MORE
Those moralists make me feel sick; Poor world, full of bold hypocrits, Ralph Reid left the Christian Coalition; Should the "Rapture" occur on this day, A religious fanatic, Marie, Arch are the "religious Righteous", In my town revivals are tops; Now I have been raised in the sout' At the church the revival is humming; Many claim the case open and shut; The electorate must be educated, We're so proud of our Pastor, Lem Lurch. One religious Golden Retriever Fundamentalists frequently vex There was an old pander from Perth How should our start be perceived, Fundamentalists basically yearn Fundamentalists say quite dogmatically I've noticed that some people use Well we know, they insist on Sundays, To WOWSERS, a serious sin Grossly puritanical WOWSER I went to a meeting last night, On a makeshift stage stood two guys, I sat there while this was occurring, On the stage those girls did cavort, Today is six-nine-ninety-nine But stand this damned date on its head Ah, but six-six-sixty-nine! Remember ex-President Carter? He listens to Rosalyn Carter The Baptists have made it their mission The husbands' heads just got bigger, In Texas, the preachers were wise Mr Kain has something to sell. Hey Frank, are you casting aspersions Those "Biblical Scholars" who spam, If for heaven thou ever hadst hope, Though Fundamentalism meant -- Tradition we always must follow; So join the old church of celibates, To keep them away, much I'd try; Might have been, their minds had been dull In the past, in the rain, snow and hail, Hear! Hear! Did I know of this rule? My room booked in old Portadown, The doors were all locked at the pub. I'm back at the hotel for tea; So there in my digs, full of gloom, She came up and I do declare, I whistled in great 'preciation, ...I say: "What are you doing now, hon? Hey. In Hartsville, down in Tennessee, On all moral guardians, a pox! And if you should stand at her base, And ladies, here's Jean's boyfriend, Dan. And when you've to Hartsville returned, The minister's son, a carouser, I heard that he met an explorer, A young man who resides in Belgravia, A quintuple Agnostic named Todd, There was a young girl of Shanghai The truth about Allah be told, Anubis, Egyptian divine, Said an old-fashioned god named Anubis, (Anubis - Jackal God of Egypt)
In Phoenicia the young bucks were hearty
Their asses I'd sure like to kick.
Those evangelist frauds
And their frustrated broads,
Tell me what I can do with my dick.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0312
Who dispense such biblical bits,
Invoking "good book",
But then overlook
The parts that are not such good fits.
--- Chris Papa
He claimed he'd a more important mission.
He's holy no more,
Supporting the war.
He's just another dumb politician.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Folks will vanish just every which way;
At least so we're told.
I ask those "in the fold",
What if some "chosen ones" opt to stay?
--- Loren Fitzhugh
Was obese, weighing three-ninety-three.
Then at three-ninety-four
She decided to whore,
And a great roly-holer was she.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9410
Acting as the high and mighteous;
Presuming to tell
All others to hell,
In a manner offensive and blighteous.
--- Chris Papa
They close up the schools and the shops,
For an orgy gone wild,
Where young girls are defiled,
And there's a regular raid by the cops.
--- John Miller 0334b
And I know what revivals about.
In back of the tent
Is where little boys went
To squirt all the little devils out.
--- H Welchel
There's singing and crying and strumming
of more than the band --
Like my girlfriends hand --
Sweet Jesus, I'm coming, I'M COMING!
--- John Miller 0334a a
So to those it's of great concern but,
When I see, "Are You Saved?"
Being somewhat depraved,
I inquired slyly, "For or from what?"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0409
With Church and State separated.
Google might help 'em
If delivered verbatim,
With Bush and China expurgated.
--- Anon
He last week captured under a Birch,
THREE - RATTLESNAKES - THREE,
Which made Lem scream with glee.
"I'm takin' these here ones to church!"
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9805
Was a singular sort of believer.
He fetched his own Bible,
Sued detractors for libel,
And mauled all agnostic achievers.
--- Martin Maier
The Jet Set by passing complex
And troublesome laws
Which are all in the cause
Of taking the joy out of sex.
--- A N Wilkins P9105
Laid claim to a Christian Rebirth.
But his clientele
Informed him, "Like Hell!
If you stop, we have tales to unearth."
--- John Miller
By evolution or as divinely received?
But I'm a bit leery
Of the talking snake theory.
` think it's a bit misconceived.
--- Anon
For the end of the world, the return
Of the Lord, and the bliss
As they view the abyss
Of sniffing damned souls as they burn.
--- A N Wilkins P9105
And sometimes rather theatrically
You must have Christ as your savior,
So watch your behavior,
Or else you will wind up hellaciously.
--- Andy Sorenson P9009
The Bible, whenever they choose
To bolster a point
That is out of joint,
With other's less literal views.
--- Chris Papa
That God hates sex, abortion and gays!
But when you ask them why,
So many innocents die,
They say "Who are we to know His ways?"
--- Anon
Might occur just when you begin
To start having fun,
With something you're done.
To them, more's the shame and chagrin.
--- Chris Papa
Makes a religious rabble rouser,
Who doesn't know when
To shut up and then
Is surprised to learn he is a grouser.
--- Daniel Ford
And though I'd not thought that I might,
I've seen revelation,
I'm filled with elation.
Oh brethren, have I seen the light!
--- Anon
From the crowd then, each sinner would rise,
Walk onto the stage,
Confess name and age,
And then with a spray be baptized.
--- Anon
Excited my eyes were a-blurring.
The sinners that day
Were all girls, strange to say,
And in me I felt something stirring.
