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A cowboy of dashing and splendor Cowboys, we know, take to drinkin' The cowboy went shyly a-courting Old Clyde who had plenty of brass Said that randy brave warrior, Chief Logan, In story and film old Dodge City There once was a cowboy named Spence, 'Round campfire, see all the men, Said a husky hay-pitcher from Branch, (Leopold Fechtner collection)
A cowboy who hailed from Potrero Cowboys get up before dawn, The gun, the head shrinkers tell us, A young cowgirl, who was in pursuit For a bet, in the Western saloon, A girl asked her mother one day, If a robber says, "This is a stick-up! There was a young cowboy named Keele, (not enough money to call it Silver - McW)
I love traveling that scenic road, Oh, Clyde he got hung in a wire gate No rainfall had watered their plants Our treatment of the Indian was bad. To win the West has small demands There once was a cowboy named Weed, From the Northeast to the western plains, A cowboy is fond of his whiskey; A cowboy rode fast 'round a pasture, There once was a cowboy named Hooter, Like that lusty young cowboy, McGraw, Dependence on meals of dried beans, There once was a cowboy out west Two miners, Jim Reed and Tim Russell, An Indian chief had a daughter, A myopic young brave, Blighted Bird, ...The deer and the antelope roam... The Old West has vanished, I fear," A cowboy from Cody, Wyoming I've not seen your poem re the Injun, A cowboy whose cock ne'er grew stale, A macho old cowboy in Callahan There once was a cowboy who said, Arthur, a Peruvian old fart, A furious cowboy named Clyde, The 'Indian Love Song', I'll bet A Calgary cowboy named Pete Clyde was a roper of style; Said Indian Chief, Running Bear, In the west, the prospectors of old A sheepherder known as Good Sam A sheepherder, fat as a coot, A sheepherder's wagon is small; There once was a sheriff quite bossy, Shoeing a horse can be bruising; There once was a simple young plowboy A cowboy both silent and shy The Indian Chief Sitting Bull A straight cowboy's nightmare, perhaps, Pure rancour spurred conquering forces; A cowpoke from South Lubbock, TX, A guy asked two jays at St. Louis Though little in life is for sure, An old Texas cowboy once heared The Red Man once owned the US Well, Pardner, please kindly recall A ranch hand, called Tenderass Pete, One morning while riding the pass, Around the fire the old braves cluster, While rocking along at a lope,
Appeals to the feminine gender,
But somehow he's tough
Towards females and fluff,
Though to horses and cows he is tender.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
And turn wobbly-legged and stinkin',
Then set out with pals
To lasso some gals,
But can't do much other than winkin'.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
A maiden they told him was sporting.
But when she resisted,
His tongue became twisted.
The outcome is not worth reporting.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Rode madly up over the pass,
Intending to murder
That stinking sheepherder
Whose sheep had grazed off all his grass.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
"Just had ten Injun gals in my hogan;
Whenever I mount 'em,
I don't stop to count 'em.
Never quit till you're pooped, that's my slogan!"
--- Armand E Singer 376
Was a center for sex and tough titty.
But historians have shown
That image overblown.
It was moral and quiet (a pity).
--- Ray A Billington P9312
Who had two rules of good common sense.
These were, of course,
To love your old horse,
And not sit naked on a barbed wire fence!
--- Ron Sartain
Squatting on ground, like a zen.
Dark coffee they'd pass
And odorous gas,
Stampeding the herd, now and then.
--- Chris Papa a
To the ranch owner's daughter named Blanche,
"Branch lacks houses where men
Can get eased now and then,
So I'll just fork around on the ranch."
--- Grand Prix Lim 453 P8701
Went down on the help for dinero.
His fame quickly spread
As a giver of head.
He's known as the Gay Caballero.
--- David Miller
With many a curse and a yawn;
They eat plumb half-hearted,
And wait to get started
A day they now claim is half gone.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Is man's substitute for a phallus.
So the western gun slingers,
Having tiny whing-dingers,
Made corpses, not girls, for their solace.
