Man conjured many reasons -- a flood -- Now here was St. Paul's peroration: When three wise men came from afar, Mexicans show a substantial lack Religious beliefs. Question 1. Jason's mother, devout Susan Nair, A crusading prelate named Weeks Unitarians abandoned the Trinity These rhymes were designed by a priest, (I wouldn't bet on it. - McW)
A prominent Quaker in Haiti In a pub a young man of Dundee There once was a very small Quaker There was a young fellow of Acre, A destitute lady named Laker The Quaker girl said, "Thou art free There was a young fellow named Baker A Quaker bartender named Lee, A hot-blooded traveler named Baker, A maiden I knew down in Baker There once was a very fat Quaker A William, who was a good Quaker, People who claim they're religious, Folks who "again" have been born, With Cheney and Bush as their tools, In this, our land of milk and honey, As a Christian you give me a pain; Some men will not turn down their thumbs There was a young lady from Kent, meantime, he'd been running around with other women.
Episcopals okayed a gay, A conception that should be immaculate, Without God, there's no wrong or no right. Her Catholic man hard as cement, She eyed her new hubby so strong;
This is file yhl
A religious fanatic named Mel Some devout folk, unwavering, steady, Observed a real sexpot named Mavis, The people the churches love best There was a young lady named Grunday It is known than in Salem of yore, My girlfriend's a sweet, devout nurse Faith-based welfare must feel like boulders The shroud of Turin, is to me, a It's easy religion to besmirch, In Ireland, churchmen have no guts. Well, is God alive any more? If your religion said: Be meek and mild. In Ulster kids can't get to school, "We three Kings of Orient are..." Want money a believer proof? The shaman's a lazy old guy A pastor, a priest, or witch doc, With evangelicals I reside, A certain young preacher named Love Belief's been a curse on our Earth, Spaniards came to the New World, Salvation depends on your giving, But the Bible says faith is the key November the second's the day November the second's the day There once was a Christian from Rome, And so he went out on his quest, "Your stories are dumb as can be, He drew himself up and declared, His audience just laughed and jeered. The Christian was stricken with grief. Chastised, he went crawling home And so, saved for real, was the land,
For Creation, but each was a dud.
God's masterful plan
For creating a man:
To supply his mosquito with blood.
--- Al Chaplin P9611a
"Love Jesus; avoid fornication.
Far better is buggery,
Or sucking a dug, or re-
Vival of joint masturbation."
--- G1141
They followed a heavenly star.
They traveled by camel,
An unruly mammal;
It might have been quicker by car.
--- Richard Long
Of ambition, resulting in slack.
They have in their head
That Jesus had said,
"Don't do anything till I get back."
--- Tom Patton P9604
When facing an enemy's gun,
Your pref'rence please tell:
a) be shot to hell,
Or b) blown unto kingdom come.
--- Anon
Said, "Since there will be no time to spare,
Make sure you are bathed,
And go shampooed and shaved,
To the Rapture in clean underwear."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0401
Is thrown into protracted piques,
By the Bible's advice
That he strive to be nice
Through the cowardly turning of cheeks.
--- Norm Storer
To worship a solo divinity;
From three down to one,
They've dropped down to none;
And the hades of pure saccharinity.
--- Dr Limerick
To affect your religion like yeast;
If they help it to grow,
Like the yeast in the dough,
There'll be one better Christian, at least.
--- G. L. P
Got overly pious at eighty,
And his little wife, Nell,
Said, "One day I'll tell
Which end of you is the more weighty."
--- Limber Limericks
Vilified an old Quaker with glee.
Unperturbed, the old Quaker
Made his peace with his Maker
And he calmly responded, "Fuck thee!"
--- Albin Chaplin
Who, though short, was a true Sabbath breaker.
Sundays, he'd screw a dame
And then shout, as he came:
"It is True! I am God's little acher!"
--- G2466
Who took off his hat to a Quaker.
When the worthy man said,
"You are very well bred",
He replied, "Well, you see I'm a baker."
--- Langford Reed
Was accosted and screwed by a Quaker.
When she begged him for bread,
He smiled sadly and said,
"If it's bread that thee wants, fuck a baker."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8910
To choose between Anna and me."
The Quaker boy said,
Who violence did dread,
"My piece can come only in thee."
--- Tucker D Ott P8911
Who had an affair with a Quaker.
The things she partook
Were not in the Good Book,
But he never was able to shake her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1309
Avoided all raucous melee,
But got up his ire,
At religious inquire,
And quietly murmured, "Fuck thee!"
--- G1130
Once tried to seduce a young Quaker.
And when he had done it,
She straightened her bonnet,
And said, "I give thanks to my maker."
--- Anon G1086
Was probably not a good Quaker;
She said unto me,
"Oh, shame on thee!"
When I was forgetting to wake her.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who covered a tenth of an acre;
Too heavy to budge,
She sat eating fudge,
And only an earthquake could shake her.
--- Limber Limericks
Had a son who played as a Laker.
William said: "Why doesn't thee
Get some tickets for me?
And I'll see that thee gets to thy Maker."
--- TARqc
Often become most litigious.
It's all black or white
And so they indict
Anything strange or prodigious.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Seem to view all the others with scorn.
They would turn back the clocks,
Put all liberals in stocks,
And burn witches on the capitol lawn.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0506
They paint the pro-choice folks as ghouls.
Those crazed bible-thumpers
With signs on pick-up bumpers,
Would have us all live by their rules.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0506
Separate church and state is funny.
They won't give us the nod
To make a pledge "under God;"
These remarks are right on the money!
--- Tom Patton P0305
You've grown far too fat and too vain.
We know you're with sin
But we might let you in,
If you will dispense with your brain.
