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Bill went to his wife to do that, Said Bill, "I respect so your nous, He said, "Ogg, you slob, you're too fat!" My Gramps said, "Go find a good wife, "Look after my wife," said the con. Sacre Bleu You must be deprive' This beautiful girl, men would harry, Enough of his bachelor blues, Said a certain old lecher named Day, Percy traveled far and wide, Stop tellin the world that I lack "Adultery", said Joseph, "is nice. There was a young man at the lake, The date went quite well, so I thought; A cell-phone gallant from Wyoming A despairing old landlord named Fyfe, Andre, a swordsman by trade, To the mountains went sweet Dolly Dare, Said he, to his young mistress, Heather, "My husband's unfaithful," she said. All my ex's and current misses Since screwing his mistress, young Cleft, I wish you a quite happy life; My Ermintrude's flown off to Leeds, Tiddy Ogg has scattered his seed, I hope that your Erm is all right She'll be back tonight, if it pleases John Smith's not discrete with his dick, he The new steno spread on the bed, I'd like to stay friendly, now, Tids; (Okay, the temptation is strong Besides, there is one other reason Are you tired of affaires d'amour? When the husband by chance comes in view He does not make a wild exhibition The husband polite will consent The husband who's funny will pass The husband considerate can cope The good-natured man unperplexed, The husband who's formal will greet The husband who's just will prepare The husband conceited installs The husband suspicious will grunt The husband refined will not scowl The husband that's cautious will bend The husband inept says, "What luck!" The excitable husband in shock The acquisitive husband won't stew; If a gourmet observes a man stick it If the husband is shy and he flushes A cynical husband will stare The husband who's prompt, in would dash, With Mary each night you may forn- But the thrill of the chase I suppose A wife rides around in her car There once was a butcher named Seaver, Right now I'm so angry I'm steaming -- This online affair with a whore, But there's naught I can do, though annoyed. The scene: husband sleeping away. My wife: "Who's on the phone, dear?" My wife -- I would sure like to boff her," With neighbor's wife, Fred had a fling, His mistress he then bade "Your pardon. An adulterous knave was quite vicious A little old gal from Wyoming Though parting can be such a shame,
Making love on the living room mat.
And feeling much better,
No headache to fetter,
Phoned his boss so to chew on the fat.
--- Donald McGill
But now I feel such a louse.
But after this lay
I'd just like to say,
That you have a really nice house!"
--- Donald McGill
He replied, "The reason for that
Is I eat just one cookie
Each time I have nooky
With Mary, your wife, in your flat."
--- Tiddy Ogg
And screw her the rest of your life."
I took his advice,
And daily, least twice,
I screw a guy's wife down in Fyffe.
--- Travis Brasell
Said his pal, "I don't feel put upon."
Then he said with a smile,
"Every once in a while,
I shall fuck her for you, while you're gone!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0311
A man must arrange at least five,
Or more, if he's able,
And keep that rate stable
Until he hits seventy five.
--- John Miller P9707
Wherever she'd happen to tarry.
Four husbands laid dead,
Each found in her bed,
Yet none of the four did she marry.
--- SFA
The time has arrived for to choose
At this moment in life,
He will take him a wife.
The question is, naturally, whose?
--- Anon A
"If my good wife would but go away,
I'd locate a young lass,
And then let the world pass,
And I'd do what comes natural and play."
--- Isaac Asimov
Digging shell fish at low tide.
He once found a pearl,
Problem was, 'twas a girl!
So to his wife, Percy lied!
--- Fifi
Duration 'cause I've got the knack.
But I said before,
I can't give you more,
In case your damn husband comes back.
--- Anon
If once is all right, better twice.
This doubling of rations
Improves my sensations,
For the plural of spouse, friend, is spice."
--- Isaac Asimov A
Whose glance made the ladies all quake.
He thrilled one and all
From Spring until Fall,
Then returned to his wife for a break.
--- Marlene McCarty
A lesson I've also been taught.
Don't tell where you'll be;
Your wife may come and see,
And you just may end up getting caught
--- Anon
Spends much of his time in the gloaming;
He is married, with kids,
But his life's on the skids,
For all of his minutes are roaming.
--- Armand Singer
With a frigid and quarrelsome wife,
Let his third-story front,
To a willing young cunt,
Who supplied him a new lease on life!
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
As a youth was quite a gay blade.
As he grew older
His blade grew colder,
Says his wife (but not so the maid!)
--- Macsam
Intent upon having an affair.
But her plans, they miscarried,
The guys were all married,
But you can bet she played no solitaire.
--- L1703
"In good or in bad stormy weather,
Although I've been cursed,
I've always put her first,
And that's held our marriage together."
"He has since the day we were wed."
"Well, let him philander,
What's sauce for the gander
Is sauce for the goose. Come to bed."
--- Anon
Send me lots of hugs and kisses.
But in Florida they are;
My pecker can't reach that far,
So I screw someone else's missus.
--- Anon
Of pep for his wife was bereft.
To allay her suspicion
He assumed the position
And he offered what juice he had left.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0089
Our affair has caused me some strife.
Though you are now wed,
May I come to your bed,
If I bring a signed noted from my wife?
--- Al Willis
Which means I can scatter my seeds
Without hindrance or fear,
In all females here,
No matter what species or breeds.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Its this fine felcher's dirtiest deed;
He planted his "nuts"
In fertile sheep butts,
And with a straw he now gets to "succede".
--- David Miller
For Leeds is a hot-bed at night
Of sick'ningly queasy
Activities sleazy
And stuff that might give her a fright.
