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I met a young lady named Sally, Five times is a really good score, There once was a spinster named Hilda Looking on was her sister, Matilda. The lady in room 101, The fellow in room 102 The couple in room 103 The youngsters in room 104 Said the liar in room 105, The couple in room 106 The couple in room 107 Said the fellow in room 108, The couple in room 201 The couple in room 203, The fellow in room 204 Oh, my Sweet Thing at times humors me; And after you've had your good fun She uniquely invites a re-run; Now list' to this tale of Old Pete, Now ever since the day he was born, But one fateful night in September, Now first up was Sally O'Harts, Now Pete he had no time to spare, Now Tina stepped forward a pace, Her tone had stung him like leather, "I'll show you a trick now," said Tina, An old libertine named DeVries, A passionate girl had a clasp, There's a lovely young lady named Shittlecock, The hospital phoned about Ted. There was a old fellow from Rome I bet it would just be my luck At twelve I thought I was in luck My memories now get confused; Once in the emergency room, I made love to my girlfriend Nelly; Through cupid's grove I want to romp, With water and flour she made paste I tried turpentine and then water, A lady she went hell for leather; A Great Dane met a young girl on Sunday; She was wrong! A young fucker named Ray This morning is so bright and sunny! We have to face the bare facts. I found Kelly, the consumate lover, A perverted young husband named Bligh There was a young man from the Isthmus, Now this lim is not meant to be funny; The tow-guy's in bed with his daughter; Bullfighter and girlfriend (named May) There once was a fellow named Bill, Two days was poor Bill suck in Jill, Now Jill's disillusioned with men, The two of them, dreadfully distraught! A punter while punting at Crewe They've Stronghold Teat Sealant for sale; That Stronghold Teat Sealant has got To keep from banging side to side, I don't flip the complete 180, Oh, never in all of her life A maiden with heavenly busts An eighty year hooker named Claire, A newlywed couple named Hooper In July, when it's humid and sticky, If in Cupid's swamp you are stuck, A sex-crazy pair from Peru,
Who was naughty with me in an alley.
Her touch was lubricious,
The feelings, delicious,
And five times was our ultimate tally.
--- Anon
And surely you could have done more;
It took five weeks hard labour.
Just do me a favor;
Stop complaining your prick is so sore!
--- Anon
Who, for an extension, sought builda.
She knew what it meant
When he mentioned sement,
As he thrilleda and filleda, (near killeda!).
--- Doug Harris P0509
But the builda this didn't bewilda.
He kept it concrete
Till the job was complete,
And he spillda some more as he drilleda.
--- Doug Harris P0509
In bed was not having much fun.
She was just getting started
When lover boy farted,
And ten seconds later was done.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
Assumed that the lady would screw.
She said, "NO"; he was pissed
At the screwing he missed,
Until he found out that she blew.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
Was having fun sexually.
Her husband's in Orleans;
His wife's up in Queens;
They're happy with matrimony.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
Had not done the nasty before.
But they caught on real quick;
Found a popsicle stick,
And cut notches on it to keep score.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
"On my pecker it's only a hive."
But he couldn't bang her;
She said,"It's a chancre,
And don't give me more of your jive."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
Are performing some sexual tricks.
They're having great fun,
'Cause it's easily done
With two ass holes, four balls and two dicks.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
Consisted of Beth and of Kevin.
He screwed her to death,
But don't pity Beth;
She smiled all the way up to heaven.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
"I'm not one who likes to berate
But how flat you are,
With huge pads in your bra."
She said, "I just use them for bait."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
Were undressing -- preparing for fun.
He chuckled for days
When he thought of the phrase,
"Turn me over" tattoed on her bun.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
To do as they wish, are quite free.
Don't know what they were doing,
But they sure weren't screwing,
When his head was bumped hard by her knee.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
Checked in with a twenty buck whore.
Her price was quite low
But he didn't know,
For him penicillin's in store.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0306
With her dainty bare feet I'll make free;
While I lick on her toes,
She might strike the right pose;
What I'll see then, beats prime-time T.V.
--- Anon
With toeses and poses that stun,
Like season finales
She'll make many rallies
With more 'til you say, "A rerun!"
--- Anon
As her ring-a-dang-doo calls for fun;
Every time it does wink,
I will ravish this mink,
'Til at last I can't re-load my gun!
--- Hugh Clary
Who was known for the size of his meat.
And in grandiose halls,
They'd talk of his balls,
And the foreskin that hung to his feet.
--- Dirruk
His cock it stood up on the horn.
And it didn't come down,
As he screwed round the town,
And many a pussy he'd torn.
--- Anon
At a party that all shall remember,
A handful of girls
Flashed him their curls,
And vowed to soften his member.
--- Anon
Who was new at these types of love art.
As she took it, she grinned,
But did put the wind
Up the rest of the gaggle of tarts.
--- Anon
So he jumped on raven-haired Claire,
And he thust with the force,
Of a fifteen hand horse,
And it singed most of her curly hair.
--- Anon
With a calm genteel look on her face.
She said: "It's quite long,
And undoubtedly strong,
But you don't seem to use it with grace."
--- Anon
But she still slapped his face for good measure.
And to avenge this affront
He thrust to her cunt,
And she just closed her eyes with the pleasure!
--- Anon
And the drip from her sweet cunt grew keener.
With a sqeeze of her thigh,
She sucked him quite dry,
With the ease of an old vacuum cleaner.
--- Anon
Making love in his red BVD's,
Cried aloud, "Drat the luck,
We are permanently stuck."