--- Baxter Sperry P0111
On any young lady that comes,
But prefer girls religious,
For their wants are prodigious
And their heads are as empty as drums.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2334a
Who gave up her husband for Lent.
The night before Easter,
When Jesus released her,
It didn't make a damn bit of difference, because in the
--- Anon G0104
To show them the deviant way.
If in need of some more,
There are RC clerics galore, (Roman Catholics)
Who'll bolt at a chance for new prey.
--- Anon P0309
Will in no way involve an ejaculate.
But where is the fun
If that way it is done?
For myself, I just don't care to tackle it.
--- Isaac Asimov
Human ego's continue to fight,
Any force that would dare --
To restrict or impair
Them from killing by day and by night.
--- Paul Franklin
She ogled his large trouser tent.
She was much dismayed
When her honey sayed,
"But, darling, I can't 'cause it's Lent."
--- Anon
How could the damn fool lend his dong?
What had he been thinking --
Or had he been drinking?
"You lent it to whom? For how long?"
--- Anon
Spoke of heaven and angels as well.
When he died one fine day,
He missed heaven, they say,
And he also missed going to hell.
--- Al Chaplin P0304
Are convinced one can't go if unready.
In such dogma are whirls
Spinning backward in swirls,
Mary Baker was just one such Eddy.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0900A
"God always needs babies to save us,
So I feel no compunction
Against screwing -- a function
That lets us flaunt skills that he gave us."
--- Armand E Singer 889
Breed children like rabbits, with zest.
They serve every passion
In orthodox fashion;
The state gets the bill to digest.
--- Patrick Braybrook
Who fucked every day except Sunday,
When she rested her box
By sucking on cocks,
For the Lord's Day must not be a fun day.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0822
You were quite S.O.L. if you swore.
You could die for a zit,
For King James was a hit,
And possession nine tenths of the lore.
--- Graham Lester
Who never will shout, swear or curse;
Her house burned to the ground
And her kittens all drowned,
But she says, "Praise the Lord it's not worse!"
--- Mark Levy P0110
On the Salvation Army's strong shoulders.
And just to be sure
That they're morally pure,
They want no queers with the Christian Soldiers.
--- Dr Limerick
Patent fake like Chinese Sangria.
In Italy it
Would simply not fit
The wardrobe of the Pope. Momma Mia!
--- James Randi
But 'tis not the fault of the church.
But blame ye the pastors
Who sit on their asters;
Whose hypocracy leaves Christ in the lurch,
--- Chris Anton
Their numbers need serious cuts.
A big churchyard sale
Really could not fail.
They could sell all the religious nuts!
--- Tony Burrell
Not in Northern Ireland for sure.
The Devil is rife
In everyday life,
And the churches have not got the cure.
--- Tony Burrell
Then you spat on your neighbor's child.
Would you shout out loud:
"Ah Jesus, I'm proud!"
No wonder religion's reviled.
--- Tony Burrell
If they're Prots where the Caatholics rule.
If you spit on infants,
Nobody recants;
God makes them grow up to be fools.
--- Tony Burrell
A benign opening...OK so far.
But then they decided
The world be divided,
And began the 2000 year war!
--- John K Roberts P9212
Where comest thou off so aloof?
The tithe of each member's,
Or so I remember,
To pay for the pastor and roof!
--- Archie
Who needed a new trade to ply.
He created a God,
The crafty old sod,
And still he continues to lie!
--- Archie
They all fleece their own private flock.
But greed causes wars
And flocks become taws
To die for some old poppycock.
--- Archie
And my gambling they will not abide.
Ah, but then recently
I won the lottery,
And my tithe called the fold to my side.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0302
Had doubts `bout some things up above.
I believe in the cross,
That God is my boss,
The Son and His Dad, but no Dove."
--- Armand Singer
A vindictive assassin of worth.
Now billions have died
Thanks to dim-witted pride
Over this or that mythical birth.
--- David A Brooks
But before they had banners unfurled,
The Holy Inquisitors
Began seeing visitors
And the rack handles twirled and twirled.
--- Robert Moore
And living each day by forgiving;
By doing good deeds
And respecting all creeds,
And taking the time out for living.
--- Liam na Baeg
That unlocks heaven's portals for me.
Not works, lest you boast;
Don't need Dad, Son, Ghost.
So I hope, so salvation I'll see.
--- Liam na Baeg
Certain Christians will gather and pray
For the faithful departed
Whose souls have all started
To wend on their heavenly way.
--- David Morin
When the faithful all gather and pray
For those who've departed
And...hang on, who farted?
Some blasphemous soul here will pay!
--- David Morin
Who decided to preach far from home.
He though that at least
He could counter the beast,
By boring folks down to the bone.
--- Frank Wustner
Sure that he would be the best.
He kept preaching the word,
Making sure people heard,
To which they said, "Surely, you just!"
--- Frank Wustner
To anyone older than three!
This ridiculous tripe
That you're trying to hype,
Is nothing but nonsense to me!"
--- Frank Wustner
"Your reasoning skills are impaired!
If you'd open your eyes,
And just look to the skies,
You'd believe as I do, if you dared."
--- Frank Wustner
"Illogical twit!" they all sneered.
"You're only a goof!
For the burden of proof
Is yours!" and they giggled and leered.
--- Frank Wustner
"They all only smear my belief!
Can they truly not see
Something so clear to me?
They treat me like some kind of thief!"
--- Frank Wustner
To his overstuffed church back in Rome.
To expel his new doubt,
He never came out
And only prayed under the dome.
--- Frank Wustner
Once it was freed from his brand.
Then centuries on,
The church was not gone,
As it killed all the heathens at hand.
--- Frank Wustner