Here's a marvel of gene-splitting science!
Took a rooster, and made strange alliance,
With a lawyer's gray matter
In the rooster; such clatter!
Now the bird enjoys clucking defiance!
--- Anon

The great lion tamer, Ms. Chung,
Had sex with her charges while young.
The kids are like her,
Except that they purr,
And drink milk with the back of their tongue.
--- John Miller

Once they got older, they'd roar
"Mama was such an old whore!"
She slept with the monkey
And even the donkey,
Or whatever else came through the door.
--- Arden

Miss Mary has a lamb she can keep,
But her secret is dark and it's deep.
The lamb's not a pet;
It's what you can get
If you go around screwing with sheep.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0208

There was an old floozy named Myrtle
Whose loins were incredibly fertile.
Out her sexual chute
Came a roach, and to boot,
Three young'uns, two dogs, and a turtle.
--- Armand E Singer 92

I once fell in love with a ram;
In bed he was really "Hot Damn!"
I'd nary a grizzle
About his huge pizzle,
But it hurt like hell having his lamb.
--- Cyberhog T9711

A shepherdess high in the Grams
Had a beautiful slit 'twixt her hams.
One day an old buck
Got her down for a fuck,
And now she's the mother of lambs.
--- G1246

A circus performer named Peale,
Who coupled for kicks with her seal,
Was distressed that she did,
For she then had a squid,
A frog and a large conger eel.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9002

On a bench sat a man, kind of old;
To the same bench, a younger dude strolled;
His spiked hair was a riot
Of colors, none quiet;
Red and purple, plus blue, green and gold!
--- Anon

The old man thought this kid might be gay,
As he stared, somewhat rudely, I'd say;
The punk glared; then he spoke:
"Whassamatter, old bloke?
Ever done something wild in your day?"
--- Anon

"I got drunk once, woke up, puked a ton;
I could not believe what I'd done;
I had fucked, so I heard,
A big tropical bird;
Now I wonder if you are my son!"
--- Anon

There once was a lady called Brills
Who decided to grow her some gills.
She married a dish
Turned into a fish,
And produced twenty electic eels.
--- Jester Jon

Said our Little Nell of Glen Ellen,
On finding her midriff was swellin':
"I've only used candles,
Hot dogs and broom handles,
So what I will have is hard tellin'."
--- Grand Prix Lim 880 G1665

Beastiality's a sin--that's emphatic!
Its effects can be quite problematic.
Are the offsprint cute? Sure!
But they all, when mature,
Get on welfare and vote Democratic!
--- Vassar Smith P9403a

A woman whose morals were loose
Once while camping, a deer did seduce,
Greatly swelling her girth
After which she gave birth
To an elk, a gazelle, and a moose.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9002

There was a young girl of Geneva,
A gorilla she got to relieve 'er.
The result of the fuck
Was a hen and a duck,
A snake and a bloody retriever.
--- Anon

A blond with an oversized box
Thought: Gorillas have very big cocks.
Her son's a fine lad.
His looks are not bad,
But his knuckles, they drag when he walks!
--- John K Roberts P9302a

A shepherd who lived near Torino,
Would frequently shag a merino.
He'd not wear a sheath
While out on the heath,
And he now has a woolly bambino.
--- Tiddy Ogg

An innocent maiden named Letty
Was laid one fine night by a yeti;
Though this inhuman action
Gave her great satisfaction,
Results nine months later weren't pretty.
--- Armand Singer

An obliging young lady of Leeds
Thinks life should be filled with good deeds,
But regrets the sequelae (...the effects)
Of free gillie-gillies (Caused by careless free sex)
For her kids are ten shades and three creeds.
--- G1679

A Tel Aviv couple must wince
After marrying just four months since.
For to nuptials they'd brung
Fully seventeen young,
And now they're expecting some quints.
--- Mesterton-Gibbons MG9704

The children of old Mrs. Carey
Are an odd lot, they really do vary.
Some have two heads --
Real thoroughbreds!
Some are bald, some feathered, some hairy.
--- June Sullivan P8411

Their genes are all out of whack,
(Mrs. Carey is nee Kallikak)
Give the Devil his due,
It really is true
They all hold office, alack!
--- June Sullivan P8411

