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A captain once told General Custer, What led to the crassness of Custer, There was a young fellow called Buster, General Custer sure had him caught, A New Englander homesteader, John, A general who faced a defeat, There once was a general named Custer A young Chirachauwa Apache, The Arapaho lived in the west, The Sioux and the Sac have a pact; That great tribal leader, Cochise, By the bay where the trees stand in groves; In Connecticut injuns liked to A medicine man from the Sioux Those now known by the title, First Nation, A Blackfoot whose pecker was vast, An Indian tribe called the Snartz While sitting on top of his bed, An Algonquin brave from Old Tahoe, To his squaw said the Iroquois stud: Wailed an unlucky red Potawatami, There once was a big Seminole Great Sioux Chief walked home through the snow; The bloody and murderous Sioux With Custer dead, the Great Sioux Nation The legend of Indian Chief Eeno, In old days Indians would say, "How! His job for the Cree and Sioux Nations Old broken-down ranchers, like Neely, The widow's beginning to sag; They say: Any port in a storm; Old saddle-worn cowboys all know As you shag the old nag in her sack, Annie Oakley, the sharpshooting lass, If men thought Miss Oakley an eyefull "I screwed ten guys in the chuck wagon, Cowgirls maintain an exterior The summer she spent on a ranch Our lady sheriff, Miss Abigail Greer, It's Spring branding time and Mae Clutt So you've been out a branding those whores, Prospective employees have missed Soon Sir you'll have one more ranch hand. Since you'll come on board as a rookie, Old Cookie sounds just like my speed; Please let me clear up what I said: Now, Fred, in his day was a stud, So, Fred takes the gals that I hire, A wretched old trapper, part Cree, 'Twas said that Calamity Jane Calamity Jane had such fun, A cattleman's daughter named Heather, An Indian maid from Nevada's A lucky fur trapper named Lee A cowgirl knows just what she shouldn't do, There was an old spinster named Harriet, There was a young cowgirl named Harriet; As the cowgirl was rounding up cattle, Cowboys at the end of the drive Pure joy, I recall, would prevail Tex had shined up his spurs with some Brasso, An Indian maiden - a Ute - In Nevada she said, "I'll arrange, A young female sheriff named Belle The cowpoke a wife did acquire, There was a young squaw from the Sioux,
"This fighting is losing its luster.
It's clear all those Reds
Are out hunting our heads,
Since each wants a scalp for a duster."
--- Warrick Elrod
With hardly a unit to muster?
At the Little Big Horn,
Sitting Bull gave a yawn,
And said, "You're a sitting duck, buster!"
--- Bill Greenwell
A drab hand 'round the house with a duster.
He polished the posh grand,
The large hall and hat stand,
And said no more stands for me, I'm not Custer!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
But, it turned out, all was for naught.
From Commander-in-Chief
Came the order. In brief,
Let him go; he's too good to be shot.
--- Anon
Had thought it was time to move on
Out West; Further West,
Where quiet was best,
A homestead at Little Big Horn.
--- Irving Superior P9901
Had called it Strategic Retreat.
But the enemy's version
Of this tragic excursion,
Was a massacre, plain and complete.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2535
Whose life was all polish and bluster,
But the battle was muffed --
His spitshine got scuffed --
When the indians came in a cluster.
--- John Miller
(A maiden, with pubic hair patchy)
Once sat on my paleface
But I ended a jail case,
And my mustache was horribly scratchy.
--- Anon
On the prairie, where hunting was best.
And for centuries thrived
Until settlers arrived,
And they found they had been dispossessed.
--- Anon
The wagon train they'll both attack.
But the problems they grew:
Clockwise, the Sioux,
And counterclockwise ran the Sac.
--- Irving Superior P9901
Took a two-story wigwam on lease.
Then he filled it with squaws
And explained, "That because
It's high time I started papeese."
--- Brandy Brandon P9509
Where a big tribe of Indians goes.
