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There was a young girl of Moravia, Hickory is the best of wood, A timid young fellow from Austin There was a young fellow named Phil, There was a young fellow named Ollie, There once was a lazy young clerk, There was a cute quirp from Calcutta, While musing on wild rocking Min Count Jim Moriarty said, "Min! I swear that it's not a canard There once was a young girl named Rodgers, At the picnic we missed Jack and Flo, Jack's grasshopper pants appeared green, Our conscience warns someone may see Got kicked out of "Life Drawing" class, Well...that's not really the reason. As I developed my life drawing art, I hissed, "Petey, get back in the page! It pulsed and it wobbled at me; So I went to the back of the room, "May I ask you, Ms. E., what you're doing? I handed her my picture of Pete's So you see, it wasn't my fault. I love to watch movies with you! From a bathing machine came a din (bathing machine - clothes-changing kiosk on beaches)
Kind young Em of Victoria Falls A modest young maiden named Della We tell children, to give them a fright, In the evenings, a butler named Rise, There was a young lady named Maud, For heaven's sake, be discreet A beautiful belle of Del Norte, From children the sex act is hidden. In the bushes a gendarme from Nice For me, family values will do it; Jack and Jill went to fetch some water, The ladies spend hours of bliss The park ranger thought it bizarre, The chief delectation of summer (JSG - Minister of Ag during Mad Cow Disease flap)
In grade school my true love was Shirley, There was a young lady from Nattick, (But fucked all the bats in the attic.)
Some people ask "Where have you been? In the dark a young lady named Brook, There's nothing that's quite so delicious, Near the sea by the famed Inchydunny, Young Lucy was sorely bedevilled Though her dial sometimes makes me snigger, As the cuckoo gave his hourly call, I don't go with the world's fast-paced trends; In flatlands I've been known to dally, In Lachine lived an old maid named Jean; If passion is leaving you fraught There was a young man (probably Swiss) She told me, "You better skeedaddle. In a motel in old Keremeos, At midnight he turned out the lights, If two's company and three's a crowd, I'm going to try to disappear, I'm the new engineer here; "The lesson from cool Calvin Cooper," Round her fair neck he fastened a lei. There was a young coed from Smith, Joe and Gladys felt sexy and hot, Are you certain that they're all gone? In a lane, a young fellow named Cooper, When my Sweet Thing's got fire in her womb;
Whose beauty would surely enslave ya.
While her double-knee action
Lent greater attraction
To her happy amoral behavior.
--- G0135
Fucking does a woman good,
It spreads her thighs,
Opens her eyes,
And gives her ass good exercise.
--- L1560
Was frightened, but finally faustian; (reject spirituality)
Of some copular play
Agreed it was nice, but exhaustin'.
--- Hugh Oliver A113A
Who was screwing a girl, as boys will.
She had a girl's knack
Of screwing right back.
The instinct's not easy to kill.
--- John Ciardi
Whose dong slithered strong in a dolly.
In the midst of his thrust
It expanded with lust,
Which was jolly for Dolly, by golly!
--- G2449
Who thought sex a great deal of work.
But he said, "When I shove,
It's a labor of love,
And that sort of thing, I can't shirk."
--- Isaac Asimov
Who was fond of churning love butter.
One night she heard mutter,
Her quim was a-flutter,
For the thing she called "Utterly-Utter!"
--- L1600
And thinking that Bloodnock when in
Min's wild nether parts,
Gave huge curried farts...
But sex with the Goons was a sin!
--- Anon
You drank way too much bath-tub gin;
Please put on your clothes
'Cause I'm one of 'those'
And have sodomized Grytpype-Thynne."
--- Anon
Declaring, "I love avant-garde
Delights of the flesh,
Where limbs thrash and thresh,
While softness envelops the hard."
--- Randog
An apprentice who played with the lodgers,
And two who were able,
Slipped under the table,
To the horror of several old codgers.
--- Anon
And no one had seen the pair go.
After what seemed like hours,
They returned bearing flowers,
But we know where they went -- Ho, ho, ho!
--- G0068
And on the back of Flo's dress could be seen
More green spots and grasses--
Perhaps, as time passes,
They both may decide to come clean.
--- Grand Prix Lim 507 G0069
What goes on between she and he.
If nobody knows,
Then anything goes;
We practice such hypocrisy.
--- Anon
'Cause I kept drawing Petey's sweet ass.
Then fondling, incessant,
That highlighted cresent
Each time the teacher would pass.
--- Ericka
She was so intent on squeezin'
Me out of her school,
The batty old ghoul,
(It was Petey who did the displeasin'!)
--- Ericka
I started to draw his front part;
So life-like and real!
That I copped a feel,
Then it popped up and gave me a start!
--- Ericka
Come on now, please act like your age!"
I was body guard
For this bloody, great hard
(And my prisoner was out of its cage!)
--- Ericka
There was only one way I could see
To get this doodad
Back in my sketchpad --
A pecker on hollyhock spree...
--- Ericka
(With this peacock still in full bloom)
A few minutes later,
The old educator
Hit her desk with a ruler -- KABOOM!
--- Ericka
And stop that ridiculous mewing!
You'll never adorn
My classroom with porn!
Give me that drawing you're chewing!"
--- Ericka
Alarmingly pulsating meat.
When she grabbed his rod,
He shot off his wad,
And covered her face with secrete!
--- Ericka
Why were lessons called to a halt?
A bossy old crab;
A greedy old grab:
And Petey's full frontal assault.
--- Ericka
But I never get a good view.
The screen's at my back,
(You sex maniac!)
And your whatzit's in my wazoo!
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
As of jollification within.
It was heard far and wide,
And the incoming tide
Had a definite flavor of gin.
