And so comes the storm and the lightning, A newlywed pair from Des Moines The making of love is a science, It is true, that sex is delicious; An American fellow from Tucson, I wondered how Sue was in bed, That Ned! What a kidder! I swear! He claims he is willing to jump At lovemaking, Ned was a flop. A friend of Hermione's, Sue? That Neddy, he fancies bare-back, Now Catherine dear, do get a grip; The regulars know this, old horse, Luce, coming with you is such fun; A handsome young gasman from Chester, She was not just a roll in the hay; A mistress started saying to me, In the heat of the midday at Douz, There's a rumour I'd like to smother, In the circus, a giant named Kerr The pleasures of sex are so various Your house is your home and your castle, There was a young fellow named Wattie How nice that we come in two sexes! (Even in places like Texas.)
There was a young fellow from Eton, There was a young lady named Stein, (rondure - gracefully rounded curvature)
The rest of her time, let me add, Which saved her a deal of expense. There was a young woman named Rhoda, (coda - refrain)
There was a young woman of Essex, A foot-fetish was Katie Finch's, In the pasture, a farmer of Jackson There was a young lady named Twiss,
This is file xtm
While giving her feathers a ruffling, He knew she would soon be in trouble She done made me swear under oath A maid in the land of Aloha (proa - double-ended Indonesian sail boat)
There was a young girl of Topeka, Said a lusty young maiden of Kew, Maggie, a most amoral soul, Annie the cook's quite a dish; In a dame, it's a praiseworthy attitude A willing young dilly named Marge A fine Southern lady named Hentz, Some girls live for adding the yeast Intelligent chats are divine; Said a seductive filly in heat, I'm sure, John, your fit will be snug, Said she, "You move me to much distress", A well hung young fellow was Browder; A sweet little deb named Miss Shore A lovely young virgin named Lynn There's a luscious young charmer named Carmen My lady and I get along better There was a young lady named Joy Now that one, young Dave, was a beaut. The price that I charge is not high; There was a young lady named Gay, In Boston a man so ill bred, Beneath a tree one rainy day in May, Once on my allotment in Harrow, "I've traveled since first I was born," No huffing and no sweaty puffing; Priscilla, her breasts bouncing gaily, Remembering all of my roots, A bride who had come up from Austin, A vigorous young Nova Scotian,
We both feel the passion is heightening.
Conditions climatic
Give a climax ecstatic,
But the thunder drowns yells of delightning.
--- Anon
Remarked as they fitted their loins,
"The position is odd,
But we have to applaud
The gusto we get in our groins."
--- Hugh Clary
Demanding from guys the appliance
Of forces hydraulic
When having a frolic
At ladies's behest and compliance.
--- Peter Wilkins
With beautiful ladies, lubricious.
And with my friend May,
There's not much to pay,
Just cleaning and washing the dishes.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And a lady Korean from Pusan,
Made it sexually,
(Internationally)
And for that they deserve no abuse, son.
--- Isaac Asimov
So one day I put it to Ned.
He said she was cocky,
Behaved like a jockey;
Just mounted and gave him his head.
--- SFA
Wears Winnie-the-Pooh underwear!
He calls his dick Tommy,
And cries for his mommy
Each time that I saddle the mare.
--- Sue
With just a few slaps on his rump.
But all that he got
Was spittle and snot,
And Tommy reduced to a stump.
--- SFA
He'd seem to be ready, then drop...
And leave me throbbin'.
Maybe, like Dobbin,
He needed a touch of the crop.
--- Sue
I bet you're from somewhere near Crewe.
A god-awful dump, it
Has so little crumpet,
That guys will be chuffed to see you.
--- Peter Wilkins
When mounted my mares in the sack.
So next time you jump,
No touching his rump.
Just give him his head with a crack!
--- SFA
'Twas just an innocuous quip.
I know it looks rude,
So before I am sued,
The crack that I meant was the whip.
