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Said John, "In my recent attacking, But for my dear 'Lene, I shall spend, Most foreign affairs are a breeze; This girl was really first class, This man with his trousers on fire, At all sports I am a lame duck, You've reached the phone number you've dialed; A fellow we knew in Amherst After the ultimate screw, If in lust you would like to go far, I've read Kama Sutra completely. A rapturous young fellatrix, I had got me a good piece of uterus; This fellow named Stan had a style Said a practical female, Tombigger: "Near my girl," said a lecher named Cecil, A lover who hailed from Kalgurly Why, Emma (Or Mara -- which one?) Just gimme a gal that's well built; There was a young lady from Ames There was a young lady named Wacker I wish I could understand too, There was a young lady named Rienzi, Our women outshine us in classiness; The cat in the rocket was curled A marvelous memory had Sloan; Sex to me is a skill I've received a number of highs, A young wheeler-dealer named Timothy, Said a passionate man from Australia, Though the girl had a number of zits, A brothel inspector named Giles There once was a lady named Billie, An expert mechanic named Nims, Which partner's are best? Sixty-niners. A gun-shy recruit from Visalia, There was a young woman named Betty, There was a young lover named Marius, From my parents, it seems I inherit, When they gave me a scroll as "The Best," Tim had traveled to Peru A girl on the flying trapeze There was a young lady named Wright, The sex act's a curious thing; Difference with us, male and female, An agile old painter named Hartley A prominent banker of Galt Mused a certain young woman named Joan, A museum assistant at Tring, There was a fair woman named Kate, A young coed freshman named Fretter A young lady mechanic named Moore, Are you looking for wenching and rumming? A well-behaved woman named Pam, There's a certain young woman named Barb, (darb - something superlative)
There was a young lady named Brook There was a grass widow out west, There's an avid young woman in Gunnison, In youth I was smitten by Alice Poor Dirruk has had a great row I once was a young lad with passion, Charlotte, a lass from Miami, There was a young girl from Trallee, The exploits of sexy Miss Lecks, There once was a jockey named Brad, "Have you met the bedworthy Miss Frings, "Yes, I knew that great sex job, Miss Frings,
Variety seems to be lacking.
Let's drop on the bed,
From the lamps overhead,
And however we land, let's get cracking.
--- Isaac Asimov
And spend and spend over again.
You'll feel satisfaction
To see me in traction,
From feats that I overextend.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Two adults consenting with ease.
The one most enthralling
I tremble recalling,
The Girl on the Flying Trapeze.
--- Irving Superior P9407
And so were her teats and her ass.
Her hand jobs were fine;
Her blow jobs divine;
Which she gave with a bit of pizzazz.
--- Stan
In the desperate throes of desire,
Was burning with lust
Cried out 'Heaven or Bust!',
And got both from his clever supplier.
--- Lucy
And at gymnastics they say I suck;
I'm no good at swimmin'
But ok with women.
My best sport is the "hop, step, and fuck."
--- David Miller
I heard the phone ring and I smiled.
I don't want to gloat,
So please leave a note.
I'll get back when this beauty's defiled.
--- Frank Fazed
Once said he wasn't adverse
To sexual kinks
With indecent finks.
They call him "The Imp of Perverse."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
What sex thing is there left to do?
We all love our fucking
And touching and sucking--
But can't someone invent something new?
--- Writerman
Don't lie in the back of the car;
Try somewhere unusual,
(First get his approval)
For excitement that's way above par.
--- Jayne
How they do all that stuff sure does beat me!
With "lingam" and "yoni",
And youths big and brawny,
For contortionists surely they must be.
--- Jayne A
One day was at work on five pricks.
With an unholy cry,
She whipped out her glass eye.
"Tell the boys I can now take on six."
--- L0292
I'd never had cooter so cooterous.
Our sexual peaks
Left me limp for two weeks,
Before I again became rooterous.
--- Anon
Of making gals beg for a while.
"Please touch me right here.
I won't break. Have no fear,"
They'd plead for more with a smile.
--- Charlotte
"Reserve your cunts, girls, for a nigger.
His trigger is bigger;
More rigor, more vigor,
And he's sure a deep digger as frigger!"
--- G0469
"Is the place where I usually nestle.
Nothing else is a patch
On the way that we match.
She's the mortar and I am the pestle."
--- Isaac Asimov
Was neither handsome nor burly.
But he had a good knack
When he got in the sack,
To stop himself coming too early.
--- Graham
Your style was just fine, nicely done.
But who cares for style,
If it lasted a while,
And both of you really had fun?
--- Anon
A chest that is stacked to the hilt,
And I promise you this:
That the last thing that Miss
Would ever be feeling, is guilt.
--- Anon
Who liked to play popular games.
And the ones she like best
And would often suggest
Were those without patented names.
--- P8306
Who claimed that no man could attack her.
'Twas no trouble at all
To avoid Pete and Paul,
But Graham was able to crack her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0373
How a suck can outshine a great screw.
When in heat I want meat --
On a bed, pew, or seat.
Don't just diddle me till you are through.
--- Anon
Despoiled by a man in a frenzy.
She said he was superb,
Not as good as a Serb,
And just as good as a MacKenzie.
--- Albin Chaplin a
We cannot compete with their brassiness.
At the end of our rope,
There is only one hope:
To exceed them in conjugal sassiness.
--- Limber Limericks
And out into space it was hurled.
It's owner, Miss May,
In truth could now say
That her pussy was out of this world.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8212A
This trait his dear wife did bemoan.
For he knew every cranny
Which she had in her fanny,
And could screw her right over the phone.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0335
Giving great pleasure, than just a quick thrill.