--- Peter Wilkins
The Lord, but from what you say, Jesus!
She'll need a steam-clean,
To make her pristine,
And free from crabs, warts and diseases.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Loves women and isn't too picky.
He'll visit your spouse
While you're out of the house,
And leave with your bedsheets all sticky.
--- Anon
And as Jim ventured into her, said,
"Imagine your wife
Using this all her life,
And it's still holding up its red head!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 723
And Dave, though you're acting like Yids --
So let's keep it light,
Above all, polite...
So, how is your wife and my kids?
--- Tiddy Ogg Q
To be nasty, but probably wrong
And makes all our verse
Discernibly worse,
As I think that you've known all along.)
--- Tiddy Ogg Q
Up north, where its blowing and freezin'
It's now Santa time,
Fair game and no crime;
John Miller is now out of season
--- Tiddy Ogg Q
Are they getting to be quite a bore?
They do not last long.
It can't be that they're wrong;
In a week, you go through at least four.
--- Al Willis P9707
This is file lfm
And discovers his wife in a screw
With some gentleman friend
With a hairy ass-end,
Tell me, what does the dear husband do?
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2356
As one would suppose from tradition.
Observation contends
That his action depends
On the nature of his disposition.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2357
Not to stop this outrageous event.
With culture and class,
He pats the man's ass,
And says, "Please don't withdraw till you've spent."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2358
On tiptoe behind to harass.
In the midst of the screw
To the fucker says, "Boo!"
While with feathers he tickles his ass.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2359
With problems of much greater scope.
He waits in full view
Till the fucker is through,
Then he offers him towels and soap.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2360
Will wait till the couple have sexed.
For he favors a screw
Where another man blew,
And he gracefully says, "I am next."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2361
The pair in a manner discreet.
He will wait till they spend,
Then his hand he'll extend
And the fucker he'll formally meet.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2362
To sit while he watches the pair.
He will show no emotion
While he notes the man's motion,
To be certain his fucking is fair.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2363
Himself by the fucker who sprawls,
And he watches discreet
While he plunges the meat,
And he sneers at the size of his balls.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2364
As he watches his wife take the brunt
Of a fuck with her lover,
Then he raises the cover
And he says to his wife, "Wash your cunt."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2365
At observing this fucking most foul.
If the ass of her lover
Is not under the cover,
He will cover that ass with a towel.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2366
To observe how his wife fucks her friend.
If he sees that the lubber
Has not put on a rubber,
He'll request that he pull out to spend.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2367
As he watches the cuntlapper suck
On his wife's hairy cunt,
And he notes every grunt,
In the hope he can learn how to fuck.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2368
Upon the two fuckers will gawk,
Then he'll sit in a chair
With his feet in the air,
And he'll play until off goes his cock.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2369
He will wait till the fucker is through.
He will offer the rotter
A cloth, soap and water,
And present him a bill for the screw.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2370
'Twixt the legs of his wife in her thicket,
He will let the man blow
And he'll say to him, "Joe,
Will you please step aside while I lick it?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2371
His wife and her lover, he rushes
To extinguish the light
For he can't stand the sight,
And no one must see that he blushes.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2372
As he viewed the young fucker prepare
For a mad fucking spree,
And he'd say, "I can't see
How any young fellow could care."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2373
While his wife and her friend fucked so brash.
He would unzip his fly
Grasp the man by the thigh,
And he bugger the guy in a flash.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2374
icate slowly or fast, dusk 'til dawn.
But if Jim catches you
He'll turn you black and blue
And you might wish you'd never been born
--- Anon
Makes it worth it to pull down her hose
And her underwear too.
Does she never say "shoo",
And give you a punch on the nose?
--- Anon
And looks at each motel and bar,
To see if her spouse
`s really a louse,
Whose taken a blonde way too far.
--- Anon
Who went out to get some strange beaver.
His wife caught him cheating
And broke up their "meating,"
Then cut off his dick with a cleaver.
--- David Miller
My mate, 'hind my back, has been scheming
With secret email
To a slutty female,
I've pinched myself, but I'm not dreaming.
--- Anon
Makes me long to show him out the door.
He just stands there and blinks
When I showed him, the ink's
Not yet dry on the evidence sure.
--- Anon
I can't leave him -- I am unemployed.
But I've showed him my back
He'll not climb in the sack
With ME! Today, I am quite "underjoyed".
--- Anon
Phone rings; we next hear him say:
"I ain't the weatherman, so
How the hell would I know?
Besides, it's two hours away!"
--- Tom Accousti
Him: "Don't know, but it was pretty queer.
At this time of day,
Some jerk calls up to say:
"So Honey, now is the coast clear?"
--- Tom Accousti
Said my closest neighbor, Lem Toffer.
Said I, "Do it, Lem,
Just stuff her old quim!"
"I will," he said, "first get up off her!"
--- Travis Brasell
But caught en flagrente did sing,
As husband did bellow
In tones far from mellow,
"I've heard the first cuckold of Spring!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
I've loved dear your Paradise Garden."
And came back for more,
To that lady's door,
Which hubby had mounted a guard on.
--- Tiddy Ogg
When he thought his wife very pernicious.
He came home too early
And really got surly,
When he caught her in flagrante delicious.
--- Anon
Found out that her hubby was roaming.
She got really mad
But what made it bad --
She frothed at the mouth; she was foaming.
--- Anon
Their marriage has not been the same,
Since she found him sunk
To his bollocks in spunk,
Up the arse of the pantomime dame.
--- Michael Horgan
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