Her dalliance left not one, but two
Little babies inside, Rob and Sue.
Their mother said, "Rats!
I don't want the brats!"
So off to the Clinic she flew.
--- Q

The "doctor," whom we will call Jack,
Was soon delving deep in her crack.
With legal approval
For fetus removal,
Sue somehow survived the attack.
--- Q

Said Rob, "We're alive! Ain't that nice?
I'll join you outside in a trice!"
Said Sue, "Don't be droll!
You're still in the hole";
Jack won't make the same mistake twice."
--- Q

So Rob died a horrible death,
Before he could take his first breath
While welfare bound Sue,
Lived off me and you,
And trafficked in cocaine and meth.
--- Q

But then it transpired in some way
Rob's tissue was sold. DNA
Was tested and found
To simply astound:
"A genius was here thrown away."
--- Q

This story got out, 'twas the prod
For ranting on paths often trod:
"Precious lives have been spent!
We all must repent
For killing the children of God!"
--- Q

But God laughed his ass off: "You see,
Rob came from the Devil, not me!
If he hadn't died,
He'd have cheated and lied
And risen to be an MP!"
--- Q

A pregnant girl down on her luck,
With a child didn't want to be stuck.
So to vent all her anger
She took a coat hanger,
And saved herself four hundred bucks.
--- Anon

There was an old codger named Wright,
Who did nasty things just for spite.
He knocked up his daughter,
And then tried to abort her,
By biting her tits in the night.
--- L0988

A mistress of good doctor Spencer
Inquired if he would dispense her
An abortificant,
But he told his patient,
An epee would suitably cleanse her.
--- Mike Tice

An Episcopal bishop named Dozier
Tried to kill off his heir with a osier; (willow switch)
When his girlfriend fought back,
With her spread-open crack,
He then punctured its gut with his crosier.
--- Armand E Singer 252

There was a young hooker named Harriet,
Who, pregnant with child, wouldn't carry it.
Dislodged with a willow
And choked with a pillow,
She finished it off with a lariat.
--- Armand E Singer 94

There was a young lady from Cork,
Who expected a call from the stork.
But with infinite caution,
She performed an abortion,
With two silver spoons and a fork. (icepick, spoon, fork)
--- L0947

There was a young man named Jesus,
Who performed cheap abortions with tweezers.
One night on a hunt
Up a mummified cunt
He found a French-letter of Caesar's.

(French-letter - old term for a rubber prophylactic)
--- L0093

Housewives in this block are so careless
That none of their husbands are heirless.
To achieve such an end
Took good timing, my friend...
Though I still found it frequently perilous.
--- Grand Prix Lim 103 a

'Twas a typical summer romance.
They met on the island by chance.
The lady was there
To let down her hair;
He wanted the same for his pants.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

And when their vacations were done,
They agreed that they both had great fun.
Then that lying low-life
Went home to his wife,
And she to her husband and son.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

Your offer is hard to ignore;
And I promise to harden before
You put me away,
Where you want me to stay.
Now guess what is knocking your door!
--- Anon

Please don't knock on the door of my house;
We don't want to waken my spouse.
If you don't hear his snore,
Stay away from my door!
We'll have to be quiet as a mouse.
--- Anon

Or we could sneak off to your place,
For a first meeting face-to-face.
I'll wear a red rose
And polish my toes,
And put on my finest black lace.
--- Anon

While your hubby is chopping down trees,
I'll be wielding my axe 'bove your knees.
When you let out a sigh
Then "TIMBER!" I'll cry;
We must pray that the mouse doesn't sneeze.
--- Anon

You're setting a merry old pace,
But I'm still way ahead in this race.
Your rose I will pluck,
But you will be in luck,
'Cause I'll root a large tree in it's place.
--- Anon

