On Sunday the elders of Timmins There was a young fellow of Sherborne, You may think it just a bit odd (I am thy Lord thy God, ...no other gods before me.)
There was a young man who was caught (Thou shalt not make unto me any graven image.)
A charioteer, Abu Ben Fay (Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain.)
The Sabbath is for the Lord, wholly; (Keep holy the Sabbath day.)
You must honor thy father and mother. (Honor thy father and mother.)
Eve and Adam together had lain (Thou shalt not kill.)
All women adore bedside fun; (Thou shalt not commit adultry.)
Said a colored tie salesman named Boone (Thou shalt not steal.)
Though you suspect your wife has had fun (Thou shalt not bear false witness.)
Do not covet your neighbor's new digs, (Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors goods.)
Waiting below are Israel's sons. I'd rather, than limerickize Nuns, Very evil was Elmer McBunts; Breaking ten pre-puberty cunts. An idolater coveting cunts, Commandments times ten on the wall. On good advice, if puzzled then There was a young Christitan named Phil Ten Commandments aren't really that reat. Our religion's our choice, so 'tis said. Well, hi there. And so I have thought The faithful that followed old Dodd, Though his colleagues all think it uncouth, There once was a man named Dop, The zealots of Comet Hale-Bopp "Lost in Space" is the term, so I've heard, A religious fanatic named Schlutz There is a committee elect, We offer this honored position, We're an ancient concern, not a two-bit, We're sure that you'll be a sensation,
This is file yfl
In a month, on 21 June, Application and nude pic please send, There was a young fellow named Ike While in search of a reason to die, Each cult member's life, without fail, A cult there was in San Diego The stupid cult "Heavens Gate" The loonies of Heaven's Gate Nation The comet with Bopp after Hale It all seems much clearer, I said ... Some Jehovah's Witnesses called, "Satan! It's time for your sup- The worst is the hour I dread; It's reported once M. Baker Eddy Outrageous humor's the rule (as if writing limericks is not enough, asshole - McW)
I once had a friend named Erlander Hubbard believed his own hype Critics of our fair religion, There once was a guy named L. Ron (L. Ron Hubbard of the Church of Scientology)
That Scientologist Ron, I don't give a damn about Ron, A crazy occultist, L Ron, There once was a lad from Vancouver "The hand of the Thetan," said Hubbard, There once was a dude name of Hubbard (founder of Scientology)
All those who are consumed by sects, "I think that perhaps we should mention," Faust said he'd rued how he'd behaved; It appears that I badly affect Beelzebub, horned and fiery, I am not the Dark Lord, damn you eyes; (Beelzebub called Dark Lord by Toast Point, rebuts..)
I admit I'm the lowest of scum. Beelzebub's flaming is haughty, Pat Maloney who loved a wee drink,
Are happy at church singing hym-ns;
The rest of the week
Their pleasure they seek,
Relaxing with wine and with wimmins.
--- Anne Anderson,Victoria72b
Who would go to church in a turban;
When they put him outside,
He politely replied
That he thought their ideas were suburban.
--- Randall Davies
That there can be no other Lord God.
Well, the priests selected
And I've been elected,
So shut your damn mouth, you old sod!
--- Clifford M Christ P8301
With a gold graven image he'd wrought.
A priest took it and swore
He would go to Hell for
His indulging in vain idol thought.
--- Clifford M Christ P8301
Lost a wheel to a friend, one dark day.
When he surveyed the wreck,
He yelled, "You fault, by heck"
For Christ's sake, what goddamn else could he say?
--- Clifford M Christ P8301
So do just those things that are holy.
You can futter galore
With a charming young whore;
The best parts of such creatures are holey.
--- Clifford M Christ P8301
Although there just may be some other
Young chap who squeezed ribs
With your ma, and your sibs
Are not really your sister and brother.
--- Clifford M Christ P8301
And produced a most fabulous twain.
Eve told Abel one night
That to kill was not right.
But somehow she forgot to tell Cain.
--- Clifford M Christ P8301
They've no shame for what they have done.
Hubby says, "Wifey mine,
Goodnight, mother of nine."
She harrummmphs, "Goodnight, father of one!"
