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In Sydney an old man named Stu There was a young man from Montmartre, There once was a man with a bowel An eccentric old coot from Bel Air A cabman who drove in Biarritz, Down in biology class, There once was a lad from Encino, (Marino - all-pro quarterback for Miami Dolphins)
In her lover's bed, Edna was spread If you fart, then it's best in a crowd; A bouncy young damsel, Miss Hart, I'm sorry, I'll just have to carp; Sir Reginald Barrington Bart, 'Tis rare that I have this occasion A vessel has sailed from Chicago Way back in my hometown of Kent, There was an old lady of art, The Maestro had held such a flatus There's always some one around, (welkin - the heavens, celestial globe)
If you give my finger a pull, The foible of Frimbleton Hake There was a young man of Penn State (but Daniel slipped on a wet lion turd and came fifth..-McW)
An obscene Argentine named Matanzas, When you fart in church, it can suck. Played a beautiful piece on the harp; Ever noticed how folks from down South, Embarrassed, a lover named Lynd A ten would I rate Barbara Bass, The Lady bent over, spread wide, The monks passed the word, though not spoken, I'm afraid Beano, I won't be using They're the musical fruit, so some say; There was an old maid from Bruton, In the medical world it is known There's a flatulent actor named Bart A sports-loving couple, the Bakers, There was a young lady named Hartz, One gal I was truly adoring, The wind in the desert is strong; An observant old codger named Browder When younger my nickname was "Beerfart", Big Bertha's a fine piece of crumpet, If amusing - laugh on by all means! Said a fart smeller living in Snell: So loud was the farting of Scheering In a pungent and loud social blunder, I was staggered right off of my feet, There was an old man from Durane, There once was a man from down under, A cop stopped me at Barnet fair, There was a young lady from Bristol, Couch-potatoes and overweight queens, Hey man, you don't know what your's startin', I cut me a sweet one last morn... Her DULCET voice got me down under In Birmingham I bought a tart; I once owned a pig that could fly; There was a young lady of Tooting A young Scot named Finn Barr MacMartin I think I shall send a vibration: I'll then save a gut-stretching blast. A sound engineer by name Bart Alas for a statesman named Smuts, Reno to Clinton: "Bill don't linger; It takes little strain and no art When my dove, Marylou, passes gas, My Captain, of thee I was thinking; I wish I could credit my pit
Passed gas like a didgeridoo.
No amount of heaving,
Nor circular breathing,
Could help him while taking a poo.
--- Ralphiod
Who was famed far and wide for his fart.
When they said, "What a noise!"
He replied with great poise,
When I fart, sir, I fart from the heart."
--- L1681
Which would rumble and emit a loud growl.
Though as much as he tried
His symptoms to hide,
His neighbors would twitter and howl.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Was accused of passing hot air.
Said he, "It's right smart
To fire off a fine fart.
'Twould be louder if my ass were bare."
--- G1354
Once frightened a fare into fits.
When reproved for a fart,
He said, "Bless your heart,
When I break wind, I usually shits."
--- L0673
Young Bill made a sound from his ass.
"Now William, explain
How you made that methane."
Said Willy, "That gas? Sir, I pass!"
--- Peter Wilkins
Who ate beans, but refused to take Beano.
The result was: He gassed!
Firing blast after blast!
Why, he passed it more times than Marino!
--- Rowdy Jack
As in went his pecker's red head!
Did the long diddling-bone
Make the girl moan and groan?
No, the bitch farted loudly instead.
--- G1462
When you do it, just don't laugh out loud.
Just a quiet little snigger
For small ones or bigger;
To do that is fully allowed.
--- Richard Jean
Whenever you fucked her, she'd fart.
She'd scream (brraap), "Give me more!
Fuck me (brrap) till I'm sore!"
She can fuck her own self, for my part.
--- Anon
It's a skill needing reflexes sharp.
Let it boil, let it stew,
Let it bubble and brew,
'Til it's ripe and it's ready ... then PPPAAARRRRPPP!!
