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The breaking of wishbone was marred Tom Cruise's chauffeur was, by far A small group of bloody weird fellers, William Penn, you could tell at a glance, On three hides sat the chief's three new brides, Growled Sarge, his mouth barking, eyes squintin', Said Commissar Rudolph, "I fear A wanton and wayward Ms. Horter, As you leave for vaction in Rome, Actress McLain lives out in the west, An old moribund actress in Mich. There once was a girl brought up Christian, His dear wife was quick with a gag, A mad botanist, bending low, smelt Reagan, our Veep staunchly swore, As I tell you this, I have to wink; As we study the canines aloof, When out late at night with his peers, In olden times, violent and lawless, "Sure, I'll give it a try," said Carole Fiske; Argumentative, highly verbose, A bandleader sought to unseat The meaning of words are quite moot, I once was in love with Beth Lane; A little Dutch boy on a bike In a town near the old Zuiderzee At three did you wash off your tool You beat me! I must have been four What pain man 'twas only an itch "Oh, darling, I missed you," said Gwen. Fred was always trying to score, Making love, male above is a bore; To his wife's chastity belt, Captain Hatch, Okay, I'll admit that he's small. As each night in her wigwam she starred, Sighed a sad-faced young sailor named Jack, I know Richard and Dorothy Mott, Old school Southerner, Col Job Lester, We each have a strong animosity In deserts like the Sahara, The last time I saw her, I'm thinking, A young girl with initials C.C. A diminutive psychic named Marge On the day of his wedding, the male The Byrd brothers snared Sally Fern There once was a lady named Gail, Two hookers named Rose and Marie With no ceremony to stand on, There was a young lady named Kate, On Sundays the son of a miller A colonel called out with great force, As toward the end of life we all go, An Egyptologist named Art Fess Parker, an old star? I'd say, "Yes." At the portcullis gay Knight, Count Sage, A young man was playing the cello, I've gay friends, (designers, Cape Cod); At romance she just wasn't too great; When the shot missed the net, "Bullet" Gallager Shot from cannons, his act though renowned, Kohlt Meindoffer Brags, "Fraus grow fatter Bernard's mother gave him an upbraiding -- A fellow with large veins named Enis A lover, albino, named John, In Tijuana, young Carmen-Yvonne "I've a tooth ache," moaned my brother Don. An overweight man we all cherish
When sis and I found it too hard --
"We're out of this pickle
If we use block and tickle."
Sis: "I'm not Pulleyin' Bone Apart."
--- Dr Limerick
A driver with skills below par;
He fucked up the clutch
In Tom's limo to such
A degree, he could not cart the star.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0104
With some who were underwear smellers,
Spend most of the day
Selling dicks made of clay,
And were known as the town's peter sellers.
--- Bob Birch P0900
Was uneasy at a seamans dance.
His mother's two sisters
Were kidnapped by misters.
Police nabbed the pirates of Penn's aunts.
--- Tom Patton
And he saw as they lay on their sides,
That the one named "Big Bottom Ass,"
Squaw on the hippopotamus,
Equaled squaws on the other two hides.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2945
"Take that house where the enemy's sittin'.
Your rifle's your friend,
Clean 'em, rod 'em again;
To take that villa Re-rod 'Em Glintin'."
--- Dr Limerick
'Twill rain before Santa gets here."
Asked his wife, "Why not snow?"
But he answered, "'Tis so,
For Rudolph the Red knows rain, Dear!"
--- John Dohner P8812
Needed numberless men to disport her,
Whom she'd eagerly woo,
To relentlessly screw,
This zealous and wily pole courter.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9703
Or go shopping, or to aerodrome,
If your door is ajar,
Buglary it won't bar.
Be sure that you press your lock home.
--- Dr Limerick
And had an ongoing request.
When she made a joke,
Her friends then all spoke,
And would say, "Shirley, you jest!"
--- Kirk Miller
Had desired, before passing, to fish.
Even more, she did dream
She would still reign supreme,
If she only could be Sisters Gish.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Intrigued by a Shintoist teach-in.
