So, welcome to our online home, Tho' from here we often do roam, But while we are here There's something we fear - A posting that's like a prose tome! A lim has five lines in its length Its rhythm is much of its strength Its subjects are crude (And can be quite rude) - Some rhymes can be made up, like brength! (Tho' it helps if those odd words are Translatable into plain jar- gon. Not just nonsense And making no sense - Using real words sometimes is much simplar. The Rhyming Pattern:- The rhymes must be placed just right - so The pattern's tight - here's how it should go - a,a,b,b,a None other's OK - But the words can be twisted like dough! The Rhythm:- Now what is the rhythm we need? Anapests are what we want to read That is "dih dih DAH". It's better by far Than a "dih DAH dih DAH dih DAH" iambic weed! So how does a limerick go? It's here, if you're in the know. Just follow the guide (of the mark it's not wide) And soon all your lims they will glow! dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih dih-dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH-dih dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih (A honeymoon couple named Kelly Spent their honeymoon belly to belly, Because in their haste, They used library paste In the place of petroleum jelly.) The smallest lim possible follows Exact and having no hollows They can't be smaller - Some are and they failler - The goodun's are writ by smart fellas! dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH dih-dih-DAH That SHIRT looks beCOMing on YOU BeCOMing inDEED is the VIEW But, IF, like your VEST 'Twas I on your CHEST, I'd CERtainly BE coming TOO! (Thinks to himself - "An imPORTant PART of LIMing -" - That doesn't quite scan like it should - - Let's see if we can fix it real good "A VERy imPORTant part of LIMming - "No that is not right - it is wrong! - I'll change some more words till it's strong! (Look, Never be shy of a word Drop syllab's if not too absurd The next one's too fill Unless we use "Syl" In place of the fullerish word!) A VERy imPORTant lim RULE A-BOUT hanging SYL's - they are COOL you can WRITE them out HERE Or E'EN at the END, hear? When RYthm's lost, YOU are a FOOL! Final word on Syllables:- So you juggle and fiddle around Till you finally get the right sound So min - thirty four And max - forty nine In these, your lim tale must be found! Subjects:- The older type lims were quite dirty So here we are often limflirty But subjects obscure Like a Politic cure Can sometimes be seen to be purty! If you're doing a test of your server Then of anapests we are deserver At "Test" we all burst We'll threaten your wurst And flame you cos you're just a perver(t) And spammers are not welcome either >From them we demand a just tither If you spam us with lims You might keep your glims - To join us, just pay us a fiver! But lims are supposed to be funny Like, when you are screwing your honey And up in the air A bee sees you there - And stings you right on your bummy! Always re-read!!!!! I reread it, and no, it's not right The rhythm is nowhere near tight Too many of these, They'll think I'm a sleaze - Their yells will then give me a fright - (thinks -.... - of course - that last line is easily fixed -) "And stings you right on your bare bummy!" So enjoy your stay in our home Don't be shy and lurk on your own Limming is easy (It can be quite sleazy) Just join us - the seeds we have sown!
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