In the dark of the night,
When the moon is just right,
It's a place the natives come in droves.
--- Tom Patton P0204
Just wear pant legs with a tutu.
Just a small bit of skin
For the front and rear end,
Was all that the injuns wore through.
--- Anon
Used to color his features bright blue.
When asked why he dyed,
"My squaw," he replied,
"Likes to look at the sky when we screw."
--- Hugh Oliver 88a
Now seek to attain higher station.
Their current desire
Is the name First Empire,
With quadruply increased compensation.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Made the silent squaws scream when he'd blast.
When he hankered to screw,
He'd select twenty-two,
And their first fuck was often their last.
--- G0793
Scalped women's and men's private parts,
And gave them as toys
To their girls and boys,
So they could play horseshoes and darts.
--- Irving Superior P8412
An old Pawnee Chieftain once said,
"I woke from a nap
And I needed a crap.
I went to an Indian Head!" (MD)
--- John Dohner P8805
At any old crack would have a go.
But when he went west,
He sought only the best,
As found in the livliest Navajo.
--- Ray A Billington P9312
"It's full moon, and your cunt's running blood.
For a nighttime of joys,
I've picked two fat white boys,
With assholes like roses in bud."
--- G0794
On whom doctors performed a lobotomy,
"The surgery purges
One's sexual urges;
Now on, don't expect such a lot of me."
--- Armand E Singer 337
Who wore only a jock strap. "How droll,"
Said the folks passing by.
And on asking him why,
He replied with a grin, "Totem pole."
--- Don Miller P0010
His squaw said, "I know where you go!
You not go on hunt,
Your breath smells like cunt;
Great Sioux Chief been off eating Crow!"
--- Anon
As a stereotype is untrue;
But they did take a stand
In defense of their land,
Making quite a to do -- wouldn't you?
--- Keith MacMillan 88c
Was having heap big celebration.
Along with applause
The braves and the squaws
Gave Sitting Bull standing ovation.
--- Irving Superior P9401
Said "Thank God they don't know what we know...
Don't fight the white man,
Just give him the land.
Fuck 'em, we'll start a casino.
--- Anon
I have come to take your scalp now."
But today on the range
There has been a slight change;
While pols steal all their votes, chiefs say "How"?
--- Tom Patton P0301
Involved privy electrifications.
So his claim, well rehearsed,
Is becoming the first
To have wired a head for reservations.
--- Jerry Nordal P0301
Will visit with dear Widow Sealy.
But years of hard bucking
Have lessened their fucking;
So mostly, it's just 'touchy, feely.'
--- Travis Brasell
She complains constantly, what a nag;
But she's all that's around
This poor one horse town;
So tonight, she'll be one that I shag.
--- Travis Brasell
So don't be too fussy 'bout form,
Or figure or face;
In most every case,
You'll find that her pussy is warm.
--- Tiddy Ogg
That "cuttin' the mustard's" just show
Designed for the young.
But each with his tongue
Can still "lick the jar" 'fore they go.
--- Travis Brasell
Be careful to look to her back,
'Cause I think you will find
Old Neely behind
Her, filling the poor widow's crack!
--- Brian Belge
This is file zum
Chased Buffalo Bill through the grass,
When he tried to abscond.
And the sun, when it dawned,
Found her heading him off at the pass.
--- Hugh Clary
With whom they could dally or trifle
And seek to try harder --
She'd stifle their ardor
By showing them tricks with a rifle.
--- R J Winkler P8412
And that was foreplay," she said, braggin'.
"And then twenty more,
When we stopped keeping score.
This morning, my poor ass is draggin'!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Pretending they're really inferior;
But each of them knows,
From her head to her toes,
Her construction is vastly superior.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Paid off ginger-peachy for Blanche...
For the boss of the spread
Took her nightly to bed,
And kept her crotch filled with his branch.
--- Grand Prix Lim 113
Was scalped by the injuns, I fear.
