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Satan wrestled an old country preacher, The wearing of un-like apparel I hate to report all of this: By promising very good times, So why don't I have souvenirs? The devil decided one day But Archie, he likes it! I heard When a girl gets a feeling she's wet, When a girl has been had by a ghoul, When a girl goes to bed with a demon, A gruesom and sneaky old devil, The Devil, relaxing in hell, Satan's face turns a new shade of red. Mrs Devil replies, "Honey, please. Satan's face is now a shocked white. His wife nods her head and just smiles; Satan knows what he will have to do. On a highway outside of Santa Fe, The driver of this 18 wheel Mack The weather turned to sleet and rain The Pavement ended, the road turned to mud; He turned to me with an evil grin; All the clients there wore the same face; At a table they were shooting dice; Just roll the dice and your in; With trembling hand I gave them a roll, I bolted and ran for the door, I wished I could undo my sins, If you ever decide to stray While writing a limerick ditty, But Tiddy will take over Hell Put your ear on the floor. Hear, earth tells Ever notice when the bible is touted, They come on TV and they plead: The Shiites have turned back the pace Fundamentalists everywhere plan Fundamentalists look with dismay; Those given to virtue, RIGHTEOUS, Sagan's 'billions of years' does profess The Coalition of Christians is sure Those born-again Christians' refrain Pat Robertson's Club members said, (PR - TV evangelist who God told he'd be president)
The Doctrine of the Christian Coalition When the Rapture comes, blindingly bright, There was an old man from Lovely Give some a Bible to thump. You say you found Jesus, well great, "Jesus Christ!" blurted out Pastor Hurst. Currently, what infuriates, bugs; "Seek the truth!" fundamentalists proclaim, God is love so they say. Honor and inner peace sought the sinner. And always they enter this plea: The Fundies want to teach in school Most Fundamentalists say To their dogma the faithful do bow. Late August and it's back to classes. They would impose what they think is true, If a churchgoer keeps drinking your brew, I believe that the bible is true, They are stuffed with food, puffed with pride. God made all things in six days, There once was a redneck from Gadsden, Christians want no separation Rightists accept no middling, "The beasts that roamed Jurassic Park That Jesus guy preached toleration,
Whose bad breath was his most sinful feature.
Satan cried, "You're the deuce!
You win! Turn me loose!"
"Praise god," prayed the preacher. "That'll teach yer!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
While writing your lims out, oh Carol,
Will not fool old Satan.
He'll put you and your mate'n
Line for your turn in the barrel.
--- Archie
The Devil has visited Chris
And told her, "Well done,
My favorite Nun,
You've tempted them with a Lim kiss."
--- Archie
They fall for your best evil rhymes.
They don't even try
To run or to fly.
I've got them for their limerick crimes.
--- Archie
My dong bank is now in arrears.
It's time I turned hunter
And found me a punter...
What say, lads? Any volunteers?
--- Sis Chris
To claim as his own, SFA,
By sending a demon
To give him a reamin'
In a most fundamentalish way.
--- Archie
That he flipped the Devil the bird.
Then waggled his bits,
Said, "See how this fits..."
And that's how this reamin' occurred.
--- Marlene Lewis
She likes to know what she will get.
Some fellows have rods
That makes them sex gods,
But a devil's much better, you bet.
--- H Welchel
No one living can match a ghoul's tool.
That strange ectoplasm
Can produce an orgasm
That beats man or monkey or mule.
--- H Welchel a
She'll think about heaven she's dreamin'.
With a horn at each breast,
While the third does the rest,
She'll enjoy all that hot steamy semen.
--- H Welchel
His crank had a curve and a bevel.
In whores 'round the corner,
He'd slip his thin horner,
Where other damned souls wouldn't revel.
--- H Welchel
His wife suddenly drops a bombshell;
"Junior's birthday is Monday,
He want ice cream sundae,
Vanilla would taste really swell."
--- Joel D Ash
"My dear, you are out of your head;
With all of this heat,
The ice cream you eat
Will be more like hot soup instead."
--- Joel D Ash
This problem can be solved with ease.
Don't be orthodox;
Let's get an icebox;
For one day in hell we can freeze."
--- Joel D Ash
"Dear heart, I do not wnat to fight.
Your plan is not cool.
I'll look like a fool.
For devils the cold is not right."
--- Joel D Ash
Even Satan falls for womanly wiles.
"It will ruin Junior's day.
I'll know what he'll say,
"Down here we are simply exiles."
--- Joel D Ash
"Well, perhaps for an hour or two.
Not too much ice;
A small sacrifice,
We can't have our boy eating goo!"
--- Joel D Ash
I felt as though it was my lucky day.
When offered a ride,
I climbed up inside
The trucks slogan said "The end of the day"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Made the hair stand up on my back
Eyes burning like coals
His arms big as poles
Smelled as though he was smoking crack
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Yet he drove on like a man insane
I said please slow down
He gave me a frown
And drove on like a runaway train
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For a hundred miles we plowed through the crud.
It was dark as night;
Not a soul in sight;
Then a truck stop called "The Bucket of Blood."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He said, "Get out man we're goin' in."
Inside the doors
Stood forty whores;
I knew I was in a house of sin!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
No smiles could be seen in this place.
Expressions the same,
Accepting the blame,
Each one pleading for heavenly grace
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I thought I'd ignore mothers advice.
I wanted to play;
They said that I may;
I said just tell me the entry price
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Be sure to give 'em a spin.
We figure the score
By what's gone before;
Markers are the sum of your sins.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
While the sweat on my back ran cold.
I looked at the lie;
Each cube had one eye;
They said, "You just lost your soul!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Knocking whore's all over the floor,
Out into the night
I continued my flight;
I promised I'd sin no more.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
My soul cried out from within.
