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As they screwed on a bed of hard nails, Royals and commoners wept Princess Di, in unfortunate place, Lady Di said, "This is absurd! Princess Di gave reporters the power Diana was smitten in Spring Di's cellulite problem is shocking! Dolly Parton calls the Globe a louse, Diana, the late Princess of Wales, Diana's princessly disguise, Like her sister-in-law, Duchess of York, Whilst traveling at a great rate, "The Princess was heard to declare, (between therapy session and secret trysts - Di)
England's precious Princess Di, I saw in this morning's Express, The story is over, my friends; Now Dodie and Di met their untimely ends; A decorum with this I may rend, This year LIZ H REX stifled a moan; Sir Walter the Spanish engages, Our old queen, Lizzie the oneth, Queen Lizzie climbed into her carriage; Prince Phillip, his face wreathed in smiles, "We must not appear to be lax," "Egads!" ripped Queen Liz, "That would foil I'm considered in England a toff; At last my Lord has confessed, I never said I do the job Dear Peter, if Bob should retire, I must also confess, you see, Queen Elizabeth kept her own bed, Queen Bess knew she never would wed, Great Elizabeth, Queen, if you please, Queen Bess from great house to house went. To his Queen, said the circumspect Burleigh, In the life of earthy Queen Bess, sex Since Lizzy, the Virgin Regina, Elizabeth pursued love each Spring, Great Queen whom I idolize, (W McGonagall - one weird dude!)
Queen Elizabeth taking a crap, I think I'm in love with the Queen, The Queen has herself in a pickle! Being the Queen must be super, The immaculate Sir Walter Raleigh, With lute and with sword I adore As I sat on the bed of the Queen, (Ich Dien = I what?)
(I hope you can grasp what I mean. In '52, up in a tree, So far, the Brits remain loyal Those who to the Royals are anti, And other Brits now realize So maybe it's all for the best To Dame Elizabeth, Happy Day! I ought to be king, that's a fact. My first claim: you ask me to bake Now hold back awhile your abuse. I'm not sure about climbing trees, You must know like George III, I'm mad, When Ambassador J Wilton Haimes, A republican devil maintains I've just got this telegraph wire; A lady called Marigold Dean Windsor Castle, that place of renown, While Agnes and Fred were canoodling, The hair stylist of England's Queen Bess, The Queen has this dainty commode
"Woohoo!" said the Princess of Wales.
She blew him a kiss;
Said "I've never done this
In top hat, white tie, and tails."
--- Kevin Hale
As she was taken to her crypt.
Elton's dumb song
Keeps playing along;
Too bad the pallbeares didn't slip.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Paparazzi behind giving chase.
Said St. Peter in Heaven
"You're number eleven,
Before entering, wipe Merc off your face."
--- Rick Limmer T9710
Charles always has the last word!"
So to shake up the Brits,
She uncovered her teats,
And flipped the Queen Mother the bird!
--- Ogden Nield P9601
To interview her for an hour.
And, with true British pluck
She trashed Liz and Chuck;
She's regretting it now in the Tower.
--- Anon
With a Prince who would surely be King.
But he had some goals
Which included Mrs. Bowles,
So the Princess said "Chuck the whole thing!"
--- Hunny3
Its set the world's press to mocking.
But she's nothing to fear,
You'll be delighted to hear.
I've sent her my Granny's surgical stocking!
--- Herkin
Which prints more on Princess Di and spouse;
Which ignorance shows
For everyone knows
A Royal Flush beats a Full House.
--- Daniel Ford
Spoke of bullemia and other food tales.
Her life it was hell
And it's just as well;
It ended scraping her into a pail.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was DIADEM that dazzed the eyes.
Which she lost at last
Ere much time had passed,
To sleep with some less princely guys.
--- Chris Papa
Princess Di has been blessed by the stork.
Till the brats are full grown,
She'll get checks from the throne,
And she won't have to sleep with that dork.
--- Arthur Deex P9606
Lady Di spoke up, quite irate.
"Could you slow down this Merc,
You ignorant jerk?
