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He locked all his jewels inside, Said an amateur burglar named Nick (in Ellery Queen magazine)
Once again, armed hijackers have struck As thief catcher, Sal sprang into action. These neighborhood punks have to stop! An officer, walking through town, A toast to the lady vice cop A policeman pounding the beat I always wished I was a cop. She was walking one day with her niece, A brand new detective named West The Chief of Police in Algiers Four or five New York cops dressed in Macs, Dummy Ed and ventriloquist Fred For speeding, a cop stopped Ms. Pfizer, Since criminals can bargain plea, "Police brutality's the thing! "You're not hitting King as you should. A sadistic detective named Frank The Canadian lady Bernice A man from Guadalajara A female cop, name of "Sarge Marge," The bribe that young streetwalker Stover A young woman out taking some sun There was a young lad from Clengarriff, Back when the flower was power, The worst kind of cops are those bleeders He's Constable Bollards, the fool, An arrogant fellow named Pace, Said the hook to the cop, "Listen Sonny, Whenever a cop seems too brutal I sure didn't think it a crime, A quite dashing but horny young cop A beauty who had a "great pair" There once was a cop from West Chester; In a hastily dug shallow tomb, For clues we shall use a fine comb. The police shouted through their intercom: There's a little known town called Hoboken A cop, with his nightstick held firmly Wailed a bad uptown player named Mose, A retired policeman named Ray The police are the guardians of peace; I know a State Police named Bruce, There once was a randy old BOBBY, There once was a cop they called Bruiser, When Dixie, the tricksy young doxie In Russia a vice cop named Talzoff, That police brutality cease An American cop, very brutal, The Sheriff was after a hooker, A Tulsa policeman named Brown Lord Stevens, ex-Police Chief has said, Even though cops were dressed up to kill, So why did the gentleman run, A tragedy; the whole thing was botched; The police brass is in a bad fix; When cops on a beat can be bought A horny young flatfoot named Dick Down south here, we deals with the tourists; Sex urges, a traffic cop had 'em, In the house of a madam named Gail The police chief at nearby Utrecht Said Reggie, "The records financial Up the street, sex is sold by the piece, The music of Bonnie and C.,
And he locked both his safes beside.
Be bolted the door
And hid the cash drawer.
The window he left open wide.
--- Al Willis
To a pro who had learned every trick,
"Should I carry a gun--
Or a blackjack to stun?"
Said the veteran, "Son, take your pick."
--- Mark Grenier P9108
A Teamster out driving his truck --
But he'll still get paid
Though his cargo's waylaid,
So he don't (so to speak) give a fuck.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8608
She tricked him through wily distraction.
I'd have fallen to pieces
Without my prosthesis,
Since this was a knee jerk reaction.
--- Ed
Things have really gone downhill -- kerplop!
We'd look up, on the street,
To the cop on the beat,
But they look to beat up on the cop.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8501
Is greatly disturbed and will frown
At hearing a word
He shouldn't have heard --
Perhaps an unflattering noun.
--- R J Winkler P8501
With the most busts, for trying to stop
The tide of ill-doing,
In pay-for-play screwing--
Undercover, she came out on top!
--- John Ciardi
Must never rest on a seat.
He must persevere,
And keep walking I fear,
Even with two aching feet.
--- Anon
So when I open my fridge top,
My wish my senses seize,
And I start shouting "FREEZE."
My wife joins in by shouting, "Stop."
--- Irving Superior P8911
When they saw a wild actress named Treese.
"Auntie, who would you guess,"
The girl asked, "made her dress?"
"I suppose," she replied, "the police."
--- A N Wilkins P8501A
Was considered to be one of the best.
He is good with his gun;
Every contest he's won;
It's hoped he's not put to a test.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Is not the nice man he appears;
He gets great delight out of
Kicking the shite out of
Pedophiles, harlots, and queers.
--- Michael Horgan
Were arrested for making attacks.
When accused in a court,
They made the retort:
We thought it okay; they were blacks.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Got pulled over for running a red.
Someone call the big
State trooper a pig,
And the cop beat the shit out of...Ed.
--- Michael Weinstein P8609
And she sobbed, "I'll do ought to comply, sir."
When he unzipped his fly,
She exclaimed with a sigh,
"Alas, yet one more breathalyzer!"
--- Bob Giandomenico P9406
Judges leaning toward leniency,
The bad man's only threat
Is sometimes he will get
A taste of cop brutality.
--- Irving Superior P9406
These officers just like to swing,
Although not in their plan,
A nearby cameraman."
Sincerely yours. Signed: Rodney King
--- Irving Superior P9406
Hit him harder, Tim, I know I could."
Sergeant Koon added then,
"We must train you again.
It's an Ill Wind whose blows are no good."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9406 a
Has just been demoted in rank,
For pursuing his hunches
With cruel insults and punches,
Saying, "Hey, I'm just brutally Frank."
--- Evelyn Bogen P9406
Is wanted by border police.
But not to deport;
She's wanted for sport,
'Cause of tail, she's an excellent piece!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508
Took a joyride in a car. A
Cop quick spotted him,
But told his partner Jim.
"I think we can catch him tamarra."
--- Anon
Arrested me on a true charge;
I licked 'er and screwed 'er
Then tried to elude 'er:
She nabbed me, said, "Your cock's at-large!'"
--- Travis Brasell
Employs as a sexual rover,
Is to hand-job police,
As she gives one release,
She will giggle, "My cop runneth over!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Felt a hand cop a feel of her bun;
Said she, "How improper!
Stop! I'll call a copper!"
Said the copper, still copping, "I'm one!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8501 a
Who liked to dress up as a sheriff.
He toted his guns,
Swore he'd save all the nuns
From the guys who looked like Omar Sharif!
