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With perfume the seat is infused, Henry's first wife was Catherine of Aragon; Young Henry the Eighth, know as Tudor, Jane Seymour was Henry's third wed, From far travelled young Anne of Cleves, Katharyn Howard was known to be flirty; The last queen he wed, Catherine Parr, Henry Eighth had his rigid belief I think you've got Henry quite well, Now Henry wore smelly old socks; King of England, Henry the 1st The ghost of King Henry-the-Two Henry Tudor instructed each mate King Henry the Eighth was a man I've unearthed a numerical plot There once was a monarch named Harry, A monarch named Henry the Eighth A tidbit on Henry the Eight. King Henry VIII doth girth display. When Henry the eighth was the king, Said Cranmer, "The Church being fissile, Henry VIII had a knight named Wrisley. King Henry the Eighth was a Tudor, Old Henry the Eighth was the king; His big brother Arthur said: "Kiddo, So wife 1 was Arrogant Kate, He had the odd mistress, meantimes, So number 2's Annie Boleyn, As Henry said: "She was a bitch, The next one was Janey Seymourses, "Now Jane and me had quite a fright, So wife number 4's Anne of Cleves, Kate Howard was chose to be next: The last one was Catherine Parr, To recap then, here are their names: I hope you have sympathy for King Henry But he saved the remainder...for later.
He used her most often at night; From then on she was faithful and true, He relied on her for his releases, He literally loved her to pieces.
She looked like she'd been through a meat-grinder, She lasted nigh onto a year, For a while he thought he might freeze her. King Henry became an old man; King Henry the First and his mate King Henry the Eighth is distraught. Old Henry he had a great girth; It's not social climbing, it's said When Henry the Eigth was a lad, Old Henry got up to some tricks; What gives with this daft Tudor Tart? Tudor Tarts are tasty we're told; (Henry VIII wives) We Tarts are indeed in demand; Our whips we wield with great skill, In the silence of her empty room, Drinking gin and a fun-loving time The royal Queen Mother in London, So old bat, now we put you to rest The dear Queen mum is now put to rest, They've buried old Lizzie Bowes-Lyon; Loyalists, here, near, and far, Queen Mum has been given last rites, Let's raise up a toast to Queen Mum -- The Queen Mother wanders the palace God bless the dear old Queen Mum They filled her with NHS blood, (National Health Service) The Queen Mum is one hundred and one,
But to date, only once has she used
It when after a drinkle,
She needed to tinkle.
We laughed but she wasn't amused.
--- Peter Wilkins
For a time he thought she was his paragon,
But to get a divorce,
Broke with Rome, but of course,
And then feasted on quail's eggs and tarragon.
--- Marc Willcox
His manner could not have been ruder.
For his wife, Anne Boleynm
Lost her head, What a sin!
I bet she wished that he'd never wooed her.
--- Marc Willcox
And at Hampton Court took to her bed.
For a son she produced,
But her health it reduced,
And she died, but she did keep her head.
--- Marc Willcox
But her face, Henry badly receives.
Holbein makes her look fair,
Henry thinks "Flanders Mare!"
I'm the luckiest Queen, she perceives.
--- Marc Willcox
With lovers, there must have been thrity.
Culpepper and she
Found "en flagrenti",
Whilst Henry played his hurdy gurdy.
--- Marc Willcox
Was the one who outlived him. Hoorah!
When Hal was quite dead,
Here wings she did spread,
And opened a plush singles bar.
--- Marc Willcox
Played out as a regal LEITMOTIF:
All my wives I love,
But, push comes to shove,
Prefer them for couplings quite brief.
--- Chris Papa
For he thought of himself as a "swell".
But cross him and see
That your head was the fee;
I sure hope that bastard's in Hell.
--- Anon
He never gave flowers or chocs.
If you gave him head
In the royal bed,
He'd always reward you with pox.
