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I remember, when young, mother spread A Japanese maiden named Swooshie, There nothing as sweet as the fish Since SMOKING IS LETHAL, Jake's wish is-- A chair-lift attendant named Frank I once had a goldfish, Rene, I went fishing offshore catching grunions, A young man of acumen and daring, The dwarf choir of old Amsterdam A man of one hundred and three After viewing "The Dawn of the Dead", Salty brine and the smoke of oak, My neighbor's an excellent cook; I prefer a good gumbo to stew, There was a young woman named Dodd I'm really not much into steak, The Dowager Duchess of Spout In the village of Woburn, for years, You sissies, put off by the smell, My praises I sing to the oyster Even better's the cherrystone clam This swallowing oysters, to me, In New Orleans, the place that I dwell, The best thing I can say of fishes, A sushi bar that delivers? A fellow from Tucson named Todd, There is just a garden of pleasure; Sardines seem to get out of hand I once put myself on a diet In Dundee there's a special wee cake It's a nightmare that horrifies hakes, A Japanese man went to college; he A cranky old man in Parole A man caught a magical fish. I said to the fishmonger, Grundy, How do you feel about shellfish? A fishmonger, old Mr. Finkle There's nothing in Colchester finer Near a river that's named Dosewallips, A girl who was eating clam chowder, Mme Paella, has seafood that's swell, I'm not really fond of fish Our forebears thought lobster quite rude; A lobster has reasons aplenty There were two nuns, Sisters Boyd. By a mosque in the city of Brussels, There's a farmer who lives in the dell, I don't like those oysters at all; (ruche - gathered cloth; faule - not in my unabridged)
I love a good meal and my cat Now oysters are really delicious; Oysters are sometimes delicious, A whole dozen oysters I ate, "I love you, I need you, dear Kate. A voracious old person of Brussels, A snooty young man of Calcutta It was said of a girl on Cape Cod There once was a little old man Rocky Mountains! Those oysters so yummy! Though oysters to many may be A squeamish young man in Peru, We went to the orchard in autumn The best way to eat avocado Avocado has flesh like green butter; Each morning and evening I eat When Johnny was dating Diana, The blackberry grows in a thicket Blood oranges make a fine juice
Jars of "fish paste" all over my bread.
Now I'm older, I wish
I could ask her, "What fish?"
But the thought of it fills me with dread.
--- Peter Wilkins
Was a fan of the late John Belushi.
When they went out to dine,
The crowd formed a line,
To watch Swooshie and Belushi eat sushi.
--- John K Roberts P9212
That garnished, lies done on my dish.
Unless it's the gas
That soon comes to pass,
And swims up to Heaven -- ka-whish!
--- H Welchel
Since now he can't nosh on smoked fishes--
The US Health Dept
In printing accept
NON-LETHAL a gefiltered fish is.
--- Irving Superior P9103
Ate tropical fish from a tank.
When he'd swallowed them whole,
He picked up a bowl
Of goldfish beside them, and drank.
--- Michael Palin
Who was oft the light of my day.
Wasn't it a pity
That my neighbor's fat kitty
Dined on my goldfish fillet?
--- Sassy
Now my feet are all sore from my bunions.
But those fish fry up nice
With some butter, red spice,
Some black pepper, white wine and green onions.
--- Limerick Man TP9802
Who'd amassed a great fortune in herring,
Was left quite alone
When is soon became known
That their use at his board was unsparing.
--- Edward Gorey
Had a drummer they named Onkel Sam.
Those guys really could rock
Long motets by Issac,
As they nibbled on herring and Spam.
--- Joel Cohen
Dived every day into the sea.
When they said" "Are you mad?"
He replied: "It's my dad --
He insists on fresh herring for tea."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Herb found himself wanting good head.
Desiring some beaver,
He set out in a fever,
But settled for sushi instead.
--- Anon
Season breakfast for the English bloke.
He's still in his slippers
When he eats his KIPPERS,
And dips them in runny egg yolk.