We might hit the wall....BANG!...to late.
--- Cyber Celt T9710
Let gossips poke fun if they dare.
My real inspiration
Is Bron's invitation;
Stick that in your tabloids, so there."
--- Princess Diana P9611
Reminds one of mom's apple pie.
With the poor she was sweet.
See her now'd be a treat,
But the tabloids ground her down to die.
--- Joe the Jester
Princess Di in a transparent dress.
Is that the royal show?
Prince Charles shouted NO!
But the man from Del Monte said Yes!
--- Bill Wall
Too late now for making amends.
Let's not dwell on "Why!"
For Dodi and Di;
That's the way that the Mercedes Benz!
--- John Miller 0088
A certain clear message their tragedy sends.
They shouldn't have speeded;
Seat belts were needed.
But that's just the way the Mercedes Benz.
--- Jeff A
But I don't wish to play "Let's Pretend."
I would love to lose sight
Of that royal parasite --
When will Princess Di bullshit end?
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9804a
Not a moan, but say rather a groan.
She's not known to complain,
But says, "It's been a strain
Sitting 50 long years on the Throne."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0208
Forsaking his lady for ages,
So she goes to bed
With a good book instead,
And often a couple of pages.
--- Michael Horgan
Is said to have bathed once a month,
But such stuff's for royalty,
And I show my loyalty,
And bathe after sex with two nunth.
--- Anon
They had dragged it out of the garage,
And cleaned off the dust
And old gum and rust,
A thing I'm not going to disparage.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Has now found a cure for his piles.
He grins, has a laugh,
As his right royal staff
Is massaged by Liz for three miles.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Quipped Phillip, while probing the cracks
Of Liz, "Or all Brits
Might come to their wits
And cease our support with their tax."
--- Travis Brasell
Our lifestyle and we'd have to toil
To earn daily bread
And that I would dread!
So, quick, make me come -- then look royal!"
--- Travis Brasell
And upper-class dude. You may scoff,
But I tell you I've seen
Quite a lot of The Queen;
She comes to my house for a boff!
--- Peter W a
With a silver spoon he is blessed.
But the only "Queen"
That he's ever seen,
Is some quaint old queer overdressed.
--- Bob
With the queen, it's my manservant Bob.
He dong is so long
That she gave him a gong,
And she dubbed him Lord Robert of Knob.
--- Peter W
I'll dress up in butler attire.
I'll present my plumb
To Liz and Queen Mum.
Perhaps they could dub it their squire.
--- H Welchel
And I confess it with absolute glee.
You can't have the job
Of good butler Bob;
For quite simply, old Bob is just me!
--- Bob
Though many had sought her to wed.
Despite all their urgin'
She remained a virgin,
It was greatness, not children, she bred.
--- Warrick Elrod
But suitors on a merry chase led.
She played each on a string,
Let each think he'd be king,
But kept pure her virginal bed.
--- Warrick Elrod
Wrote majestically in Stengelese.
She'd indict in a way
That made councillors say:
"Does she mean to inform, or to tease?"
--- Warrick Elrod
This is file ykl
In Northumberland, Oxford, and Kent.
While her retinue supped,
All her hosts went bankrupt,
But she saved on her food bills and rent.
--- Warrick Elrod
"It is true that you are old Harry's girlie,
But if you meet Essex
And do not supress sex,
You'll be had by the short and the curly."
--- A Cinna
Included both Leicester and Essex,
But what with her cares
Not to give herself heirs,
It never was quite a success, sex.
--- History Pun Chimera P0108
Could not rupture her honeyed vagina,
She let men make use
Of her Royal Caboose,
Then cried, "Breakfast is served in the diner."
--- Judson Jerome P8805
Seeking the man to be king.
Many a fellow tried to woo her
And wound up one head fewer --
A lofty price for a spring fling.
--- LostnAustin
'Twould be a most pleasant surprise,
And one to remember,
Could I place my member
Between thy mighty and Sovereign thighs.
--- Jeffrey Littman
Had a volume of Keats on her lap.