--- Ray A Billington P9312
Of a bronc-riding cowgoy named Klute,
Asked, "Single or married?"
He smilingly parried,
"Hitched, two bucking, one in the chute."
--- Observer
Fred walked in high heels round the room;
He'd drunk too much beer,
Over-balanced I fear,
Ended up head first in the spitoon.
--- Anon
"Why are cattle all horny, I pray?"
Mother wiped off a smile
And answered: "My chile,
'Cause they hang around cowboys! Okay?"
--- John E Mayhood P9901
Give me your hoss or your pick-up!"
Unless he's a saint,
Clyde'll part with ol' Paint
Without even so much as a hiccup.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Well known for his hard working zeal,
Whose friends said he swore
That while he was poor,
He would call his white horse Stainless Steel.
--- A N Wilkins P8412
Down south, where a cowboy once showed
Me how to straddle,
A western type saddle;
His pistol to lock and reload.
--- Carol
And fervently cursed at his dire fate;
He words, so heartfelt,
Caused the wire to melt,
And he got home in time to retire, late.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Till they did an old Indian dance;
Then the skies opened wide,
But they still can't decide,
Was it due to their chants or to chance?
--- Laurence Perrine P8908
We left him unfed and unclad.
We stole all his land,
And made him disband.
In a word, the redman was had.
--- Gifford Wherry
On us to use our naughty glands.
For us to snide and leer,
So let me volunteer,
"The white man fucked the Indians."
--- Irving Superior P9509
Prone to get thrown from his steed.
So he took a big wrench,
Bolted spurs to the cinch;
Now he stays in the saddle, guaranteed.
--- Ron Sartain
We reneged on most treaties and claims.
Others, we set aside,
Often by genocide,
But kept multitudes of their place names.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0306
It makes him ferociously frisky.
So heed my advice:
Don't go with one twice,
'Cause once is sufficiently risky.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Pursuing a girl who ran faster.
She shouted, "You dope,
You haven't a hope.
I'm in love with a whistling bull wrassler!"
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Who packed a very big six-shooter,
When he grabbed the stock,
It got hard as a rock;
A piece-maker, it couldn't be cuter.
--- Masquerade: Queer P0606
Who's abnormally quick on the draw,
And in spring, at his peak,
Can go on for a week
At the rate of a dozen an 'aw'.
--- Keith MacMillan A134B
Gave white men both motive and means--
With flames near their asses,
When warriors made passes,
They torched them to red smithereens!
--- Mark Levy P9509
Who, at branding the cows was the best.
Each wrangler'd admire
All his irons in the fire,
And the cattle were greatly impressed.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8811
Made camp here with hustle and bustle.
One dug for his dream,
One panned in the stream.
All's gone now save reeds and their rustle.
--- Laurence Perrine P8412
Whose name, for us, is Sparkling Water.
She met a young brave;
Did she dare misbehave?
Forgot everything that her ma taught her.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Couldn't tell heads from tails, all concurred.
Coming from the war path,
He brought down the chiefs wrath,
For the scalps that he took, looked absurd.
--- Bob Giandomenico P2006
This is file zxm
And the Indians kicked from their home;
Where the settlers decide
If they dare go outside,
They'd never again need a comb.
--- Irving Superior P9901
Complained a gunslinger named Lear.
"Because what I get
At each launderette
Is, 'Don't wash your horse blanket here.'"
--- A N Wilkins P8412
Abandoned his life of wild roaming,
Chasing heifers and llamas,
When a girl in pajamas
Got his hormonal juices all foaming.
--- John E Mayhood P9901
Whose name is High Water not St. John;
I get so much pleasure
Perusing at leisure;
It's too good to skimp, or to binge on.
--- Anon
Rubbed its head when he couldn't get tail.
So the whores left behind him,
To easily find him,
Could follow the old jism trail.
--- John Eggerton P0103
Did brag: "Man, with every gal ah can
Ride 'er like a bucking bronc
Behind the old honkytonk,
Just like before with her mama, man!"