She gave it a try
But the evil guy
Who held a lease on her soul's a Niezchean.
--- Dr Limerick
Being witty and no way a drag.
When she put him on,
With a fake liaison,
He used Sam Spade to tail his wag.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9805
A rose that would make your nose melt!
But he sniffed it too close;
A thorn caught his nose,
And he learned how The Odor Rose Felt.
--- Dr Limerick
Brought his role as George Gipp to the fore,
Who could run, pass, or kick,
And opponents he'd trick
As through linemen the great Gipper tore.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9704
Molly Brown was quite strange, and I think
She scrubbed her sink white
And she scrubbed it all night:
The Unbrownable Molly's old sink.
--- Al Willis T9712
Speculation must now yield to proof.
We find speciation
Through specialization --
So the bloodlines conVerge In Your Wolf.
--- Dr Limerick
When Will drinks, the rest won't go near;
I asked why, and they said,
Poor William is palsied,
And when quaffing, William shakes beers.
--- Dr Limerick
Knights would, on provocation smallest,
Wreck your home, hearth, and mill,
Forcing you to rebuild --
And you'd think, "'though I'm well, I am wall-less."
--- Dr Limerick
She then wingwalked and her pace was brisk.
Below, the crowd, en masse,
Gasped as Carole risked her ass,
Since she had such a cute ass to risk.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0510Q
Overbearing, she comes very close,
Adjacent and near,
Being "Shrew of the Year,"
Disputatious Madame Bella Cose.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0011
His girl vocalist, most indiscreet.
Each musician she'd do,
Found his tempo askew,
At odds with this wild hitch in beat.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0407
So we must be very astute.
"Amidol", you can see,
Is all about me.
It means I am cuddly and cute.
--- Al Willis T9712
Her beauty near drove me insane.
She met a rich plumber
Who killed her last summer.
My love for her's gone down the drain.
--- David Miller
Found something that we wouldn't like:
A Lesbian bitch
Lay stoned in the ditch,
So he plugged up the hole in the Dyke.
--- Anon
Lived a small cocky chap of age three
Some though may be surprised;
Others long have surmised,
That clever dutch boy, folks, was me.
--- Anon
After dipping your wick in that pool
Or does that explain
The testicular pain
You had on the first day of school?
--- Anon
When Penny, the girl from next door,
Charged me a nickel
For dipping my pickle --
My first time in bed with a whore.
--- John Miller
Most common with over-ripe kids
It became now a habit
To fuck like a rabbit
Teacher Jane as my favourite bitch
--- Anon
Now I'm sure not the brightest of men,
But my speed can't be faulted;
Out the window I vaulted,
Before she could fire again.
--- Michael Weinstein P0011
But chicks wouldn't darken his door.
Friends said try again,
Just don't go for a ten;
Luck might change if you metaphor.
--- Anon
It's mundane and what's more, it's a chore;
While postures exotic,
Prove far more erotic,
Than one taught by an old hazy lore.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0202
Had affixed with a new pickproof catch,
Then he marched off to war.
But 'twas not long before,
Some slick varlet was snicking her latch.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0203
This is file xvl
My sweetie's five one and that's all.
It's better to squeeze
A short guy on your knees,
Than never to have loved a tall.
--- Al Willis a
This nymph would all manhood regard,
And would then misbehave
With each lusty young brave,
With a posture that left no bolds hard.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9812
"My Army girl's gone from my sack;
My nautical service
Must make women nervous --
Now my sex-life is all out of WAC.
--- Norm Storer P9206
Neighbors who like to fox-trot.
When Dorothy took chances,
With fast-stepping dances,
Her pet name became "Polka Dot".
--- Albert Berlin
Said, "Girls' names we think to be the best are
Appellations in twos;
Linda Lee, Nelly Suze,
Loretta Nadine, Polly Esther."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0304
Toward what we regard as atrocity.
I consider atrocious
A child who's precocious
And her mother's MOMentous pomposity.
