There was a young man of Darjeeling I once knew a girlie called Dorcas, Attached as I was to her crotch, So I took her to see what we could In a park in the middle of town "You are under arrest," he did say. To avoid this, we begged and we plead His handcuffs were shiny and bright In dismay she 'cuffed him to a bench She and I went then into a store We picked up some chicks on the street So I watched as those three got it on When I woke the next morning alone Bucolic's a dangerous life, The kid popped his gum when he saw There was a young lady of Pinner Another odd cookie, Tamara There's no law against being a player A locksmith from Barrow-on-Soar The groom woke up late the third day, A peeping Tom climbed up a tree, Working late in the night on an audit, He gave her firm titties a toot He intuberated her with a 'tater When the salad had had enough tossage When they worked their way round to the dairy Duct tape, some scissors, and twine They were rolling around bound and gagged, When you are young and like light I love her in the evening gown, The things that go on in the crotch I coerced and I pleaded with ease, As she lay there with heavenly charm,
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His girlfriend said "Yes! -- Oh, elation! At this grave threat of mutilation, A lacklustre lady of Broom, A prudish old maid of Revere It's tough to live next to the Wades When her husband walked in on the pair, John said to his wife in Deposit, Tim said to his wife, up in Shafter, A newspaper editor said Said an old man of Tehuantepec: I think you may find him quite cute; But then they both shouted in chorus: In two hundred years of hard plugging, New laws did lawmakers discover You're a cop and you're sworn to protect us. "Well, I took your advice, Doc," said Knopp. A banker from Sault Sainte Marie The sad end of Madame Dubarry, There was a young lady from Deanstown, To his bride, said a numskull named Clarence: 'Tis you, my dear, I love a lot. There once was a fellow named Clark There was a young lady named Bundy Rune opened the door in the night, Said a nervous old maid in Grant's pass: While taking our Tea at the Ritz, Then the waiter ran over to say So I threw him a handful of coins The waiter (now sounding quite gruff) A priest in the very next chair On the table she spread her legs wide The waiter, now quite at a loss, She was shouting out, "Give me some more!"
Whose wife found him hugely appealing,
Except for the fact
That during the act,
He woke up the children by squealing.
--- Norm Storer P9703
Who'd gladly gyrate on my stalk as
We lay in the buff,
But I wore my ear muff,
'Cause the squeals when she came were so raucous.
--- Anon
We wanted the heat up a notch
With a dog and a goat
And an "electric throat"
And a Cub Scout troop who would watch.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
do with implements made out of wood.
Though splinters were scary
in pine, oak, or cherry
the stiffness was always quite good.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
she and I did proceed to go down
on each other with glee,
until we did see
We were seen by a cop wearing brown.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"In a prison you surely will stay."
Then, turning to me
said, "You like sodomy?
"When you get out of jail you'll be gay!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
(she offered to give him good head)
He started to waver
when she mentioned this favor
And decided to join us instead.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And his uniform was quite a sight.
He possessed two "guns"
And one was great fun
But the other was shriveled and slight.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
with the skill that befits a good wench
There he sits to this day
(he could not get away)
and emits an incredible stench.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To continue our kinky galore
Cucumbers and K-Y
We proceeded to buy
(We had stunned the shopkeeper for sure).
--- Jim Weaver Collection
with a bad pick-up-line (it was neat!)
"Is it hot here?" we said
"I'd rather be in bed,"
They replied while examining my meat.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
and the urge did come to me to spawn
Without further ado
I proceeded to screw
Tina, Tiffany and, of course, Dawn.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
(as every day, sporting a bone)
Tina'd left a nice letter
"I think I like them better."
And I cursed my cruel fate with a groan.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With perils abundantly rife,
But not as life threatening
As the day of my reckoning
When found by my host with his wife!
--- Anon
What extended straight out from his Paw.
As he pondered in wonder,
He blurted this blunder,
"How can all of that go into Maw?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 787
Whose hubby came home for his dinner.
And guess what he saw
As he opened the door:
The arse of the man who was in her.
--- G0160
Insisted I purchase a camera,
"So I can review
The things that we do..."
("Say, how'd I get here in the slamma'?)
--- John Miller
Or taking pics of your girl when you lay her.
But you'll wind up in jail
When you try to blackmail
With those pics of your girl and the mayor!
--- Joe Long
Had affairs with women galore.
When caught en flagrante
In bed with his Auntie,
He made a bolt for the door.
--- Spike Mulligan P2005
To discover his bride's best friend, May,
Had come for a visit,
And crying, "Where is it?"
And tearing the bedclothes away.
--- John Ciardi
A loving young couple to see;
They were flattered no end,
And called out, "Bring a friend!
And after, we all can have tea!"
--- Lucid Limericks P0900
She shot him that glance; he caught it.
He followed her eyes
As she watched his cock rise;
Well, why had they ne'er before thought it?
--- Anon
She grabbed his huge cock by the root
He blew wads on her smile
As they worked down the aisle
Toward the produce for veggies and fruit
--- Anon
Buns up in the lettuce and t'mater
Knee deep in zucchini
He drove home his weenie
While her tits tossed a salad for later
--- Anon
They headed straight down to the sausage
Take a left at baloney
If you like your meat bony
For a nice joint of beef on your mossage
--- Anon
Thats when things got kinda hairy
In spreading her legs
She broke a few eggs
So he had to get disciplinary
--- Anon
Were over on aisle number nine;
Oil on seven;
Tin foil on eleven,
And 5 for a tin of boot shine.