--- Norm Brust
Likes his carp charcoal-grilled "off the hook."
So nine platinum blondes,
In a line past his ponds,
Made a barbecue down by the brook.
--- Chris Strolin
Washed down with cold Mountain Dew;
Coon-ass cuisine,
With something obscene;
And now, SFA, back to you.
--- Q
Whose dinner each night was a cod;
"I'm sick of this fare!"
She cried in despair,
"I think I'll go out and get scrod."
--- Limber Limericks
Whether you deep fry or broil or bake,
But I do enjoy fish
When it's served as a dish.
So please offer trout -- that I'll take.
--- Steve Schrader
Collapsed at the height of a rout.
She found strength to say
As they bore her away:
"I should have never taken the trout!"
--- Edward Gorey
You can eat till they come out your ears
At the annual fest.
(But the oysters are best
When they're left in the pan with their peers!)
--- Anon
The best way to eat them I'll tell.
Not steamed on a platter,
Or fried in some batter,
Just slurp them right out of the shell.
--- Anon
Very much like a pussy but moister
With a delicate smell
You'd find hard to tell
From a nun you've surprised in her cloister
--- Anon
(For those of you fond as I am
Of that great fishy taste
Some anchovy paste
Improves all three things, thank you ma'am!)
--- Anon
Is something quite vulgar to see.
Folks claim that they eat 'em
Their tummies delete 'em
Projectile vomit's the key.
--- Anon
They serve oysters on the half shell --
I've never tried 'em,
I just can't abide 'em,
But battered and fried? Then they're swell!
--- Anon
For cooking their very propitious
With veggies delicious.
They're quite expeditious
And make many dishes nutritious.
--- Gary Hallock
That thought will give me the shivers!
Boiled puffers and blowfish,
Sea urchin's a nice dish,
If you like fish that twitches and quivers!
--- Ystap TP9802
For breakfast loved jelly and cod,
Which he fried in a pan
With some pickles and bran,
Which his parents declared rather odd.
--- Cap'n Bean P0510Q
This gives one a bounty to measure.
The peppers and mellons
Are things you'll be smellin',
And Sally's tart seafood treasure.
--- Anon
In a way I do not understand.
For they never appear
At the table, I hear,
Unless they are tight, oiled, and canned.
--- Leslie Johnson
Of sea-food; I thought I might try it.
But lobster and stuff
Made me grumpy and gruff,
So I'm now into "See food and buy it".
--- Anon
That's made out of haddock and hake,
With a bit of dressed crab
And a flounder or dab.
But, oh what a mess when you wake!
--- Bill Wall
To finish as frugal fish-cakes.
But Oh!, What a dream!
To be stewed slow in cream,
Or fresh, fried in upper class steaks.
--- Allen M Laing
Got bored with the law, and psychology.
He now has his wish;
He's studying fish
In restaurants -- yes, sushi-ology
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was eating his filet of sole,
And to stir up some strife,
He barked at his wife,
"This slipper would taste better whole."
--- Lims Unlimited
This is file elm
Said the fish, "I will grant you one wish."
Said the man, "You are kind;
I hope you won't mind
Being trout almondine on a dish."
--- Childs Almanac WordsP0202
"Good sir, do you have barrimundi?
The tropical perch
Found in Queensland? "I'll search...
No, we ran out of that one on Sunday."
--- Rory Ewins
My attitude, I think is selfish.
Though they're up for grabs,
They've all got the crabs;
Certainly they're not a well fish.
--- Tony Burrell
Ate garlic -- a lot, not a sprinkle.
The smell on his breath
Caused immediate death
To an oyster, ten whelks, and a winkle.
--- Funfax Limericks
Than oysters from Deborah's diner;
The best of the fresh
And most succulent flesh
Is served by her daughter Regina.
--- Peter Wilkins
Lived a man with intestinal polyps;
He cured them with diet
(You really should try it)
Of geoducks, dogfish, and scallops.