--- Laurence Perrine P9206
The times people starve is quite rara.
One reason, I've heard,
Though is may seem absurd,
Is because of the sand-wiches thera.
--- Macsam
And I swear that I hadn't been drinking,
That sweet young Violet Barge
Appeared not half as large
As she had been. Was dear Violet shrinking?
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0203
In Spanish learned to say "Si, si."
Took a vacation trip
On a big ocean ship,
The first time she'd ever see sea.
--- Tom Patton
Was nabbed on a larceny charge,
But escaped the next day,
So the headline display
Read, "EXTRA: Small Medium at Large."
--- Jerry Nordal P2005
Should not peek at his bride, says the tale.
So try as he might,
To keep her in sight,
It all really is to know a veil.
--- Anon
And each of them raped her in turn.
But they ran out of breath
And she fucked them to death,
And she killed off two Byrds with one stern.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0694
Who decided to have a yard sale.
She sold all her wares,
Including the chairs.
Now she's one upstanding female.
--- Gladys Bramhall.
Were drowned in a whirlpool at sea.
Now the other girls try
To remain safe and dry
On the land--to avoid whirled whore three.
--- Graham Lester
Tom knelt, then put Mary's hand on
His hand -- Took her fing-
er, put on it a ring.
"I'm engaged!" Mary cried with a-band-on.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Whose liquid diet caused loss of weight.
She tried on her new clothes
In size 6 that she chose,
But the clerk said, "Right now urinate."
--- Tom Patton P0110
Would work in the fields as a tiller
Of soil, planting maize.
But on subsequent days
He'd turn into a cereal killer.
--- Peter Wilkins
In the midst of Hyde Park for a horse.
All the soldiers looked round,
But none could be found.
So he just rhododendron. Of course.
--- Anon
Is it true that we reap what we sow?
M. Marceau and his type
Sign, "This question's not tripe;
Enquiring mimes want to know."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9603
Like an ass, when he went with a tart,
Left his finds on the road,
Where a villain soon showed
That a fool and his mummy soon part.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Keeps a horse on a farm, more or less.
Even now he is able
To clean out the stable,
So they call him a mucking Fess.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0308
Greeted Knghts errant, Waldo and Gage.
Gage amd Waldo both winced
When they saw that Sage minced.
Promise anything; Give him our page.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9811
When into the ice box he fell-o.
No one was to blame to,
But it was a shame to
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Two guys whose career I applaud.
I may have to hire
Them. I so admire
Those draperies by Kurt 'n Rod.
--- Anon
In fact, she could not get a date.
So she went to the gym
And there she met him --
A hunk who was laying in weight.
--- Guy Ben-Moshe
Was retrieved with a sponge, by the coroner.
And his boss said, "It's rough;
It will really be tough
To recruit a new man of his caliber."
--- William N Nesbit P9511
He was discharged, no longer around;
And not seen again.
Critics tell us that men
Of his calibre seldom are found.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9206a
Because of the goo I can splatter!"
So what is that goo,
That frau fattening spew?
Of course, it's Kohlt Meindoffer matter."
--- Travis Brasell
"Oh, heavens," she said, "It's degrading.
You behaved like a schmuck,
Quit your job on the truck;
The Bernie's, I guess, not for lading.":
--- Bob Giandomenico P9410
Wed a girl, a beauty, a Venus.
Her parts too petite
For his hunk of meat,
Made him cry looking at his veined penis.
--- Tom Patton P0111
Who lived on the banks of the Don,
Once boarded a plane
And traveled to Spain,
Becoming both pale and Juan.
--- Cyber Geezer
Said in bed to Jose, "Darling don,
I think you're my man
Because you're so tan --
If you were more pale, you'd be Juan."
--- Norm Storer P9206
"Don't worry," said dear Uncle John.
"Just crash your head
Through that window instead,
And you'll find that the pane will have gone."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Owns a publishing firm which is bearish.
It is stated of him
That his volumes are slim,
But his figure is "publisher pearish"
--- John E Mayhood P0108
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