want to be stuck.
So to vent all her anger
She took a coat hanger,
And saved herself four hundred bucks.
--- Anon
Who did nasty things just for spite.
He knocked up his daughter,
And then tried to abort her,
By biting her tits in the night.
--- L0988
Inquired if he would dispense her
An abortificant,
But he told his patient,
An epee would suitably cleanse her.
--- Mike Tice
Tried to kill off his heir with a osier; (willow switch)
When his girlfriend fought back,
With her spread-open crack,
He then punctured its gut with his crosier.
--- Armand E Singer 252
Who, pregnant with child, wouldn't carry it.
Dislodged with a willow
And choked with a pillow,
She finished it off with a lariat.
--- Armand E Singer 94
Who expected a call from the stork.
But with infinite caution,
She performed an abortion,
With two silver spoons and a fork. (icepick, spoon, fork)
--- L0947
Who performed cheap abortions with tweezers.
One night on a hunt
Up a mummified cunt
He found a French-letter of Caesar's.
--- L0093
That none of their husbands are heirless.
To achieve such an end
Took good timing, my friend...
Though I still found it frequently perilous.
--- Grand Prix Lim 103 a
They met on the island by chance.
The lady was there
To let down her hair;
He wanted the same for his pants.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
They agreed that they both had great fun.
Then that lying low-life
Went home to his wife,
And she to her husband and son.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
And I promise to harden before
You put me away,
Where you want me to stay.
Now guess what is knocking your door!
--- Anon
We don't want to waken my spouse.
If you don't hear his snore,
Stay away from my door!
We'll have to be quiet as a mouse.
--- Anon
For a first meeting face-to-face.
I'll wear a red rose
And polish my toes,
And put on my finest black lace.
--- Anon
I'll be wielding my axe 'bove your knees.
When you let out a sigh
Then "TIMBER!" I'll cry;
We must pray that the mouse doesn't sneeze.
--- Anon
But I'm still way ahead in this race.
Your rose I will pluck,
But you will be in luck,
'Cause I'll root a large tree in it's place.
--- Anon
Their spouses when they go to swing.
Why so apprehensive?
The thrill is extensive,
When your bell is getting a ring.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Philandered around with impunity;
Having lived with one wife
For three-fourths of his life,
He claimed diplomatic immunity.
--- Lims Unlimited
"A thousand times? Yes!" he replied.
"That may well occur;
It's called droite seigneur;
It means I can have each new bride."
--- Tiddy Ogg
I've rights over every man's mate.
You think it not fair?
But why should I care?
I personally think it is great!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
To bed and such games they did play.
She soon got a lust
For the old upper crust.
"A thousand times? Yes please, I pray!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
Developed her upper-crust leanings.
Less pleasant, though,
Was the crust down below
From ejaculatory streamings.
--- Martin Rand
His wife didn't linger inside;
The bold gypsy rover
Would get his leg over
And give her a jolly good ride.
--- Tiddy Ogg
It's the first I knew that they swing;
And we'll give a cheer
When in the next year,
John'll greet the first cuckold of spring.
--- David Miller
'Cause he's not the right man for you.
So shack up with me
And soon we will see
How long till you leave me, too.
--- Gideon Joubert
Whose wife ran away with his pal.
He abhorred deprivation,
So he found consolation
In the arms of another friend's gal.
--- Isaac Asimov
"I've a hell of a case of the hives;
It drags in few yen
From young married men,
But it gladdens the hearts of their wives."
--- Armand E Singer 242
This is file lhm
For sex, which has left you quite harried;
But has it been long
Since you've had the schlong,
Of someone who's known to be married?
--- Anon
Was such an obnoxious young man;
But wait 'til that jerk
Has gone off to work,
I'll be on his bed humping Fran.
--- SFA
I'll try to make things somewhat clear.
When SFA humped
Stan's missus, she jumped,
As Fran was the pair's Terrier.
--- Newsworthy
And finds you atupping his girlie?
Ere plundering her box,
Secure all the locks,
While I go and roger your Shirley.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But Stan, that most miserable worm,
While, thought to be working,
Was just observed lurking
At your window, peering at Erm.