--- Anon
Right there where the groceries are bagged.
They forgot in there funning,
The cameras were running;
My, my, how the tongues round here wagged.
--- Anon
To show off your body -- delight!
But when you are older
With blood running colder,
You'll find you prefer candlelight.
--- Sansuesi
I love her in her nightie.
But when the moonlight flits
Between her teats,
Jesus Christ, Almighty!
--- L1425
Are anxiety-making to watch.
The dimensions of sex,
Concave or convex,
Drive many a watcher to Scotch.
--- Gents Alphabet Book P8212
Try it lying on back 'stead of knees.
I'll slide it right in,
(That's when she started to grin)
And it shouldn't be too tight a squeeze.
--- Anon
Nursing manhood as long as her arm,
Her father bust in,
With alarm and chagrin,
And said, "My son, you just bought the farm!"
--- Anon
But soon he cried out, "Oh, damnation!"
Her father came back
Said "Who are you, Mack?
"Where's my knife? I'll do a castration!"
--- Anon
The young man cried out in frustration,
"It took me a week
Just to get a peek.
You have ruined our recreation!"
--- Anon
Weaveth all night at her loom.
Anon she doth blench
When her lord and his wench,
Pull a chain in the neighboring room.
--- L0011
Said, "I QUIT strolling beaches, My Dear.
When I think I'm alone,
I hear a girl moan,
And see a man undulating his rear!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 571 A
For they never pull down their shades.
While her figure is frightful,
Her technique is delightful,
Though not half as good as their maid's.
--- Grand Prix Lim 105
He hid in the clothes closet there.
And when asked with a sneer,
"What are you doing here?"
Said, "Everyone must be somewhere."
--- A N Wilkins P8701
"Tillie, now tell me, howzit
When we get into bed,
You look over by head,
And wink at the man in the closet?"
--- Anon
"Seems to me there's a man in the rafter."
She smirked, and then said,
"Come, get into bed.
I'm saving that fellow for after."
--- Anon
"Lets catch someone famous in bed,
Or pretend that we did,
Then blow off the lid.
Oh, damn, there's some shit on my head".
--- Anon
"I no longer chase women, by heck.
Nor would I, if I could;
But my sight is still good,
So I sit here and just rubberneck."
--- John P McKnight P0303
He admits he's a tranvestite fruit.
So he closes his eyes
When I'm boffing your thighs;
But his hearing is really acute.
--- Anon
"Those curtains are really quite porous.
A crowd is outside,
With their eyes open wide.
Oh honey, do you think thesaurus."
--- Anon
We've arrived at a fine state of bugging.
Ahead, I'm construing,
There is simply more screwing,
So I hope there's some kissing and hugging.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2749
Affecting a girl and her lover.
The decree now made clear
What was done in great fear,
Need no longer be done under cover.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2018
And these guys in the car do respect us.
So, consider our plight
And turn off the flashlight;
I hope that you don't disconnect us.
--- Al Willis T9712
"Told my wife to try it on top.
She bounced for an hour,
Till she ran out of power,
And the kids, who'd grown bored, made us stop."
--- Anon G0106
Was seeing a teller named Dee.
They'd meet in the vault,
But he called a halt,
'Cause their coworkers watched on TV.
--- David Miller
Was a lover reluctant to marry.
What's more, it is said,
Seen leaving her bed
Was a hornist, both pig-tailed and hairy!
--- Robert Pirtle
Who would have walked off with the queen's crown
At the CYO Rally,
Had not Father O'Malley
Caught her playing boy-girl with her jeans down.
--- John Ciardi
"I trust you will show some forbearance.
My sexual habits,
I picked up from rabbits,
And occasionally watching my parents."
--- G0038
I've felt this way since we were caught
By sweet Grandma Moore,
Who called you a whore,
For letting me play with your twat.
--- Anon
Who wouldn't make love in the dark.
Three faces said "Hi!",
His wife said "Oh my!
We might as well fuck in the park!"
--- Sudo Nim
Who was fucked by a Belgian on Sunday.
On Tuesday a Uhlan
To her twat put his tool in--
SIC TRANSIT GLORIA MUNDI.
--- G0539
His father and I in full flight,
And said, out of the blue,
"That what you do
Is silly -- you should SLEEP at night!"
--- Dana Hansen
"I must stop taking walks through the grass.
When I think I'm alone,
I hear some girl moan,
And step on some man's heaving ass."
--- G1560
She rubbed all the jam on her tits.
So I took out my dick
And inserted it quick
Adding cream to her genital bits.
--- PeterW
"You're causing an awful affray.
And you ordered, I see,
Only jam with your tea.
But with cream there is extra to pay."
--- Peter Wilkins
And we carried on pounding our groins,
Till she opened her thighs
With a cry of surprise,
As an orgasm flooded her loins.
--- PeterW
Said, "Madam, enough is enough!"
And keeping her cool,
She said, "Piss off you fool!"
As I gave her some more of my stuff.
--- PeterW
(Trying desperately hard not to stare)
Just gave us a glance,
Then adjusted his pants
And religiously muttered a prayer.
--- Peter Wilkins
So I carried on pumping inside,
While a gathering crowd
Started cheering aloud,
As she screamed, "I'm enjoying this ride!"
--- PeterW
And sounding exceedingly cross,
Said "Madam, this table
Is very unstable;
Desist or I'm calling the boss."
--- PeterW
When the manager walked through the door.
He said, "It's the pits!
Don't you know in the Ritz,
That it's only allowed on the floor?"
--- PeterW