MORE
A woman with matronly airs Louise's career as a nanny was stopped, Down the stairs she went head over heels, There was a young lad from Northwold Let us pray for the late Mr. Madder -- The man on the flying trapeze A husband, whose manners were coarse, There once was a fellow named Dwight A newly wed woman named Barriage There was a young lady so beamish, My hot-to-trot ranchhand, Shay Skipper, There was a fellow named Pete So poor old Rod Hull is dead; As an acrobat Clyde was no whiz, A man atop the torch did stand, Elizabeth Bennington Boyle There once was a fellow named Bob A courteous young lady named Lori, In the putrid polluted old Thames A man once thought that he was fine, There once was a fellow named Cory Poor Patrick was sucked from a jet, There was a young fellow named Hoak There was a bus driver called Ron There once was a carver named White A two year old toddler named Herb, I have a tree in my back yard To the washer of windows, Luigi, Before they Anne Boleyn's head chop, There once was a fellow named Zeus Executions, once on public view, There was a young man on death row An Emperor of Ancient Peru Said Tom, his hands behind bound, If my thoughts had a finger, they'd wag it British cigarettes do share the name When did "faggot" get put to misuse Said the Brakeman, "Your coupling's too loose!" If a teenager does a crime which The sight of Death Row makes one numb A dean with precise elocution A wicked old convict from Ware Each time the henchman threw the switch, A jocular fellow named Cope Whatever your stance, Karla Faye (bitch killed two people with a pickaxe - fuck her! - McW)
While Willie messed around, it's true, Most were poor blacks who could not pay, A killer by the name of fat Ed, They should have used "Old Sparky", not rope, It served the sick fat bastard right Remember Vanzetti and Sacco? The outlaw was really a wreck; There once was a convict named Carter What ever could be more moronic A Briton who shot at his king, There once was a Frenchman named Ned On Louis Sixteen's stone was writ The guillotine goes to the top Premier Deng is failing at last; A dashing fine fellow named Young, The condemned, very slender and young, The gas chamber's waiting for Gwinnet A young ladykiller named Young, Concerning my maiden aunt's grief, The hanging of Julius Ember On trial for his life was McClung; In prison she should have stayed,
Was going about her affairs,
When she took a great leap,
And she died, in a heap,
At the foot of the dining room stairs.
--- Cap'n Bean P2006
When a baby she sat for was dropped.
So much for Au Pairs,
And toys on the stairs,
And instead of walking, she hopped.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With thumping and rumping and squeals.
So take care where you tread,
Or someone will be dead,
If you walk downstairs in high heels.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who was most incredibly bold.
When he climbed up a pylon,
He still had a smile on;
It goes well with his halo of gold!
--- Mrs R Crisp
Sound of mind, sound of limb, sound of bladder.
He was young, in his prime,
And he knew how to climb,
But he fell off the corporate ladder.
--- Al Chaplin P8812
Lost lovely assistant, Denise.
A nasal infection
Caused this disconnection...
He dropped the poor girl when he sneezed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was killed being thrown from his horse;
His children were glad
To be rid of their dad,
And his wife was devoid of remorse.
--- Cap'n Bean
Who'd walk in his sleep every night,
'Til a night in the Fall
When he climbed a great wall,
And he fell from a terrible height.
--- Cap'n Bean P0212
Was thrown from the back of her carriage,
In a warm summer rain,
Where she died, with no pain,
On the twenty-third day of her marriage.
--- Cap'n Bean P0007
Whose skin was so fair and so creamish,
She fell from a plane,
To the path of a train;
Her corpse was not one for the squeamish.
--- Cap'n Bean P0104
Fell into my motorized chipper.
And folks, I'm afraid
That since she's pureed,
I'll eat her no more, but just sip her.
--- Travis Brasell
Who fell in a batch of concrete;
As the mixer did groan,
He was mixed with the stone,
And now he's a part of the street,
--- Cap'n Bean P0109
Fell off his roof on his head.
Emu's feeling sad,
As Rod was like dad,
And he made quite a mess of the shed
--- Anon
But undying fame is now his;
When his trapeze broke down,
He won great renown:
He screamed as he fell, "That's show biz!"
--- Ed Cunningham
Held by Lady Liberty's hand.
He looked down in awe;
Getting closer he saw
The rocks where he'd painfully land.
--- Anon
She slipped in a puddle of oil;
She ended up spent
'Cause her head hit cement;
She'd have lived if she'd fallen on soil.
--- Cap'n Bean P0604
At his funeral, the people did sob.
He fell in a hole;
Got impaled by a pole,
And now he's a human kabob.
--- Anon
While walking fell into a quarry.
When found, she was dying;
She'd given up trying;
Whispered "I couldn't wait. I am sorry!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Fell two jewel-encrusted cheap fems.
That noxious foul waste
Soon reduced them to paste,
A sad fate they now shared with their gems.
--- David A Brooks Q
Climbing atop a white pine.
The tree, it tipped;
Off of it he slipped,
And landed upon a land mine.
--- Tande
Whose death was decidedly gory.
He fell from a plane,
And was hit by a train,
And that's only half of the story.
--- Bob Birch P0206
But fell smack in a circus-tent net.
Praise the Lord, for He's kind,
(Though perhaps somewhat blind,
As they hadn't attached the net yet).
--- David A Brooks Q
Who climbed to the top of an oak.
He fell to the ground
Without making a sound,
Except for a terminal croak.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who fell in a hole and passed on.
His tomb in the town
Has: "Passed right on down,"
And "Terminus" writ thereupon.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Who whittled with wood every night;
He was crushed by a limb
In a death very grim;
An ironic and startling sight.
--- Cap'n Bean P0304
Was killed when he fell from a curb;
His life was so short,
There was nil to report,
And his obit was merely a blurb.
