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I'm glad that damn deer you did shoot,
But I bet it was tough as a boot!
I once cried (Oh brother!)
When they shot Bambi's mother,
But now for the hunter I root!
--- Kaylin Brandon

While hunting for ducks in the Saguenay,
An Englishman suffered sheer agony,
Sitting out on a lake
Making sounds like a drake
But in French, to embarrassed to baguenay.
--- Hugh Oliver 37b

A senile old hunter named Cotter
Observed a nude gurl by the water.
When he asked, "Are you game?"
She said "Yes," without shame,
So he raised up his rifle and shot her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2955

Gentlemen can shoot grouse from today;
They could not shoot grouse yesterday.
What was the reason?
Grouse were not in season,
So that lice can shoot grice from today.
--- Tony Burrell

A nearsighted bird-hunter, Jack,
Was eager to fill his game sack.
When the dog wagged its tail,
He took it for quail --
And came home with the dog on his back!
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P9801

There once was a hunter named Babbitt
Who had a most dangerous habit.
He climbed over a fence
With his gun cocked and hence,
Is survived by his wife and a rabbit.
--- Observer

Said a hunter from Kennebec, Maine,
"From liquor I have to refrain.
When I swallow a jigger,
I miss with the trigger,
Again and again and again.
--- Joseph S Newman

Sir Cromwell Excelsior Gooding,
Inventor of hats draped with hooding,
Disrobed every Monday
And hunted till Sunday,
For puds he could shoot for a pudding.
--- Travis Brasell

He turned every stump, rock and clod,
And probed every hole with his prod.
But finding no puds
And having no duds,
Sir Gooding, instead, shot a wad.
--- Travis Brasell

An Oregonian who lives in Zig Zag
Set out on a hunt for a stag.
But alas! And Oh No!
All he found was a doe,
Which, of course, what he could not bag.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Said a very class-conscious old pheasant,
"To be shot at is not at all pleasant.
But I'd much rather hear
Guns of Prince, Duke, or peer
Than that of a low, vulgar peasant!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

A buxom young lady named Lunt
Was fond of the chase and the hunt;
She shot little quails
While hunting for males
And put up a very good front.
--- Lims Unlimited

Asked Mimi, a gorgeous young dame,
"What passions set your heart aflame?"
Said rich Mister Bunting,
"I'm quite fond of hunting",
Responded young Mimi, "I'm game!"
--- Anon

People have come a long way:
They are now making dishes of clay;
They slaughter a doe
With arrow and bow,
And eat it outdoors on a tray.
--- Lims Unlimited

The youth, as our diagram shows,
Got out to wage war upon crows,
But by grevous bad luck,
He knocked over a duck,
For which he'd to pay through the nose.
--- Anon

A fly was hit smack in the eye,
On a sharpshooter's very first try,
Which wasn't so hot,
Because he had shot
At another one sitting nearby.
--- Limber Limericks

"Hunting for Bambi" show's got the goods,
With six gals butt-naked in the woods;
We can't wait to shoot
Or give them a root...
As we strap the little dears to our hoods.
--- David Miller

They breed pheasants, both hens and cocks,
But they're not allowed to breed fox
For hunting by princes;
The thought brings on winces.
Royal huntsmen deserve to catch pox!
--- Tony Burrell

Three hunters were hunting for deer,
One spring not a long way from here.
They followed some tracks
And argued the facts
Of what kind of dear they were near.
--- Mad Zeno

Ancient Sparta was really a droll spot,
Where both sexes went naked a whole lot.
Yes, the coeds were brave
At the Games but it gave
All the boys a leg up in the pole vault.
--- Don Moore P0900

Britain only won one gold medal;
Our athletes seem to back pedal.
But we don't take drugs
And our girls are not thugs,
So at least that part's on the level.
--- Tony Burrell

I've been very good this fortnight.
(The Commonwealth Games, what a sight)
I've not boasted once
Though your teams we did trounce,
For gloating is never quite right!
--- Archie

