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She said, "'Fore you take me away, ..."It careful and sly with my dad, It's true daddy was hard to please, "So take my girl, Laughing Dollar, So 'Watha sailed off with his prize, At her muff he's continually peering, Now I know what you're going to say, But no, once young Money'd been laid, The Lone Ranger peered over the brow They were camped in a city, Toronto, He bedded alone, this Lone Ranger; Whenever the Ranger yelled "Tonto!" The Ranger, too often like ill Ver- "In Paris it comes as a wrench," Hi Ho! And up Silver! Away! The faithful companion is dead. The Lone Ranger, captured by bad guys, Over the hill Tonto rode, The Lone Ranger was writing his will -- ver- On the range, a young cowgirl named Granger, As far as his masked eye could see, A lively young girl of Toronto "Who was that masked man?" they cried, Oh, Marlboro Man, or Lone Ranger, Lone Ranger, you're selfish as sin, so The masked man said, "Those Indians out there Lone Ranger said, "Silver, you're true blue. "In a western," observed Mr. Shirk, Holt, Gibson, Mix - those cowboys past! "A greeting card I need," said Ibsen, A cowboy of strength and audacity One man combining brawn and brain-- Some heroes in Westerns were bored The posse, in many a thriller, Old Roy has now been rebuffed Then Roy Rogers rode in on trigger, Roy Rogers has trouble with Trigger; When I was a boy, it was Roy! When Buttermilk met up with Trigger, No reunion can ever compete The lady who stuffed the late Trigger He wore chaps and a torn leather vest. In Westerns, quite often, a varlet, "In most westerns," declared Mr. Barter, He was born too soon, poor old Tom Mix. When movies were made by Tom Mix In Westerns, on eyeing a cutie, Portraying a cowboy, in part, With North and South to war inclined, The soldiers of Custer were clustered; Colonel Custer said, "Good folks, of course, An Indian, who claims we can trust her, The General, though victory could sweeten (Buster Keaton?)
A sergeant at Little Big Horn, The Colonel was noted for luster; A dashing figure was George Custer; With an overabundance of gall, In annals of history, a scribe, That scribe's advice must have been late, At dawn, as the bugle blew muster, According to wild western lore, The old Western General looked grand, While awaiting the Sioux to disband, With a squaw, Custer made out just grand, They've found the last entry that Colonel They killed Indians with a Gatling gun, George Armstrong Custer's last thought
My old daddy you will have to pay.
And those moth-eaten furs
And blankets of yours,
Ain't much, dude, so you'd better play...
--- Tiddy Ogg
'Cause the old fart's not easily had.
If you want your nookie,
You'll be a smart cookie,
Or you will get nothing, my lad."
--- Tiddy Ogg
But grovelling down on his knees,
And a porn book or two
Saw our hero come through,
And caused the old man to unfreeze.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Or as you call the bitch, Money-Ha-Ha.
She's naught but a jerk,
Does no stroke of work,
She ain't worth the half of a Mars bar."
--- Tiddy Ogg
With his eyes firmly fixed on her thighs.
But did she help row?
I tell you No! No!
She happily took a free ride.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Not looking quite where he is steering,
And they'd ground. Hiawatha
Would thereupon boff 'er,
While the birds and the beasts all stood cheering.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Tiddy's verses all end the same way.
With a down-trodden fell-
Ow going through Hell.
For the rest of his life, he would pay.
--- Tiddy Ogg
She really came out from her shade.
She was sexy and cute,
Knew the whole Kama Sut-
ra and pleased him the rest of their days.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Of the cliff, and when Tonto asked, "How?"
Said, "I should have yelled Whoa!
But the canyon below
Is all argentiferous, now."
--- Anon
The exiled Lone Ranger and Tonto;
Feeling ever so lonely,
He chased after his only,
Pleading, "Give me some tail, I mean pronto."
--- Armand Singer
No lady to perch on his twanger.
In the morn when he woke,
With no-one to poke,
The crack of dawn was in danger.
--- Bob Watson
It didn't take much to catch on to
The fact that the plot
Had crooks to be caught,
So Tonto attended him pronto.
