The breaking of wishbone was marred
When sis and I found it too hard --
"We're out of this pickle
If we use block and tickle."
Sis: "I'm not Pulleyin' Bone Apart."
--- Dr Limerick

Tom Cruise's chauffeur was, by far
A driver with skills below par;
He fucked up the clutch
In Tom's limo to such
A degree, he could not cart the star.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0104

A small group of bloody weird fellers,
With some who were underwear smellers,
Spend most of the day
Selling dicks made of clay,
And were known as the town's peter sellers.
--- Bob Birch P0900

William Penn, you could tell at a glance,
Was uneasy at a seamans dance.
His mother's two sisters
Were kidnapped by misters.
Police nabbed the pirates of Penn's aunts.
--- Tom Patton

On three hides sat the chief's three new brides,
And he saw as they lay on their sides,
That the one named "Big Bottom Ass,"
Squaw on the hippopotamus,
Equaled squaws on the other two hides.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2945

Growled Sarge, his mouth barking, eyes squintin',
"Take that house where the enemy's sittin'.
Your rifle's your friend,
Clean 'em, rod 'em again;
To take that villa Re-rod 'Em Glintin'."
--- Dr Limerick

Said Commissar Rudolph, "I fear
'Twill rain before Santa gets here."
Asked his wife, "Why not snow?"
But he answered, "'Tis so,
For Rudolph the Red knows rain, Dear!"
--- John Dohner P8812

A wanton and wayward Ms. Horter,
Needed numberless men to disport her,
Whom she'd eagerly woo,
To relentlessly screw,
This zealous and wily pole courter.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9703

As you leave for vaction in Rome,
Or go shopping, or to aerodrome,
If your door is ajar,
Buglary it won't bar.
Be sure that you press your lock home.
--- Dr Limerick

Actress McLain lives out in the west,
And had an ongoing request.
When she made a joke,
Her friends then all spoke,
And would say, "Shirley, you jest!"
--- Kirk Miller

An old moribund actress in Mich.
Had desired, before passing, to fish.
Even more, she did dream
She would still reign supreme,
If she only could be Sisters Gish.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

There once was a girl brought up Christian,
Intrigued by a Shintoist teach-in.
She gave it a try
But the evil guy
Who held a lease on her soul's a Niezchean.
--- Dr Limerick

His dear wife was quick with a gag,
Being witty and no way a drag.
When she put him on,
With a fake liaison,
He used Sam Spade to tail his wag.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9805

A mad botanist, bending low, smelt
A rose that would make your nose melt!
But he sniffed it too close;
A thorn caught his nose,
And he learned how The Odor Rose Felt.
--- Dr Limerick

Reagan, our Veep staunchly swore,
Brought his role as George Gipp to the fore,
Who could run, pass, or kick,
And opponents he'd trick
As through linemen the great Gipper tore.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9704

As I tell you this, I have to wink;
Molly Brown was quite strange, and I think
She scrubbed her sink white
And she scrubbed it all night:
The Unbrownable Molly's old sink.
--- Al Willis T9712

As we study the canines aloof,
Speculation must now yield to proof.
We find speciation
Through specialization --
So the bloodlines conVerge In Your Wolf.
--- Dr Limerick

When out late at night with his peers,
When Will drinks, the rest won't go near;
I asked why, and they said,
Poor William is palsied,
And when quaffing, William shakes beers.
--- Dr Limerick

In olden times, violent and lawless,
Knights would, on provocation smallest,
Wreck your home, hearth, and mill,
Forcing you to rebuild --
And you'd think, "'though I'm well, I am wall-less."
--- Dr Limerick

"Sure, I'll give it a try," said Carole Fiske;
She then wingwalked and her pace was brisk.
Below, the crowd, en masse,
Gasped as Carole risked her ass,
Since she had such a cute ass to risk.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0510Q

Argumentative, highly verbose,
Overbearing, she comes very close,
Adjacent and near,
Being "Shrew of the Year,"
Disputatious Madame Bella Cose.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0011

