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A passionate couple named Kelly This clamping is called vaginismus, A virgin? Oh wow! I'm in luck! Her cunny was gripping me tight ...As I heaved and I pulled, but no go; So we bounced to the end of the bed, I was desperate now. What to do? Now I really was stuck in her rut, As I stood there inside her, I thought To her bathroom we shuffled our way, Oh my God! Was it cold? It was freezing! I fell out with an audible "POP"; I aimed for her clenching wet gap, "I don't want to father your child", Quick thinking as ever, I lied, Did this, you may ask, do the trick? "I bloody well won't!" "Yes, you will; So now we are married, you know, So lads, heed the warning I plead; There once was a boy from the farm, Now Confucius; I guess he would say A young fellow about to be wed Dr Reuben explained sex to me. Quoth some men, "Hey you horney gals, train us! That despicable Molly McGrew, In sex education, Miss West There was a young lady named Roma, A cookery student named Kate There's a question designed to perplex: (why not, priests consider themselves experts- McW)
Dr Ruth's course in sex education He taught her quite all that she knew Whenever you're anxious to score, Said a rakish old father of Tucson Those feminine curves are voluptuous; There once was a man from Hong Kong, A pedantic old teacher, Miss Brown, The noted Professor Herr Ewing We have standardized testing to thank What! Sex education in schools! My clitoris, Boris! My clit! A young girl by the name of Louise I'd say we owe the French a debt of Marissa once thought sex a chore, The natural pelvic attraction While out for a walk, Miss McKesson We women, we love a good screw; A school Sex-Ed teacher has said There was a professor named Borum A hapless young coed named Slade I owe much my my course in micrology, There was a young lady named Hoover I teach nubile cuties coition: His quivering thighs will be flanking I would sooner be coming than going, The strange looking girl from Manassus Our nation's top sex-perts endorse It's never too late to begin The noted psychologist Glass When couples with bedroom disasters I need inspirational notions How sad that the young generation Said a French maiden, "Je suis trop tendre You surely don't think you're the first, A learned old lady was Hicks A psychiatrist out at Purdue An expert old lady named Dickinson Said a dullard of old San Francisco,
Mistook glue for petrolleum jelly.
From kissing and hugging,
To twisting and tugging,
But still they stayed belly to belly.
--- Jack Bryant
And the man to release his penis must
Put a thumb up her ass,
Then his dick she'll unclasp,
Though the state of his thumb causes his cuss.
--- Anon
"I'll be gentle," I said, "'fore I fuck."
So I gave her a pet
And made sure she was wet
'Fore I screwed her; but Hell, I got stuck.
--- Peter Wilkins
And at first I felt heaven's delight.
But her muscles in spasm
Prevented orgasm,
And soon I was having to fight...
--- Peter Wilkins
So I tried to relax her real slow.
But she wouldn't! (I shouldn't
Have said that) She couldn't!
She wasn't a hoary old pro.
--- Peter Wilkins
Where I picked up the telephone; said,
"Will you help us? We're stuck
In the throes of a fuck."
And the doctor just laughed off his head.
--- Peter Wilkins
Although limper I failed to unscrew.
I could see she was trying
To stop herself crying,
Which got me excited, it's true.
--- Peter Wilkins
So I grabbed her and lifted her butt,
For a front piggy-back
To the door, but alack,
And alas, like her cunt, it was shut.
--- Peter Wilkins
"Well I think a shower of cold wat-
er we need to unlock
Us -- I hope that the shock
Will relax her; it bloody well ought!"
--- Peter Wilkins
But it seemed like it took us all day;
As we climbed in the shower
Which I turned on full power
And precisely directed the spray.
--- Peter Wilkins
She gave a small shriek. It was pleasing
To feel that the grip
Of her lips on my tip
Was relaxing, not strangling and squeezing.
--- Peter Wilkins
My poor thing was quite sore at the top;
But she cried in distress
And then shouted, "Possess
Me again! Why the hell did you stop?"
--- Peter Wilkins
Then I thrust and her muscles went snap.
"Impregnate me", she cried,
As I desperately tried
To withdraw without spilling my sap.
--- Anon
I said firmly, at which she just smiled;
And then started to ripple
Her muscles from nipple
To pussy, which had me beguiled.
--- Anon
And I told her, "I'm under-supplied
With the stuff that you need
To make babies and breed
For I'm snipped and my tubes have been tied."
--- Anon
No, it fucking well didn't; my dick
(On account of her clench)
Shot it's load up that wench
And she cried and said, "Marry me quick!"
--- Anon
'Cause my brothers Roberto and Bill
Will be after you, mate
With a shotgun!" (Oh, great;
What a price to have paid for a thrill.)
--- Anon
And, by god, has she let herself go.
She does fuck all each day
While I'm slaving away;
When I ask her for sex she says, "No!"
--- Anon
If you're thinking of doing the deed,
Use a rubber or two,
And then after you're through
With her, leave her at maximum speed.
--- Anon
Whose dick was as long as his arm.
The girls at his school
Could not take his tool,
So he stayed after class with the marm.
--- David Miller
If you don't have it off every day
Then your nuts and your dick
Will die off pretty quick
And will wither entirely away.
--- Anon
Took a course of six lessons on "Bed."
When shown how to do it,
He said, "Nothing to it!
I could do that all night on my head."
--- G0225A
My eyes opened wide as could be.
So my fly I unzipped
And my peter I gripped
And I called it a dumb SOB.
--- Al Chaplin P9410
We'd love to go off in your anus.
But douche, s'il vous plait,
If you want to get laid.
After all, what's inside you can stain us."
--- Actaeon
Taught young innocent boys how to screw.
She gave them directions
And praised their erections,
Before any pubic hair grew.
--- Phred
Said, "Johnny, your work has regressed.