And was hung as a Byzantine frieze.
--- Anon
Which was rough with sharp points like a rasp.
A beau would dig in,
And feel the stick pin,
And be unable to free his poor hasp.
--- Bruce Thompson
Who loves to play diddle and fiddle-cock.
But her cunt's got a pucker
That's best not to fuck, or
When least you expect it to, it'll lock.
--- L0232
Was he horribly mangled and dead
In an accident? No;
He was clamped inside Flo,
"Inextricably stuck", so they said.
--- Anon
Who diddled a girl with his dome.
The results were most horrid:
The girl grew quite torrid,
And he could not withdraw to go home.
--- G2476
To plunge in too deep and get stuck,
As surgeons would say:
"It's just not your day!
Stand by for a swift nip and tuck."
--- Anon
When Eve told me, "Go fuck a duck!"
'Cause her Mom called her "Ducky".
Her twat was so yucky,
Before I got in, I got stuck.
--- John Miller
This is file ysm
Eve's SISTER's the one that I used;
No matter. My dick
Just wouldn't unstick,
And her Dad left me throughly bruised.
--- John Miller
Her Mom sized me up for a groom .
But when I unstuck,
She said, "No such luck,
She'll learn to make do with a broom!"
--- John Miller
We spent the night belly to belly.
It's not what you think;
She raised a big stink;
I mistook Fixodent for Lubricant Jelly.
--- Puff Adder a
But not with circumstance and pomp.
I want to be flirty
And just a bit dirty.
I want to get stuck in love's swamp.
--- Anon
Which she spread on my dick in some haste.
She started to suck,
But got totally stuck,
And my knees became glued to her waist.
--- Peter Wilkins
But it didn't dissolve like it oughter.
So I tried alcohol
Which did no good at all,
Except to get both of us hotter.
--- Laurence E Bernstein
Onlookers looked on, wondering whether,
The way that she crouched,
While being debauched,
Proved her knees and elbows glued together.
--- Anon
They made passionate love in her Hyundai.
But his knot swelled so tight,
They were stuck the whole night,
And were freed by machanics on Monday.
--- Actaeon
When told, "Now you'll just have to pay
Out some more dough,
Before you can go,"
Replied, "No thanks. I think I'll just stay."
--- Michael Weinstein P8609
(But I'm afraid, my wicked wee bunny,
We can't move a muscle.
We can't even rustle
'Cause we're stuck together with honey.
--- Jim Weaver Collection A
We're glued together (to the max)
I'm stuck to your dick.
If I move too quick,
I'll give you a bikini wax.
--- Jim Weaver Collection A
Stuck fast to his wife, just above her.
It took all of my might
To detatch them that night,
And it took him a year to recover.
--- A N Wilkins P8507
Tried to bugger his wife on the sly.
In his lecherous haste,
He used library paste,
And now they are bound, hip and thigh.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose bride had acute vaginismus.
They found themselves stuck
On the very first fuck,
And had to stay that way 'til Christmas.
--- G2027
I need you to send me some money;
Today I must pay
A tow-guy named Ray
To pull my dong out of a cunny.
--- Travis Brasell
So he's busy. He says you just oughter
Terminate that hump;
Just have someone dump
A big bucket, old pal, of cold water!
--- Allen Wolverton
Got stuck en flagrante one day.
I heard her say, "Why
Did you use K-Y?
I told you - get Oil of Ole!"
--- Anon
Who raped dusky maiden, young Jill.
Alas that shrewd negress
Allowed him no egress,
I hear that he's stuck in there still.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And pleading for release of his drill;
"My check never bounced
Until after I pounced,
So my score as a rapist, is nil."
--- David Miller
And said, "Bill, I will count up to ten;
So stop being silly,
And when I 'free Willy'...
You can do it all over again."
--- David Miller
In flagrante delicto were caught.
Jammed belly-to-belly
Without K-Y Jelly
Which they ought to with foresight have bought.
--- TuttaGioia
Found she was a real sticky screw.
While she was well todged,
The punter was lodged,
So he paid to get out of it, too.
--- Confused
The flyer I got in the mail.
Had pictures and stuff
Of cows in the buff.
At purple teats they did not quail.
--- Anon
Certain properties that I think hot.
Applied to my dick,
Makes that sucker stick.
I tried pulling out - I could not.
--- Anon
Instead of this goo, have you tried
Turning her with a flip;
It will tighten the grip,
And give you a fucking good ride!
--- Anon
Just 90 degrees with my lady.
Then with both on our side
For a leisurely ride,
Without thought of who is more weighty.
--- Anon
Had Belinda such trouble and strife.
As when Tommy got stuck
In her having a fuck;
So she cut off his dick with a knife.
--- Peter Wilkins
Parried a married man's thrusts.
They finally did fuck,
But the goddamned thing stuck;
Said she, "It says there till it rusts."
--- G1995
Would often do tricks in mid-air.
One night she got stuck
On a fellow named Chuck,
And now they're a permanent pair.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had fucked themselves into a stupor.
Some joker named Kelly
Put glue in their jelly
But the glue that he added was Super.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0198
And you're deep in the midst of a quickie,
If a fan's not about,
And the A.C. is out,
Your attempts to stay cool can be tricky.
--- Cap'n Bean P0207
You should hope a guy with a truck
Will come pull you out,
Because I've no doubt
You would soon be covered in muck.
--- Anon
In bed didn't know what to do.
They started to test
What they'd like to do best,
Now they're stuck to each other with glue!
--- Lims For Year - 01
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