But all of the athletes did well;
Just making the teams was quite swell.
They gave of their best,
Whether first or the rest
And even the cyclist who fell!
--- Archie

But Susie O'Neill is the star.
With swimming she went very far.
Her ten medals gold
Is a tale to be told,
And all here Down Under went "Rah!"
--- Archie

There were many others of note;
Squash play which had an "Elgar Note".
Relay swimmers in kilts,
Weightlifters, wow, built!
A Canadian diver got my vote!
--- Archie

A Russian gymnast on the beam
Was trying to win gold for his team.
But during the splits,
He sat on his bits,
And splattered his trousers with cream.
--- SFA

I've been watching the World Champions Games;
I think the secret's in the names.
If your -ov or -sky,
You're in the first three,
Without talent, training, or brains.
--- Tony Burrell

The diving this year was a yawn;
I know, 'cause I watched it 'til dawn.
Twists, flips, pikes and more --
But it was a bore,
Because all the swimsuits stayed on!
--- Marlene Lewis

The girls, I admit, were damn cute.
They got me to wheeze like a brute.
So young and carefree --
From what I could see,
Imprinted behind their swimsuit.
--- SFA

Some swimsuits do not cover much
While others hid, legs, arms and such.
Still, they were all tight
And seemed to invite
My fingers to just have a touch.
--- Marlene Lewis

The World Championships are here!
Don't mind! I'l just give one more cheer
For those muscle-bound thugs,
Who do it on drugs,
And make 'bout a million each year.
--- Tony Burrell

To those darlings the media flatters;
Now winning is just all that matters.
The other two cheers
Are for the old dears
Whos integrity isn't in tatters.
--- Tony Burrell

If your honest in sport, it just seems,
You're having impossible dreams.
The guys with the cash
Are leading the dash,
And you are left in the slipstreams.
--- Tony Burrell

This is file cul

The Olympics are exciting and regal,
While the events are all perfectly legal.
I just hope the Brits,
Will add to the glitz
By sending over Eddie the Eagle.
--- J V

He soars through the air with the greatest of ease;
His movements are graceful and certain to please.
But on landing he stumbles
And over he tumbles;
Going head-over-heels on his skis.
--- J V

The Romanians must think we're all fools,
And they keep on eating ampoules.
The weights they can lift,
But given short shrift,
Some cash overrules all the rules!
--- Archie

You'd think with the name Erki Nool,
The guy'd be some kind of a fool.
But he's a real athlete,
A champion decathlete,
Which proves that names don't always rule.
--- Tony Burrell

One girl had a massive surprise
While doing the floor exercise.
She stood on her hands,
Inverting her glands,
And brought more than tears to her eyes.
--- SFA

Thus blinded, she fell on her nose,
But got tens for her limber pose.
The judges all smiled;
The crowd, it went wild!
She stepped on her boobs with her toes.
--- Marlene Lewis

The Olympians voiced their reliance
On drugs which had made them all giants.
Without trace of odium
Place on the podium,
Went to the "Best Pharma-Science".
--- John E Mayhood P0409

All Olympians now are steroidal,
Anthropoidal or Neanderthoidal.
Bun-fixated groupies
Will shell out the rupees,
To ball what they call bi-spheroidal.
--- Jem P0409

The Olympic games are a blast
And politics things of the past.
But what are they cooking
While we are not looking;
Out of sight they can really move fast.
--- Archie

To Olympic Gold, crooks found the key:
A steroid they sell for a fee.
It lets athletes perform
At double the norm,
And it can't be detected in pee.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0410

The judging this year was abysmal.
One high diver's prospects, so dismal,
He railed at the judges,
"You ignorant drudges
Could not even rank a baptismal!"
--- Marlene Lewis

"Could too! Why I gave it an eight!
One point 'cause the baby was late,
And half for the priest
Whose cassock was creased,
And half because mom had no mate!"
--- Marlene Lewis

In short sprints or in long marathons,
The world's fastest, most high up , or strong,
Are the three most content
In their Athens event,
With Olympic gold, silver, and bronze.
--- Anon