--- Anon
After eating some spicy bratwurst,
Said: "We thought for a 2nd
It was juicy; we reckoned
We would eat it to lower our 3st"
--- Graig Gigol
Imbibed of some brain-tonic goo;
It gave the impression
Of great self-possession,
But failed to enhance his I.Q.
--- Nick D Kim
In the French arts (which he deemed first-rate),
But this sort of erogeny
Leaves one short on progeny;
That's why he's called Henry "the ate."
--- Robin K Willoughby P8607 a
Whose libido got far out of hand.
With ballocks of brass
And a velvet-cased ass,
He raped all the maids in the land.
--- G0145
With historical meaning, so fraught
As to give me full faith
That fat Henry the Eighth,
Was just Henry the Seventh on pot.
--- Don Moore P0311
Whose efforts seemed doomed to miscarry,
Since his wish for a son,
Plus unlimited fun,
Made him marry and marry and marry.
--- Mary Holtby
Was titled "Defender of Faith".
He might have been that
And being so fat,
He wasn't a specter or wraith.
--- R J Winkler P8402
He too had a Catherine The Grate.
A nag and a bore;
Yak-yak evermore.
Solution? To deactivate.
--- Irving Superior P9204
Betrothal banquets on him weigh.
Each wedding feast
A girth increase.
And last, but not least, farewell buffet.
--- Irving Superior P8308
He danced well and could prettily sing.
But grim fascination
With decapitation
Made his reign quite a damned bloody thing.
--- Warrick Elrod
Do we use the old gospel-epistle?"
King Henry said, "Nope,
We'll answer the Pope
With our own anti-missal missal."
--- History Pun Chimera P0108
Who killed a bear on a day dark and drizzly.
He said to Queen Anne,
"Get up off your can,
And cook me a steak off this grizzly."
--- Ed Wolfert P8308
Of our monarchs we've witnessed few lewder;
Each wife that he wed,
He led to the bed,
Where he viewed 'er, and wood 'er and screwed 'er.
--- Kirkham Talbot
He got a new wife every spring.
And 'neath the green leaves
Composed that "Greensleeves",
The verses of which he would sing.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'm off to Spain". That's what he did-o.
And being a paragon,
Wed Katherine of Aragon,
But died and left Henry his widow.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Blonde and blue-eyed, she was great
For 'bout 20 years,
Then it ended in tears.
Divorce was to be this one's fate.
--- Tiddy Ogg
For whom he'd compose Greensleeve rhymes.
I have several here,
Folks tell me, I fear
They're fakes and they're not worth a dime.
--- Tiddy Ogg
She played hard to get, to get in;
Cared not what she said,
So quite soon her head
Fell into the recycle bin.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I framed her, claimed she had an itch
For her own brother Georgie,
With whom she had orgies."
A fine reason for her to ditch.
--- Tiddy Ogg
This one isn't one of those whoreses,
She gave him a son;
'Twas his only one;
Then dropped dead of natural causes.
--- Tiddy Ogg
When Anne found us two in a slight
Bit of fellation;
A simple flirtation.
No wonder Anne's head soon took flight."
--- Tiddy Ogg
A mail-order bride, I believes,
But when they were wed,
They ne'er went to bed,
And she too, was soon asked to leave.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But her extra-marital sex
Caused her head to drop,
When she got the chop...
I think with her Henry was vexed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
This is file yjl
She had her affairs but cooed "Dar-
ling Henry, you're great,
I love all your eight..."
And so she outlived him by far.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Katie A, Anne B and Jane,
Then came Annie C,
Katie H, Katie P,
And that was the end of his reign.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Our Henry, just note that the poor
Man's life was sheer hell;
I've shown you quite well,
The bloke had six mothers-in-law.
--- Tiddy Ogg
King Henry's new wife, he did hate her,
For she farted and pissed when he ate her.
Sex with her, he did dread,
So he chopped off her head,
--- Martin A Thompson
She was harder to see without light.
Never once did she moan,
When he drove himself home,
Never once did she put up a fight.