--- Anon
"I will rush in and paint the town red!"
But alas for his plan,
He encountered a man
Who buried him 'cause he was dead.
--- Carolyn Wells P0605
Sold his wares from his two-wheeled cart.
All were fashioned by hand
In this most ancient land,
He's known as pre-Columbian Art.
--- Tom Patton P0010
Rode madly across the divide;
He continued downhill
At the same pace until
He fell in the ocean and died.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Is a song that you'll never forget.
The sentiment grand
(Like Custer's Last Stand)--
It starts..."Red Tail in the Sunset."
--- Martin Wellborn P9110
Was put down by them western elite --
So he moved to Quebec --
Said "Mais oui, what the heck,
Now I'm rodeo champ of St. Tite!"
--- Joyce Hibbert, Quebec 91b
He twirled with finesse and a smile.
He took all his bows
But forgot about cows,
And his lariat missed by a mile.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
"This shaving of gals isn't fair!
I've found that my braves,
When raiding their caves,
Are no longer lifting their hair!"
--- Frank Sfa
Thought that pyrite could never be sold.
But with western films now,
Hollywood has learned how
To make millions retailing fool's gold.
--- A N Wilkins P8412
Fell flat on a sweet little lamb.
"Oh golly," he said,
"I've killed it plumb dead,
And frankly, I don't give a damn."
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Piled stones up to mark out his route.
The stones started joggin'
And fell on his noggin,
And now he is crazy to boot.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Just a bunk and a stove and a wall.
He can cook and can sleep
And can tend to his sheep,
But overnight guests? Not at all.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Who indulged in a bit too much sauce. He
Ordered his punks
To round up the drunks --
Was thrown in own tank by his POSSE.
--- J'Carlin
The cowboy's in danger of losing;
A kick near the thigh
With send him sky-high --
A flight that he won't find amusing.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Wo went westward (He would be a cowboy);
For practice, he'd shoot
At the pestilent fruit
Who'd accost him with "How 'bout some chow, boy?"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8412
Fell in love with a girl on the sly.
But he wouldn't shout
So she never found out,
And she married a talkative guy.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Had eaten and so he was full.
And drinking firewater,
He said to his daughter,
"It's time you gave this thing a pull."
--- Archie
Is knowing that he has the claps;
But not from some filly,
For that would be silly,
Since he sleeps with just his old chaps.
--- Anon
On plains rode wild men on their courses.
Without ladies awhile,
They grew testy and vile--
See, they had to sleep with their horses.
--- Mark Levy P9509
Said, "Durnit! Them women exPX
T'be some kinda stud,
With a railroad spike pud,
And a flat rock in our solar-PLX.
--- Robin K Willoughby P9901a
What kind of an Indian a Souis.
They said, "We're no en-
Cyclopedia, by hen!"
Said the guy, "If you fellows St. Whois?"
--- F G Christgau (Bibby)
Three things on the ranch will endure --
Sticky mud to your thighs,
Ugly bugs every size,
And a steady supply of manure.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
That his boots were not highly revered.
He installed Dr. Scholl's
Odor-Eater controls,
And the next day he plumb disappeared.
--- Mary Sullivan A
And someday he may repossess.
Suppose he should muster
And then, just like Custer,
Start whooping around your address.
--- Irving Superior P9311
How you taught this ol' cowpoke in stall
Number 4, night by night,
The real meaning of 'tight',
In your spread that was stretched wall-to-wall.
--- Travis Brasell
Said, "I ride the range, I think it is neat.
And I'd ride it much more,
But my ass gets so sore,
And I just cannot sleep on my feet."
--- William N Nesbit P9901
In search of some new winter grass,
For my cows to eat,
I looked toward my feet,
And found my mare up to my ass.
--- Anon
And talk 'bout their long-gone lustre.
And when they fell "Ugh!"
Collectively they shrug,
And re re re re re-live Custer.
--- Irving Superior P9509
His horse bucked him off on a slope.
It wounded his pride,
So now, for a ride,
Clyde ties himself on with a rope.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
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