--- Edward Gorey
Once attended two popular balls.
She was mostly between 'em,
So wasn't much seen, Em,
For both of those balls were young Paul's.
--- David A Brooks Q
Loved knocking it off with her fella;
She'd hide her trangression
With thoughtful discretion
Beneath an enormous umbrella.
--- Armand E Singer 269
About "Things That Go Bump In The Night!"
But rather than frightful,
Some bumping's delightful,
When the bumpers are doing it right.
--- John Miller 0101 A
In the room where he kept his supplies,
Would meet with the maid,
And proceed to get laid,
While their master was no more the wise.
--- Cap'n Bean
A terrible society fraud.
In company, I'm told
She was awfully cold,
But if you got her alone, Oh God!
--- Ethel W Mumford L0066
And act nonchalant when we meet.
We'll sneak up to my room
And play bride and groom,
But close the door, when you excrete.
--- Al Willis P9805
Is reckoned disdainful and haughty.
Because during the day,
She says, "Boys, keep away!"
But she fucks in the gloaming like forty.
--- L0025
All advice to the kids is priest-ridden.
The principle used
Leaves young folk confused --
If it's fun then the act is forbidden.
--- Al Chaplin P9410
This is file xsm
Was caressing a friend named Elise,
When a passerby looked,
So the cop had him booked
On the charge of disturbing the piece.
--- A N Wilkins P8405a
But its private, that's all there is to it.
My perverse delights
Are my god given rights!
If it's family, in my house I'll screw it!
--- Anon
But they did not do as they oughter.
Before very long,
Jill had Jack's schlong,
And she serviced him till they caught her.
--- Sandman
In forests that hide every kiss.
And no prying eye sees
What occurs 'midst the trees,
So the forest's prime evil is this.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2454
And it gave the young couple a jar.
They had just the rear seat,
And complained with some heat,
"Somebody has stolen our car!"
--- A N Wilkins P8610A
Is having a fling with a drummer,
Who goes like a train,
Has a passable brain,
And looks nothing like John Selwyn Gummer.
--- Sue May
Whose father was short, squat and burley.
Had his tread on the stair
Not warned he was there,
My life might have ended quite early.
--- John Miller
Whose sex life was very erratic.
She dodged every feller,
From third floor to cellar,
But she slept with them all in the attic.
--- G1290
Have you been living in sin?"
I don't mind confiding,
I've been somewhere in hiding,
With a hooker, some penguins, and gin.
--- Writerman T9801a
A fuck from her dear husband took.
She said to him, "Bertie,
This business is dirty,
So I really cannot bear to look."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1973
As coitus with a lubricious
Female, curvaceous,
In a garden herbaceous,
When the act must be so surreptitious.
--- Anon A
Some sights you will see there are funny;
The lovers together,
Bobbing up in the heather,
And the clergy play cards for the money.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
By the ranks of fine lads as they revelled.
The first one she could,
She led into the wood;
They returned after dawn, all dishevelled.
--- Paul M Hoffman
My Katie has an hour-glass figure;
So my pendulous cock
Like Big Ben goes tick-tock...
And in time grows bigger and bigger.
--- David Miller
I was winding up Kate in the hall;
He father was sleeping;
So we're quietly keeping
Perfect time with the clock on the wall.
--- David Miller
My simple life merely extends
To a place by the bay
At which I can lay
My hat and a few of my friends.
--- Martin Wellborn P8407a
But now I've more fun in the valley.
And on each high peak
(I hope they won't leak!)
That makes huge timber to rally.
--- Anon
She was raped as she passed a ravine.
She was left much deranged,
For her will was arranged
To construct more ravines in Lachine.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1354
And with yearning you feel overwrought,
Ensure 'More than good friends'
Doesn't leave sticky ends;
Love thy neighbour, but never get caught!
--- Val Burns P0510Q
Whose sister-in law begged for a kiss.
He paused in mid-stroke
And cried, "What's this? A joke?
Shouldn't even be here doing this!"
--- Martin Wellborn P8412
If he finds you, man, then my dad'll
Work up to a fever
And take out his cleaver;
You'll then be a lad with no paddle."
--- Tiddy Ogg
My lover said: "Now we can be us!
But if you don't mind,
I will pull down the blind;
I don't want the tourists to see us!"
--- John E Mayhood P0900
While she quickly slipped out of her tights.
Then noisy bed-squeaking,
Low moans, breathless speaking--
Thus man celebrates his sex rites!
--- G0116
Four and five must be quite loud,
But I do prefer,
Just me and her;
I just can't do it in front of a crowd.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In the office with the engineer;
Then turn out the light,
Then maybe they might,
Forget that we ever came here.
--- Anon
Would you like to check out my gear?
I'll unzip my zip
And give it a dip,
In your pink hot gear from the rear...
--- Anon
Commented a State highway trooper,
"Is good places to screw
Are best hid from view,
And discretion preventing a blooper."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Then he drove to a quiet inland ley,
And at that rustic site
With volcanoes in sight,
The pair consumated the lay.
--- A N Wilkins P9112
Whose virtue was largely a myth.
We knew that she did it;
She couldn't have hid it;
The question was only who with.
--- Anon
As they laid in a cool shady spot...
They learned about woo
In Biology Two...
Education sure helps a lot!
--- Grand Prix Lim 935
You don't want them looking on.
I will not obey --
You do what I say.
You slow down or: No liason!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Committed a terrible blooper.
He had his girl bare,
In his car, unaware
Of a vigilant nearby state trooper.
--- Isaac Asimov
In her attic's a nice, cozy room.
She will sneak me inside,
And she'll clamp on my pride;
We'll hang tight and go boom-diddy-boom!
--- Anon
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