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There once was a dolly from Dublin, A lass who possessed a plump rear full, There was a young lady named Nance, There was a young fellow from Wark, There was a young lad of Bras d'Or Sex by begging is good for a while My romantic style has a new tone; There's nothing like blowing your trumpet, There was a young cockster named Flynn I've wintered in AJL land, I'll drive those girls down to the lot There was an announcer named Herschel, Getting girls for the fellows from Sicily, There was a young devil named Stu, A moral young watchdog and sentry "That India rubber man's gay, sir." "The cry of the day is diversity," I once met a mean mother fucker; When a Spaniard I know cries, Ole! If you hear a Spaniard cry "Ole!" The woodchopper dated Miss Brackett Hickory Dickery Dock, The chef de cuisine, name of Biddle, And being the recipient Winter is here with its grouch. The way that me dibble can jiggle, If I had a girl named Dolores, It's been said the disgruntled Miss G Said a girl being had in a shanty, ("I Write As I Please" by Walter Duranty - 1935)
A young couple who lived at 'The Laurels', The game between sexes eschews, I start north of the line with my vixen, It seems that all our perversions There was a young man from Swarthmore, My momma's got tits long and droppy; There are very few things that I know. At Radium Springs on vacation A moral old man of Racine, "Nose-to-nose his toes is in it, With the cook, the new butler named Grange In the spring, I am always afraid, He's a 'net freak like many we've seen; North of Dallas-Ft. Worth, Sue and Tex There was a young lady of Norway, A virtuous lady named Lynch If you graduated from Mills, A remarkable race are the Persians, There was a young lady named Bower, The quasi-statistical screw If I had a girl named Delores, There's a vaporish maiden in Harrison There was a young lady named Cleft When he talks a girl into a lay, (Dr Ruth Westheimer, 90's sex expert)
In China, sex manuals say, In Egypt, sex manuals say, In Siam, sex manuals state, In Moffett, sex manuals say, (CA - California)
Said a fancier of horses named Finney, There was a young lady of Baylor Quickies are often good fun, To kiss her lips and cheek, be bold; When offered a thing that can wriggle, A rounder whose last name was Paulk Said a fair-skinned young lady named Nan, Said her grace, "I impose one condition, The unsolved mystery of SEX
Who never defined it as troublin',
To let Pat McNeer
Stick it right in her ear--
She just loved the dear sound of its bubblin'!
--- Norm Storer
Tried sex in ways diverse and cheerful.
But a preacher named Hays
Who did not like her ways,
Proceeded to give her an earful.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0749
Who learned about fucking in France.
And when you'd insert it,
She'd squeeze till she hurt it,
And shoved it right back in your pants.
--- L0326
Who, when he screws, has to bark.
His wife is a bitch
With a terrible itch,
So the town never sleeps after dark.
--- L0360A
Who was laid by a maid on the shore;
It excited him blind
When she leased his behind
While engulfing his eager before.
--- Keith MacMillan 24a
So be sure that you give it a trial.
But love is alluring
So sweet and enduring
If you make love in true doggie style.
--- Tom Patton P0204
I no longer caress, tease, and moan.
Remembering Rover,
I beg, then roll over,
As a prelude to burying my bone.
--- Arthur Deex P0204
When it comes to having a bit of crumpet.
But sometimes I find
You go out of your mind.
So shag it, then go and dump it.
--- Anon
Who bragged on his skill getting in;
"In what?" you may query,
With tones somewhat sneery:
In homes of original sin.
--- Armand Singer
Where limerick fun has been grand;
But Spring's comin' on,
And soon I'll be gone;
I've got some new heifers to brand.
--- Anon
Where they'll feel my branding iron, hot;
They'll lay on the ground;
I'll have their legs bound,
Then sizzle them in the right spot.
--- Anon
Whose habits became controversial,
Because when out wooing,
Whatever he was doing,
At ten he'd insert his commercial.
--- L1436
Involves acts that are winky and whistly.
But all over Italy
Fathers react fitally,
And go after them knify and missily.
--- Isaac Asimov
Who ruined a maiden or two.
That is, if good screwin'
Can cause a girl's ruin.
Even so, give the devil his due.
--- John Ciardi
Has told all the righteous gentry
That something went wrong
With the double oontong
And made it a twice double entry.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8407
"Not true -- but his problem's a facer.
He loves the snake charmer
And never would harm her
But fears his embrace would erase her."
--- Sally Porter P8405
Said a man from the State University.
"Try every new way
To enjoy a good lay,
And time is your only adversity."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
He scared me though I was a trucker.
His woman was nice,
So I took her home twice;
All night I would fuck her and suck her.
--- Anon
What else can his wife do but obey?
After several Riojas
He tickles her knockers,
And then has his Iberian way.
--- Alistair Sampson P0209
It's not for the white or rose,
Or glasses of tinto,
So you better sprinto
And vamos you ass right away!
--- Carol
And proceeded to take off his jacket.
Her pussy felt tight
But he said with smile bright,
He was sure without doubt he could hack it.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0057
Fun around the clock.
But when lovers meet
In bed under a sheet,
It's better to dick and not talk.
--- Collins
Explained before starting to diddle,
Why his girl he did toast:
"For like pancakes or roast,
They are good when they're hot off the griddle."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0046
Of this action of coming and went,
Makes me feel all aglow
When you tuck down below
Your thing, be it ram straight or bent.
--- Anon
The time when you sneeze and you slouch.
And you can't go canoeing, (You can't take your women)
To get in your screwing, (Canoein' or swimmin',)
But a lot can be done on a couch.
