MORE
The sight of his guests filled Lord Cray A fine cook and gourmet, Theodosia, A coffee grower named Hopp, A fruit-loving epicure, Herman, Don't chomp on your apples that way; A chemist we know in L.A. I once reached a kind of nirvana I have vigor, like twenty platoons; Sing, O sweet Muse, of God's apple, I sat on a bench, drinking juice: My dear cousing Hanna from Delft Invited once to a banana feast, Consider the common cantaloupe, A foolish young man down from Biggs A fruiterer trading in Wareham Honey Dew does make me sneeze, There once was a fellow named Nick, My girl she likes strawberry jelly; I've often been told I'm a klutz, While squeezing the juice from a lime, "For that pie," said an Abo named Goomerang A fruiterer from Blanford Forum "Growing apples," says old Farmer Brice, My kids are stable and good; Orangutans, wishing to dine, So tender, so ripe, were they each, Now I have a recipe, too. "I must leave here," said Lady de Vere, An orange was crying, "You Queen! It is said that a limerick a day I love, yes I love, the Dole. A naughty young maid from Crum Lynne There once was a clever young maid, The best type of raisin is seedless; Ah, raspberries! The taste on my lips One Christmas I lost my satsuma. (Mandarin orange type) I watched a young girl from Montana I, too, saw the banana she ate, That fruit loving maiden named Marian Of the grapes, she ate a whole batch; The pictures that pop in my head I won't think on boobs dripping juice, Can't stop thinking of manners and berries, A young couple on their first night, afraid, At the risque of being quite rude, At the banana bin I linger, Cucumbers would be my real picks, Tasting like pussy, he'd found Tasting like pussy, I'd found One day in a small town on Skye When cousin Al got up a swellin' A glutton who came from the Rhine, To a person arriving in Heaven, "Look there!" said the alien, "That's neat!" Herein's the rest of the scoop: If you like to eat out each day, There was an old fellow from Wetmore She's a master of all bakery; There was a young fellow named Pete, There was an old man of Calcutta, There once was a fat woman from Thrace There once was a fellow named Dick A bird-watcher down on Par Sands, What makes you think I feel sick A somewhat rediculous prince If you're sick of a drink that is purple,
At breakfast with horrid dismay,
So he launched off the spoons
The pits from his prunes
At their heads as they neared the buffet.
--- Edward Gorey
Serves "The food of the gods", her Ambrosia;
But the gods never planned
To eat fruit that is canned,
And I hope she won't mind this disclosia.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Would take some beans from his crop,
And sit down and eat it,
And when he'd excrete it,
It was always good to the last plop!
--- John Chastaine
Once bit a cumquat with a worm in.
His hunger was deadened
By tail or by head end,
But which one, he couldn't determine.
--- Blair Borden
It's not nice and may cause an affray,
(Or the maitre d' fits)
If you dine at the Ritz.
For decorum de-core 'em, I say.
--- Peter Wilkins
Drinks hydrazine in his o. j.;
"If you mix it just right,
It won't quite ignite,
And it sure keeps the smokers away!"
--- John M Ford P8211
While watching a barmaid, Alana,
Smile sweetly at me,
And lasciviously
Start to peel and devour a banana.
--- Peter Wilkins
Like Crosby, whenever he croons.
I get up at five,
And the time that I thrive
Is after I've eaten my prunes.
--- Al Willis P9609
'Gainst which He sent poor Eve to grapple.
Seduced by her charms,
Mighty Tell spent his arms,
And the Mac and the worm found their chapel.
--- Vicki Ragan
Some berry, the color was puce.
'Twas healthy as well
But expensive as hell...
I threw it away; what's the use.
--- Anon
Was of truly fine graces bereft.
She thought, "Does it hurt
If for my dessert,
I choose the fifth fork on the left?"
--- Monique de Plume
She took along flour and a can o' yeast.
She thought she would try 'em,
To bread and deep fry 'em,
Our daring young gourmand named Aneste.
