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With Jamie Sale', I am struck; But you've never seen me on skates. Well, put on your skates (nothing more) A recruited athletic Saluki An attractive young Olympic Ice skater A sweet young ice skater, N. Kerrigan, Said Nancy to Tonya, "You sleaze! When the Jewish boys took to the ice, The abductor of Tonya's no lecher, In Utah, a mystery beckoned: The infusion of NHL players With the stars from the great NHL, (Mattel is a toy manufacturer in the US - McW)
Did the hockey team suffer bad luck, Though her drive home was just a few blocks, It's not my intention to knock her Christina's been hired by some jocks Employing habitual vices, Snarls a hockey defenseman named Cox, The Spring thawed me down 'til I'm bony. The olympic ice dancing event ln Russia skating judges are news. The Russian bent noses are cross; The star Russian dancer was scored There was a young lady named Ciss, The Olympics attract the masses A showoff, while skating on ice, With a score of 4 out of 10, Tonya Harding, not in the best graces, Tonia Harding, alas and alack, To the judge Tonya made her sad plea, A tough young ice skater named Tonya Figure skater, Rosita Los Koosa, One day while skating, Dick Button, Of course, with the snow comes the Ice There once was a skier named Brett, Michael and Sonny on skis; On the slopes of the French Pyrenees, "A punter has sought girls who ski," It started with overmuch grace, Sir Lord High Mountain Skier's my name, A big-footed girl from Dunfries, I was wondering which new skis to buy, Once a girl had a skiing instructor, An unfortunate man, Stanley Hope, Days on snow when my spirit is free, To the top of the chair lift I ride, Leaving worries and cares far behind, Plunging down with a step off the lip, Intermediate signs mark the way; As I carve a wide turn past a tree, There once was a girl from Lancaster, Winter does, I must say, have its charms. There once was a talented elephant A nubile young Finn who went skiing -- There's a high class resort up at Lech. (Austria) There was a young lady from Barriere, They said it's fun to learn to ski; I met my new lover, Louise, A lovely young Finn who went skiing A lovely young Finn who went skiing, The news media didn't know squat, A nubile young Finn who went skiing, Coming down from a peak, you see, While skiing, a harlot named Kay Sonny Bono went out for a ski, El Nino stirs up the weather, Jack and Jill had a risky attraction
My passions have all run amuck.
I think every hour
About that cute flower,
And how I would pluck a Canuck.
--- Travis Brasell
My lutz has sparked many debates.
My axels are triples --
Yes, just like my nipples --
The Russian judge gave me all eights.
--- Ericka
And show me your Salchow galore.
Then spiral and spin
And you'll have the win
From 'ten' that I'll give for the score!
--- Travis Brasell
Was a Japanese rookie named Tsuyki;
But they punctured his dream
For a berth on the team...
He was playing, not hockey, but hookey.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Craved a man, but he wouldn't date her.
She loved a gay blade,
Thus she never got laid,
And that's why she's a skilled masturbator!
--- Bob Birch P9803
Was caught in publicity's glare again.
She said, "My poor knee
Has brought riches to me,
But please, please don't hit me there again."
--- Satori
Your true love, (that puddle of grease!)
Gilooley (that putz!)
Ruined my triple lutz!
I'd like to break both of his knees!"
--- Sylvie
Their mothers said it was not nice,
To make a fast buck,
Chasing after the puck.
They'd make more if they gambled with dice!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
But a fine young fellow named Fletcher.
The people's selection
At the last election
As the local county dog catcher.
--- Tom Patton P9704
How Russia by judges was reckoned
To lose in the skating,
But earn the gold rating,
While Canada won but came second.
--- Peter Wilkins
Was the answer to hockey fans' prayers.
But before they could savor it,
The gold medal favorites
Were sitting at home, taking Bayers.
--- Larry Hollister
USA was prepared to do well.
But these men turned to mice
When their skates hit the ice,
And they played like their sticks were Mattel.
