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She begged and she pleaded for more. "Oh Sidney, my dearest .." "Eh, what?" "But Sidney .." "Oh Sidney .." "For heaven's sake, Dot; A curious old maid named McKesson, There was a young fellow named Hyde, There once was a passel of Negroes A young man who was from Kansas City An ill-advised salesman named Wade, Kaye, while a teacher at work, Have you heard about Mrs. Cotell? I'm lost in the depths of your eyes; The wife of the raider Von Luckner A newlywed man of Racine A Puritan looked at his yard There once was a two-husband wife, (ad for the movie "Having It All" with Dyan Cannon)
The Whipples who dropped in to call There was an old burglar named Fife, There was a young fellow named Dunn Avoid SCISSION and marital strife, For a scrupulous bride of Cape Breton, Reveille invoked the crack of Dawn. I know something 'bout Chris's wife; A major attached to the corps Or maybe the young bugle boy, With the winter time comes, lots of snow, A lecherous lawyer named Drury True love is reciprocal feeling, A young southern lady, Miss Muller, To his bride said the groom, Mr. Bowles, A sex-rabid lad in South Fundy A proper young maid from Japan Till explained by that wise Dr. X, Asked the heart attack victim named Fife, This time, 'bout a quarter past three, A grateful old husband named Bruhl "My wife calls me horny," said Fenster; An old mattress salesman named Deex The intelligent newlyweds, Lee, There was a young fellow named Ken, I'm stuffed full of the Christmas grub; Oral sex is no longer taboo; A passionate fellow named Nicky From his wife, a young fellow named Jack While sitting there spinning his dreidel, (dreidel - a four-sided top for children)
A frustrated fellow named Chase Said a canny young groom, Henry Morse (His reasoning, heart before course.)
Their first night was simply magic There was a young fellow named Boshun A cynical swinger named Lee An overrushed husband named Corning Attached to his mother was Rand; There was a young fellow named Winkle A hillbilly from West Virginia, "I am not sleeping in a twin bed!" Thanksgiving Day is my favorite, "Sex," groused a woman named Bright, Now a fellow we know down at Blighted, A husband deprived was young Rand; Said a hetero fellow named Rex, New bed springs for Grady McCready! Admitted a smiling George Bright, I met my new love on the net; There was a young couple named Pitt I once knew a woman named Nell, Once we'd both signed the detailed pre-nup, If I had a girl named Delores.
I said, "We've already had four,
And I'm sure that you've heard,
Though it's somewhat absurd,
That Eros spelled backwards is sore."
--- Anon
"I'm feeling - you know .." "Well I'm not."
"But Sidney .." "Oh, jeeze."
"Won't you give me a squeeze?"
"No I won't, so quit bugging me Dot."
--- Peter Wilkins
"I want you inside me; like deep."
"Tough titties, I'm tired."
"But I thought you desired
Me." "Stop bleating, you sound like a sheep."
--- Peter Wilkins
Stop whining!" "But Sidney, I'm hot.
I need the delights
Of my conjugal rights..."
"Oh for fuck's sake then -- diddle your twat."
--- Peter Wilkins
Walked in while a man was undressin'.
Said he with a sneer,
As he came in her ear,
"I guess that'll teach you a lesson.
--- G1418
Who took a girl out for a ride.
He mucked up her fuck-hole,
And fucked up her muck-hole,
And charged her two dollars besides.
--- L1182
In the land where the coconut tree grows.
Said one, "I must say,
After fucking all day,
I find that my sense of fatigue grows."
--- G2715
Found sex quite a bore. "It's a pity,"
Said he, shaking his fist,
"That the women insist.
I am punished for being so pretty."
--- Isaac Asimov
Made a stop in Kentucky and played,
With a girl in the hay
Till he heard someone say,
"Step aside, Sis," and "Mistah, youh daid!"
--- John Ciardi
Made love to a thankless young jerk.
Forbidden her bail,
Her ass rots in jail,
For providing this very fine perq.
