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Dr Spooner, his son at his side, The postmaster endured pain and shocks; Two overweight horsemen from Firth There was a young fellow named Alice A submissive male hooker will sing An unruly church chorus bestrews A sad sack's submissive request, Christmas pudding is full of fruit; There was an old Doctor named Spooner, A music store that quite a dunce, An old-fashioned fellow named Shreeves (=pair of sleeves) - after Bob Giandomenico
While out on the pond in a punt, To garden is simple and cheap; Some puss stole the milk, so my scheme Each April brings far greater heights, A naive young fellow named Groot The Reverend Spooner was sweet, One dark night Dorothy swam for a lark. William grasping his Louisville slugger A shailing sip captain named Tanner, Fussy eaters are the kids of Ms Katz; I was hoping the pickles were cheap, A ship bound for a tropical isle, A fine festive figure he'd cut, Does that sly and libidinous runt, The navy once tendered salutes At the school for fine chefs, Mr. Herm William Spooner, his voice grave buyt firm, A schoolmaster's fate has been said An IRS counselor named Sawyer, G-Man Ness and his crew used their heads, Of time-keeping examples sublime, The alarm on the stand starts to chime, Violinist, how surely you've learned Isaac Stern, at an early age, learned A Minsk newsboy once strove to surpass, My watch is in deepest disgrace: Squimes, a cabbie in Gotham with flair, This gamut that bristles with palms The captain of the ship Ellie Mae, The Swiss nine-pin team just extols, Old William looked out on the bay Bill Spooner, a man mystifying, A beanery pridefully slings Poor Tony the barber's forlorn Each night a saloon's boozy throng, "I think I'll go busking and stand on When accused by his wife moralistically, "I like music and lights, psychedelical, "While eating a pie with my Mom, "The electricity's on," he said amply, "Dear Jane, may I speak to you frankly? "This meat that I found in the cupboard Here's one that has really historic-ly "I sit on my heels," said Tom, "So's Tom's young sister Constance abused (He was delighted.)
To Tom's study Constance comes nightly, "You sound like a frog," his friend joked, "When the nymphs that inhabit my land Not well has our long marriage fared; When into the mirror he stared, "This Latin stuff sure is a bind; Tom viewed the brain surgeon with dread. "Please descale the kettle, Tom," purred He'd been driving alone, so elated, "McDogshit's?" said Tom on the phone, "That girl plays her CDs at great
Went to witness two houses allied.
When the wedding was done,
Spooner said to his son,
"Now it's kisstomarry to cuss the bride."
--- Laurence Perrine P9410
All the mail disappeared at the docks.
Security increased
And the pilfering ceased --
The result of the new letter box.
--- Tom Patton P9911
Were know as ideal males of girth;
When jokes were recounted,
They quickly dismounted--
And turned into two Gaels of mirth.
--- Norm Storer P9411
Who wrote a strange song about Dallas.
He friends said, "Don't try it --
It may cause a riot.
Have you given no forethought to malice?"
--- Neal Wilgus P8303
Of a Sodomite's joys in Peking.
So this gay Caucasian,
Has thoughts of "going Asian,"
The can who, friends say, would be ming.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9802
The choir loft with chairs and eschews
All good sense of tones,
While their leader bemoans
Their not minding their keys and their pews.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9410
To attend one's soiree as a guest,
Would be better ignored,
For a host can't afford,
Party poopers who nether a fest.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9711
For me, fruit like that doesn't suit.
But I do have lots
Because many tots.
By then, I am nissed as a pewt.
--- Tony Burrell
A target for every lampooner.
If the meeches he sputtered,
Had not spleen so buttered,
We'd no doubt forget him such mooner.
--- Richard Long
Called Jim Opernockety runs,
Will fix your piano,
But only have one go...
Opernockety only tunes once.
--- Anon
Loved chestnuts on cold Christmas eves;
If someone could hate `em,
He'd up and berate `em,
Or kill `em, that slayer of peeves.
--- Armand Singer
I saw Reverend Spooner in front.
