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On Sunday the elders of Timmins
Are happy at church singing hym-ns;
The rest of the week
Their pleasure they seek,
Relaxing with wine and with wimmins.
--- Anne Anderson,Victoria72b

There was a young fellow of Sherborne,
Who would go to church in a turban;
When they put him outside,
He politely replied
That he thought their ideas were suburban.
--- Randall Davies

You may think it just a bit odd
That there can be no other Lord God.
Well, the priests selected
And I've been elected,
So shut your damn mouth, you old sod!

(I am thy Lord thy God, ...no other gods before me.)
--- Clifford M Christ P8301

There was a young man who was caught
With a gold graven image he'd wrought.
A priest took it and swore
He would go to Hell for
His indulging in vain idol thought.

(Thou shalt not make unto me any graven image.)
--- Clifford M Christ P8301

A charioteer, Abu Ben Fay
Lost a wheel to a friend, one dark day.
When he surveyed the wreck,
He yelled, "You fault, by heck"
For Christ's sake, what goddamn else could he say?

(Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain.)
--- Clifford M Christ P8301

The Sabbath is for the Lord, wholly;
So do just those things that are holy.
You can futter galore
With a charming young whore;
The best parts of such creatures are holey.

(Keep holy the Sabbath day.)
--- Clifford M Christ P8301

You must honor thy father and mother.
Although there just may be some other
Young chap who squeezed ribs
With your ma, and your sibs
Are not really your sister and brother.

(Honor thy father and mother.)
--- Clifford M Christ P8301

Eve and Adam together had lain
And produced a most fabulous twain.
Eve told Abel one night
That to kill was not right.
But somehow she forgot to tell Cain.

(Thou shalt not kill.)
--- Clifford M Christ P8301

All women adore bedside fun;
They've no shame for what they have done.
Hubby says, "Wifey mine,
Goodnight, mother of nine."
She harrummmphs, "Goodnight, father of one!"

(Thou shalt not commit adultry.)
--- Clifford M Christ P8301

Said a colored tie salesman named Boone
(A corporate executive goon).
"There is nothing zanier
That expert kleptomania;
If you steal, steal like a tycoon."

(Thou shalt not steal.)
--- Clifford M Christ P8301

Though you suspect your wife has had fun
And your neighbor has made you your son,
Which he stoutly denies
With a packet of lies,
Don't lie about loading your gun.

(Thou shalt not bear false witness.)
--- Clifford M Christ P8301

Do not covet your neighbor's new digs,
Or his horses and two wheeled rigs.
And at cost of your life
Do not covet his wife,
Though you may have a go at his pigs.

(Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors goods.)
--- Clifford M Christ P8301

Waiting below are Israel's sons.
Down the mountain Moses now runs,
With tablets in hand.
A rock in the sand...
Breaking all Ten Commandments at once.
--- Irving Superior P8911

I'd rather, than limerickize Nuns,
Which means vulgarize saintly ones --
I'd rather you ask
An easier task --
Break all Ten Commandments at once.
--- Irving Superior P8908

Very evil was Elmer McBunts;
He bullied and picked on all runts --
For a climax did he
Reach the highest degree,
Breaking all Ten Commandments at once.
--- Andrew Sorrenson P8908

Breaking ten pre-puberty cunts.
Breaking ten pro-chastity nuns.
Though weary am I,
When finished I'll try
Breaking all Ten Commandments at once.
--- Irving Superior P8911

An idolater coveting cunts,
One Sabbath cursed God with rude grunts,
Humped his mom, stole a knife,
Blaming dad, took her life,
Breaking all Ten Commandments at once.
--- Martin Wellborn P8911

Commandments times ten on the wall.
These people's poor brains are so small
They can't understand
That in a fair land,
There's NOT one religion for ALL!
--- Anon

On good advice, if puzzled then
Re-read Commandments, One through Ten.
If good advice conflicts
With say, Commandment Six,
Then do not read old Six again.
--- Irving Superior P9606

There was a young Christitan named Phil
Who went to the wars with a will.
He dropped napalm and rockets
On all enemy pockets.
His motto was "Thou shalt not kill!"
--- Albin Chaplin

Ten Commandments aren't really that reat.
They don't mention racism or rape;
They don't ban molestations
Of young congregations--
You would think that priests wrote them...oh wait!
--- Anon