--- SFA
Just had to consider the source.
It's not the first where
You've broken some mare.
You're just like your fodder, of gorse.
--- Cyber Wizard
The bestest thing I've ever done.
We really were mixing
Our juices and fixing
A bun to go into your oven.
--- Anon
Surprised a blond housewife called Hester.
Said he, "This is sweeter
Than reading your meter."
So they then took a lengthly siesta.
--- Anon
They enjoyed sex in every which way.
To each occasion he'd rise,
But to his surprise,
She required it more times every day.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0510Q
I had a pathetic peepee.
So I bowed head in shame,
Then she laughed and I came,
And the both of us were so happy!
--- Alexander the Poet
They go to their room for a snooze;
But somehow, it seems,
They never have dreams--
For a snooze is not quite what they choose.
--- Harold C Bibby P9710
Concerning my father and mother;
They sleep in same bed,
I swear they were wed!
(Unfortunately, not to each other.)
--- David Miller
Said, "It's Donna the Dwarf I prefer.
Although I'm twice as tall,
We still have quite a ball.
You could say that I'm nuts over her."
--- Jerry Nordal P0310
That indulgence can prove most precarious,
For practiced at length
It depletes a man's strength,
While delighting no end the ovarious.
--- Grand Prix Lim 17 a
It's the place where you argue and wrassle,
And that's where you stay
On a cold rainy day,
And stir up a conjugal hassle.
--- Limber Limericks
Who drove every girl he met dotty.
He explained, "I'm the boy
Who fucks women with joy,
And delights when they rattle the potty."
--- G1478
Though everthing else may perplex us,
Those pussies and pricks (Though some do incline )
And kisses and licks, (To feel one sex is fine,)
Erase the frustrations that vex us.
--- Edward Leer
Used always to sleep with the heat on,
Till he ran into a lass
Who showed him her ass.
Now they sleep with only a sheet on.
--- L0030
With rondures so nearly divine,
And so few inhibitions
To set harsh conditions,
That she spent half her life on her spine.
--- John Ciardi
Was not spent in cleaning her pad,
But prone, or asprawl,
Or astraddle, but all,
(Nearly all), of it scantily clad.
--- John Ciardi
Thus, by practicing good common sense,
She made both ends meet
Through the rent of her suite,
And her lingerie bills were immense.
--- John Ciardi
As sweet as a chocolate soda.
It was such a delight
To screw her at night,
Then one more at dawn as a coda.
--- Isaac Asimov
Who had many occasions to bless sex,
And would banish from sight,
Any moron who might,
Suggest it was time she had less sex.
--- Isaac Asimov
But now I've engaged her in clinches.
She's cured of that vice
And thinks it so nice,
To bounce on my eleven inches.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Debauched an old maid name of Saxon.
When the orgy was over,
She arose from the clover
And said, "Do you think you'll be back, son?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0217
Who said she thought fucking a bliss.
For it tickled her bum,
And caused her to come,
While comfortablly lying like T H
Her screams of delight needed muffling.
She entered his prize
To silence her cries,
And hear the sweet sounds of his snuffling.
--- SFA
For saying he can't burst her bubble.
With one mighty push,
Her bountiful bush
Was quickly reduced to a stubble.
--- Anon
To tackle her lush undergrowth.
I tried to be kind
And what did I find?
One hedgehog, two frogs and a sloth.
--- SFA
Got laid in the prow of a proa.
And as the island stud sneezed,
The maid, not displeased
Cried, "Come on! Let's do it Somoa."
--- Mervyn Cripps
Who from diddling grew weaker and weaker.
'Till a guy, name of Dick
Went and offered his prick,
So she tried it and shouted, "Eureka!"
--- L0901
"I don't smoke, I don't drink, I don't chew.
But do not think, therefore,
There's nothing I care for,
If you know what I mean, and you do."
--- Anon
Is obsessed with African's poles.