But to accomplish this deed,
There are two thing you need:
Like a partner and some time to kill.
--- Charles K Brown
From my amazing ability to prise
Open and thrill,
Delight and fill,
Jennifers wonderously receptive thighs.
--- Anon
Said, "Why, all that I need is proximity.
Just show me my prey,
Then give me one day;
They'll be screwed with complete equanimity.
--- Isaac Asimov
"My darling, please let me unveil ya.
And then, on my own
If you'll kindly lie prone,
I'll endeavor, my sweet, to impale ya."
--- Anon
I overlooked 'em because of her tits.
But her beauty was outer,
And she made me a doubter,
When my cock up inside 'er had fits.
--- Anon
Took data from whores for his files.
He counted each stroke
And the depth of the poke,
And recorded the number of miles.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2083a
Who wandered through life willy-nilly
In aimless affairs
With chance millionaires,
Whose trinkets made marriage look silly.
--- John Ciardi
This is file xxm
Kept a full range of foam-rubber shims,
For adjusting the set
Of young ladies he'd get,
To indulge his meticulous whims.
--- John Ciardi
And better than that? Try the Shriners.
These are the results
Of consenting adults.
(And occasional like-minded minors.)
--- Anon
Was an absolute infantry failure.
But he wasn't so dumb,
When it came to a come,
And he knew how to use genitalia.
--- L1640
Who thought waterbeds rather petty.
The results were less hasty,
She thought, and more tasty,
If one screwed on a bed of spaghetti.
--- Isaac Asimov
Whose approaches to sex were quite various.
He kept in his files,
All possible styles,
That came under the head of nefarious.
--- Isaac Asimov
The sexual urge of a ferret.
With each carnal session,
Artistic expression
Is exceeded by technical merit.
--- Anon
They just wrote those two words, but the rest
You can call out en masse,
(Unless you're a lass
Who'd like putting the thing to the test.)
--- Isaac Asimov
In search of the ultimate screw.
When his trip was complete,
He zipped up his meat
And said to the ladies, "Thank you!"
--- S A Schlong
Made love in midair with great ease.
This aerial mating
Gave the show an X-rating
And commanded the highest of fees.
--- Macsam
Who claimed she gave Turkish delight.
Her cunt was the juiciest,
Hottest and gooseyest--
One man who survived said, "Quite right."
--- G0818
It's a bang, tryste, boff, or a fling.
A ball, screw, or schtup,
Are all ways to say fuck,
Her joy-box with your ding-a-ling.
--- Jonathon
Is that their skin's a bit more pale.
And when we do fuck,
Or each others we suck,
Their voices are on a higher scale.
--- Anon
Seduced a young lady named Bartley.
Though he fucked with restraint
And continued to paint,
Yet he managed to fuck her right smartly.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0710
Attacked an old maid in his vault.
She was battered and frayed
But no charges were laid,
For his fucking was done without fault.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0163
"I suppose that I'm never alone,
Since I'm such a good lay
And I never ask pay,
And that somehow the fact's become known."
--- Isaac Asimov
Gave each bird an identity ring:
One bird could not fly,
But she knew how to lie,
And how to play yang to his ying.
--- Harold C Bibby
Who would prove such an excellent date,
That each fellow would note,
(An unaminous vote)
That she wasn't just fair--she was great!
--- Isaac Asimov
In fucking could not earn a letter,
But when she was a soph,
She worked under a prof
And got better and better and better.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0155
Who, while not precisely a whore,
Couldn't pass up the chance,
To take down her pants,
And compare some man's stroke to her bore.
--- L1040
In India, you'll find everything humming.
With a Hindu gal, sex
Is so gaily complex,
You won't know if you're going or coming.
--- G0659
Once got in a terrible jam.
When a fellow said, "Who
Is the nation's best screw?"
She thoughtlessly answered, "I am."
--- Isaac Asimov
Who at casual sex is a darb.
But put her to the test,
And you'll find she's her best,
When completely divested of garb.
--- Isaac Asimov
Who never could learn how to cook.
But on a divan
She could please any man --
She knew every damn trick in the book!
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0024
Whose manner of fucking was best.
She could raise up and hone
A skeleton's bone--
And had done it one time, in a test.
--- Grand Prix Lim 537 G0813
Who's always around when the fun is on.
And all she demands
Is a hold for her hands,
And a firm seat to settle her cunnus on.
--- G0606
Ambidextrously deft with a phallus;
First right hand, then left,
Soft lips, tongue, then cleft,
Variations preventing a callous.
--- Anon
With Gretel, his live-in house frau.
She caught him with Eva,
Who bared her wet beaver,
To help him insert his large prow!
--- Archie
For tongues and clitoral mashin',
But then she showed me,
It's like 1-2-3,
To get those hipbones crashin'.
--- Anon
Was known for her sex double-whammy.
She gave her date head,
Next, ball him in bed,
Then send him home to his mammy!
--- Stan
Whose knowledge of French was, "Oui, Oui!"
Still gloriously praised,
Nightly glasses are raised,
To honor her memory in Paree.
--- Anon
On men, have such wearing effects,
That a night of embraces
Turns sexual aces
Into limber-kneed, quivering wrecks!
--- G0642
Who took a young girl to his pad.
He said, "I don't tattle
When I'm in the saddle,
But you're the best mount that I've had."
--- David Miller
Who knows all those sexual things?
Her double vibrato
And plucked pizzicato,
And that candy ass -- Jello on springs!"
--- G0594
Who loved joys that cohabiting brings,
(In a score of odd ways)
But she died in a daze
On a bed fixed with overdrive springs."
--- G0595
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