--- Anon
Though her flesh turned purple and blue.
For a while she was hot,
When she started to rot,
Then she bloated and ripped right in two!
--- Anon
Decomposition formed natural greases.
Then with undying love, a push and a shove,
Undying passion, not subject to fashion,
Frantic emotion, and ferverous motion,
--- Anon
But depending on how he aligned her,
She could take what he had,
Without oozing too bad,
It worked best with a pillow behind her.
--- Anon
And you may think his habits quite queer,
But could you justify waste,
On pretense of good taste,
With the body you yearned for, so near.
--- Anon
"Make it last!" thought the horny old geezer.
But he noted with awe,
She took ten days to thaw,
To the point where a fellow could seize her.
--- Anon
He relied more and more on his hand.
But he never forgot her,
This lovable rotter,
The ripest in all of the land.
--- Anon
Bore children from their wedding date.
Huge families they bore
Of children galore.
The last one was Henry the Eight.
--- Irving Superior P0800
While looking at Anne Boleyn's twat,
He grasps at a hair
And then in despair,
"SHE LOVES ME" and "SHE LOVES ME NOT."
--- Irving Superior
He stuffed it for all he was worth.
Which was not a lot,
The silly old clot,
'Cause his wives still could not give birth.
--- Anon
To leap into Old Henry's bed.
And you must not scoff
When he has it off,
For likely as not, it's your head.
--- Anon
He said: "It's remarkably sad
To have only one wife
For the rest of your life.
I think I'll have six!" And he had.
--- Anon
His Tudor Tarts numbered six.
Now one at a time
Seemed to be just fine,
If the previous one he could fix.
--- Anon
The real ones were not mad, apart
That is from the ones
Who wiggled their bums,
For to get their motors to start
--- Anon
The best that have ever been sold.
If they stop their kickin',
Then we'll start a lickin';
That is if we may be so bold.
--- Anon
Quite good at our crafts, understand?
But we never are sleazy,
Nor are we easy;
Approach us with caution, young man.
--- Anon
And will strike without warning, at will.
So your manners do mind
Or we'll strike your behind,
And add S & M to your bill.
--- Anon
The queen thought of her forthcoming doom.
The court circular said
She would soon lose her head,
She'd read the announcement with gloom!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Are the factors to make your age climb,
Says Queen Mother to you.
Why are factors but two?
'Cause 101 is a prime.
--- Prof M-G
Who's honored for getting her "ton" done,
Attributes long days
To her fun-loving ways;
And a gin every evening at sundown.
--- Prof M-G
And we loved how you passed every test,
That your life threw you in,
(That includes also gin)
But your million-pound debt, we like best.
--- Ulla
With all baubles and stuff on her chest.
How she did love them all,
Creatures both great and small,
But us Germans she sure did love best.
--- Ulla
She sure took a long time a-dying.
She bet on the horses
At all the race courses;
Oh Lord, how the bookies are cryin'.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Are upset: Old Mum's crossed the bar.
While she gave her best,
The rest are a mess.
Let's bury the whole lot, by gar!
--- Edwin
So who will now settle the fights
In Windsor's old house?
It's not Lizzie's spouse;
I hear he's been staying up knights.
--- Travis Brasell
Make mine with Jamaica's best rum --
But e'er we embalm her,
Let's play Jeffrey Dahmer --
Beats hell out of chewing on gum!
--- Brian
Quite nude and she mumbles, "No malice
Have I for the prince,
Whose cock makes me wince,
Each time he shoots off in my chalice."
--- Travis Brasell
Oops! There she goes down on her bum.
They fill her once more
With Kensington gore,
Now she'll last until Kingdom come.
--- Anon
Not blue stuff, so some may be dud.
Some may have been mine,
And they won't think it fine
If she starts wrestling sheep in the mud.
--- Anon
Which is quite a magnificent sum
Of all those long years,
And many more cheers.
Lets hope she's got a lot more to run.
--- Anon
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