--- Anon
Went to a masked ball as a fart.
He had painted his face
Like a more private place,
But his voice made the dowagers start.
--- L0670
To display my great flair for oration.
I sputter and spume;
Out comes naught but perfume,
Then at once a most loud flatulation!
--- Steve Thompson
With barrels of pork for a cargo.
For Boston she's bound,
Preceded, I've found,
By another with beans from near Fargo.
--- Anon
Aromatherapy just meant
We'd pull Grampa's finger
And the scent would linger.
Then we'd all feel good when it went.
--- Anon
Who had a husband named Bart.
That night she had heard
Something quite absurd,
Which happened to be Bart's loud fart.
--- Mark M
For so long inside of his fatus,
He let loose the gas noxious,
And it blew off his soxious,
And he said, "Oh well, Quo Vatus".
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who'd object if I riffed it with sound.
But out in the park,
At least after dark,
I can make the welkin resound.
--- L1676
I will fill both your nostrils full,
Of cabbage and beans,
Strained through my jeans,
Sounding like the roar of a bull.
--- Jim Weaver TP9802
Of farting at fish in a lake,
Seems rather far-fetched,
And though several fish retched,
It is fart too much trouble to take!
--- G1398
Who could fart at a terrible rate.
Rips, rattles, and growls
Came forth from his bowels.
He maintained it was something he ate.
--- G1436
From one bean rendered eight hundred stanzas.
Once before a large crowd,
He blew one note so loud,
That it spawned a tornado in Kansas.
--- Pierce Evans
But there's no need to look like a schmuck.
Just glance all around,
Then say with a frown,
"Did somebody step on a duck?"
--- Michael Weinstein P9804
It was soft, it was sweet, in C#.
And with rapture my love
Was in heaven above,
Until I gave a terrible FARRP!
--- Peter Wilkins
Always talk with food in their mouth.
One day they will find
That their beloved behind
Can too, and they they will pass out!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Admitted, "I fear I have sinned.
Dearest, what you just heard
Was no carolling bird;
I squeezed off three farts to the wind."
--- Armand E Singer 354
But one thing detracts from her class:
She cannot restrain
Great burst of butane
That thunder from out of her ass.
--- Armand E Singer 156
So his Lordship could fit deep inside.
He withdrew with a start
When she let out a fart
Which completely unraveled his tie.
--- Actaeon
'Twas scratched on the back of a token:
Bean-O prevents gas.
They agreed en-mass;
Their vow of silence won't be broken.
--- Anon
For I find the sound quite amusing.
Like a slide trombone,
Eat some kraut to add tone;
Sounds great... no need for excusing.
--- Anon
You will toot and drive hucksters away;
When the Watch Tower ladies
Hear your bugle from Hades,
While they flee, for your soul they will pray!
--- Anon
Who had the bad habit of pootin'.
Her sphincter was weak,
Her wind couldn't keep,
This old spinster from Bruton was tootin'.
--- L1678
That not passing gas makes one groan.
You must have a sound
Heard rumbling around,
Like a FLATULENT note, quite well known.
--- Maggie
This is file ebm
(I would claim he's not overly smart)
Who thinks, in a car
With some movie star,
She won't know who just let a big fart.
--- Armand E Singer 772
Are famed for their special wind breakers;
Not the kind that are sold
To ward of the cold,
But crude, noisy, stinky fart makers.
--- Armand Singer
Well-known for her wind-breaking arts.
She produced such a noise
That she won, with great poise,
An Olympic medallion for farts.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1204
Confirmed my love-making was boring.
The thrust of my schlong,
Did move her to song,
But drowned out by her loud anal snoring.
--- SFA
The breeze on the sea moves along,
But the anal snore
Can knock down a door,
And rip the balls off of your dong.
--- Anon
Said, "Now, between bean soup and chowder,
You'll find, my good friend,
That bean soup--in the end--
Will prove to be several times LOUDER.