--- Clifford M Christ P8301
(A corporate executive goon).
"There is nothing zanier
That expert kleptomania;
If you steal, steal like a tycoon."
--- Clifford M Christ P8301
And your neighbor has made you your son,
Which he stoutly denies
With a packet of lies,
Don't lie about loading your gun.
--- Clifford M Christ P8301
Or his horses and two wheeled rigs.
And at cost of your life
Do not covet his wife,
Though you may have a go at his pigs.
--- Clifford M Christ P8301
Down the mountain Moses now runs,
With tablets in hand.
A rock in the sand...
Breaking all Ten Commandments at once.
--- Irving Superior P8911
Which means vulgarize saintly ones --
I'd rather you ask
An easier task --
Break all Ten Commandments at once.
--- Irving Superior P8908
He bullied and picked on all runts --
For a climax did he
Reach the highest degree,
Breaking all Ten Commandments at once.
--- Andrew Sorrenson P8908
Breaking ten pro-chastity nuns.
Though weary am I,
When finished I'll try
Breaking all Ten Commandments at once.
--- Irving Superior P8911
One Sabbath cursed God with rude grunts,
Humped his mom, stole a knife,
Blaming dad, took her life,
Breaking all Ten Commandments at once.
--- Martin Wellborn P8911
These people's poor brains are so small
They can't understand
That in a fair land,
There's NOT one religion for ALL!
--- Anon
Re-read Commandments, One through Ten.
If good advice conflicts
With say, Commandment Six,
Then do not read old Six again.
--- Irving Superior P9606
Who went to the wars with a will.
He dropped napalm and rockets
On all enemy pockets.
His motto was "Thou shalt not kill!"
--- Albin Chaplin
They don't mention racism or rape;
They don't ban molestations
Of young congregations--
You would think that priests wrote them...oh wait!
--- Anon
If you like, you can choose that she's dead.
There's no inquisition,
So here's my position:
Who cares, when it's all in your head?
--- John Miller
I'd best interject 'fore you're caught.
These mystic romances
Just lessen the chances
Of engaging in rational thought.
--- Cyber Wizard
Disrobed when he gave them the nod.
Then they sang many hymns
And they locked all their limbs,
And together they shouted, "Oh God!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2025
The Seer claims that in his youth,
He was given the light
In this blinding insight:
In omphaloskepsis is truth.
--- A N Wilkins
Who worshipped the comet Hale-Bopp.
He started a clan
And told them his plan,
Thinking the comet would stop.
--- Lauren TP9802
Said castration's the thing to be sought.
Seeking eternal life,
They went under the knife;
More nutty by far than we thought.
--- Tom Patton P9707
For a dead, purple-shroud-covered nerd.
Earth was only a stop
On the way to Hale-Bopp,
So perhaps "comet-ose" is the word.
--- Larry Hollister
Was converted to dozens of cults,
Whose requirements include
Being dunked in the nude
With other consenting adults.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8312
Who could compare with Koresh's sect.
A referendum they held;
No rat had they smelled;
The decision they still did reject!
--- Nat Rudolf
To a maiden in pristine condition,
Must be virga intacta,
I.e. no one has facta,
She's never experienced coition.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Orgynisation, we druids,
On the forthcoming solstice,
Will take you, our hostess,
And fill you with seminal fluids.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So hurry, send your application,
To reach us post-haste.
If you're pure and chaste,
We'll have us a grand celebration.
--- Tiddy Ogg
At Stonehenge, by the light of the moon,
We'll watch the sun rise.
When it's rays reach your thighs,
We'll boff you from dawn until noon.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To Druid Catweazle, World's end,
At Avebury Ring,
And there's just one more thing,
Mark the envelope "Please do not bend."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who said, "People can think what they like.
I'm the prophet of God
And a wealthy young sod.
So I don't care if they take the mike."
--- Alexander Baron
Applewhite saw the light in the sky.
"Look! A heavenly Gate!
Croak before it's too late!
And his followers never asked why.
--- Larry Hollister
Was arrested; the comet's bright tail
Had enticed them to swap
Earthly vessels for Bopp.
But it just isn't Heaven -- it's Hale.