Our religion's our choice, so 'tis said.
If you like, you can choose that she's dead.
There's no inquisition,
So here's my position:
Who cares, when it's all in your head?
--- John Miller

Well, hi there. And so I have thought
I'd best interject 'fore you're caught.
These mystic romances
Just lessen the chances
Of engaging in rational thought.
--- Cyber Wizard

The faithful that followed old Dodd,
Disrobed when he gave them the nod.
Then they sang many hymns
And they locked all their limbs,
And together they shouted, "Oh God!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2025

Though his colleagues all think it uncouth,
The Seer claims that in his youth,
He was given the light
In this blinding insight:
In omphaloskepsis is truth.
--- A N Wilkins

There once was a man named Dop,
Who worshipped the comet Hale-Bopp.
He started a clan
And told them his plan,
Thinking the comet would stop.
--- Lauren TP9802

The zealots of Comet Hale-Bopp
Said castration's the thing to be sought.
Seeking eternal life,
They went under the knife;
More nutty by far than we thought.
--- Tom Patton P9707

"Lost in Space" is the term, so I've heard,
For a dead, purple-shroud-covered nerd.
Earth was only a stop
On the way to Hale-Bopp,
So perhaps "comet-ose" is the word.
--- Larry Hollister

A religious fanatic named Schlutz
Was converted to dozens of cults,
Whose requirements include
Being dunked in the nude
With other consenting adults.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8312

There is a committee elect,
Who could compare with Koresh's sect.
A referendum they held;
No rat had they smelled;
The decision they still did reject!
--- Nat Rudolf

We offer this honored position,
To a maiden in pristine condition,
Must be virga intacta,
I.e. no one has facta,
She's never experienced coition.
--- Tiddy Ogg

We're an ancient concern, not a two-bit,
Orgynisation, we druids,
On the forthcoming solstice,
Will take you, our hostess,
And fill you with seminal fluids.
--- Tiddy Ogg

We're sure that you'll be a sensation,
So hurry, send your application,
To reach us post-haste.
If you're pure and chaste,
We'll have us a grand celebration.
--- Tiddy Ogg

This is file yfl

In a month, on 21 June,
At Stonehenge, by the light of the moon,
We'll watch the sun rise.
When it's rays reach your thighs,
We'll boff you from dawn until noon.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Application and nude pic please send,
To Druid Catweazle, World's end,
At Avebury Ring,
And there's just one more thing,
Mark the envelope "Please do not bend."
--- Tiddy Ogg

There was a young fellow named Ike
Who said, "People can think what they like.
I'm the prophet of God
And a wealthy young sod.
So I don't care if they take the mike."
--- Alexander Baron

While in search of a reason to die,
Applewhite saw the light in the sky.
"Look! A heavenly Gate!
Croak before it's too late!
And his followers never asked why.
--- Larry Hollister

Each cult member's life, without fail,
Was arrested; the comet's bright tail
Had enticed them to swap
Earthly vessels for Bopp.
But it just isn't Heaven -- it's Hale.
--- Jerry Nordal

A cult there was in San Diego
That believed every UFO fable.
When Hale-Bopp came,
They all went insane,
And now lie on a coroner's table.
--- Jeff Radford

The stupid cult "Heavens Gate"
Was run by a fruity bald-pate.
Although all very nice,
They mixed UFO's and Christ,
And wanted a similar fate.
--- Jeff Radford

The loonies of Heaven's Gate Nation
Loved nothing but good masturbation.
Although all were well rested,
When castration was suggested,
Decided they'd prefer suffocation.
--- Jeff Radford

The comet with Bopp after Hale
Ended up being Do's Holy Grail.
Put a bag on your head,
Till you're cold, stiff, and dead,
Then beam up to the ship in its tail.
--- Larry Hollister

It all seems much clearer, I said ...
Guess I've been too easily led.
What helped me to see?
Could it possibly be
This black vinyl sack on my head?
--- Jan L

Some Jehovah's Witnesses called,
Expecting me to be enthralled
By their maifestation
Of eternal salvation,
When over my shoulder I called...
--- Tiddy Ogg

"Satan! It's time for your sup-
per. My rottweiller pup
Came running to me,
And didn't they flee;
To a rott their faith can't stand up.
--- Tiddy Ogg

The worst is the hour I dread;
At eight A.M. I am just dead.
I answer the door
With my pin to the fore.
It says I'm a born again shit head.
--- Karen

It's reported once M. Baker Eddy
Asked her flock if they thought they were ready
To accept truth revealed.
Then she fetchingly peeled
Off her robe and displayed a sheer teddy.
--- L C Fitzhugh P0111

Outrageous humor's the rule
We use with a limerick tool.
But attempts to disgrace
Religion or race
Reveals one to be a damn fool.