Michelle on the ice fell down -- SPLAT!
And it seem like for days she just sat
And pondered the cold,
The fall and lost gold.
And wished that her nose wasn't flat.
--- Travis Brasell

Poor Michelle has been once again bested
By young Sarah, a teen; who'd have guess it?
Now her sponsors, no doubt,
Are beginning to shout,
"We want back our millions invested!"
--- Hans

The Olympics, mundane and diffuse,
Promote values close to the obtuse.
Sportsmanship's put on hold
In the quest for the gold,
And the jocks tested for their drug use.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0203

With three months before the big show,
Olympians have a new woe;
In Utah they're balling
'Cause nothing is falling,
Except Marty's pants -- but not snow!
--- Anon

A man in Atlanta named Spenser
Was just like a moron but denser.
At night after dark,
Built a wall 'round the park,
Then said, "I'm an Olympic fencer."
--- Tom Patton P9609

The Olympic contestants were keen,
The finest we ever have seen.
Their motto, we're told,
Was "GO FOR THE GOLD!"
But all of them went for the GREEN.
--- Al Chaplin P9609a

The Premier on the stage at Torino
Shook hands and then kissed a bambino;
He read, "Oh Oh Oh Oh
Oh." His aide yelled, "Oh No!
That's the Olympic logo, you're fino!"
--- Arthur Deex

In Albertville mid all the snow,
Monsieur Mitterand said, "Oh oh -- oh oh,
Oh--excuse my faux pas,
For just now I saw
I've been reading zee Olympic logo."
--- Arthur Deex P9203

In the opening speech at Sarajevo,
The Yugoslav premier said, "Oh-oh!
Oh! Oh-Oh.." -- but quit
When his aide said, "You twit!
You've just read the Olympic logo."
--- Arthur Deex P8403

Olympic-dot-com's website menu
Has posted a fabulous venue:
A brand new admission
In sports competition
'Tween women who'll stretch their twat's sinew.
--- Travis Brasell

These athletes, so brave, strong, and bold,
Are listed as both young and old;
They'll make some fast dashes
To stretch out their gashes;
The twat that's stretched most gets the gold.
--- Travis Brasell

This venue's been hailed as 'erotics';
It's wetter than female aquatics.
There's been a report
That this stretching sport
Is classed as Olympic 'atwatics'.
--- Travis Brasell

The winner of this new event
Is a virgin from lower East Trent.
Her twat's measured girth,
From Sydney to Perth,
Gives Aussies a mammoth pink tent.
--- Travis Brasell

"In the whole world," Aussies have vented,
"Ain't too much that we Aussies invented.
But now in swelter-
Ing heat, there's a shelter.
We're not pleased, but we are now cunt-tented.
--- Cyber Wizard

Nadia is giving folks fits.
She's taking conservative's hits --
Her sex antics attacked,
They'd like to bring back
Her demeanor before she had tits.

(Nadia Comeneche)
--- John K Roberts P9303

The Olympic Torch has gone past;
To see it was great, a real blast.
Police sirens ringing,
Waltzing Matilda we're singing.
The games are approaching real fast.

(dated 9/11/00 for Sidney Olympics)
--- Alex Milway

Did SLOC bribe those guys?
Find out how much their money buys.
I'm told all the time
That it won't cost a dime.
Just who has been telling these lies.

(Salt Lake City bribed Olympic Committee 1998)
--- Marlene

In Sydney on opening night,
The mayor started his speech, "G'Diy Mite,
Oh oh OH oh oh TWO oh-oh OH."
Moaned his Aide de Camp, "Whoa!
You just read the logo and dite."
--- Arthur Deex P2006

At the 2010 Games held in Rome,
Ten gold went to Merck, Sharpe and Dohme;
Six silver to Pfizer,
While on the bronze riser,
Eight medals for Frosst to take home.
--- John E Mayhood P0409

In the opening speech at Salt Lake,
The mayor made a terrible mistake;
Saying, "Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh"
While his aide moaned, "Oh no!
You've just read the logo, you flake!"
--- Arthur Deex P0201


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