When my finances were really dire,
I put myself out on hire.
What I did not know
Is you reap what you sow.
Now all of Mumbai calls me sire.
--- Anon

A young pregnant woman named Mears
Birthed a child that would bring you to tears -
For out of her cunt
Came a bow-legged runt,
With his ass up between his ears!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A baboon, slightly long in the fang,
Mated up with an orangutang.
The mutant result
Was to them an insult,
But the source from which we all sprang.
--- June Sullivan P8408

Big Robert from Medicine Hat
Thought he had the procedure down pat;
But pinned to the wall
He mistimed his withdrawal --
Thus it was Little Bob was begat.
--- Hugh Oliver 90a

A woman residing in Perth,
She died on the day she gave birth
To a baby named Fred,
With a truly large head,
And a butt of exceptional girth.
--- Cap'n Bean P0800

The first child of Mrs Keats-Shelly
Came to light with its face in its belly.
Her second was born
With a hump and a horn,
And her third was as shapeless as jelly.

(I wonder not who, but what she has been screwing?)
--- Edward Gorey

A pervert by named of George Greer
Would hop on his wife from the rear;
Though at last she conceived,
She was hardly relieved:
Her offspring burst out through her ear.
--- Armand E Singer 844

There was a great redhead from Lithem,
Who sang with a band and slept with 'em.
It's sad to relate,
She's borne twelve kids to date,
Six brass, four reeds, and two rhythm.
--- Ed Wolfert P8212

When counting his family, Mark Evans
Said, "There's triplets, and quads, Oh! Good heavens!
I've also twin daughters
At three and three-quarters
And my sons are at sixes and sevens."
--- Funfax Limericks

Said a slave-holding lecher named May
Of the fruit from a romp in the hay:
"Why the cute little creature's
Got all his dad's features,
And I've always loved 'cafe au lay'."
--- Armand E Singer 123

This is file dfl

My life's been a zig-zag, it's clear;
But consider, sirs, is it so queer,
Since my ma was pure white
And my pa black as night,
That I've had such a checkered career?
--- Laurence Perrine P8911

There once was a maid of Japan,
Who married a Hottentot man;
The maid she was yellow,
Black as coal was the fellow,
And their children were all black and tan.
--- Arthur Deex P9304

My father, the terrorist Jackal,
Would strap Mom to the bed with a shackle;
Then to copulate fully,
He'd suspend from a pulley,
I'm called Chip - off the old block and tackle.
--- Mark Levy

There was a black lady named Ella
Who was laid by a Caucasian fella.
The result of their sins
Was a mixed set of twins,
One chocolate, the other vanilla.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8912

An albino who married a Haitian
Had intentions of quick procreation.
But, the colour extremes
Wouldn't mix, so it seems,
For the children were plainly Dalmatian.
--- Alex Heydon P0503

A sorcerer from East Upper Randle
Made love by bell, book, and candle.
His sexual strife
Drew groans from his wife,
And now a young changeling, they dandle.
--- Bruce Thompson

The poor little bastard emerges
Unaware of Man's sexual urges...
For nine months, unknowing,
He's spent his time growing,
Despite subsequent humpings and purges...
--- Grand Prix Lim 82

He told us this tale, did La Rouche:
"My wife had just finished her douche,
When out popped a foetus,
Who reached out to greet us,
And said, 'Boy ain't I a bonne bouche!"
--- Armand E Singer 856

Beware of man's sexual goal...
Once you plug it, my friend, with your pole,
You are hooked for a meal; a mink coat or a seal...
You're expected to wed for a bout in her bed...
You are sued for support for the kid she brought forth,

And you end in the red, on the whole!
--- Grand Prix Lim 751

A rueful young maiden named Sue,
Though warned of the evil men do,
Refused to take heed
And soon failed to bleed:
In time came a squalling baboo.
--- Armand E Singer 549

Said a horny young man from Calais
(Who masturbated all day)
"It's safer than swimmin',
And neater than women,
And it's only myself that I pay!"
--- John Miller 0337a