--- Scott Oliver
It will not even make a good soup.
But I liked it better,
Till my wife, I met her.
She told me it's good for the poop.
--- G Padmavijayam
Once ate half a pail of green figs;
He is resting now
Beneath a strong bough
And tons and tons of little twigs.
--- Lims Unlimited
Used a sharp knife on his pears to pare 'em.
He sold pears by the pair
But if any were spare,
He was only too happy to share 'em.
--- Dick Hedger
And if she should open her knees,
I might fill her twat
With gobs of green snot.
So none for me if you please
--- Anon
Who the good stuff from garbage would pick.
The cans he would mash
And turn in for cash,
And the jam jars he'd thoroughly lick.
--- Conan the Librarian
She'll lick it right off of your belly,
Or your hard dicky,
(She's not too picky);
Peanut butter is just too smelly.
--- Anon
But this girlie, too, has got guts.
Whether I'm up a tree,
Or down on one knee,
I'm crazy for all kinds of nuts.
--- Anon
I found I was stuck for a rhyme.
My first thought was: "Sham",
And then I thought: "Damn!
Good God, is that really the time?"
--- Kevin Hale Q
"I'd be happy to trade my new boomerang."
Too bad, Abo, you made
A very poor trade --
It's half lemon and half Kangaroo meringue.
--- Michael Weinstein P8611
Used a sharp knife on apples to core 'em.
The knife sliced the skin
So remarkably thin,
That the flesh left formed more than a quorum.
--- Dick Hedger
"Is a job that can give your life spice.
For an apple a day
Keeps the doctor away,
As long as your aim is precise."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8811
At tea time they eat all of their food.
They eat prunes and dates;
Always clear their plates,
And they never burp because it's rude.
--- Anon
Dislike both T-bone and wine;
They always refuse them
And never will choose them;
Bananas will suit them just fine.
--- R J Winkler P8408
And hanging right there within reach!
I tasted their skin;
Got juice on my chin;
Thank God for the sweet Georgia peach!
--- Travis Brasell
Here's one that you may like to do:
Let a juicy peach drip
On his penis tip,
And then let him feed it to you!
--- Kaylin Brandon
"For these damp airs don't suit me, I fear."
Said her friend, "Goodness me!
If they do not agree
With your system, why eat pears, my dear?"
--- Anon
Your real sex? Well I should have seen...
I thought you a beaut,
But you are a fruit!
You transvestite perv nectarine!
--- Anon
Will, in fact, keep the doctor away.
But an apple that often
Leads straight to the coffin.
They're grown with a pesticide spray.
--- Lynn Mostafa
In my life it plays a great role.
Guess I should not flount it,
But I'd be nowhere without it --
Pineapple's just yummy when col'!
--- Samuel A Shaffe P8609
Ate a pudding and stuck her thumb in,
And she said to Jack Horner,
"Come here in my corner,
These plums have been soaked in some gin!"
--- William K Alsop P8910
Who only ate grape marmalade.
At one hundred and three
She said with a WHEE!
"How nicely preserved I have stayed!"
--- Anon
This is file ekm
To prove such a doctrine is needless.
But decadent Youth
Will not listen to Truth;
Though one tells them this fact, they are heedless.
--- Anon
As I lick off the juiciest drips,
Is such heavenly bliss,
Like my ladyfriend's kiss,
Or the taste of her puckered-up nips.
--- Anon
No, not there! There's no truth in the rumour.
No, not under my hat;
Up my trousers, you prat!
My God, have you no sense of humour?
--- Kevin Hale Q
Seductively eat a banana;
Her lips closed around
With a soft sucking sound...
My God! I've reached sexual Nirvana.
--- PeterW
But did you see the peach? That was great!
The juice it did run
Down her breasts and them some.
My food fantasy, she sure could sate!
--- Lars
Both a strawberry and a pear in
Her mouth she did stick,
But never a dick,
'Cause she's strictly a vegetarian.
