A passionate couple named Kelly
Mistook glue for petrolleum jelly.
From kissing and hugging,
To twisting and tugging,
But still they stayed belly to belly.
--- Jack Bryant

This clamping is called vaginismus,
And the man to release his penis must
Put a thumb up her ass,
Then his dick she'll unclasp,
Though the state of his thumb causes his cuss.
--- Anon

A virgin? Oh wow! I'm in luck!
"I'll be gentle," I said, "'fore I fuck."
So I gave her a pet
And made sure she was wet
'Fore I screwed her; but Hell, I got stuck.
--- Peter Wilkins

Her cunny was gripping me tight
And at first I felt heaven's delight.
But her muscles in spasm
Prevented orgasm,
And soon I was having to fight...
--- Peter Wilkins

...As I heaved and I pulled, but no go;
So I tried to relax her real slow.
But she wouldn't! (I shouldn't
Have said that) She couldn't!
She wasn't a hoary old pro.
--- Peter Wilkins

So we bounced to the end of the bed,
Where I picked up the telephone; said,
"Will you help us? We're stuck
In the throes of a fuck."
And the doctor just laughed off his head.
--- Peter Wilkins

I was desperate now. What to do?
Although limper I failed to unscrew.
I could see she was trying
To stop herself crying,
Which got me excited, it's true.
--- Peter Wilkins

Now I really was stuck in her rut,
So I grabbed her and lifted her butt,
For a front piggy-back
To the door, but alack,
And alas, like her cunt, it was shut.
--- Peter Wilkins

As I stood there inside her, I thought
"Well I think a shower of cold wat-
er we need to unlock
Us -- I hope that the shock
Will relax her; it bloody well ought!"
--- Peter Wilkins

To her bathroom we shuffled our way,
But it seemed like it took us all day;
As we climbed in the shower
Which I turned on full power
And precisely directed the spray.
--- Peter Wilkins

Oh my God! Was it cold? It was freezing!
She gave a small shriek. It was pleasing
To feel that the grip
Of her lips on my tip
Was relaxing, not strangling and squeezing.
--- Peter Wilkins

I fell out with an audible "POP";
My poor thing was quite sore at the top;
But she cried in distress
And then shouted, "Possess
Me again! Why the hell did you stop?"
--- Peter Wilkins

I aimed for her clenching wet gap,
Then I thrust and her muscles went snap.
"Impregnate me", she cried,
As I desperately tried
To withdraw without spilling my sap.
--- Anon

"I don't want to father your child",
I said firmly, at which she just smiled;
And then started to ripple
Her muscles from nipple
To pussy, which had me beguiled.
--- Anon

Quick thinking as ever, I lied,
And I told her, "I'm under-supplied
With the stuff that you need
To make babies and breed
For I'm snipped and my tubes have been tied."
--- Anon

Did this, you may ask, do the trick?
No, it fucking well didn't; my dick
(On account of her clench)
Shot it's load up that wench
And she cried and said, "Marry me quick!"
--- Anon

"I bloody well won't!" "Yes, you will;
'Cause my brothers Roberto and Bill
Will be after you, mate
With a shotgun!" (Oh, great;
What a price to have paid for a thrill.)
--- Anon

So now we are married, you know,
And, by god, has she let herself go.
She does fuck all each day
While I'm slaving away;
When I ask her for sex she says, "No!"
--- Anon

So lads, heed the warning I plead;
If you're thinking of doing the deed,
Use a rubber or two,
And then after you're through
With her, leave her at maximum speed.
--- Anon

There once was a boy from the farm,
Whose dick was as long as his arm.
The girls at his school
Could not take his tool,
So he stayed after class with the marm.
--- David Miller

Now Confucius; I guess he would say
If you don't have it off every day
Then your nuts and your dick
Will die off pretty quick
And will wither entirely away.
--- Anon

A young fellow about to be wed
Took a course of six lessons on "Bed."
When shown how to do it,
He said, "Nothing to it!
I could do that all night on my head."
--- G0225A