--- Jerry Nordal
That believed every UFO fable.
When Hale-Bopp came,
They all went insane,
And now lie on a coroner's table.
--- Jeff Radford
Was run by a fruity bald-pate.
Although all very nice,
They mixed UFO's and Christ,
And wanted a similar fate.
--- Jeff Radford
Loved nothing but good masturbation.
Although all were well rested,
When castration was suggested,
Decided they'd prefer suffocation.
--- Jeff Radford
Ended up being Do's Holy Grail.
Put a bag on your head,
Till you're cold, stiff, and dead,
Then beam up to the ship in its tail.
--- Larry Hollister
Guess I've been too easily led.
What helped me to see?
Could it possibly be
This black vinyl sack on my head?
--- Jan L
Expecting me to be enthralled
By their maifestation
Of eternal salvation,
When over my shoulder I called...
--- Tiddy Ogg
per. My rottweiller pup
Came running to me,
And didn't they flee;
To a rott their faith can't stand up.
--- Tiddy Ogg
At eight A.M. I am just dead.
I answer the door
With my pin to the fore.
It says I'm a born again shit head.
--- Karen
Asked her flock if they thought they were ready
To accept truth revealed.
Then she fetchingly peeled
Off her robe and displayed a sheer teddy.
--- L C Fitzhugh P0111
We use with a limerick tool.
But attempts to disgrace
Religion or race
Reveals one to be a damn fool.
--- Frank Fazed
Who fell for some cult propaganda.
I said, "You're a goose!
Your screws have come loose!"
He answered "Please call me a gander!"
--- Monique de Plume
Of Scientology tripe.
It has not a smidgin
Of real true religion.
It's nothing but shit in a kype.
--- Arden
Are criminals by definition.
Fair-game we employ
To trick and destroy;
Attack! Not Defend! Our tradition!
--- Rob Clark
Who thought up a wonderful con.
Now you got to admit
It sounded like shit,
But he became a robber baron.
--- Karl Chase Sr.
To Hell is long dead and gone.
His cult though, still thrives,
Wrecking young people's lives,
As his blood-sucking misers grasp on.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But this shit just goes on and on --
I wish they'd all choke
On this junk, and croak --
Till every last one of them's gone!
--- Kaylin
Lost his pension for putting them on.
He wanted your money,
So he made up a funny
Religion with spaceships and bombs.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who fell prey to some Ron Hubbard spew there.
But it didn't last long;
The old fat turd was wrong.
So our lad flushed it right down the sewer.
--- Michael Reuss
"Will aid you, and further," he blubbered,
For a few thousand grand
Plus a smelly goat gland,
We'll be happy to empty your cupboard.
--- Scott McClare
Who found he was bare in the cupboard.
Said he, "Fools abound,
With tales I'll astound!"
And he became a rich lazy buzzard.
--- Karl Chase Sr.
Are addled, or at least one suspects,
Like shaving their heads
And sharing their beds,
With social exchange that infects.
--- Chris Papa
Said the once celibate, "Our intention
Was to seek the serene,
But remaining pristine.
But abstention's the Devil's invention."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9708
Sore afraid he had made a bad trade.
So he argued his case
At a devilish pace,
As Beelzebub launched a tirade.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P2005
Certain dupes of the Nazarene sect.
Deary me, what a shame!
But I don't mind the blame --
I am evil -- what did you expect?
--- Beelzebub
Among other things was a liar. He
Would wish someone well,
Then he'd make his life hell,
And write it all down in his diary.
--- Ogden Nield
That's my boss Satan, Father of Lies.
(And Darth Vader, mayhap,
If you like Lucascrap);
But I am the Lord of the Flies.
--- Beelzebub
It's the bowels of the earth that I'm from.
I detest life,
My kids and my wife;
I'm convinced that this world is a slum.
--- Beelzebub
But guess who is good to the naughty?
The Fool on the hill,
Who loves old 'Zebub still,
(Though 'Zebub's logic is knotty.)
--- Sumaq TP9804
"When I'm driving, I don't have to think."
He said on the level,
I'm a friend of the devil,
Who'll one day push me over the brink.
--- Arthur Pattaffy