--- Ed Potts P8606
Left the room to put on some face powder.
He cruel date named Sam
Ate up every clam,
And then left the restaurant without her.
--- Anon
'Cause I do love a nice fishy smell.
And if you would linger
On my index finger,
We could have some fish fingers as well!.
--- Anon
Unless it's crustacean-ish.
How about a crawdad?
This lace smells real bad;
It's fallen into the fish dish.
--- Karen
It was mud roach, not luxury food.
But right to this day,
Though we call it gourmet,
The best way to eat it is crude.
--- John Miller 0061
(At least about fifteen or twenty)
To jump from the pot,
And run like a shot
To avoid H2O caliente.
--- Al Willis P9611
All men they took care to avoid,
But they loved mountain oysters,
Which they ate in their cloisters.
What kind did they like? Humanoid!
--- Ed Wolfert P8212
A Moorish man hustles and bustles.
And, declaiming at length
How seafood builds strength,
Sells Mussulman muscle-man mussels.
--- Laurence Perrine P9309
And his oysters are raw from the shell.
While the taste he endures,
He maintains it ensures
That the whole second coming is swell.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8302
Not while they can get up and crawl.
Oh, it's oyster fish
You've put on my dish!
And your ruche made a very fine faule.
--- Anon
Loves fish more than I do, I bet.
'Bout the oysters: If you
Serve them nude - well, please do!
Cause I love to see what I will get...
--- Anon
For sex they can be quite nutritious.
But don't eat the shell
'Cause you'll feel quite unwell;
Eat only the part that is squishious.
--- Beelzebub
Sculpted in form most auspicious;
Reminiscient of twat,
They get you all hot
To try something pink and lubricious.
--- Ogni Gioia
For I fancied my chances with Kate.
And I waited until
Their effects I could feel,
Then I plucked up the courage to state...
--- Peter W
I've a stiffy; it's sticking up straight.
And it's throbbing like hell;
Can I screw you, Michelle?
And she kicked me with venomous hate.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who feasted on oysters and mussels,
Was firmly convinced
That properly minced,
They were good for the cells and corpuscles.
--- Anon
Craved oysters with lemon and butter.
He'd have all of those
Just as much as he chose
When they chanced to be found in his gutter.
--- David A Brooks Q
That her verb choice was certainly odd:
In describing a date,
She said, "Tom stayed late.
We ate oysters and clams and then scrod."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Cooked testicles up in a pan.
Rocky Mountain oysters!
They were his first choisters,
For his quick "Ram Power" food plan.
--- Marlene
Do you want some of these in your tummy?
John Denver we'll spin;
Get high on some gin;
Nosh them, then maybe get chummy...
--- Tutta Gioia
Considered a delicacy --
To me, they just smell,
And are slimy as well --
Doesn't sound very tasty to me!
--- Kaylin
Complained of a squid in his stew;
His waiter said, "Sonny,
That's a lot for your money;
On Sundays we cut them in two."
--- Lims Unlimited
And out in the orchard we got 'em.
They were juicy and red
And shaped like a head,
With a dimple on top and the bottom.
--- Rory Ewins
Is underneath Miss Brigitte Bardot.
Well, it was in the forties,
When I practised my naughties
With the help of old Doctor Barnardo.
--- Kevin Hale Q
On crackers, it sets me aflutter.
Its alligator skin
Keeps the pear that's within,
From rotting and making you splutter.
--- Rory Ewins Q
Not bananas, but fruit that is sweet;
Such as raspberries, straw-
berries, peaches and more,
But it's melons I save for a treat.
--- Anon
The apples he brought her began a
Nice custom that pleased her,
But soon Johnny teased her
Into letting her bite his banana.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0805
Of thorns. Any finger, they'll prick it.
But tastes so inviting,
I long to start biting
And scramble through brambles to pick it.
--- Rory Ewins
From flesh that's deliciously puce.
I guzzle a flood
'Cause it's good for the blood,
Though it's not like I need an excuse.
--- Rory Ewens
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