Waking up with a start,
She let fly a fart,
And broke up a really good nap.
--- Tony Davie
Although a bit odd it may seem.
Her royal demeanor
Keeps my limericks cleaner,
To be loyal is what I do mean.
--- Bob Mornington
Besides treating Di like a dickhole,
Now there's a shot on TV,
Of Her Highness at tea,
Using arsehole to pick up a nickel.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With corgis that nip at a trooper.
While the Queen And Prince walk,
Just behind he must stalk,
To clean up with a gold pooper scooper.
--- Warrick Elrod
Had a terrible row with his valet,
Who, on seeing his cloak,
Cried, "You lousy old soak!
You've been rolling about in the alley."
--- T L McCarthy
Thee, Sovereign Maid from before.
The gold from a galleon,
With the cloak of a Raleigh on.
All these I now lay at your door.
--- Anon
She made some proposals obscene.
I said, "Button your lip;
I prefer Prince Phillip --
And to hell with your famous Ich Dien'."
--- CMC P8301
You don't know what a trial it has been.
While climbing your walls,
I squashed both my balls,
But my bottom is lovely and clean.)
--- CMC P8301
Princess E learned that she was the Queen;
Events of years past
Mean she might be the last;
But for now, it's the Gold Jubilee!
--- Dr Limerick 02-06-02
To the oddball bunch they call The Royals;
But the publicized quarrels
Of Diana and Charles
Have the image indelibly soiled.
--- Dr Limerick 02-06-02
Say the Royals behavior gives scanty
Justification
For personification
Of the Nation by Royals so randy.
--- Dr Limerick 02-06-02
They can't the past idealize;
They're only a province
Of E U, not sovereigns,
So it's past time to de-Royalize.
--- Dr Limerick 02-06-02
That the reign of the Second Queen Bess
Be the end of the Royals,
And from now on the toils
Of the prince will be those of the rest.
--- Dr Limerick 02-06-02
It's time that everyone say
Happy Birthday to you!
All good wishes are due.
Now blow candles, eat cake and go play!
--- Anon
You may say that I'm lacking in tact,
As I state below,
I'm qualified, so
Old Lizzie will have to be sacked.
--- Tiddy Ogg 09-15-02
A sponge or some other fine cake.
I swear that like Alf-
Red the Great, at least half
Will be charcoal, I'll make no mistake.
--- Tiddy Ogg 09-15-02
Claim 2: I, like Robert the Bruce,
Could sit and watch spiders
While gulping down ciders,
For which I sure need no excuse.
--- Tiddy Ogg 09-15-02
Like Charles II does as he flees.
But do it I might,
As proof of my right,
To sit on that throne, if you please.
--- Tiddy Ogg 09-15-02
And just like King John, very bad.
We are not amused,
Our claim is refused,
But you folks should be very glad.
--- Tiddy Ogg 09-15-02
Took his post at the Court of St. James,
A perpetual frown
Crossed the brow of the Crown;
She found Haimes had no memory for names.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0305
That an obvious fact here pertains:
Her Majesty's crown
May bring her renown,
But she'll never get much for her brains.
--- Prof M-G
It says "Orf with his head!" I'll retire
To the mainland in Spain,
Where asylum I'll gain
From the threat of Her Majesty's ire.
--- Anon
Said, "You'll never guess where I've been.
I stepped on a train
To get out of the rain,
And it took me to tea with the Queen."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
At the Land Registry, is written down,
As belonging to Liz,
And the reasoning is:
That reordered, it's listed as Crown.
--- David Bourke
Poor Lilibet whiled her time doodling
A pic of her kid
With the crown on his lid,
And his floozy beneath--not amusing!
--- Mystelle
Mr. Wanda said, "I felt duress,
When Liz said she'd Knight me,
Now that did afright me.
I saw Sir Walter's neck. What a mess!"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9811
Made of porcelain, Wedgewood and Spode.
It is rather refined
And should suit her behind,
'Til she farts -- then it's bound to implode.
--- Peter Wilkins
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