--- Cap'n Bean P0103
Whose trunk is incredibly hard.
My head hit a branch
And I bought the ranch.
I'm buried in wood soft as lard.
--- Anon
A mishap proved fatal in Fiji;
He was killed on the sight
As he fell from a height,
When he grabbed for a flyaway squeegee.
--- Anon
She raised up her eyebrow and "Stop!
I hereby confess
I screwed more or less
At least half of you..." "...PLOP"
--- Irving Superior P9305
Whose mind was amazingly loose;
He battled for years
With his demons and fears,
'Till he died at the end of a noose.
--- Cap'n Bean
Now are witnessed by only a few;
So we all can pretend
This barbaric torment
Really isn't unusual or cruel.
--- Dr Limerick
Said: "How I got here I don't know.
To fry in a chair
Does seem rather unfair,
But I'll have the best seat for the show.
--- Peter Pauper P0604
Was enraged, so decided to sue
The ten wives of those dangling,
Who now he'd done mangling,
For blocking his very nice view.
--- David A Brooks Q
This is file znm
A handkerchief his eyes around,
"The ready, aim, -- I've heard
But not that final word.
Can bullets beat the speed of...."
--- Irving Superior P8501
At the thought of that long-ago maggot
Whose words did intend
To start a new trend:
That poofs should be burned like a faggot.
--- LadyJ
And the sticks from the earlier claim.
But I cannot abide
By the use to deride...
Though my friends are all homos who flame.
--- LadyJ
And used as a term of abuse?
The definition of this
Is a bundle of sticks,
Not a guy who likes other guy's juice.
--- Gearhart
To the Hangman, adjusting the noose.
Said the Hangman, "Don't fret!
The last jerk you get
They'll applaud even in the caboose."
--- John Miller 0080
Kills a person, the son of a bitch
Should first be tried,
And then should be fried.
Just ask me; I'll pull the switch.
--- Al Willis P9601
And life there is at best humdrum.
The inmates they say,
All long for a Stay,
Yet they all wish they never had come.
--- Graham Lester
Said with no circumlocution,
That children who mutter,
Stammer or stutter,
Shall be punished through electocution.
--- Maxine Stephen
Was sat on the electric chair;
They pulled a switch,
He gave a twitch,
And then he was no longer there.
--- Lims Unlimited
The condemned man's body would twitch,
And the lights would go down
There in Ossining town;
Sometimes way-up to Bear-Mountain Bridge.
--- Anon
Was hanged at the Cape of Good Hope;
As he walked the last mile
He said with a smile,
"I'm nearing the end of their rope."
--- Lims Unlimited
Didn't have a very good day.
She went out in style,
With a prayer and a smile,
Knowing more about Texan fair play.
--- Annie Jay
Bush executed quite a few,
Failing to reprieve;
Leaving folks to grieve,
More deaths than all of U.S., too.
--- Larry
For a decent expense anyway.
Ethel and Julius
Died as spies of us,
Because they were Jewish, I'd say.
--- Larry
Left thirty five people quite dead.
When the gallows did drop,
There was heard a loud pop;
His body was torn from his head.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Then they wouldn't have had to cope.
There'd be no stretch mark,
Just a glow in the dark,
The bulk would be rendered to soap.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For feeding his huge appetite.
Did he eat something fried
On the day that he died?
I'll bet the results were a sight.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Each was fried as an anarchist wacko.
Well modern ballistics
Has confirmed those statistics --
They were caught in forensic delicto.
--- Les Asprin P9812
He looked at himself...what the heck...
Why worry now?
To the crowd gave a bow,
As they tightened the noose 'round his neck.
--- Anon
Who regarded himself as a martyr.
Phonics might help his reading,
But won't help his breeding,
And he's not gonna get a bit smarter.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0208
Than hooking inmates on a phonic?
I doubt that but few
Would raise their IQ;
Better yet, let them get a colonic.
--- Tom Patton P0208
Was doomed on the gallows to swing.
When the rope was made fast,
He cried out, "At last!
I'm getting the hang of the thing!"
--- David Ross P9210
Whose blood was extremely red.
Once it was seen
When a guillotine
Cut off his aristocrat head.
--- Rory Ewins
His name, two dates, and a postscript --
SO MANY THAT DAY
AND IN SUCH DISARRAY,
WE HOPE HEAD AND BODY WILL FIT.
--- Irving Superior P8702
And for a moment there will stop,
As into the basket--
For those who have asked it--
A mirror so they'll see the drop.
--- Irving Superior P9401
His strength is weakening fast.
Each hard liner
In all of China
Is hanging dissidents at half mast.
--- Tom Patton P9604a
On the gallows stood, hooded and strung.
Though everyone saw
A miscarriage of law,
The ladies liked how he was hung.
--- G2069
Exercised till the day the trap sprung;
He fulfilled the hope
Of neck stronger than rope:
Yet you truly can say he's well hung.
--- John Miller 0022
And now they are strapping him in it.
What words....will he speak?
"I've practiced all week.
Can now hold my breath for a minute."
--- Irving Superior P8501
Did deeds that were mostly unsung.
But now that he's dead,
At least this can be said:
He was hung like a man should be hung.
--- Pierce Evans
The tale, although said, is quite brief.
Her love, the rapscallion,
Wasn't hung like a stallion--
Instead, he was hung like a thief.
--- Norm Storer
Is worthy indeed to remember;
He went to the gallows
The night of All Hallows',
But escaped on the third of November.
--- Prof M-G
The neck of his wife had been wrung.
But they could not agree
What the verdict should be;
McClung and the jury were hung.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8111A
With her religion and prayed,
On how to bring back
Those souls that she hacked.
Too damned bad if she was dismayed.
--- Arden
MORE