A maid met that man from Calais
And exclaimed, "Oh, don't throw that away!
I won't charge a fee
If you shove it on me,
And we'll have lots of fun in the hay!"
--- John Miller 0337b

Now that randy young pair from Calais
Watches fifteen young kids as they play
At games with each other --
Sister and brother --
And they all seem to like it that way.
--- John Miller 0337c

Une femme in the Faubourg Germaine
Had a bad intersexional pain...
She'd borne twins before,
But now she dropped four.
...Unmarried, that's hard to explain!
--- Grand Prix Lim 763

A lady proceeded to curse
Her child with his antics perverse.
"He brought nothing but shame,
And he's sullied my name,
And the fuck that he came from was worse."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1408A

A remarkable baker was Hartz.
His life imitated his arts.
For every last son
Was a fruitcake (each one);
While his daughters were tasty young tarts.
--- Michael Weinstein

A certain young lady who stuttered
So wobbled her breasts when she uttered,
It was later revealed
That her milk got congealed,
And the brood she brought forth was half-buttered.
--- G1724

If one-eighth black, an octaroon;
If one-fourth black, you're a quadroon.
But if you're half and half,
Both races will laugh.
If half and half, you're a spittoon.
--- Irving Superior P8911

Concerning sex, Miss Minnie Meggs,
Remarked as she tightened her legs,
"The last time I did,
I had me a kid,
So to hell with you men and your pegs!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 674

That night as the Earth shook with thunder,
Making love 'neath a tree was a blunder.
A lightning bolt
Struck his asswith a jolt;
He very near split her asunder.
--- Tiddy Ogg

The condom he wore, thus exploding,
Made the sperm change genetic encoding.
The child, as she feared,
Was decidedly weird,
And quite justified her foreboding.
--- Tiddy Ogg

She naturally called the tad Thor;
He'd screw any girl, rich or poor.
Plus sheep, cows and cats,
Dogs, horses, and rats,
Till his prick was most tender and sore.
--- Tiddy Ogg

He aged from this surfeit of passion,
So bought an old Mac, started flashin',
Was soon apprehended.
(Not what was intended)
And from the judge got an ear-bashin'.
--- Tiddy Ogg

He entered a most heart-felt plea,
"My genes were all addled, you see."
It worked, I'm released.
I'm terribly pleased...
Oh yes, I admit, it was me!
--- Tiddy Ogg

A gene-splitting chemist named Gist --
A genius and true scientist --
Crossed some jerk of a Pole
With a Wop on parole,
Begetting a hit man that missed.
--- Armand E Singer 20A

Lady Cynthia Parkerhouse Furman
Met and married, off Finland, a merman.
But whether the woman
Bore babes that were human
Or finnish, we've yet to determine.
--- Laurence Perrine P9407

Man, it's never as good as it looks,
Nor as good as in Limerick books...
But it's still so attractive
It keeps the race active,
Making kids out of nookie, in nooks!
--- Grand Prix Lim 997

There was a young fellow from Frisco
Who greased up his organ with Crisco.
But such was the heat
When he wielded his meat,
That his children were made of Nabisco.
--- G2344

There once lived a man named Slade,
Who claimed he had never been laid.
He had children in bunches,
And confirmed most folks' hunches
That all of his kids are hand-made.
--- Oddo Von Schlong T9710

A broadminded lady, quite shackey,
Once had a bout with an Iraqi.
The result of their sins
Was triplets, not twins,
One light and one dark and one khaki.
--- Sex to Sexty P8808

There was a young lady named Sharkey,
Who had an affair with a darky.
The results of her sins,
Were quadruplets, not twins,
One white, and one black, and two khaki.
--- Anon L0978

A colleen for fair Ballycrotty,
Loved men of all colors, 'twas dotty.
But her children's a sight,
Every heart to delight,
For they're black, brown, green-striped and spotty.
--- Anon

Here lies a young salesman named Phipps,
Who married on one of his trips,
A widow named Block.
He died of the shock,
When he saw there were six little chips.
--- Anon

There's a freaky old fellow named Ike
Who lives in a house down the pike.
His dad and his mother
Were kin to each other --
That's why he looks so much alike.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8811