But usually married's don't bring
Their spouses when they go to swing.
Why so apprehensive?
The thrill is extensive,
When your bell is getting a ring.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A lively old fellow from Unity
Philandered around with impunity;
Having lived with one wife
For three-fourths of his life,
He claimed diplomatic immunity.
--- Lims Unlimited

"A thousand times no, lord!" she cried.
"A thousand times? Yes!" he replied.
"That may well occur;
It's called droite seigneur;
It means I can have each new bride."
--- Tiddy Ogg

"As lord of this country estate,
I've rights over every man's mate.
You think it not fair?
But why should I care?
I personally think it is great!"
--- Tiddy Ogg

So shortly she made no affray;
To bed and such games they did play.
She soon got a lust
For the old upper crust.
"A thousand times? Yes please, I pray!"
--- Tiddy Ogg

One night of continual reamings
Developed her upper-crust leanings.
Less pleasant, though,
Was the crust down below
From ejaculatory streamings.
--- Martin Rand

While his lordship, the peasant girls plied,
His wife didn't linger inside;
The bold gypsy rover
Would get his leg over
And give her a jolly good ride.
--- Tiddy Ogg

So Tid and John's wife had a fling?
It's the first I knew that they swing;
And we'll give a cheer
When in the next year,
John'll greet the first cuckold of spring.
--- David Miller

Dear Sarah, Bid hubby adieu
'Cause he's not the right man for you.
So shack up with me
And soon we will see
How long till you leave me, too.
--- Gideon Joubert

There was a young fellow named Hal,
Whose wife ran away with his pal.
He abhorred deprivation,
So he found consolation
In the arms of another friend's gal.
--- Isaac Asimov

Sneered a hooker who hails from St. Ives,
"I've a hell of a case of the hives;
It drags in few yen
From young married men,
But it gladdens the hearts of their wives."
--- Armand E Singer 242

This is file lhm

With no "single man" have you tarried
For sex, which has left you quite harried;
But has it been long
Since you've had the schlong,
Of someone who's known to be married?
--- Anon

The bastard next door--name of Stan,
Was such an obnoxious young man;
But wait 'til that jerk
Has gone off to work,
I'll be on his bed humping Fran.
--- SFA

Unbeknownst to folks over here,
I'll try to make things somewhat clear.
When SFA humped
Stan's missus, she jumped,
As Fran was the pair's Terrier.
--- Newsworthy

But what if he comes back home early,
And finds you atupping his girlie?
Ere plundering her box,
Secure all the locks,
While I go and roger your Shirley.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Well Tid, this may cause you to squirm,
But Stan, that most miserable worm,
While, thought to be working,
Was just observed lurking
At your window, peering at Erm.
--- Observer

A cat, O, can look at the Queen;
I'm sure that on Erm, he is keen,
But once he has dealt
With her chastity belt,
I ought to be back on the scene.
--- Tiddy Ogg

While you three were "rattlin' the can",
I've worked out a devious plan:
In a foursome tonight,
I will make things alright...
For Ermintrude, Shirley, and Fran.
--- David Miller

Some advice before joining the fray,
Of this menage a quatre melee--
Never end up a cuckold;
So fuck young and fuck old;
Otherwise you may find you go gay.
--- Jester Jon

My Katie says I am her man,
But would love a fling with Fran's Stan;
So we've set up a date,
And tonight I shall mate
With Erm, Katie, Shirl, Stan, and Fran.
--- David Miller

The doctor informed Mr. Meek
That his wife needed sex twice a week.
"It's all right with me,"
Stated Meek, "I'll agree.
Do you think she would mind if I peek?"
--- Bob Giandomenico P9007

A seducer of houswives named Brutus
Said, "Though the narrow denounce us and hoot us,
What we can't abide,
Ain't the jealous and snide;
It's the small-minded husbands who shoot us!"
--- G0028

From your childhood, I'm sure you've been taught:
"Love thy neighbor"'s a praiseworthy thought.
Let me as your friend
Add a phrase at the end:
"Love they neighbor, but please don't get caught!"
--- John Miller 0045