Dr Reuben explained sex to me.
My eyes opened wide as could be.
So my fly I unzipped
And my peter I gripped
And I called it a dumb SOB.
--- Al Chaplin P9410

Quoth some men, "Hey you horney gals, train us!
We'd love to go off in your anus.
But douche, s'il vous plait,
If you want to get laid.
After all, what's inside you can stain us."
--- Actaeon

That despicable Molly McGrew,
Taught young innocent boys how to screw.
She gave them directions
And praised their erections,
Before any pubic hair grew.
--- Phred

In sex education, Miss West
Said, "Johnny, your work has regressed.
But since learning's a tool.
If you stay after school,
I will help you bone up for your test."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

There was a young lady named Roma,
Who went to high school in Tacoma.
She said she was invincible
But was had by the principal,
And for this she received a diploma.
--- Albin Chaplin

A cookery student named Kate
Mixed ginseng and prunes by mistake.
She felt rather proud
When her teacher allowed
"This makes coming and going just great!"
--- Macsam

There's a question designed to perplex:
Would canines (say Rover or Rex)
After years of eschewing
Instinctive screwing,
Be experts at human-style sex?

(why not, priests consider themselves experts- McW)
--- Friar TP9802

Dr Ruth's course in sex education
Show her attitude toward fornication.
The students pay attention
When taught that abstention
Must be practiced with strict moderation.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0608

He taught her quite all that she knew
Of gender, declension, and view,
Of nouns and their functions,
Or verbs and conjunctions,
And with each of the parts what to do.
--- Larry Payne P8311

Whenever you're anxious to score,
Just say to your girl, "Je t'adore."
With charm you will win her
And once you are in her,
You'll soon have her squealing "Encore!"
--- Michael Horgan

Said a rakish old father of Tucson
To his boy, "This is what you should do, son --
When you're ready and hot,
Shove it home on the spot,
And you're sure to enjoy quite a few, son."
--- Hugh Oliver A016A

This is file yrm

Those feminine curves are voluptuous;
Slyly designed to corruptuous.
All of that wenchingly,
Drenchingly, clenchingly,
Suction and fuction's eruptuous.
--- Anon

There once was a man from Hong Kong,
Who had a nice seven inch dong.
He took evening classes
In how to screw lasses,
When he found he was doing it wrong.
--- Anon

A pedantic old teacher, Miss Brown,
Brought class to the young lads in town.
She taught Pierre to aspire
To seek things that were higher,
But Pierre, he did fail and went down.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1247

The noted Professor Herr Ewing
Gave coeds free lessons in screwing.
"It's amazing," he said,
"When they're stripped and in bed,
How so few of them know what they're doing."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0131

We have standardized testing to thank
For the gaffe of a student named Hank:
When he bedded with Joyce,
She gave multiple choice,
But he doggedly filled in the ______.
--- Krissa Guiness P8311

What! Sex education in schools!
And tell kids the risks and the rules?
Who will want, without doubt,
Themselves to find out,
What makes of their elders, such fools.
--- Laurence Perrine P9409

My clitoris, Boris! My clit!
Suck on my clitty, you shit!
It's the clitoris, Boris;
All the rest kinda bore us.
My clitoris first, then my tit!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A young girl by the name of Louise
At marine school got A's and got B's.
With sailors to guide her,
They all got inside her.
She enjoyed the freedom of the C's.
--- Tom Patton P0609

I'd say we owe the French a debt of
Gratitude, for their lessons in love --
Like pleasures to be wrung
From the use of the tongue,
And all the variations thereof!
--- Anon

Marissa once thought sex a chore,
Silly, abusive, and a bore,
Until she met Percy,
Who gave her no mercy,
And now it's "Give me more, give me more!"
--- Wes

The natural pelvic attraction
Strongly urges vaginal impaction.
Now pelvic rotation
Increasing elation;
There you go boy, now you're in action!
--- Anon

