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My chain has been given a jerk I've noticed how time slips away Now who do I choose for such fun? The sun is just starting to rise; For sure it's much better than coffee; My honey, I don't think you've met. And touching her clit is a riot. Well, Ah ain't quite as pure as the snow An' mah reddest part shore ain't mah neck. Ah don' need a bunch a' fine words; I went where no man went before, He picked that time to arrive, I am not concerned with your stickler, I've had it up quims and in gobs, Well, I prayed for you all night long, My dear, did you pray for the good No matter, just sing me that song; I do not intend to deceive Though I'm often the victim of scolding, Mister Eight-Inch, what do you impart? My interest, you know, 's scientific In order to make it quite clear One more thing: If you might hear a moan... A law of all nature (we know) Young Reggie is building some pecs; Young Reggie just bullshits and stirs There was a young fellow from Maine, The once was a lass from Kilwinning, A student of Shiatsu Massage A frustrated butcher named Hearst A man from St. Clair was so lewd Sue has spent so much time in the sack, There was an old duchess named Dag Populations continue their growing, And there's a young girl in Japan, There once ewas a cowgirl named Alice, The sheets on the bed were all wrinkly. Miss Hoover's appeal in Vancouver, A delightful young fellow called Sonny, Most men do it once, maybe twice; An amorous WAC name of Laker There was a young lady, a foreigner, An over-sexed dolly named Stout I love you a lot in my fashion, There once was a metermaid's nipple There was a young fellow named Nate Now take Anna, she's so full of zest; A scholarly fellow of Natchez There once was a fellow named Bret Her mouth, like a ship, full of seamen, There once was a fellow named Cabot, I dream of the day when my clone A mechanic from near Holland Landing A middle aged man of Kamloops A toothless old man from Monrovia, While Matt dreams of girls in the john, A heartless seducer named Ord A handsome young fellow called Campbell Said a buxom young wench from Carlisle, There was a young bowler named Brophey A good time I did have with Sue; A hillbilly from Mississippi I entered this group in a haze, Inebriate Enid of Corfe, Yes, I am now prone to brag When done right, sex will make you tired,
I have to quit this and go work
But tomorrow, of course,
"Down under's" my source
For more, if I choose not to lurk.
--- John Miller
When I'm working my balls off each day.
Well, I'm buggered if I'm
Gonna spend so much time
On it, instead of bedroom-type play.
--- Anon
Well it could be a nurse or a nun;
But today for a change,
I'll go down on the range
And find Bessie to trigger my gun.
--- Anon
I can barely open my eyes.
But already I feel
Your rod of steel,
As you slide it in, between my thighs.
--- Anon
Come suck me like butterscotch toffee,
And then re-arrange
Yourself - for a change,
You be boffer and I'll be the boffee.
--- Anon
She's special and really a pet,
'Cause I keep her ready
For nooky and beddy,
So she is perpetually wet.
--- Archie
The name of her God, she will cry it.
And then she will spasm
As I finger her chasm -
Excuse me, I must go and try it.
--- Archie
(There's been fellers before ya, ya know...)
But none's been today
An' Ah'm racheer to say
Thet Ah'm cleaned up and rarin' to go.
--- Anon
But you'll find thet out quick, I suspec'.
They say seein's believin'
While we're hein' an' shein',
We'll git right down to it, by heck!
--- Anon
We could just snuggle up lak lovebirds.
Ya'll seem in dire straits,
An' yer true love awaits.
There'll be time fer just talk afterwards.
--- Anon
Cleaning under the desk, 'hind the door.
No hand could I find
Of the spook-creepy kind,
Instead monster spiders galore!
--- Anon
With no spider but snake between thigh.
He took the desk chair,
But did not dispair;
When she took the snake, he did sigh.
--- Anon
And even less so with your prickler.
As for your degrees,
Use what temp you please --
A lass only wants you to tickler.
--- Anon
While servicing trollops and snobs.
But I must confess,
They, to their distress,
Found not that "it tickles", but throbs!
--- Anon
But you didn't appear with your dong.
I was down on my knees,
And even said please,
So tonight I'll try singing a song.
--- Anon
Of mankind as a whole, as you should?
Or with hands 'tween your thighs,
Did you close your sweet eyes
And pray, "Gimme a length of that wood"?
--- Anon
I'll forgive you your sins before long.
But I have a request;
Will you please get undressed?
At least down to your miniscule thong.
--- Anon
You, so trust you don't really believe
That I use sleight of hand
When I juggle my gland,
For I don't keep it here up my sleeve.
--- Anon
Stroke three is my record for holding
Off firing my round
In so luscious a mound,
As the one I'm at present beholding.
--- Anon
I suggest that I finally start
To check out if it's true
(Nothing I'd rather do).
Come on, prove now your 'off-holding' art
--- Anon
So, please, could you be more specific?
Tell me: what would you do
In round one or round two?
Then round three - would it be real terrific?
--- Anon
Don't whisper just words in my ear.
Act it out! So I might
Get everything right
(Just in service of science, my dear).
--- Anon
Don't bother, that's only a tone
Showing you do it right,
(Good results are in sight).
Go ahead, now, feel free -- we're alone.
--- Anon
Is all tiny things have to grow.
Just lie down and rest;
I will do my best
To prove this law, so here we go.
--- Anon
His biceps and triceps can flex.
It's all with one aim;
He want's him a dame,
So he can enjoy some more sex!
--- Archie
Young Josie, an innocent nurse
And he doesn't worry
To say that he's sorry;
He should buy her pearls and some furs.
