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The boss is a bastard named Brian, The Devil just loves to play gin, The innocent reader is shocked With his cloven hooves and pitchfork, As the Devil sat in his hot seat, The date from Hell was old Lucifer. (see mustard)
What Faustian bargain is this, Since that awful celestial fray, I was courting a girl from the East The Malevolent One, heartless bloke, When the Olde Cloven Hoofed One did stray Satan's a wonderful guy; Said the Devil, "I think that I blew it. Our dear Primate, old Pastor Joe Youngs, When the hurricane hit farmer Neville That Faust fellow wanted to revel We're halfway to the code of the beast; When the Devil said, "Follow me, son," "Get thee behind me", I said The Devil is making a start The Devil, I think, is a clown; There once was a Scot who said, "Evil The Devil can no longer function, For using the limerick metre, The Devil has plans later on There once was a man from Glenfinnan, Now girls, if you find yourself dreamin' I've been to the shower; I'm clean. "Though Republicans hold the majority," Reebok, looking for styles that were new, "No thanks," said the saint to the Devil. Let us all join in the chorus The raven fell dead from its perch; A lass who once said in jest, The Devil said, "Masturbation is fun. Does Beelzebub wear a disguise? I once met a demon named Wayne, Tuesday, six-six-two-oh-sIx, There once was a devil named Mell; Mephisto had so many faults: There was a young Greek named Achilles, Young woman, please listen my dear; The life that you live may one day There once was an old Nazi colonel I was crucified for my meter; The Devil's no longer a myth, Old Nick, you get all my respect; I presume you've heard one of Old Nick's When a limerick writer confessed Lord, since it's hard to explain, Despite the repeated request The Devil is weaving his spell I speak with the Devil; it's true! Satanic black rituals and mass? To dally and then fornicate The Devil, who plays a deep part, A young man by the name of Nevil A black magic student named Knievel, Temptations are put in my way There once was a demon called Satan, So, is that really, honestly true? While writing a limerick ditty, A visit from Satan has floored There are some who consider it wrong A visit from Satan has floored I resist the temptations and pleas
Sold his soul to the Devil who's trying
To collect quite a few,
For his next BBQ
And some serious high-temp deep frying.
--- Archie
So I had him deal me in.
I bet my life
Which ended in strife,
When the cards we used ate off my skin.
--- Ben Swinburn
When he reads of Walpurgisnacht.
Familiars and witches,
Pussies and bitches,
All danced and screwed and got crocked.
--- Jim Jambor P9107
I think that he looks like a dork.
But that drill he sports,
Is one of the sorts
Of things that make me pop my cork!
--- Anon
His face was as red as a beet.
He toasted each sinner,
As they sat down to dinner,
And the hot coals roasted their feet.
--- William K Alsop Jr
We met to dine at his soup-ifer.
Served blood from the vessel,
Then wanted to wrestle;
He got lost when I held up a crucifer.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
That I might find a moment of bliss.
In disguise as a maid,
Old Satan has made
Me say "I do", to pay for one kiss!
--- Norm Storer P0012
Mr. Scratch has been bald as a ray.
Still, he's never been big
On wearing a wig,
Because there'd be the Devil toupee.
--- A N Wilkins P9808
Who was Ipswich's first woman priest.
She was tall, blond and lissom
And loved exorcism.
Dial 666 and ask for the beast.
--- Kevin Hale Q
Sneered, "I love to watch children do 'coke'.
School shootings, outrageous,
I'm glad they're contagious,
But I don't think our youngsters should smoke.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9808
Through the world to, on Gentlemen prey,
Oscar Wilde said, "Alack,
Dorian's soul has turned black,
But at least his surname remained Gray."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9808
He lets me kill cats and get high.
I chant spells and drink blood,
And make kids suck my pud,
And I'm not even done junior high.
--- Michael Rohaly
This year so far, as I review it,
I've not got any blame
For transgressions. Folks claim
'El Nino is what made me do it.'"
--- A N Wilkins P9808
Does enjoy exercising his lungs,
Loving to improvise
Now means exorcise,
Any devil who'd not speak in tongues.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0312
His farmhouse and barn it did level.
The insurance man's claim
Onto God placed the blame,
So the farmer now worships the Devil.
--- Albin Chaplin P9009
And bargained his soul on a level
Wager. That boy
Fancied Helen of Troy...
But she said "Go to the Devil."
--- Tiddy Ogg
We're wicked, depraved, and at least
As welcome ass rabies.
So bring on the babies
And Roll-Aids, we're having a feast!
--- John Miller 0333
I decided to have me some fun;
But my dissolute life
Has caused nothing but strife
And I wish that I'd never begun.
--- Peter J Wilkins P9808
To the Devil while lying in bed,
As I tried to resist
You-know-what with my fist,
So he did and he screwed me instead.
--- Peter J Wilkins P9808
On His hellish plans for Gearhart.
"I know that his belle
Is also in Hell,
But now I will keep them apart."
--- Archie
And I met him, today in the town.
On a sub-basement floor,
On the lift, at the door,
Where he said, with a grin, "Going down?"
--- John Miller
Is a relic of thoughts medieval.
And those tales of Old Nick
And his power make me sick.
It's just being good that's the devil.
--- H M
And the C.L.U has no compunction.
When they sued, they report,
The federal court
Promptly gave the requested injunction.
--- A N Wilkins P9808
The Devil has taken our Peter
Inspite of his frown,
He has been tied down
Inside of a steel furnace heater.
--- Archie
For taking the soul of Soft John.
He's hidden in code
The likeliest mode,
When he finds out just where he has gone!
--- Archie
Whose kin thought the Devil was in him.
So they drove him away,
But he lives to this day,
Taking heads, 'cause it's Him who is winnin'.