--- Observer
I'm sure that on Erm, he is keen,
But once he has dealt
With her chastity belt,
I ought to be back on the scene.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I've worked out a devious plan:
In a foursome tonight,
I will make things alright...
For Ermintrude, Shirley, and Fran.
--- David Miller
Of this menage a quatre melee--
Never end up a cuckold;
So fuck young and fuck old;
Otherwise you may find you go gay.
--- Jester Jon
But would love a fling with Fran's Stan;
So we've set up a date,
And tonight I shall mate
With Erm, Katie, Shirl, Stan, and Fran.
--- David Miller
That his wife needed sex twice a week.
"It's all right with me,"
Stated Meek, "I'll agree.
Do you think she would mind if I peek?"
--- Bob Giandomenico P9007
Said, "Though the narrow denounce us and hoot us,
What we can't abide,
Ain't the jealous and snide;
It's the small-minded husbands who shoot us!"
--- G0028
"Love thy neighbor"'s a praiseworthy thought.
Let me as your friend
Add a phrase at the end:
"Love they neighbor, but please don't get caught!"
--- John Miller 0045
She behaves just as one would expect.
She'll screw and she'll lick
Any guy with a dick.
I must hurry 'cause my turn is next.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0301
You know that my eye'd never roam.
That rumor you heard
Is just plain absurd.
(By the way, what's the name of that foam...")
--- Anon
Was family, though I intuit
That in igloos cold,
One warms with the bold,
And therefore would never eschew it.
--- Daniel Ford
"It won't inconvenience your spouse."
"But Doc, check your chart;
I'll break someone's heart.
That's the night that I'm not at my house."
--- Al Willis
Who somehow endeavored to chase me.
She was right in her prime
And she fucked so divine,
That the ring on her finger escaped me.
--- Dave So T9710a
Who yearned to swap wives on the sly,
Had a colleague named Klein
Who suggested, "Try mine",
Thus inspiring the old college try.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
To her old man one night said, "Confess!
Weren't you one time untrue?"
He replied, "Once! and you?"
She smiled a strange smile and said, "Yes!"
--- Crazy Changes P9305
And said, "Well, dear, I'd greatly admire
At this stage to know who?"
She smiled, "There were two--
The football team and the male choir!"
--- Crazy Changes P9305
Played best in the role of malefactress;
Yet her home life was pure
Except, to be sure,
A scandal or two just for practice.
--- Anon
Knew well that Doug's balls were quite blue;
Stopped by for a beer,
Then to see if he's queer,
Offered a blowjob or two.
--- Derek T9712
But just to prove he's not gay,
Dropped his pants to the floor,
And filled that sweet whore
For the better part of a day.
--- Derek T9712
Doug called me last night with the news.
Only problem is hubby;
He's not short and stubby,
So to Doug I bid an adieu.
--- Derek T9712
Who had a young man on the brain.
He swore he was true,
But between me and you,
He fooled her again and again.
--- Anon A
And you wish to avoid any strife,
And you long to stay clear
Of transgression and fear,
Don't go screwing another man's wife.
--- Anon
You could get a divorce and that's tough!
But let me say this:
"If there is no marital bliss,
Avoid trouble and go out for strange stuff!"
--- Laurence Craft
Was screwing a neighbor named Sadie,
Whose husband, named Jack,
Slipped around the back
And buggered O'Grady's old lady.
--- Bob Birch
Met by accidental design.
Inquired Mr Fife
"Hello, how's the wife?"
Responded Cline "Fine, and how's mine?"
--- Observer
But there's one small problem in bed:
When we're under the sheet,
And she's banging my meat,
She moans the name of our friend Ted."
--- Travis Brasell
It's an issue that you should discuss.
It's very surprising
To hear you advising
Me, my wife's been cheating on us!"
--- Observer
But she's always been good for a screw.
If Ted did accost her,
Then you may have lost her,
But I'll still share YOUR wife with you.
--- Observer
"There something else causing some strife;
When I lick her twat,
She says it is not
As good as the licks from MY wife."
--- Travis Brasell
We should kick them right out on their butts.
But since both our ladies
Are now in their eighties,
Our kids would think we are all nuts."
--- Observer
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