While out for a walk, Miss McKesson
Encountered a fellow in Essen.
She was fucked in the park
But he lacked drive or spark,
So she made him stop for a lesson.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0265

We women, we love a good screw;
Though some will not say that...I do!
When the gloves, they come off
And we chat about boff-
Ing, I learn, and the honeys do, too.
--- Emma Mara

A school Sex-Ed teacher has said
Her students are bright and well read;
They never will shirk
When it comes to hard work,
And even do homework in bed.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9409

There was a professor named Borum
Who taught all the lads with decorum,
How young girls to exploit
With the movement adroit,
And how best to make love and explore 'em.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1960

A hapless young coed named Slade
In a sex course could not get a grade.
Her prof heard her confession,
That she'd fail her profession,
So he showed her how she should be made.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0333

I owe much my my course in micrology,
And more to my course in psychology,
But ther most informational
Was a coeducational
Course in organic biology.
--- Larry Payne P8311

There was a young lady named Hoover
Who knew not the bedroom maneuver.
But Professor McBride,
Who in teaching took pride,
Gave his wholehearted time to improve her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0199

I teach nubile cuties coition:
I charge not a dime for tuition:
I teach 'em the ways
In which a prick plays,
And I fuck 'em in any position.
--- G2298

His quivering thighs will be flanking
This cane, you are hell-bent on yanking.
Why, you shameless swat!!
Indulging that Twat
And all just to save you a spanking?
--- Anon

I would sooner be coming than going,
'Cause that seed, I sure do like sowing.
And fluffy my sweet,
It's all rather neat,
What happens when this thing get's growing.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The strange looking girl from Manassus
Had three vulva, four tits and two asses.
She sure looked like hell
But she did her job well,
As a sex teacher of Joy Of Sex classes.
--- Ken Elrod P8209

Our nation's top sex-perts endorse
Our ways of enhancing love's force.
First, a course in caressing;
Next, one in undressing;
Then for climax, our great inter-course.
--- Laurence Perrine P9409

It's never too late to begin
To practice a new type of sin:
All you need is a tutor,
To make you a suitor,
Who makes love like the late Errol Flynn.
--- Norm Storer P0012

The noted psychologist Glass
Taught sex to an overflow class.
His unique point of view
Raised an eyebrow or two:
'Love begins with a good piece of ass.'
--- Phil Cannibal P9201a

When couples with bedroom disasters
Seek help from their modern-day pastors,
They don't ask for prayer
Or spiritual care,
But referral to Johnson and Masters.
--- Norm Storer

I need inspirational notions
To write about frictional motions,
Including the crude
And explicitly rude,
Which cause major in-trouser commotions.
--- Anon

How sad that the young generation
In spite of some sex education,
Quite often go wrong
When using a dong,
Because they just lack concentration.
--- Anon

Said a French maiden, "Je suis trop tendre
Viv-a-vis with the opposite genre:
But some day mayhap
I will find a nice chap
Who'll instruct me in double-entendre."
--- Conrad Aiken

You surely don't think you're the first,
To diddle that girl with your wurst.
But carry on leching,
She needs far more stretching...
If I ram her now she will burst.
--- Anon

A learned old lady was Hicks
Who knew how with old men to mix.
She dated young Steve
Who was somewhat naive,
And she taught a new dog some old tricks.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0192

A psychiatrist out at Purdue
Studied all the psychotics he knew.
When asked why, he replied,
"You see, it's a guide
To new sexual things I might do."
--- Isaac Asimov

An expert old lady named Dickinson
Said, "Here is where you put your prick in, son.
Now do not drool and dribble,
You must give these a nibble,
And get an occasional lick in, son."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0110

Said a dullard of old San Francisco,
"I can't figure it out -- where does this go?"
"Well," she said "I've a space
But be sure, when in place,
Let the other, instead of the piss go."
--- Keith MacMillan A023C