--- Anon
This Satyrday night of a demon
With horns and a tail
Just relax; he's all male
And he'll soon have you pantin' and creamin'.
--- Anon
With my hair combed I don't look so mean.
It's brushed to one side
So the horns it will hide;
And the tail's been tucked in between.
--- Frank Fazed
Said the Devil, "I'm hell's sole authority:
They can't vote not to burn...
I insist it's their turn.
As a Democrat, that's my priority!"
--- Prof M-G
Gave young ladies the INCUBUS shoe.
When men asked for the right
For nocturnal delight,
Reebok peddled the SUCCUBUS too.
--- Phil Cannibal P9704
"I won't take your SPAM though I revel
In opening the tin,
And resisting the sin
Of enjoying the flesh, pink and evil."
--- Mike O'Conner
About a young girl named Dolores.
She loved only ladies,
And resides now in Hades,
Where she laps on the devil's clitoris.
--- Chairman Steve
The bells had been ripped from the church;
The snakes were all hissing;
The Wiccans were missing;
The devil was left in the lurch.
--- Cap'n Bean P0512Q
This is file yel
That she was by the devil possessed.
And though she's a freak,
And somewhat unique,
She's learned that she's just like the rest.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
You'll feel better when it's all done."
But that's why Onan dwells
In the Devil's worst cells,
Along with a wicked old nun.
--- Tom Patton P9808
Does he play with the zippers of guys?
The question's legit
Of this devilish twit,
After all, he's the Lord of the flies.
--- Intimidator TP9901
And asked wby his name was so plain.
He said, "Lucifer and Beelzebub
Are both somebody else's, bub,
And spelling them drives me insane!"
--- Emmanuel Lamprecht
A fine day for Satanic tricks.
Indulge Jewish urgin's,
Defile Muslim virgins
And knock up a few Christian chicks.
--- John Miller
He met a whore he thought was swell.
She hated her pimp;
Mell never went limp.
They married and went straight to hell.
--- S C Saint
For instance, invading Faust's vaults;
But Faust minded not,
Since lessons he got;
Mephisto taught Faust how to waltz.
--- Travis Brasell
Who was brought up in Los Angeles.
He plays with live coals,
And is buying some souls.
He should have been called Mephistopheles.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Armageddon is ever so near,
And we're going to win,
So you might as well sin,
And have fun with the devil right here!
--- Beelzebub
Bring strife and thus cause you to pray
For a new chance to prove
You were ready to move,
From the place where the devil's at play.
--- Shari Clevenger
Consigned to the fires eternal.
One day he asked why,
And the Devil's reply:
"You see, my old friend, Nazis burn well!"
--- Phil Jeux
At the gates, rejected by Peter.
The Devil was gracious;
His condo, how spacious!
I'm partying with a wife beater.
--- King Hilltop
But has taken the surname of Smith,
And become a good sort,
A sahib, a sport,
A chap we're all intimate with.
--- Penguin Book Limericks
Your mull has the greatest effects,
As does your best coke.
The fires it does stoke,
And so do your girls and their sex.
--- Archie
Stock in trade ploys and bad tricks,
Is to mark souls he'd win
With a digit begin-
Ning with PIN number -- six, sixty-six?
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9808
That he with silly rhymes was obsessed,
The priest, he was sure
That no praying could cure,
For he was by the devil obsessed.
--- Warrick Elrod
By reason, the problem of Pain,
Assist us to revel
In talk of the Devil,
And spare us the use of the brain.
--- John E Press
Of his exorcist, old Mr. West
Neglected to pay
A cent till the day
When he was, his wife said, repossessed.
--- A N Wilkins P0211
And I love his suggestions too well;
But I guess my demise,
If I'm not very wise,
Is a permanent roasting in Hell.
--- Peter J Wilkins P9808
(In hell, I am first in his queue).
I asked for a curse,
But Satan did worse --
He told me he thought to send you.
--- H Welchel
As a Demon I do it with class.
When I get me those urgin's,
I line up the virgins
And pick me the juiciest lass.
--- Anon
With Carol as my sparring mate,
My soul I would sell
To Satan in hell,
For heaven as we conjugate.
--- Anon
Has tricked his way into your heart,
By simple insistence
On his non-existence
Which is really devilish smart.
--- Little Billie
Sold his soul to be hung like the devil.
Satan didn't fail;
He gave him a tail
And with tight pants he looks quite disheveled.
--- Puff Adder
Whose life was devoted to evil,
Drew his group's secret sign
With a real odd design:
The devil consuming a weevil.
--- Armand Singer
By the Devil who leads me astray.
Though I try to be good
As I know that I should,
I succumb to him day after day.
--- Peter J Wilkins P9808
Who cooked up the bad people's bacon.
He destroyed them all,
And watching them fall,
He knew they were all foresaken.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Satan has a tail before and behind too?
I bet the before one
Has so much more fun,
Than the behind one that just gets to poo.
--- Anon
The Devil appeared unto Tiddy.
"Your soul is now mine
Take this as a sign;
That Erm will become an old biddy."
--- Anon
A tryer of lims name of Ward.
"No, Lucifer, NO!
I simply wont go.
You know how I write, I'm a fraud!"
--- Anon
To succumb to wine, women, and song;
But I know thay're too nice
To be thought of as vice,
So the Devil is right all along.
--- Peter Wilkins P9808
A tryer of Lims name of Ward.
"No, lucifer, No!
I simply won't go!
You know how I write; I'm a fraud!"
--- Archie
Of the Devil, with consumate ease;
But disguised in a warm
Sexy feminine form,
I'm afraid that I'm brought to my knees.
--- Peter J Wilkins P9808a
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