He said, "What a day gay!"
And "Anchors aweigh!"
And "Make way for my podding sunt!"
--- Bill Wall
Sow your seeds in good soil, not deep.
In a place where there's sun,
Water well and when done,
Watch them grow and then weed them and reap.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9608
Is to picture an udder's white stream,
For I'm confident that
This criminal cat
Will return to the sign of the cream.
--- Norm Storer P9206
To those chomps which taxation incites.
Making citizens steam,
At this non-ending stream,
Which they deem as their own Rill of Bites.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9805
Was swindled by a swami so cute.
He said, "I'm a bad sport."
So he took her to court,
Naming her in his seer sucker suit.
--- Tom Patton P9607
His mouth always jammed with both feet.
On day while he ushed,
He reportedly gushed,
"Please, may I sew you to a sheet?"
--- Scott Oliver
For large fish Dorothy's an easy mark.
Alas and alack
She never came back;
The result was a shot in the dark.
--- Tom Patton P9911
With his pants in the style called hip hugger,
Let two good strikes go by,
Then popped out with a fly.
"Oh no," sighed the crowd, "Billy Sugger!"
--- Martin Wellborn P0508
Flaw the sag was entwined in some manner.
The sips rell was binging
As he sarted stinging,
And unfurled the spar tangled banner.
--- P0609
At things they were served would sneer, "Rats!"
Her food, though nutritious,
Was far from delicious,
Most distasteful to serve boiled sprats.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0506
But his prices had caused me to weep.
When I asked, "Why so high?"
I heard him reply,
"Well, you know that dill waters run steep."
--- Anon
Found a passenger not in their file,
Who embarked on a dare.
Without paying his fare,
Sometimes labeled as "stowing in guile".
--- Bob Giandomenico P9802
With his dog and his banjo ajut;
In the New Year's Parade,
What a sight they both made,
While the crowd cheered the old strummer's mutt.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9602
Loose those barbs from which men feel the brunt,
And are these what impart
That keen pain in the heart,
Of a figment of some Cupid stunt?
--- Bob Biandomenico P9901
To a group of quick-witted young boots,
When their fog-horn alarm
Kept their ship safe from harm,
With a series of sailor-mate toots.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9901
Was preparing a Stew Pachyderm,
But the poor beast had lain
Far too long on the plain,
And he said, "I have tasted a worm."
--- Al Chaplin P9410
Told two girls at the end of the term,
"You've hissed too many classes
In mystery, lasses,
And have tasted a least one whole worm!"
--- A N Wilkins P8311
To be juxtaposition instead
Of a sensible word.
This is what we heard:
"You've tasted two worms," said the Head.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P9410
In bed was a foreplay destroyer,
Being wholly remiss,
With a fondle or kiss,
A frigid and feckless lax toyer.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0505
Finding ways to rip mobs into shreds.
By gosh and begorra
Each wore a fedora;
All the thugs call this group the Hat Feds.
--- Tom Patton
The digital watch is a prime
Of a much finer stock
Than the analogue clock.
It's passe to have hands on one's time.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9608
And Marceau from his covers does climb.
Two bread slices down
Until they are brown--
His breakfast fare, toast of the mime.
--- Paul Lusch P9410
This is file xpl
Your art which has plaudits returned,
From your critics who say,
So distinctive your play,
That it's clear you leave no tone un-Sterned.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9802
That musical skill must be earned.
He played chords day and night
Until they were right;
There wasn't a tone left unSterned.
--- H Myers T9801
His ilk of the great lower class;
An industrious lad,
In as much as he had,
Not much else but his small clutch of Tass
--- Bob Giandomenico P9804
With his hands held up over his face,
Now the milk has been spilt,
He expressed his gilt.
There is cause for alarm in this case.
--- Laurence Perrine P9404
Will race with a late-coming fare.
As through streets he careers,
It's a sad tale of veers,
With despair, his fares watching Squimes tear.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9511
Gives tourists the strongest of qualms,
For so out of control
Are these throngs on the dole,
With their mission of welfare to alms.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9410
Was beguiled by the smell of sea spray.