She told her black chauffeur
That he was her gopher,
And that he should go for her hole.
--- L0346
Matters not that she smells just like fish,
So Francis did not,
Tie his dick in a knot,
And Annie the cook got her wish.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To mention her most profound gratitude,
After being laid nicely,
Not oncely, but TWICELY...
For then, gratitude is no platitude.
--- Grand Prix Lim 992
Who was screwed by nine men on a barge,
Remarked with a grin
"Some insist sex is sin,
But it's really great fun, by and large."
--- Grand Prix Lim 150
Preferred colored boys when she'd yentz.
She explained, "When they're black,
They've a spring in their back,
And their tools are most always immense."
--- L1434
To the life of some masculine beast,
Who keeps rising, although
She keeps kneading his dough,
And will butter all buns at a feast.
--- John E. Mayhood P0504
But I'd rather aesthetically dine
On a tasty and sweet,
Big dumb piece of meat,
Than fuck an old Albert Einstein.
--- Anon
"To me a good lay is a treat!
I have an addiction
To pleasurable friction,
Like the motion of meat rubbing meat!"
--- Larry Wilde
Cushioned inside of my rug.
Nestled with care
In my pubic hair,
Just like that famous old bug.
--- Susan Arden
As she proceded to undress.
"I see you're above par.
Promise we won't take it too far.
No, No, No, No, - Oh Yes!"
--- Jim
His pecker was longer and prouder.
When he screwed old Miss Gariepy
Who was looking for therapy,
She no longer did need sleeping powder.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0067
Was fucking the boys more and more.
She knew digital pleasure
Was a far safer measure,
"But Hell!" she said, "What's a cunt for?"
--- G2206
Once said about fucking, "It's sin."
But a fellow named Tang,
With a twenty-inch wang,
Made her cry to the heavens, "It's in!"
--- Lims For Year - 01
Who fucks for bums, boxers, and barmen.
Says she, "The effete
Have more brains, but less meat.
I prefer hairy fellows who are men!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 276 G0285
When I keep her cunny much wetter.
I sing her a song,
And give her my dong.
She howls like our old Irish setter!
--- Anon
Who spread out her legs for a boy.
Then she let out a shriek
Which reechoed a week,
But the shriek that she let was for Joy.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0223
Far better than mine, or that cute
Young giggler named Mabel
From Elba, who's able
To squeal in great hoots when I shoot.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He merely must paint me the sky,
With words or with deeds
And meat all my needs,
He will, for he's that kind of guy.
--- Anon
Who was asked to make love in the hay.
She jumped at the chance
And took off her pants.
She was tickled to try it that way.
--- Anon
Once wore nothing but feathers to bed.
Such a fetish, it's true,
Might not suit me or you,
But it sure tickled the lady he spread.
--- Larry Wilde
A lover and his swooning lady lay.
He was in her to the hilt,
And though she was nearly kilt,
She loved it, and kept hollering, "Hooray!"
--- L1478
I nurtured a very large marrow.
My girlfriend, though tight,
Stayed up through the night
To widen her once straight and narrow.
--- Anon
Said Sadie, a little forlorn.
"And I can attest
The trip I like best,
Is the trip all around the big horn."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
No whining, no "That's not enoughing!"
The reflex is complex
Yielding exquisite sex,
With none of that Billy Goat Gruffing!
--- Anon
As she rode atop Mr. Haley--
He came like a comet
As she thrust upon it,
And now he orbits her daily.
--- Limberick
(The ones where I took off my suits),
The one I liked best
Was bouncing on the chest,
Of the blonde whom I'll only call Toots.
--- Archie
Was buying a mattress in Boston,
And bouncing on one.
She said, "This is fun,
For here is the one I'll be tossed on."
--- Alsops Foibles
Used to plunging about on the ocean,
By his girl was undressed
And is now quite obsessed
With that up-and-down copular motion.
--- Keith MacMillan 23a