--- John Miller
The young girl put them right in her snatch.
Then pulled out each one
And onto her tongue...
My God! What a fruit sucking catch.
--- Lars
Make my eyes cross and turn my face red.
Can't believe what I'm thinking.
How low am I sinking?
If I'm wise, I'll just go straight to bed.
--- Cheryl
'Cause my intake I'm trying to reduce.
But I have dreams of meat,
All those good things to eat,
Like that salami I want to seduce.
--- Cheryl
And whipped cream with maraschino cherries,
And dipped ice cream cones,
Cream-filled pastries cause groans,
And how at her sucking, she tarries.
--- Cheryl
Thought they'd try out a marital aid.
It's cool and its long,
Its EXPLODED! Whats wrong?,
That's no dildo, that's Sharpes Lemonade.
--- Anon
I eat my potage in the nude.
I couldn't be prouder
Of my old clam chowder,
Or the way that my prunes are stewed.
--- Anon
Some ballock-sized plums I finger.
The young stock boy gapes,
But his name escapes
Me. I've heard that he's quite the swinger!
--- Anon
If I were into gourds doing tricks,
But it's seems a bit lame.
I remember his name!
"Where do you keep the vegetable Dicks?"
--- Anon
An apple, voluptuous and round.
He just took a bit,
Found it tasted like shit,
Then he remembered to turn it around.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
An apple, voluptuous and round.
But taking a bite,
It tasted like shite;
I forgot to turn it around.
--- Dr Dirty
A finger turned up in a pie,
Then a nose and two lips,
Then a fine pair of hips,
Then a waitress jumped out and said "Hi!"
--- Michael Palin
And I started loud rebel yellin',
We'd go to the patch
And pick us a batch.
There's nothing like hot watermelon.
--- Anon
Was asked at what hour he would dine.
He replied, "At eleven,
At three, five, and seven,
And eight and a quarter to nine."
--- Anon
Said St. Peter, "We dine sharp at seven,
Then breakfast's at eight--
Never mind if you're late--
'Cause there's biscuits and milk, at eleven."
--- Anon
'Twas a sign that said, "ALL YOU CAN EAT".
So he ate the waiter,
Some plates, and the Maitre
d' topped with sour cream and dilled beet.
--- Anon
The group gave the owner some poop,
The busboy was tough,
And if that's not enough,
There's a waiter's fly in my soup.
--- Irish
But small portions cause you dismay,
Take your voracity,
Plus some audacity,
To the all-you-can-eat buffet.
--- Michael
Whose problem was always to get more;
After Thanksgiving dinner
He vowed he was thinner,
And went to the kitchen and et more.
--- Limber Limericks
A menace to non-gluttony.
When she makes a small pie
For gourmands such as I,
This is art with a captital T.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who ate ninety-nine shredded wheat.
Now his arms are much stronger
And twenty feet longer
From gripping the lavatory seat.
--- Funfax Limericks
Who doted on muffins and butter.
He went out to tea
And ate seventy-three,
And was carried home 'bust' on a shutter.
--- Anon (Bibby)
Who ate food at a very fast pace.
As she chowed down her food,
Other diners said, "Rude!"
She was finished before they said grace.
--- Tom Patton P0609
Who at eating, was terribly quick.
He'd gobble his food
In a manner most rude,
And then give a very loud "HIC!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Had a wife who made pastries so grand.
They were bigger than feet,
Full of veggies and meat,
When he ate them, he needed both hands.
--- Cornish Times contest '97
After only five panckes," asked Dick.
"Six ice creams and chops,
And four ginger pops?
I'm fine...Where's the bathroom? And QUICK!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Had a passion for pies, mainly mince,
Till his stomach went clang!
And Boom Boom! And Bang Bang!
And nobody's heard from his since.
--- Brandy Brandon P9407
You are liable to find that a burp'll
Make you feel all right,
Help you sleep through the night,
At least a burp'll be better than a slurp'll.
--- Dennis Jespersen
MORE