Heaven heard my wish;
I looked in the abyss,
A voice said, "Next time you'll go in!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
While traveling on life's highway
If offered a ride
Don't climb up inside
A truck called "The End of the Day"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The Devil appeared unto Tiddy.
"You soul is now mine;
Take this as a sign
That Erm will become an old biddy."
--- Archie
And Erm will reign there as a belle.
The rest of us lose
While he lims and screws --
I guess that I'll go there as well.
--- Marlene Lewis
Of great doings, and the air smells
Of dope, beer and gun-
Powder. Folks having fun --
AC/DC is ringing Hell's Bells!
--- Anon
The weakest points are usually shouted,
As they want to prevent,
Any thoughts of dissent,
But why should "Truth" be afraid to be doubted?"
--- Anon
This is file ydl
"Send money for things that we need!"
They claim there's no fraud,
That they're working for God.
They beg for our help to succeed.
--- Gifford Wherry
Of progress. Iranians face
A new inquisition
Which outlaws coition
And puts women back "in their place."
--- A N Wilkins P9105
To excape from this world. While one can
With prejudices tribal
Would return to the Bible;
Others would go back to Quran.
--- A N Wilkins P9105
Their minds only work one way.
He believed in God's word,
No matter how absurd.
His own tradition is in decay.
--- Todd S Greene
Are tarred by a few inciteous
And stubborn extremists,
Benighted supremists,
Whose views are truly most frighteous.
--- Daniel Ford
To be an astronomers guess.
This Hubble, a token,
Shows a great cosmic joke in
This fact. Bible-Bangers are a mess!
--- Baghwan
To be a point that is sore
For the people of God
Aren't saints (please nod)
And communion is now blood and gore.
--- Anon
Suggests they are not without stain.
While they piously bask,
Tell us why, we should ask,
They had to be born once again.
--- Warrick Elrod
"Though on Humanist pap you've been fed,
We will convert you
To think as we do,
Or we'll break every bone in your head.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9508
It follows a fine tradition
Of ignorance and hate,
But I've noticed of late,
That no one seems to be bitchin'.
--- Maverick
I am scheduled to go. I've lived right.
Unless somehow, by chance,
I'm regarded askance
And rejected and left at the light.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0110
Who cried: "Now's a good time to flee
Before doom overtakes us,
Or the Good Lord forsakes us.
We should leave now while we are free."
--- William K Alsop Jr
And they'll cause politicians to jump.
Soon our constitution
Will suffer dilution,
Ending up as a meaningless lump.
--- Robert Moore
And the sins of the world's what you hate.
Well, go on a be happy,
Save the other, make it snappy,
Till you come down to Earth, we will wait.
--- Robert Moore
"By the Evil One I have been cursed."
As soon as was able,
He dredged up Brother Bayble,
Who had drowned while Hurst had him immersed.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0207
Pentecostal, iron clergyman Suggs,
Is though he's anti-sin,
Old age now puts him in
That group which is dependent on drugs.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0308
But refuse the facts based on the same.
Towards dissent, they are critical,
And most hypocritical.
Faith, only, prevents their hell's flame.
--- Todd S Greene
Who am I to say nay.
Fundamentalists take heed;
Forget all your creed.
Forgive others for doing things their way.
--- Andy Sorenson P9009
He attended a revivalist dinner.
But his sinning didn't cease
For he found a different piece.
And he was first on 'er and in 'er
--- Arnold P0110
"The devil has just set me free!"
"If you turn me loose..."
"I'll have no excuse..."
"Now nearer my god is to me...."
--- SFA Q
Belief in God's a manifest rule.
To assist their campaign,
I'd suggest this refrain,
"Believe in gods, you're nobody's fool!"
--- Anon
"The good Lord despises the gay."
So to find their own lovers,
They hide under the covers,
And do what they would anyway.
--- John H Tabberrah P9606
Christians, Muslims and Jews scream, "Enow
Of your scorn and your wrath;
We'll pursue a blood bath
Because my gang's more holy than thou."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0508
Mass education's good for the masses.
But a home schooled tot
Can still learn a lot,
While bypassing all those moral morasses.
--- Lynn Mostafa
Whether they're Chistian, Muslim, or Jew.
Even God doesn't try
Our freedom to deny;
What right, fellow mortals, have you?
--- Anon
Your problem's quite clear (here's a clue:)
Inviting one Baptist
Alone on the guest list,
They don't drink at all if there's two.
--- Res Ipsa A
Where the lion shall lay down with the ewe.
And it shall come to pass,
That the lion will eat grass,
And the blackbird with pigeons will coo.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2822
There is nary a vice, they've not tried.
Yet their church daily grows,
Which undoubtedly shows,
They must have the Lord on their side.
--- David Finley
That would seem to include also gays.
But his people on Earth
Claim that fags have no worth,
Yes, God works in mysterious ways.
--- Robert Moore
Who with biblical learning had scads in.
He enjoyed exultation
Of the whites in the nation,
But ridiculed ever the plaid skin.
--- Anon
Twixt the church and the state and the nation.
If they had their way,
They would claim and display
The Armed Forces as their congregation.
--- Robert Moore
View the thoughtful as just fiddling.
Those faiths which abjure
Thinking as impure,
With mankind's future are diddling.
--- Daniel Ford
Were either fake," asserts the lark,
"Or though there'd be 'No room'--
Or else 'pooh-poohed' their doom--
'Cause none of them got on The Ark."
--- Irving Superior P9310
Which became law in our nation.
Some zealous turds
Think that "bad" words,
Are worth giving up liberation.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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