--- R J Winkler P8412
Onese, felt compulsion to swill ver-
Micelli until,
Increasingly ill,
He belloweed in pain, "Heigh-ho, Silver!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8412
Observed an old tourist named Mensch,
"When Westerns appear
On TV and you hear
Them shout, 'Hi ho, Silver!' in French."
--- A N Wilkins P8412
Let's gallantly enter the fray,
To keep Texas straight,
Before it's too late,
While the rest of the country goes gay.
--- John Miller
The Lone Ranger filled him with lead.
This result came about,
When the Ranger found out
That "Kemo-sabe" always meant "Shit-head."
--- John K Roberts P9302 a
Last wished for a smoke; they were unwise.
He puffed mightely,
Hoping Tonto would see
Smoke signals to rescue him, rise.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With Indian girls all in tow.
The Ranger was bummed
That he was so dumb;
Posse, not pussy, he bellowed!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Sion II -- since he'd gotten quite ill; ver-
Sion I had named Tonto
But now he said, "I want to
Leave all of my fortune to Silver."
--- Robin K Willoughby P8412
Was seduced by a copper-skinned stranger.
It was Tonto, no less,
But he lacked the finesse
Of the man in the mask -- The Lone Ranger.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2974
Surrounding them were Cherokee.
You take left, me right;
Till death we will fight.
Tonto mounts. "What do you mean we?"
--- S&M a
Was harder than hell to hold on to.
It required the Lone Ranger,
With his horse, and a stranger,
To restrain her while fucking old Tonto.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0355
"And what was he doing inside
Of your dark bedroom?
Was he in your womb?"
"No," she said, coy, "But, he tried."
--- Anon
Or Redford, or you, Handsome Stranger,
To lift up your mask
Is all that I ask,
And roll you around in the manger.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Your bias we'll have to look into --
For Silver, of course, is
The Rolls Royce of horses,
While Tonto gets only a Pinto.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Want our horses! Our guns! And our hair!
So it looks like we're dead!"
"That's tough shit," Tonto said,
"But quite frankly, white-eyes, I don't care."
--- William N Nesbit P0010
I'll live with nobody but you."
And that's why the lasses
Exclaim as he passes,
"Who was that masked man -- Phe-eww!"
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
"The villain is always a jerk,
Who shows every way
That crime doesn't pay,
Except that of writing the work."
--- A N Wilkins P8412
They'd "shucks" but never kiss a lass.
And at the end
Would Westward wend.
Those days were called, "The Horse's Ass."
--- Irving Superior P8205
"To send to a friend -- I don't fib, son.
My requests before
You simply ignore.
Perhaps you don't give a hoot, Gibson."
--- Thomas M Patton P9901
Consumed beer with prodigious capacity.
What he swilled down in taverns
Could fill Carlbad Caverns!
That's why he's called "Hop-along" Cassidy.
--- Vassar W Smith P9506
For Indians, complete disdain--
One man would not quit;
One man with True Grit;
The hero of the West, John Wayne.
--- Irving Superior P9509
By heroines villains adored.
But cared for the needs
Of intelligent steeds,
Till justice and peace were restored.
--- R J Winkler P8412
This is file zvm
Would bungle when chasing a killer;
Though horsemen were dense,
Their horses showed sense --
The plot made the audience iller.
--- R J Winkler P8412
And his pride? It has now been scuffed.
"Horse," he did say,
"Want some more hay?"
Said Trigger, "No thanks, I am stuffed!"
--- Les Stewart A
Dale Evans said "How could I figure
That big palomina
Would have such a weiner,
And Roy's would be 8 inches bigger."
--- Theo M Heller P9509
He sings and the horse will just snigger
When he hits the high notes.
So Roy took back the oats --
Which makes him a dirty reneger.
--- Arthur Deex P8209
A cap gun my favorite toy.
To the radio glued
As he shot the bade dude,
Pretending I'd shot him!...What joy!
--- TuttaGioia
She used all her horse sense to 'figger'
That Roy would wed Dale
(A cowgirl, his frail)
Unless she backed out, a reneger.
--- R J Winkler P8412
With one Roy Rogers makes so complete.