--- The Sailor P0306
She checked in the Eden Motel,
For a blissful weekend,
With the friend of a friend,
But when she got home, she caught Hell.
--- John Ciardi
I sigh for your golden-brown thighs;
I'll love you forever
And ever, sweet...Trevor!?
Good grief, what a ghastly surprise!
--- Peter Wilkins
Admitted her husband was stuckner.
She oft went to sea with him
In order to be with him,
And to give him the pleasure of fuckner.
--- G0218
Made fucking a daily routine.
Many times he would lay
Through the night and the day,
And his dinner he ate in between.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1290
And beckoned his bride to regard.
"It's not sin to employ it,
Just sin to enjoy it.
Between us it's awfully hard."
--- Lawrence Perrine P9409
Who was leading a bi-coastal life.
Each guy was a treasure
Which doubled her pleasure,
But tripled her marital strife.
--- P8212
Asked to borrow a room down the hall...
For one hour to the minute
He's been on her and in it,
And we're getting damn bored with it all!
--- Grand Prix Lim 542
Who found burgling the joy of his life.
When he entered the house
Through the bedroom, the louse
Scared the owner half out of his wife.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose wife was a real honey bun.
They'd sleep through the night,
Clasped desperately tight,
Till wakened next morn by the sun.
--- Armand E Singer 62
By not leaving the cleaning to wife.
Smile you will see
And tool used to pee
Will discover it has a new life.
--- Esther
An engagement of teasin' and pettin'
So whetted her lust
That, when wedded, she just
Couldn't wait to begin the begettin'.
--- Keith MacMillan 25a
A spread of legs followed a yawn.
A comatose lay;
First light of day;
Left her in bed. To work I've gone.
--- Christopher Kraft
Her embouchure's on Major's fife.
He squirts and she blows;
Infected juice flows,
Passing on Chris's dose, that lowlife!
--- RanDog
Found his pecker exceedingly sore.
His tool he inspected;
"My God! I'm infected!
But was it my wife or my whore?"
--- Christopher Kraft
Whose ass I've been known to employ.
Or the regiment's goat,
That's oft felt my choat,
Or the sheep that were acting so coy.
--- Christopher Kraft
And nights when it's forty below.
But I'll never worry;
For to bed I will scurry;
And cuddle with Hubby, you know.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Once raped some poor girl in his fury.
But he married the lass
To get legalized ass --
Not simply de facto, de jure.
--- Armand E Singer 336
Not one in which there is kneeling.
If one lover says Yea,
And the other says Nay,
There is certain to be double dealing.
--- Laurence Perrine P9307
Eloped with a gentleman of color.
She said, "Please keep it dark,
But this isn't a lark--
My doughnut's just right for his cruller."
--- G0703
"In your life you will find many shoals.
To avoid any bind,
It is best, you will find,
That we give equal time to all holes."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0906
Who had his wife daily and Sunday,
Said to her in high glee,
"That's the Sunday one, see?
And tomorrow.,..Ho Ho...will be Monday!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 559
Once opened her legs for a man.
The action completed,
She often repeated.
Thank God she'd first married the man!
--- Laurence Perrine P9407
What did grandmama know about sex?
And poor grandfather too,
Did he know what to do?
Or, when at it, forsee its effects?
--- G0233
This is file yjm
"Will intercourse shorten my life?"
"Not a bit," said the doc,
"You will suffer no shock
As long as you fuck with your wife."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8305
My wife's body pressed up against me.
My desire I'm showing,
But she thinks it's annoying.
And yells, "Get out of bed and go pee!"
--- Da Homer A
Admits that his wife's a real jewel;
He gets it each night
Without the least fight,
And seven times extra at Yule.
--- Armand E Singer 329
"It's what I do best that's incensed her;
No wonder my Frau
Is sore at me now;
She fears that I'll hold it against her."
--- Armand E Singer 581
Of his honeymoon longingly speaks,
"We were in such a state,"
He said, "We couldn't wait
To get to Warm Springs for two weeks." (GA)
--- Bob Giandomenico P8805
Sensed the future had no guarantee.