(as if writing limericks is not enough, asshole - McW)
--- Frank Fazed

I once had a friend named Erlander
Who fell for some cult propaganda.
I said, "You're a goose!
Your screws have come loose!"
He answered "Please call me a gander!"
--- Monique de Plume

Hubbard believed his own hype
Of Scientology tripe.
It has not a smidgin
Of real true religion.
It's nothing but shit in a kype.
--- Arden

Critics of our fair religion,
Are criminals by definition.
Fair-game we employ
To trick and destroy;
Attack! Not Defend! Our tradition!
--- Rob Clark

There once was a guy named L. Ron
Who thought up a wonderful con.
Now you got to admit
It sounded like shit,
But he became a robber baron.

(L. Ron Hubbard of the Church of Scientology)
--- Karl Chase Sr.

That Scientologist Ron,
To Hell is long dead and gone.
His cult though, still thrives,
Wrecking young people's lives,
As his blood-sucking misers grasp on.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I don't give a damn about Ron,
But this shit just goes on and on --
I wish they'd all choke
On this junk, and croak --
Till every last one of them's gone!
--- Kaylin

A crazy occultist, L Ron,
Lost his pension for putting them on.
He wanted your money,
So he made up a funny
Religion with spaceships and bombs.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There once was a lad from Vancouver
Who fell prey to some Ron Hubbard spew there.
But it didn't last long;
The old fat turd was wrong.
So our lad flushed it right down the sewer.
--- Michael Reuss

"The hand of the Thetan," said Hubbard,
"Will aid you, and further," he blubbered,
For a few thousand grand
Plus a smelly goat gland,
We'll be happy to empty your cupboard.
--- Scott McClare

There once was a dude name of Hubbard
Who found he was bare in the cupboard.
Said he, "Fools abound,
With tales I'll astound!"
And he became a rich lazy buzzard.

(founder of Scientology)
--- Karl Chase Sr.

All those who are consumed by sects,
Are addled, or at least one suspects,
Like shaving their heads
And sharing their beds,
With social exchange that infects.
--- Chris Papa

"I think that perhaps we should mention,"
Said the once celibate, "Our intention
Was to seek the serene,
But remaining pristine.
But abstention's the Devil's invention."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9708

Faust said he'd rued how he'd behaved;
Sore afraid he had made a bad trade.
So he argued his case
At a devilish pace,
As Beelzebub launched a tirade.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P2005

It appears that I badly affect
Certain dupes of the Nazarene sect.
Deary me, what a shame!
But I don't mind the blame --
I am evil -- what did you expect?
--- Beelzebub

Beelzebub, horned and fiery,
Among other things was a liar. He
Would wish someone well,
Then he'd make his life hell,
And write it all down in his diary.
--- Ogden Nield

I am not the Dark Lord, damn you eyes;
That's my boss Satan, Father of Lies.
(And Darth Vader, mayhap,
If you like Lucascrap);
But I am the Lord of the Flies.

(Beelzebub called Dark Lord by Toast Point, rebuts..)
--- Beelzebub

I admit I'm the lowest of scum.
It's the bowels of the earth that I'm from.
I detest life,
My kids and my wife;
I'm convinced that this world is a slum.
--- Beelzebub

Beelzebub's flaming is haughty,
But guess who is good to the naughty?
The Fool on the hill,
Who loves old 'Zebub still,
(Though 'Zebub's logic is knotty.)
--- Sumaq TP9804

Pat Maloney who loved a wee drink,
"When I'm driving, I don't have to think."
He said on the level,
I'm a friend of the devil,
Who'll one day push me over the brink.
--- Arthur Pattaffy


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