--- Linda Marsh Coll
We thought it was best not to cower.
Chicago -- a shock
(In Oz we did flock
And OUR pigs the boom they did lower)
--- Anon
Who hide in the bush to catch speeders.
And some of those churls
When they catch pretty girls,
(We leave the last line to our readers.)
--- John E Maywood
Watching girlies and losing his cool.
He's directing the traffic
With hand-signals graphic,
While gripping the end of his tool.
--- Peter Wilkins
Was hauled into court in disgrace,
For having the gall,
To take a pratfall,
While striking cop's fist with his face.
--- Observer
I really don't want any money.
I want the same thing
You gave Rodney King.
Just slip me that old Night Stick, Honey."
--- Theo M Heller P9406
And keeps his beating on you till...
To pray that his arm
Endures mortal harm,
Is hopeful but mostly most futile.
--- Irving Superior P9406
But when my old clock wouldn't chime,
I smashed up it all.
Then the cops came to call,
Arrested me for killing time.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Knew how to get girl thieves to stop.
He'd halt the young misses
By blowing sweet kisses,
Knock them down, and then knock them up.
--- T Keller & L Perrine
This is file zgm
Conducted her business with flair;
The cops got a bit,
And so they saw fit
To honor trade with LAISSEZ-FAIRE.
--- Chris Papa
Pulled over a blonde to arrest her.
He peeked in her shorts,
Forgot about torts,
And decided instead to molest her.
--- Conch
A body was found in the flume.
The police took it easy.
Although they felt queazy,
They did not want to cast clouds of doom.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
We don't want to confine folks at home.
If we make an arrest,
They will all be impressed;
They'll continue to go out and roam!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy
"We've found our man down at the prom!
We'll keep out of his sight,
As he got dynamite.
He may blow us all up with his bomb."
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Of which few kind words ever are spoken.
Its corruption and crime
Are carte blanch all the time,
Since those caught are charged only with smokin'.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
By a naked girl, starting to squirm; he
Ran his hand over her breast,
And rasped, "You're under arrest,
Unless you suck off my "Officer Spermy."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"The Man's done arrested my ho's!
If I want 'em, he say,
'Gimme six lines a day!'"
So I'se got to pay through his nose!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8501
Bought explosive devices for play.
Though he's off the force,
He can still, of course,
Be out pressing charges all day.
--- Guy Ben_Moshe
Our protection when crime does increase.
But some cops that we face
Are like crooks that they chase.
So who protects us from police?
--- Albin Chaplin P9406
Whose IQ is as low as a moose.
He nab you for a crime;
Let you go without time;
If his beard will be covered with juice.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who pinched nice young "birds" as a hobby.
But when he was caught,
Some new work he sought --
Now opens doors to hotel lobby.
--- Chris Papa
Who the captain had labeled a loser.
For it seems that this rookie,
Was addicted to nookie,
And would screw in the back of his cruiser.
--- Anon
Was tossed in the hoosegow in Hoxie,
Giving jailers free tail,
Got her out of jail,
Which shows tricksy Dixie was foxy!
--- Grand Prix Lim 758
Screws most of the whores that he hauls off.
One night he laid four,
And his nuts hit the floor.
They actually fucked both of his balls off.
--- David Miller
Or show a dramatic decrease,
Right thinkers endorse
A superior force--
Police to police the police.
--- Laurence Perrine P9406
Beat a Viennese chef on his noodle.
To strike back at his foe,
Fritz whacked off in the dough
And served the cop flavorful strudel.
--- Mark Levy P9406
A voluptuous, sultry good-looker;
But, eyeing her charms,
He resorted to arms --
In his arms, with his short arm, he took her.
--- Lance Payne P8501
Shot an innocent bystander down.
He told his friend Joe,
He had no way to know
There were innocent people in town.
--- Jim C Carpenter
"Poor Jean Charles de Menezes is dead.
We'll still shoot to kill
And bear him no ill will,
For wasting five shots to his head."
--- Tiddy Ogg78
They were helping this guy from Brazil,
'Cause the laws on their side,
To make sure Jean died,
Before swallowing a suicide pill.
--- Tiddy Ogg
If he hadn't a bomb or a gun?
Would such a condition
Arouse a suspicion;
I think so, when all's said and done.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He came out of a house the cops watched.
His work permit expired;
He ran so they fired.
Against Blair, one more death is notched.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The squad room was empty at six.
Madam Mayor wants to know
Where did all detectives go?
She told them, "Please show me your dicks!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0311
And even will fence what is hot,
Goodbye to security
And vanishing surety
Until they are finally caught.
--- R J Winkler P8501
Never needed to use his night stick.
Any lass that looked fine,
Who got out of line,
He would smack with his oversized prick.
--- Thomas G Keller P9406
Those damn Yankee bourgeoise boorists.
Speed traps in the thickets,
We write em all tickets;
In no time they're arraigned by the jurists.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
So when he arrested a "Madame",
The "perp" down he shook,
And the bribe that he took
Was spilled all over the MACADAM.
--- Chris Papa
Was presented her annual sale.
She bestowed a free piece
On the Chief of Police
And the Mayor was next, without fail.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1524
Was dismissed on a charge of neglect,
When he sped to his left
To a corner back theft,
But forgot where the streets intersect.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Of the brothel I ran up on Grant Hill,
Showing screws the johns bought,
Until I got caught,
Prove the wages of sin are substantial."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
And I wish this foul traffic would cease.
It's a shame and improper,
And I'd phone for a copper,
But that's where you'll find the police.
--- Grand Prix Lim 117 G1852
Her mother kept singing low key.
The posse attack.
Crescendo, "Bring back.
Oh, bring back my Bonnie to me."
--- Irving Superior P9002
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