It's the annual fete
For his late horse so great,
Held each Holloween, called "Trigger's Treat."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9608
Kept a part for herself, for a frigger.
But this lust-inspired ploy
Didn't slip past old Roy,
Who wailed, "Dang 'er! His whanger was bigger!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8412
He ate food you'd never digest.
He was a cowhand,
Who tamed the land.
He liked screwing Miss Kitty the best.
--- Thomas M Patton P9509
With sins that were crimson or scarlet,
Had eyes for a girl
Disdaining the churl! --
A role for an innocent starlet.
--- R J Winkler P8412
"The heroine is, as a starter,
More pretty by far
That the hero and star,
And his horse usually seems somewhat smarter."
--- A N Wilkins P8412
Kissing horses was his only kicks.
He'd have lots more jollies
(As well as more dollies)
Driving Formula Ones on Gran Prix.
--- Eos P8411
The young and the old got their kicks,
As Tom and his horse
(In trouble, of course)
Finagled ways out of a fix.
--- R J Winkler P8409
The villains would lust for her beauty.
But heroes ignored
What villains adored,
Responding (most always) to duty.
--- R J Winkler P8412
Required a hero with heart,
Both devoted and tender
To the opposite gender --
An actor like William S. Hart.
--- R J Winkler P8412
The war to win the West declined.
The blood spilled each day
Was either Blue or Gray,
But Red again when peace was signed.
--- Irving Superior
Then mustered they never got flustered.
They were scared but declared
They were always prepared;
The same as the Boy Scouts or mustard.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2502
I do not have the slightest remorse
For what I have done
To see the West won
And just who is this guy, Crazy Horse?"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9509
Insists she was raped by George Custer.
Despite what he planned,
His three-inch last stand
Was all Colonel Custer could muster.
--- Ray A Billington P9312
His career, instead, suffered defeat in
Little Big Horn's ironic,
And oxymoronic,
Great battle which saw Custer beaten.
--- Bob Giandominico P0107
Said he wished he had never been born.
For the General he'd got
Wasn't really so hot
And he'd not have a scalp in the morn.
--- Warrick Elrod
His tactics: heroics and bluster.
Then old Sitting Bull
An ambush did pull;
And that was the end of poor Custer.
--- Gifford Wherry
Vain, boastful, and all full of bluster.
Was sorry he was born
At the little Bighorn,
When Custer's bluster spelt disuster.
--- Tony Burrell
General Custer answered the call;
He rode out in force
Against Crazy Horse.
He was riding that spring for a fall.
--- RDH9995
With ear to the ground, heard a vibe.
He'd Custer advise,
A charge would be wise,
Sure result would cause DIATRIBE.
--- Chris Papa
For Custer did suffer dire fate;
'Twasn't tribe who died,
But troops who lost hide
In face of sharp arrows a spate.
--- Daniel Ford
Up galloped the bold General Custer.
From his feet to his crust,
He was covered with dust.
He said, "Somebody lend me a duster."
--- Michael Palin
As it was George Custer who swore
That whatever the test
He'd be properly dressed,
Arrow shirts are the brand that he wore.
--- A N Wilkins P8701
As he stood with his gun in his hand,
Till a stray Indian arrow
Struck, punctured his marrow...
Alas, that was Custer's last stand.
--- Anon
Colonel Custer took matters in hand.
Despite his dejection,
He achieved an erection.
That was almost Custer's Last Stand.
--- Ray A Billington P9312
Till her hubby arrived, Chief Fire Brand.
With his spear and a sock,
He removed Custer's jock.
History notes it as Custer's Last Stand.
--- Clarence E Boyle P8704
G. A. Custer set down in his journal:
"Little Bighorn's been great,
And I'd score it an '8',
Except for those injuns infernal."
--- Hugh Clary
Left few survivors, nary a one.
The Feds said they must
Grind Indians to dust,
And thats just the Way The West Was Won.
--- Thomas M Patton P9509
Was not what you've probably been taught.
He said, "I don't know
Why those injuns act so --
Last night at the dance, they weren't wrought."
--- Arthur Deex P8407
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