When they ran aground,
He swore and he frowned
Saying, "I must find a wetter bay."
--- Tom Patton
How the archer so skillfully rolls;
As adept with his throws,
As with arrows and bows,
It's his canton from whom the Tell bowls.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9602
At the ships always sailing away.
They never dropped spanker
Or threw out the anchor...
Seems where there's a Will, there's aweigh.
--- Anon
Was funny, there is no denying.
To emulate him,
I'd give up a limb,
I'll do it or else I'll try dying.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8304
Fried chicken that painfully brings
Much distension with gas;
One is pressured to pass,
After some of those thunderous wings.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9901
Since his worn little shop people scorn.
Though he trims with great skill
Patrons' heads, they will still
Refer to his shop as "Wop Shorn."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9511
Lifts it's voice--raucous, strident and strong.
And with chortles and brays,
Very loudly displays,
It's a world of deranged woozy song.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9703
The street with guitar in my hand 'n'
Blow whistles and beat
Out the beat with my feet,
And this drum-kit," said Tom with abandon.
--- Peter Wilkins
Of running around (euphemistically),
"If the charge were correct,
I'd have to protect
The lady," said Tom altruistically.
--- Hugh Clary
That flash in their spirals so helical;
When a sandwich I crave,
Peanut butter's my fave,"
Said Tom, in a manner angelical.
--- Anon
I put in a finger and from
The depths of its mound
I finally found
A cherry!" said Jack, with aplomb.
--- Anon
"And I just spilled my juice," she said, damply.
"I need parts for my wheel,"
He spoke with some zeal.
Then let me bite your neck," she said vamply.
--- Tom Accousti
I know that you've been feeling dankly.
But your suicide
Will just be implied --
Those bullets won't work," said Tom blankly.
--- Ericka
Is as tough as old leather and rubbered.
Like a boot that is greasy,
Kind of oily and cheesy,
So I think it's a whale," Tom blubbered.
--- Hugh Clary
Been stolen from Time Magazine, I plea,
It seems to be that
More'n one way t'skin a cat
Said Thomas, yes, quite categorically.
--- Rich
To stop, to my feet, the blood flows.
It's held up complete,
By pressure -- my feet
Go to sleep," Tom Swift said, comatose.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The lamp socket, which she had used
For heating, and blew
The circuit. "What?, Who?
What's happening?" Tom cried confused.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And chatters inanely but brightly.
"Stop talking so crass,
Or I'll kick your dumb ass,
Regretably," Tom says contritely.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"It must be the cigs that you smoked.
They will kill you, you know!"
"Well we all have to go.
No one lives forever," Tom croaked.
--- Observer
Were frightened, I gave them a hand;
With the skill of a sniper,
I killed the Greek piper
That I found in my woods," Tom deadpanned.
--- Hugh Clary
I've found out, and you must be scared.
For Claire, you're untrue;
The consequence rue,
For now we'll divorce, Tom declared.
--- Archie
At the gain in his weight, he despaired;
With his strength fully mustered,
"No more pastries with custard,
That are chocolate iced," Tom declared.
--- Hugh Clary
These verb conjugations I find,
I can't hammer down,
And as for the nouns,
Mensa, mensam...No!" Tom declined.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"Waddya mean, you missed my head?
I see at a glance,
Now I'll never dance!"
Our poor Tom defeatedly said.
--- Ericka
Mary, but Tom never stirred.
"I've too much to do.
Wait a minute or two,"
Said Tom and the thing was deferred.
--- Tiddy Ogg
But the tires were so poorly rated,
The tires they blew.
The spare was flat too.
"I'm airless," said Tom, so deflated.
--- CM
"This Chicken MuckThing has a bone,
That came, I am sure
From the tabby next door,"
Said Tom in a deli-cat tone.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Volume, at night to create
A terrible din.
It does my head in.
I'm sad," said Tom dis-con-so-late.
--- Tiddy Ogg
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