--- Larry Hollister
Reaching none of its goals with the puck?
Should we blame preparation
Or poor motivation?
Or maybe they just really suck!
--- Larry Hollister
Oskana'd swilled Scotch on the Rocks.
After her M. Benz coupe
Did a Triple Tire Loop.
She said, "I'm immune, like all jocks."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9703
But I must say her act is a shocker.
She looked pretty and pert
In her short skater's skirt,
But her panties were back in her locker.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209
From that ice hockey team, Frozen Socks;
Now players caught fighting,
Or kicking or biting,
Will be sent to her penalty box.
--- Anon
Nun Sister Christina entices
Her team of Canucks
To score points with their pucks,
Right before she zambonis their ices.
--- Anon
Who's contracted a case of the pox:
"When you're offered a bod,
Body-checking, by God,
Keeps you out of the penalty box!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
I miss how my blue lips were stony.
And now that they're pink,
It's some lonely rink
Where once I did ride a zamboni.
--- Anon
Made the Russian mob members incensed.
They bet their own team;
It was like a bad dream;
They turned millions of bucks into cents.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209
The mobsters have them paying their dues.
They decide in advance
The best skaters who dance.
Each had offers they couldn't refuse.
--- Tom Patton P0209
Their ice dancers suffered a loss.
They asked judges to fudge,
But the score didn't budge;
The mafia bet the wrong horse.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209
For appearance and height that she soared.
She got credit, we hear
For her lovely round rear,
But in front she was as flat as a board
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209
Who said, "I think skating a bliss."
But she'll never restat,
For a wheel off her skate
.siht ekil gnihtemos pu hsinif reh edaM
--- Anon
Who all came to see skating lasses.
The rink's periphery
Was oh so slippery;
The stars ended up on their asses.
--- Tom Patton P0604
Turned a back somersault -- twice.
He bounced on his head,
Spat six teeth out and said,
"I must try that again -- it was nice!"
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
He decided to try it again.
With a yell of despair,
He destroyed the judges chair,
And never competed again.
--- Anon
Earned some medals to show where her place is.
When she fell on her ass
She was given the brass,
But the gold was for tying her laces.
--- Al Chaplin P9404
In ice skating, she dared to come back.
Read a skating alert,
"You might never get hurt,
If you keep your eyes peeled for the whack."
--- Tom Patton
"My shoelace is broke, can't you see?"
He was moved by her fate
And said, "Fix it, we'll wait."
But the judge should have busted her knee.
--- Al Chaplin P9404
Has told us, "I never would con ya.
I did her no wrong,
But you best get along,
Or else I may lay something on ya."
--- Satori Press
Skated to music by Sousa.
The "Gold" she didn't win
With her lightning sit-spin,
But she did with her triple chalupa.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0207
Saw a young butt he'd like ruttin'.
But his next Triple Lutz,
Just mangled his nuts.
Now Button will be ruttin' nuttin'.
--- Mustafa X A
This is file cjl
Which can turn the boldest to mice.
I'll just put on my skates!
Who needs all those weights?
A Yankee makes virtue of vice!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who skiied of a cliff on a bet.
So then off he went,
And made a big dent,
Where the road and his head had met.
--- Anon
My question for you, if you please,
Who will be next?
What politico hexed?
'Cause accidents happen in trees!
--- Chris Peterson
Jack did six spinning back-flips with ease.
To the chilled cheering crowd,
He just sniffed, "I'm not proud,
For my jump was made good by a sneeze."
--- David A Brooks
Said Ms. Ariana, "But, Gee!
I'm more used to dicks,
Than curvy ski-sticks.
And Snowballs? No, never. Not me."
--- Anon
And an effortless feverish pace.
Then a tree and a rock...
Lost a boot and a sock
And I slid down the rest on my face.
--- Anon
Best Powder skier in the world is my game.
I can do nothing wrong;
I'm curously strong,
And I'm humble and shy with my fame.