Susie suffers from husband neglect;
She behaves just as one would expect.
She'll screw and she'll lick
Any guy with a dick.
I must hurry 'cause my turn is next.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0301

"Honey, though I'm far from home,
You know that my eye'd never roam.
That rumor you heard
Is just plain absurd.
(By the way, what's the name of that foam...")
--- Anon

So far as I know, no Inuit
Was family, though I intuit
That in igloos cold,
One warms with the bold,
And therefore would never eschew it.
--- Daniel Ford

"No sex Monday nights," said Doc Strauss.
"It won't inconvenience your spouse."
"But Doc, check your chart;
I'll break someone's heart.
That's the night that I'm not at my house."
--- Al Willis

There was a young woman named Stacey
Who somehow endeavored to chase me.
She was right in her prime
And she fucked so divine,
That the ring on her finger escaped me.
--- Dave So T9710a

An aging professor named Frye,
Who yearned to swap wives on the sly,
Had a colleague named Klein
Who suggested, "Try mine",
Thus inspiring the old college try.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

An elderly housewife named Bess
To her old man one night said, "Confess!
Weren't you one time untrue?"
He replied, "Once! and you?"
She smiled a strange smile and said, "Yes!"
--- Crazy Changes P9305

The old gentleman stared at the fire
And said, "Well, dear, I'd greatly admire
At this stage to know who?"
She smiled, "There were two--
The football team and the male choir!"
--- Crazy Changes P9305

A famous theatrical actress,
Played best in the role of malefactress;
Yet her home life was pure
Except, to be sure,
A scandal or two just for practice.
--- Anon

A horny young housewife named Sue,
Knew well that Doug's balls were quite blue;
Stopped by for a beer,
Then to see if he's queer,
Offered a blowjob or two.
--- Derek T9712

Poor Doug didn't know what to say,
But just to prove he's not gay,
Dropped his pants to the floor,
And filled that sweet whore
For the better part of a day.
--- Derek T9712

Now the story I told you is true;
Doug called me last night with the news.
Only problem is hubby;
He's not short and stubby,
So to Doug I bid an adieu.
--- Derek T9712

There was a young lady in Maine,
Who had a young man on the brain.
He swore he was true,
But between me and you,
He fooled her again and again.
--- Anon A

If you value a healthy, long life,
And you wish to avoid any strife,
And you long to stay clear
Of transgression and fear,
Don't go screwing another man's wife.
--- Anon

If you think once a week's not enough,
You could get a divorce and that's tough!
But let me say this:
"If there is no marital bliss,
Avoid trouble and go out for strange stuff!"
--- Laurence Craft

In Ireland, a man named O'Grady
Was screwing a neighbor named Sadie,
Whose husband, named Jack,
Slipped around the back
And buggered O'Grady's old lady.
--- Bob Birch

Two former good friends, Fife and Cline,
Met by accidental design.
Inquired Mr Fife
"Hello, how's the wife?"
Responded Cline "Fine, and how's mine?"
--- Observer

"She's clean from a bath and well-fed,
But there's one small problem in bed:
When we're under the sheet,
And she's banging my meat,
She moans the name of our friend Ted."
--- Travis Brasell

Said Cline, "Fife, you should raise a fuss;
It's an issue that you should discuss.
It's very surprising
To hear you advising
Me, my wife's been cheating on us!"
--- Observer

I never would have thought it was true,
But she's always been good for a screw.
If Ted did accost her,
Then you may have lost her,
But I'll still share YOUR wife with you.
--- Observer

"Please Cline, let me finish," said Fife,
"There something else causing some strife;
When I lick her twat,
She says it is not
As good as the licks from MY wife."
--- Travis Brasell

Said Cline, "Well, they're both rotten sluts;
We should kick them right out on their butts.
But since both our ladies
Are now in their eighties,
Our kids would think we are all nuts."
--- Observer