--- Anon
In their soaking wet t-shirts and shorts.
At the end, quite uplifted,
Homeward I drifted,
To Erm and some much needed sport.
--- Anon
(Nine-six if you wish to align
With more civilized folk;
But just for this joke
The American way is just fine)
--- Anon
And read with three six's instead
Of one six and three nines
And the preacher opines,
"We're doomed! It's the Beast that we dread!"
--- Anon
Now THERE is a date! But it's mine
To recall with some glee
Because that's the day she ...
Never mind, here I WILL draw the line!
--- Anon
He used to think Baptists were smarter.
But now he decries
What they say to their wives,
Implying that husbands are smarter.
--- Anon
Who tell him that women are smarter.
But both misconstrue
What Baptist wives do;
They really ain't dumber, they're smarter.
--- Anon
To advocate wifely submission.
In Texas, the wives
Said, "Pistols or knives?"
To husbands who want such conditions.
--- Anon
And they went to their preachers quite eager,
To renounce such condition
Of wifely submission,
To keep them from pulling the trigger.
--- Anon
This is file ycl
And listened to those desperate guys.
They said it's okay
For wives to have say
And husbands obey them with ayes.
--- Anon
Buy it now or go straight to hell.
Is he on the level
Or a front for the devil?
I'd really rather not tell.
--- Frank Rosenbaum
On me and my ovine perversions?
"The lion shall lie
With the lamb." Why can't I
In a wooly twat make an immersion.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Exposing our members to scam,
Those crude evangelicals,
Extreme Go-to-Hellicals,
Deserve their divinity's "Damn!"
--- Ward Hardman
Now despair on a slipery slope:
Those fool clerics who've spammed,
Shall combust midst the damned!
Seek salvation! Confess to the Pope!
--- Ward Hardman
We, word-for-word, the words God sent,
This heretic took
A Funk/Wagnalls look
And reached the word spelled FUNDAMENT.
--- Irving Superior P9009
In new faiths we must never wallow.
For God changes not;
Unbelievers will rot;
And Hell fire they will have to swallow!
--- Anon
When abstinance all of us grates.
A choirboys bottom
Is easily gotten,
And all carnal lusts, it then sates!
--- Anon
Success now, but I don't know why.
Those plaguey JW's
This week didn't trouble us;
They came to our house and passed by.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Or their shrunken brains had to mull
Over the circle of stones
On your lawn, or the bones
On your porch, then there was the skull...
--- Ulla
I've made them get wet, but I fail.
But last confrontation,
I cited discrimination,
Demanding their garbage in Braille.
--- Tiddy Ogg
'Course I didn't, but old Ogg is no fool.
'Tis the ultimate way
To "Kiss my butt" say,
And agreed, it's incredibly cool.
--- Ulla
One Sunday I looked all around;
The whole place was dead.
My landlady said:
"This sure is a God-fearing town."
--- Tiddy Ogg
The same at the working man's club.
I found a small cafe;
'Twas run by a Taffy,
But that too was shut, so no grub.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As dreary as dreary can be.
There's silence all round;
No single sweet sound;
Not even a show on TV.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Landlady says: "Go to your room.
Some light exercise,
God never denies,
I'm sending young Morag up soon.
--- Tiddy Ogg
She's gorgeous, with long auburn hair.
Clothes drop to the floor,
And I shout "I want Mor!"
By now from waist up, she is bare.
--- Tiddy Ogg
At the sight of this defoliation.
Then suddenly found
She's picked from the ground
Her clothing. In great consternation...
--- Tiddy Ogg
I thought we were having a fun day.
"This is Portadown,
And I'd never mess 'round
With a fellow that whistles on Sunday."
--- Tiddy Ogg
No more naked statues you'll see.
The folks think it is wrong
So they now wear sarongs!
How prudish can some people be.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Just sent them here; they'd have some shocks.
Out back, 'midst the flora,
Our statue, Pandora,
Is blatantly showing her box.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And look in the neighboring place,
There's Jean, keeping cool,
On the edge of her pool,
And clothing? She hasn't a trace.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He isn't too hunky a man,
But look at the size
Of that 'twixt his thighs,
And take it all in; Jeanie can.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Please practise this stuff you have learned:
Don't hide flesh in sight;
Enjoy the delight
Of what in the past you have spurned
--- Tiddy Ogg
Frustrated his father, a WOWSER,
Because the young fellow
Went to a bordello,
Though swearing that he was a browser.
--- Observer
Who walked away ten dollars poorer.
A man, it appears,
Caught him quite unawares,
For when he emerged, he was sorer.
--- Frank
In Hyde Park said that he was The Savior.
He was booked by police
But then given release
When 'twas found that he really said Xavier.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Once pronounced this philosophy odd:
"I don't know if I doubt
If I'll ever find out,
If I'm sure if there might be a God."
--- Mark Rabnett
Who was so exceedingly shy,
That undressing at night,
She turned out the light,
For fear of the All-Seeing Eye.
--- Bertrand Russell
He is toothless, pathetic, and old.
Buddha's shit's on his head.
Jesus short-sheets his bed,
And he suck Yahweh's schlong like it's gold.
--- Tomer Shiran
Like a man, but on top of his spine
Was a jackal-like head.
He would lead off the dead
To Osiris, their fate to assign.
--- David Morin
"I know about pubes and boobies.
But I've no impression
About the Eustachian,
Or where the Fallopian tube is."
--- L1718
In supporting the cult of Astarte.
In her temples were scores
Of sanctified whores
Who each week held an orgasmic party.
--- A N Wilkins P9303
MORE