--- Archie
Who said, "If I choose to abstain
Just one day, during Lent,
From my sexual bent,
Then all of my girl-friends complain."
--- Isaac Asimov
Whose smile was especially winning.
All night and all day,
She'd shag you, then say,
"Aw christ, noo ma heids really spinning!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Used to moonlight behind the garage.
She lay on her back,
While stroking her crack,
And took on an entire lodge!
--- Palinurus TP9802
Concluded that girls were accursed,
So he fucked the first nine
Who were standing in line,
And he finished the rest with his wurst.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2103
Whenever he got in the mood,
The cook, the au pair,
The valet got his share --
Why, even the butler got screwed!
--- Kaylin
Taking big hairy cocks up her crack,
With macho young men
Coming time and again,
That she's slipped every disc in her back.
--- Michael Horgan
Whose duke on occasion would lag.
But she had a good servant
Who was very observant --
He stepped in when his lordship did flag.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0101
This is file ywm
Radiation has waterways glowing.
I'm not sure what we're doing,
But with all this damn screwing,
I can't tell if we're coming or going.
--- Bob Birch
Who will take it where ever she can.
With rampant delight,
She'll screw though the night,
And cool her cunt down with her fan.
--- Tim Fisher
Whose cunt was as big as a palace.
She never was thrilled
Till the night it was filled
By all fo the Cowboys from Dallas.
--- David Miller
Not only that -- they were quite stinkly,
'Cause each afternoon
From April to June,
She and her beau did things right kinkly.
--- Marlene Lewis
Was her groove which was really a mover.
She claimed her ravine
Could handle eighteen,
And no man could reveal a disprover.
--- Pierce Evans
Who was a young man sweet and funny.
When tickled for fun,
Would get off his gun,
And say, "Do that again, will you, Honey?"
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
A few even claim more than thrice.
My dog has no limits,
In just twenty minutes,
He'd done 24, that's no lies.
--- Anon
Was screwed by two chefs and a baker,
Then a bombardier, Palmer,
And the colonel's embalmer,
Then the priest and the old undertaker.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0720
Who had an affair with the coroner.
When he faltered at four,
She belittled his scour,
But he managed to muster four more in her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0148A
Said, "It's sad how most fellow wear out.
Joe Smith and Bill Grimes
Both made it five times,
But ONCE wrecks the average lout."
--- Grand Prix Lim 202
And I'm really impressed with your passion,
When your muscular pole
Is at work in my hole--
But five times a night is your ration.
--- Michael Horgan
Directing you after your tipple?
They're so very kind
With directions I find,
And so healthy! Oft good for a triple!
--- Tutta Gioia
Who went to his girl for a date.
But her parents were there
So he sucked off the pair,
Then he cornholed the daughter first rate.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0862
Gets it on with each of her guests.
She'll take a hillbilly
And diddle his willy;
Then move on to her very next quest.
--- Anon
Found so many unconquered snatches,
That pursuit was in vain
And he failed to make gain
Till he tackled the snatches in batches.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0737
Who screwed every chance he could get;
He was told, if kept dry,
That his penis would die,
So he hastened to keep it all wet.
--- Cap'n Bean P0107
From coxswain to boatswain, all creamin'.
Salty dogs she adored,
Tasting all hands aboard.
Her greatest delight was tag-teamin'!
--- RanDog
Who made love to his girl as a habit.
But he ran to the door
When his girl asked for more,
He yelled "I'm a man not a rabbit!"
--- VOL 11
Will sneak in after my bone
Has blown off a wad;
His tongue you'll applaud.
I'll snooze while you come thrice and groan.
--- Anon
Felt the surge of his urge so demanding,
He assembled the few
Sexy girls that he knew,
And he ravished the lot, notwithstanding.
--- Keith MacMillan 68c
Used to ravish his women in groups,
Long ago. But today
To his utter dismay,
After two at the most, he just droops.
--- Donald Bishop,Ontario102b
Once said to two girls "I will show ya';
One after another,
I'm still a good lover,
And then I will take on the both o' ya'!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Horny Harry sets out for the sun.
When he comes at the beach,
Several nudes within reach,
Then he fucks them all! Son of a gun!
--- Anon
Is rated by common accord
The greatest of pros,
Since only God knows
The times this famed lover has scored.
--- Armand E Singer 988
Went out with some girls on a ramble.
They were pleased and impressed
By his sexy prowess,
But he cried, "This is just the preamble!"
--- Anon
To her beaux -- "You'are cramping my style.
It is better potentially
To do it sequentially."
They quickly put up a turnstile.
--- FCA T9711
Who fucked a young lady named Sophie.
Seven strikes in a row
And it was apropos
That he give her his bowling ball trophy.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0066
Every night we'd hump and we'd screw.
She's cry out for more,
Until she was raw-sore,
But once that went, guess what we'd do?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Married a horny young hippie.
She loved to fuck,
So they did it so much,
Their van floor was always too slippery!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To join in the limericking craze.
It would have been sooner,
But I paused for a nooner;
It lasted three nights and four days.
--- David Temby
When as pissed as fart takes 'em orf,
And parades round the street
Shouting, "Whang out yer meat,
If you fancy a suck or a borff."
--- Peter Wilkins
Of the cock size and women I bag.
And were I immortal,
I'd fill every portal --
The whole fucking world I would shag!
--- H Welchel
When the heat of your loins has done fired.
You should just take a nap
With your head in her lap,
And begin again when you've rewired.
--- Anon
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