But since learning's a tool.
If you stay after school,
I will help you bone up for your test."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Who went to high school in Tacoma.
She said she was invincible
But was had by the principal,
And for this she received a diploma.
--- Albin Chaplin
Mixed ginseng and prunes by mistake.
She felt rather proud
When her teacher allowed
"This makes coming and going just great!"
--- Macsam
Would canines (say Rover or Rex)
After years of eschewing
Instinctive screwing,
Be experts at human-style sex?
--- Friar TP9802
Show her attitude toward fornication.
The students pay attention
When taught that abstention
Must be practiced with strict moderation.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0608
Of gender, declension, and view,
Of nouns and their functions,
Or verbs and conjunctions,
And with each of the parts what to do.
--- Larry Payne P8311
Just say to your girl, "Je t'adore."
With charm you will win her
And once you are in her,
You'll soon have her squealing "Encore!"
--- Michael Horgan
To his boy, "This is what you should do, son --
When you're ready and hot,
Shove it home on the spot,
And you're sure to enjoy quite a few, son."
--- Hugh Oliver A016A
This is file yrm
Slyly designed to corruptuous.
All of that wenchingly,
Drenchingly, clenchingly,
Suction and fuction's eruptuous.
--- Anon
Who had a nice seven inch dong.
He took evening classes
In how to screw lasses,
When he found he was doing it wrong.
--- Anon
Brought class to the young lads in town.
She taught Pierre to aspire
To seek things that were higher,
But Pierre, he did fail and went down.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1247
Gave coeds free lessons in screwing.
"It's amazing," he said,
"When they're stripped and in bed,
How so few of them know what they're doing."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0131
For the gaffe of a student named Hank:
When he bedded with Joyce,
She gave multiple choice,
But he doggedly filled in the ______.
--- Krissa Guiness P8311
And tell kids the risks and the rules?
Who will want, without doubt,
Themselves to find out,
What makes of their elders, such fools.
--- Laurence Perrine P9409
Suck on my clitty, you shit!
It's the clitoris, Boris;
All the rest kinda bore us.
My clitoris first, then my tit!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
At marine school got A's and got B's.
With sailors to guide her,
They all got inside her.
She enjoyed the freedom of the C's.
--- Tom Patton P0609
Gratitude, for their lessons in love --
Like pleasures to be wrung
From the use of the tongue,
And all the variations thereof!
--- Anon
Silly, abusive, and a bore,
Until she met Percy,
Who gave her no mercy,
And now it's "Give me more, give me more!"
--- Wes
Strongly urges vaginal impaction.
Now pelvic rotation
Increasing elation;
There you go boy, now you're in action!
--- Anon
Encountered a fellow in Essen.
She was fucked in the park
But he lacked drive or spark,
So she made him stop for a lesson.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0265
Though some will not say that...I do!
When the gloves, they come off
And we chat about boff-
Ing, I learn, and the honeys do, too.
--- Emma Mara
Her students are bright and well read;
They never will shirk
When it comes to hard work,
And even do homework in bed.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9409
Who taught all the lads with decorum,
How young girls to exploit
With the movement adroit,
And how best to make love and explore 'em.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1960
In a sex course could not get a grade.
Her prof heard her confession,
That she'd fail her profession,
So he showed her how she should be made.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0333
And more to my course in psychology,
But ther most informational
Was a coeducational
Course in organic biology.
--- Larry Payne P8311
Who knew not the bedroom maneuver.
But Professor McBride,
Who in teaching took pride,
Gave his wholehearted time to improve her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0199
I charge not a dime for tuition:
I teach 'em the ways
In which a prick plays,
And I fuck 'em in any position.
--- G2298
This cane, you are hell-bent on yanking.
Why, you shameless swat!!
Indulging that Twat
And all just to save you a spanking?
--- Anon
'Cause that seed, I sure do like sowing.
And fluffy my sweet,
It's all rather neat,
What happens when this thing get's growing.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had three vulva, four tits and two asses.
She sure looked like hell
But she did her job well,
As a sex teacher of Joy Of Sex classes.
--- Ken Elrod P8209
Our ways of enhancing love's force.
First, a course in caressing;
Next, one in undressing;
Then for climax, our great inter-course.
--- Laurence Perrine P9409
To practice a new type of sin:
All you need is a tutor,
To make you a suitor,
Who makes love like the late Errol Flynn.
--- Norm Storer P0012
Taught sex to an overflow class.
His unique point of view
Raised an eyebrow or two:
'Love begins with a good piece of ass.'
--- Phil Cannibal P9201a
Seek help from their modern-day pastors,
They don't ask for prayer
Or spiritual care,
But referral to Johnson and Masters.
--- Norm Storer
To write about frictional motions,
Including the crude
And explicitly rude,
Which cause major in-trouser commotions.
--- Anon
In spite of some sex education,
Quite often go wrong
When using a dong,
Because they just lack concentration.
--- Anon
Viv-a-vis with the opposite genre:
But some day mayhap
I will find a nice chap
Who'll instruct me in double-entendre."
--- Conrad Aiken
To diddle that girl with your wurst.
But carry on leching,
She needs far more stretching...
If I ram her now she will burst.
--- Anon
Who knew how with old men to mix.
She dated young Steve
Who was somewhat naive,
And she taught a new dog some old tricks.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0192
Studied all the psychotics he knew.
When asked why, he replied,
"You see, it's a guide
To new sexual things I might do."
--- Isaac Asimov
Said, "Here is where you put your prick in, son.
Now do not drool and dribble,
You must give these a nibble,
And get an occasional lick in, son."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0110
"I can't figure it out -- where does this go?"
"Well," she said "I've a space
But be sure, when in place,
Let the other, instead of the piss go."
--- Keith MacMillan A023C
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