She now wears a bright red
Colored wig on her head
And hopes her muff grows back next year.
--- Michael Weinstein P8501
Has got a real reason to strut;
My branding iron slipped
And Mae Clutt got clipped --
Now she wears "Lazy B" on her butt.
--- Travis Brasell
Just part of the normal Spring chores.
Now there'll be no debate
About keeping them straight,
And on who has been into whose drawers.
--- Carol
This job, and they've gone away pissed;
Since you understand
My 'M.B.' demand, (so what is an M.B.?)
You'll get the job hand over fist!
--- Anon
So the bunkhouse you best expand,
To make room for me,
And my MB degree,
'Cause we'll need lots of grazing land.
--- Anon
We'll break you in riding old Cookie;
His slow, gentle rack
Will not pain your crack;
We won't give a rookie sore nookie.
--- Anon
You can walk us around on a lead.
But it won't be long,
You'll see I belong,
On a faster and much bigger steed.
--- Anon
Old 'Cookie' is what we call Fred;
For nigh 60 years
He's helped us brand steers,
And cooked all the beans we've been fed.
--- Anon
That is, until he caught the crud
From whores he would stick;
Stuff shrunk up his dick,
As small as a tiny rose bud!
--- Anon
And breaks 'em in down by the fire;
He feeds 'em his grub,
Then with his old nub
He work's up their nookie's desire.
--- Anon
Had darned little wampum, you see.
He couldn't abide
The one kind of bride
His dollars would buy -- a Pawnee.
--- Armand E Singer 181
Found women and men both a pain.
So when in her nightie,
This hermaphrodit-e
Fucked herself - which is hard to explain.
--- P8205
As she raised hell in town with her gun.
But she met with Wild Bill
Before trying the Pill,
And now she is raising a son.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Herded cows and was hell-bent-for-leather,
Earning his reprimands,
But defense from the hands,
For not keeping her calves close together.
--- Bob Giandomenico P2006
Trying to alter her status.
Now the name of this quail
Which was once Happy Tail
Has, so help me, been changed into Gladys.
--- Arthur Deex P9311
Was sparking a hot Cherokee:
A cute little booger
As sweet as cane sugar,
With morals the size of a pea.
--- Armand E Singer 280
And several things that she wouldn't do,
But, by God, to her credit
Though she never said it,
There really ain't much that she couldn't do.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Who could rope anything with her lariat.
She had one final thought,
As she tossed out the knot,
Whatever she caught, she would marry it.
--- Margo T9707
A cowpoke she caught with a lariat.
He was playing a game
And she said to him "Shame!
I've a much better place you can bury it!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1864
Through the day her strong steed she would straddle.
With her legs opened wide,
She just loved to ride,
On the dildo built into her saddle.
--- Bob Birch P9901
Were so horny they scarce could survive.
So the whores of Dodge City
Out of greed, not of pity,
Worked double shifts: nine to five.
--- Ray A Billington P9312
On our reaching the end of a trail.
Though the source of the bliss
(With an Indian miss)
Lay less in the end, than the tail.
--- Lance Payne P8412
Cleaned his gun and then wound up his lasso.
He rode up to her house,
And unbuttoned her blouse,
For he loved her firm breasts and her ass so.
--- Bob Birch P9901
Was really some looker - a beaut.
In exchange for bright beads,
She took care of men's needs;
They all agreed she was so cute.
--- Armand Singer
Just as sure as I'm 'Diamond Lil Grange',
To found a salon
And start getting it on,
With those wishing to roam with the strange.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9901
Was surrounded by injuns and fell
In their trap on a trip.
But she gave them the slip --
Then her bra and her panties as well.
--- Michael Weinstein P8412A
Expecting to sit by the fire.
But he's left his abode
For the life on the road,
'Cause wifey's a champion goat-tyer.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Who married a blond lad named Lou.
They were so good in bed,
He cared not she was red,
Or yellow, or black, white or blue.
--- Thomas Ratlff P0302
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