A bandleader sought to unseat
His girl vocalist, most indiscreet.
Each musician she'd do,
Found his tempo askew,
At odds with this wild hitch in beat.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0407

The meaning of words are quite moot,
So we must be very astute.
"Amidol", you can see,
Is all about me.
It means I am cuddly and cute.
--- Al Willis T9712

I once was in love with Beth Lane;
Her beauty near drove me insane.
She met a rich plumber
Who killed her last summer.
My love for her's gone down the drain.
--- David Miller

A little Dutch boy on a bike
Found something that we wouldn't like:
A Lesbian bitch
Lay stoned in the ditch,
So he plugged up the hole in the Dyke.
--- Anon

In a town near the old Zuiderzee
Lived a small cocky chap of age three
Some though may be surprised;
Others long have surmised,
That clever dutch boy, folks, was me.
--- Anon

At three did you wash off your tool
After dipping your wick in that pool
Or does that explain
The testicular pain
You had on the first day of school?
--- Anon

You beat me! I must have been four
When Penny, the girl from next door,
Charged me a nickel
For dipping my pickle --
My first time in bed with a whore.
--- John Miller

What pain man 'twas only an itch
Most common with over-ripe kids
It became now a habit
To fuck like a rabbit
Teacher Jane as my favourite bitch
--- Anon

"Oh, darling, I missed you," said Gwen.
Now I'm sure not the brightest of men,
But my speed can't be faulted;
Out the window I vaulted,
Before she could fire again.
--- Michael Weinstein P0011

Fred was always trying to score,
But chicks wouldn't darken his door.
Friends said try again,
Just don't go for a ten;
Luck might change if you metaphor.
--- Anon

Making love, male above is a bore;
It's mundane and what's more, it's a chore;
While postures exotic,
Prove far more erotic,
Than one taught by an old hazy lore.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0202

To his wife's chastity belt, Captain Hatch,
Had affixed with a new pickproof catch,
Then he marched off to war.
But 'twas not long before,
Some slick varlet was snicking her latch.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0203

This is file xvl

Okay, I'll admit that he's small.
My sweetie's five one and that's all.
It's better to squeeze
A short guy on your knees,
Than never to have loved a tall.
--- Al Willis a

As each night in her wigwam she starred,
This nymph would all manhood regard,
And would then misbehave
With each lusty young brave,
With a posture that left no bolds hard.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9812

Sighed a sad-faced young sailor named Jack,
"My Army girl's gone from my sack;
My nautical service
Must make women nervous --
Now my sex-life is all out of WAC.
--- Norm Storer P9206

I know Richard and Dorothy Mott,
Neighbors who like to fox-trot.
When Dorothy took chances,
With fast-stepping dances,
Her pet name became "Polka Dot".
--- Albert Berlin

Old school Southerner, Col Job Lester,
Said, "Girls' names we think to be the best are
Appellations in twos;
Linda Lee, Nelly Suze,
Loretta Nadine, Polly Esther."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0304

We each have a strong animosity
Toward what we regard as atrocity.
I consider atrocious
A child who's precocious
And her mother's MOMentous pomposity.
--- Laurence Perrine P9206

In deserts like the Sahara,
The times people starve is quite rara.
One reason, I've heard,
Though is may seem absurd,
Is because of the sand-wiches thera.
--- Macsam

The last time I saw her, I'm thinking,
And I swear that I hadn't been drinking,
That sweet young Violet Barge
Appeared not half as large
As she had been. Was dear Violet shrinking?
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0203

A young girl with initials C.C.
In Spanish learned to say "Si, si."
Took a vacation trip
On a big ocean ship,
The first time she'd ever see sea.
--- Tom Patton

A diminutive psychic named Marge
Was nabbed on a larceny charge,
But escaped the next day,
So the headline display
Read, "EXTRA: Small Medium at Large."
--- Jerry Nordal P2005

On the day of his wedding, the male
Should not peek at his bride, says the tale.
So try as he might,
To keep her in sight,
It all really is to know a veil.
--- Anon

The Byrd brothers snared Sally Fern
And each of them raped her in turn.
But they ran out of breath
And she fucked them to death,
And she killed off two Byrds with one stern.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0694

There once was a lady named Gail,
Who decided to have a yard sale.
She sold all her wares,
Including the chairs.
Now she's one upstanding female.
--- Gladys Bramhall.