They faced life, but on guard;
They both knew 'twould be hard,
But they knew not how long it would be.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0241
The sweetest and gentlest of men.
When his wife, in the night,
Would awake in a fright,
He would soothe her and screw her again.
--- Isaac Asimov
Also had a pint at the pub.
But what I like best
Was the afternoon rest,
And shagging my wife in the tub.
--- Funny Bone
Masturbation's encouraged now too.
Said the couple named Beers,
Who'd been wed forty years,
"Nowadays, is it alright to screw?"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0411
Found marriage to be a bit sticky.
At the end of the week
He was up to his peak,
But his wife merely wanted a quickie.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0279
Got much more than a fair share of flak.
So he said, "You know what,
If it weren't for your twat,
I would leave you and never come back."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0215
Reuben's new bride said "I've played al-
ong with your whims,
Put on this slip worn in gyms,
But I not pour on oil with that ladle!"
--- H Myers T9712
Had nothing to say to wife Grace
For three decades or so --
But his family did grow
For he only was mad at her face.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0081
(Though his conduct not all will endorse):
"My bride gets no dinner (Refused his wife dinner)
Before I get in her; (Before he got in her;)
If she's weak, it will take much less force."
--- Armand E Singer 517
For it to end seemed tragic
Bess was sated
Horatio, elated
Years later they'd look back, lethargic
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose wife did not have much devotion.
And though he got above her,
He did not really love her;
He went through the mechanical motion.
--- Albin Chaplin
Said, "Marriage seems stupid to me;
I think most would allow
Only fools buy a cow,
When you get what you want from it free."
--- Armand E Singer 42a
Could not get it up in the morning.
He figured, "I guess
If I'm to tumesce,
My wife needs to give me more warning."
--- Armand E Singer 353
She catered to his every demand.
And she stood by his side
When he fucked with his bride;
She was there to hold on to his hand.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2245
For whom a new ray once did twinkle.
With his wife he was bored,
She'd been fully explored,
But he looked and he found a new wrinkle.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0782
Married a nice girl from Kenya.
Said, "My prejudiced Dad
Should surely be mad,
But I can't tell the difference when in ya!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Freddy said, "The mere mention I dread...
I commute for days, Sue,
But I won't for nights too.
For in one week of that I'd be dead!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 628
And turkey stuffing? I savor it.
But the love of my life
Is stuffing my wife!
(But I probably shouldn't belabor it!)
--- Shakes Younger Bro T9711
"Is something real hard to get right;
For me, once or twice
A month is quite nice,
But he loves to do it each night!"
--- Armand E Singer 843
With the girls he'd get very delighted,
Till a Doctor at Fife
Said, "Have sex with your wife.
I don't want you to get very excited."
--- Clarence E Boyle P8412
His wife took a most stubborn stand.
She doled out his pleasure
Every month in small measure.
He fell madly in love with his hand.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1892
"Same sex marriages give me a hex.
A monogamous life,
Making love to one wife,
Can turn a guy off to same sex."
--- Bob Giandomenico
The eighth time this year and old Grady
Piles in the back yard
Each added discard...
Well, he still hasn't worn out his lady!
--- Grand Prix Lim 799
"I know you could say I'm up tight;
My good wife, do you hear,
Gives me sex once a year --
Not good, but tonight is the night!"
--- Armand E Singer 41
He, for a change, love's to pet.
My new husbands better,
'Cause he makes me wetter,
And he keeps me orgasming, you bet!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who never had argued a bit.
But it was not all bliss,
There was something amiss
And between them a permanent split.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0580
And I guess I was under her spell.
We rented a room
Just like bride and groom,
And then, we just played show and tell.
--- Al Willis P9507
My fiancee hoisted her cup.
"This gives me delight,
For on our wedding night,
I'll know quite precisely what's up."
--- Norm Storer P9806
I'd build a big house in the forest,
We'd make love every night,
Under twinkling moonlight,
And oh, what a family'd florish!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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