--- Anon L0047a
Cause many a woman to giggle.
But virgins complain,
It causes great pain,
While hookers just call it a niggle.
--- SFA
All the Sex Follies Judges would score us
An impeccable ten,
So we'd easily win,
While the crowd, on their feet, would adore us.
--- Crazy Legs T9711
Told her boyfriend, almost angrily,
"I've discovered this sex
Stuff is pretty complex.
Is it ever done simplistically?"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0203
"My dear, you have got it in slanty."
He replied, "I can use
Any angle I choose.
I ride as I please--I'm Duranty!"
--- L0344
Had the most indescribable morals.
You'd not see in a zoo
The things that they'd do,
To make up when they had lovers' quarrels.
--- W F N Watson
Any reason that one can peruse,
For the facts are hereof,
That she screws to get love,
While he only loves to get screws.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9511a
Caressing her breasts and I'm fixin'
To head to the south
With my tongue out of mouth,
'Til I get to the line Mason's dick's in...
--- Anon
Were known to the Medes and the Persians.
But the French and the Yanks
Earn our undying thanks,
For inventing some modernized versions.
--- G0716
This is file yom
Whose lusting was famously hardcore.
He never took flack
For his work in the sack;
For this is what Jimmy was made for.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
My daddy's balls hang low and floppy.
And when daddy's wang
Gets doggin' that tang,
Her nips bang his nuts till they poppy.
--- Anon
And most things I try, I am slow.
When engaged in the sex act
I've found it's a true fact
That instead of coming, I go.
--- Fred Cohen P8301
A tourist absorbed radiation.
This led in due course
To a potent new force --
He could couple without penetration!
--- Hugh Oliver 99a
Whose love life was wholesome and clean,
Fucked his wife all these years
With his nose and his ears,
So was never considered obscene.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0748
Toes-to-toes his nose is in it."
This riddle defines
My poems final line:
Tall woman in bed with a short little twit.
--- Rhymarian
Indulged in his antics so strange,
For he screwed her, the fink,
In the fridge and the sink,
But she felt he had not found the range.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0702
For the honor of young man and maid.
I tremble with dread
Lest a lad be misled,
And I shudder to see one miss laid!
--- Laurence Perrine P9409
His Old Lady got pissed at the scene;
To entice her old clown,
She does strip herself down,
Then stands, starkers, 'tween him and the screen!
--- Anon
Would ride bareback on their horses' necks.
And always they'd fain
To give their horses free rein,
While engaging in unbridled sex.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9509
Who hung by her heels in a doorway.
She said to her beau,
"Just look at me, Joe.
I think I've discovered one more way."
--- Algernon C Swinburn L1724
From decency never would flinch.
She professed morals sound
And she held to her ground,
And she never gave in but an inch.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1881
Then you're probably mentally ill.
But I am no slouch
When it comes to the couch,
So lie back and keep perfectly still.
--- Bill Wall
They have such peculiar diversions.
They screw the whole day
In the regular way,
And save up the nights for perversions.
--- Playboy Mag L0337
Who dwelt in an Ivory Tower.
But a poet from Perth,
Laid her flat on the earth,
And proceeded with penis to plough her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0020
Is physically something quite new:
Differentially slow,
Its nature is so
That it's still going on when you're through.
--- G2642
I'd surely control her clitoris.
I'd rub it each day,
And if she went astray,
I'd join the Vienna chorus!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who longed for the love of a Saracen.
But she had to confine her
Intent to a shriner,
Who suffers, I fear, by comparison.
--- Morris Bishop P0202
Who dated a man who was deft.
Though she kept in full view
What his right hand did do,
She was screwed by the one that was left.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0088
A man should be really "au fait",
With the sort of techniques
Of which Dr. Ruth speaks
That allow her to go, him to stay.
--- John E Mayhood P9901
You cannot at right angles lay.
(White man having fun).
It cannot be done.
But try it and maybe you may.
--- Irving Superior P9109
Since desert sands everywhere lay,
By comb, first remove
The grains near the groove,
Then vacuum the rest of the way.
--- Irving Superior P9108
When Siamese twins have a date,
Three girls must be there;
The two who will share;
The third girl will then orchestrate.
--- Irving Superior P9108
You do it the Pentatette Way.
Details are obscure
But one thing is sure,
It comes once a month from CA.
--- Irving Superior P9108
"I will date a young girl if she's skinny.
But before we can lay
I expect her to neigh.
And after we're through, she must whinny."
--- Al Chaplin P9702a
Who fell madly in love with a sailor.
Since they met at a dance,
He was forced to wear pants,
And he had to turn sideways to nail her.
--- G0012
But "slowies" are still number one.
Gently or roughly,
Don't treat me too gruffly,
'Cause slow shags are second to none.
--- Jayne a
Neither too rude; nor too cold.
Glance at her face,
Glide in at slow pace,
Wedded together in eternal hold.
--- Anon
You'll find that most females will giggle.
But if it's sans fin,
Don't put it straight in;
Just pause at the entrance and jiggle.
--- SFA
Claimed spats were not always his fault.
When attempting to score
As he had twice before,
He thought "STOP" was simply sweet talk.
--- John Paulk P0310
As she stretched on the beach, "I won't tan.
Moonbeams are too thin
To damage my skin,
When I cover myself with a man."
--- John Ciardi
Before I assume the position.
It's my view that nudity
Cannot excuse crudity.
No fucking. Just tasteful coition."
--- John Ciardi
Not WHEN, WHERE, nor WHO is next.
(WHY -- genes explain.
IF --her choice remains.)
It's HOW do we discuss Rx.
--- Irving Superior P9102
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