--- Anon
Was spotted and Darwin said, "Jeez,
When snow's on the ground,
She still gets around
Those mountains without using skis.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But my girlfriend could only say why.
Do you need one more pair.
I will go fix my hair
And find a completely new guy.
--- Anon
But she fell down everywhere he'd conduct 'er.
Since she couldn't say "No"
With her mouth full of snow,
The instructor quite frequently fucked 'er.
--- G0621
Started to ski down a slope.
The slope was so steep;
The snow was so deep.
Did Stanley make it? Nope!
--- Anon
Skiing high up on Mount Sunapee;
In the crisp mountain air,
Thrilling speed without care,
Apogee of New Hampshire for me.
--- Joel D Ash P0402
Contemplation of trails one can glide;
At a glade near the top,
There's a heart stopping drop,
Further down it is all pretty wide.
--- Joel D Ash P0402
I am ready in body and mind;
Beauty there up on high,
Sunny peaks and blue sky,
All the glory of nature enshrined.
--- Joel D Ash P0402
Wondrous powder, no ice and no slip;
A chute made for flying,
The trail satisfying,
Good start for a snow pleasure trip.
--- Joel D Ash P0402
Without stress, so relaxed, come what may;
The schussing so grand,
In this north Promised Land;
Powdered plumes trailing back in a spray.
--- Joel D Ash P0402
Not a thought in my head but to ski;
Ultimate in distraction,
Such deep satisfaction,
The joy of a day skiing free.
--- Joel D Ash P0402
Whose goal was to always ski faster.
Caught a tree with her butt,
And the branch it did cut.
You might say that it was dis-assed-her.
--- Anon
A warm fire, warmer girl in your arms --
"I skied," (show the miss)
"Down the slope just like this..."
Without setting off any alarms.
--- John Miller 0139
Who schussed to the base for the hell of it.
There, he tried the gluwein,
Then left sitzmarks behind,
That makes your and mine look irrevalent.
--- Anon
His penis, he was frequently freeing...
When girls would ski by,
He'd unzip his fly,
And show them a sight well worth seeing!
--- Anon
Where skiing well avoids a sore neck.
A fast run down the slopes
May raise up your hopes,
That you'll get home without being a wreck!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Whose voice was as clear as the very air.
She tried a High C
While attempting to ski,
And ended up flat on her derriere.
--- John E Mayhood P0011
I went and plowed into a tree.
'Twas an accident;
Spinal chord got bent;
Give new meaning to "I got a woody!"
--- Debnric
In Andorra while trying on skis.
I said, "What did you see
To attract you to me?"
And she laughed and said, "Great Pyrenees!"
--- Peter Wilkins
Could not believe what she was seeing:
From under the snow
Came a spooky green glow,
Which sent all her chalet-mates fleeing.
--- Beelzebub
And saw all her ski buddies fleeing,
'Cause of something aglow,
Buried down in the snow,
Thought, "This might be an alien being."
--- Observer
So experts were called to the spot.
The scientists now know,
That the "spooky green glow",
Was just petrified dinosaur snot!
--- Observer
Saw her dear friend just a-peeing.
She turned up her head
But hit a tree center dead,
And now she's in Heaven a-singing.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Is the purpose in trying to ski,
And life is a bash
Till the instant of crash,
But the cheek now belongs to the tree.
--- MrMalo
Her leg broke in a very bad way;
But could still fuck as fast
With her leg in a cast,
As the girls they are hiring today.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1558
But was tragically hit by a tree.
A nurse asked with a purr,
Was it Pine or a Fir?
"I go Yew babe," he sang mournfully.
--- CyberCelt T9801a
Sends snow birds flocking together.
But skiiers know Spring
Is time for a fling,
With slightly clad girls named Heather.
--- Daniel Ford
To Sunday adventure and action;
They ended up fleeing
The church to go skiing.
This breakaway faction's in traction.
--- Rory Ewins
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