Two hookers named Rose and Marie
Were drowned in a whirlpool at sea.
Now the other girls try
To remain safe and dry
On the land--to avoid whirled whore three.
--- Graham Lester

With no ceremony to stand on,
Tom knelt, then put Mary's hand on
His hand -- Took her fing-
er, put on it a ring.
"I'm engaged!" Mary cried with a-band-on.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There was a young lady named Kate,
Whose liquid diet caused loss of weight.
She tried on her new clothes
In size 6 that she chose,
But the clerk said, "Right now urinate."
--- Tom Patton P0110

On Sundays the son of a miller
Would work in the fields as a tiller
Of soil, planting maize.
But on subsequent days
He'd turn into a cereal killer.
--- Peter Wilkins

A colonel called out with great force,
In the midst of Hyde Park for a horse.
All the soldiers looked round,
But none could be found.
So he just rhododendron. Of course.
--- Anon

As toward the end of life we all go,
Is it true that we reap what we sow?
M. Marceau and his type
Sign, "This question's not tripe;
Enquiring mimes want to know."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9603

An Egyptologist named Art
Like an ass, when he went with a tart,
Left his finds on the road,
Where a villain soon showed
That a fool and his mummy soon part.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Fess Parker, an old star? I'd say, "Yes."
Keeps a horse on a farm, more or less.
Even now he is able
To clean out the stable,
So they call him a mucking Fess.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0308

At the portcullis gay Knight, Count Sage,
Greeted Knghts errant, Waldo and Gage.
Gage amd Waldo both winced
When they saw that Sage minced.
Promise anything; Give him our page.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9811

A young man was playing the cello,
When into the ice box he fell-o.
No one was to blame to,
But it was a shame to
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I've gay friends, (designers, Cape Cod);
Two guys whose career I applaud.
I may have to hire
Them. I so admire
Those draperies by Kurt 'n Rod.
--- Anon

At romance she just wasn't too great;
In fact, she could not get a date.
So she went to the gym
And there she met him --
A hunk who was laying in weight.
--- Guy Ben-Moshe

When the shot missed the net, "Bullet" Gallager
Was retrieved with a sponge, by the coroner.
And his boss said, "It's rough;
It will really be tough
To recruit a new man of his caliber."
--- William N Nesbit P9511

Shot from cannons, his act though renowned,
He was discharged, no longer around;
And not seen again.
Critics tell us that men
Of his calibre seldom are found.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9206a

Kohlt Meindoffer Brags, "Fraus grow fatter
Because of the goo I can splatter!"
So what is that goo,
That frau fattening spew?
Of course, it's Kohlt Meindoffer matter."
--- Travis Brasell

Bernard's mother gave him an upbraiding --
"Oh, heavens," she said, "It's degrading.
You behaved like a schmuck,
Quit your job on the truck;
The Bernie's, I guess, not for lading.":
--- Bob Giandomenico P9410

A fellow with large veins named Enis
Wed a girl, a beauty, a Venus.
Her parts too petite
For his hunk of meat,
Made him cry looking at his veined penis.
--- Tom Patton P0111

A lover, albino, named John,
Who lived on the banks of the Don,
Once boarded a plane
And traveled to Spain,
Becoming both pale and Juan.
--- Cyber Geezer

In Tijuana, young Carmen-Yvonne
Said in bed to Jose, "Darling don,
I think you're my man
Because you're so tan --
If you were more pale, you'd be Juan."
--- Norm Storer P9206

"I've a tooth ache," moaned my brother Don.
"Don't worry," said dear Uncle John.
"Just crash your head
Through that window instead,
And you'll find that the pane will have gone."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

An overweight man we all cherish
Owns a publishing firm which is bearish.
It is stated of him
That his volumes are slim,
But his figure is "publisher pearish"
--- John E Mayhood P0108