--- Grand Prix Lim 746 G1359
Because ale helped me perfect my art.
I have always been proud
Of the smelly and loud
Bellowings that come from my heart.
--- Anon
A massively mountainous strumpet;
Her arse unsurpassed,
So enormously vast,
That she farts like an elephants trumpet.
--- Anon
Farting well's not the light task it seems:
For performing the arts
Of resounding loud farts,
It takes mountains of lentils and beans!
--- Anon
"I judge a fart's power by smell.
A small, scentless popper
Ain't really improper--
It's the big greasy blasts that raise hell!"
--- G1458
That he had to fart in a clearing.
As he phoned in Duluth
He did fart in a booth,
And he never recovered his hearing.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1229
Her flatulence blasted from under
The skirt of Aunt Sage,
As she stood on the stage,
With the volume of deafening thunder.
--- Cap'n Bean P0604
When a lady I happened to meet
Cut a fart, though a shorty,
With a sound like a forty
Pound pumpkin that fell to the street.
--- Hugh Clary
Who released great volumes of methane.
He would start with a snort,
Followed by a report,
That could be heard way up in Maine.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose farts were much louder than thunder.
He cut one near Perth
That rattled the Earth,
And Skylab went falling asunder.
--- David Miller
He said "You've no horn button there."
"I've another device,
Twice as good, if not thrice"...
And an ear-splitting fart rent the air.
--- Anon
Who went to the Palace called Crystal.
Said she, "It's all glass,
And as round as my ass."
And she farted as loud as a pistol.
--- Anon
Whose beer-guts spill over their jeans,
Should get on a diet.
Just once did I try it...
Of stewed prunes, Exlax, and baked beans.
--- David Miller
When fat, sweaty cheeks get to partin'.
The thunderous roar
Is worse than a snore,
And quite reminiscent of fartin'...
--- SFA
'Twas quite long, loud, low, and forlorn.
Five ships in the bay
Went grounded, they say,
Assuming they heard a fog-horn.
--- Anon
And I hoped to pry her thighs asunder,
But she was not meek,
As she raised on one cheek,
And let go a ripper like thunder!
--- Phil Kinay
It wasn't too bad at the start;
Beautifully sweet,
Good enough to eat,
So I did...(lets out a loud fart!)
--- David Miller
I fed him on baked beans and rye.
He developed the art
Of a thunderous fart,
That propelled him up into the sky!
--- Anon
Who farted and said shw was pooting.
Then next to her snatch
Some guy lit a match
And silenced her anal sharp-shooting.
--- SFA
A tart-eatin' party took part in.
After snarfing ten tart, Finn
Was heartily smartin',
And startin' to fart in his tartan.
--- Anon
A fart-shock to rattle the nation!
With ear to the ground
You'll hear it resound,
And birds will reverse their migration.
--- Anon
When springtime comes 'round, then, at last,
I'll add some propane
And extra profane,
And rrrrip 'till even you are aghast!
--- Anon
At beans till he started to fart,
A cacophonous roar
Like a fatulent boar --
His needle went clear off the chart.
--- Armand E Singer 693
Whose shit was all stuck in his guts.
He farted a blast;
Left his hearers aghast;
Yet nothing emerged but some nuts.
--- G1456
Just reach over and pull my finger.
My cheeks will part,
With a thunderous fart,
And you'll enjoy a real wing dinger!"
--- Anon
To bang out an echoing fart.
The reaction is hearty
When you fart at a party,
But the sensitive persons depart.
--- G1350
It's more than a poof from her ass;
There's a thunderous din
Plus a shredding of skin,
And a settling of dust in your glass.
--- Anon
I thought that the ship, it was sinking.
The blast was so loud,
That me and the crowd
Were amazed that it simply was stinking.
--- The Cabinboy
For that thunderously putrid emit.
But spammers who spyed us
Were sailing beside us,
And I'd loaded the cannon with shit.
--- Capt H
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