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Old Tom is as brave as can be; Tom basked in the sunny warm day, Though a difficult journey, decidedly, "My Swifties folks used to rate highly, "I used to save money extensively She taunted and scolded and goaded; "It's time now that Sterling be grounded, "The bell tower was dark, damp and cold; While he stared at her implement blankly, Poor Jane, who found life somewhat slavely, "While binding each volume quite slimly, Said Mary: "To see who's the best, "This morning at rest in my nest, "No, Mary, no entry's permitted. My chauffeur has gone for a ride, Finance, it intrigues Tom greatly. "Oh Cynthia darling, come here, "Since burning those joss sticks commenced, Whenever his brain gets too tired, "There's one thing in Russia that's certain; "Of my relations, some are inbred, In grocery stores, Tom lost his head. Our Tom rapped his fist on the table: "Have you a sex life?" I asked quizzically. "Those classics are stuck in my head! "Five dollars I'm offered, that's all "Theatrical agent Jim Crittall? "Beg your pardon, dear Tom," said Miss Dormull, Canuck-luring long has been banned "I must get it through my thick head, "I do easy math in my head, So Tom left the tower for lunch; The noise that a bee makes, frenetically, "At dinner time, frying the hash, While cooking his bacon and hash, "I've built a spitoon, automatic," This week, I've been reading it nightly, Through the Okefenokee he wandered; "Oh Tom," cried Miss Mary, demurely, I'm getting this terrible sense Quite tight in the throat, poor Tom grasped, "Oh, Bloody old Murphy," he muttered. "Oh, doG, by the Church I've been hired, Tom dreamt that he died in damnation, "I'm not giving up meats of red! Young Jefferson lightly debarked Road markings were dim and unsightly, "There's no way that I can endorse Said Mary, "The school lab's now sported My attempts at cake baking were thwarted, While driving his carriage, 'twas jolted; "With both Gus and Ted, you have dallied, "I earlier partied cavortly, (Sis Chris has teeth in her vagina)
Tom gasped and struggled around, "Though ill, with my nose running thickly, You're drunk and disgusting!" she cried, "I'd be likely to win the award He woke in the chill of the morn A diet of bird seed was followed, This fellow perhaps has the gift; he "Bad punning becomes so unruly, The dressing-room models had leaped She whipped her blade past young Tom's head, "Too all of your stuff, I'm entitled, "You're older than I would have guessed, To restaurant manager Jones:
Theme from Patton's his favorite CD.
But when he pressed play,
He was heard to bray,
"It's broken," discouragingly.
--- Hans
And was awed by the tulips display.
Saw buds in the trees,
Heard the birds and the bees...
"April's over!" said Tom in dismay.
--- Ericka
He restrained them from leaving, backslidedly.
"I've been told by the boss,
That tomorrow we'll cross
The Red Sea," promised Moses, dividedly.
--- Ericka
By Irishmen," Tiddy said wryly.
"My brain's ceased to frolic;
Need drink alcoholic
As lubricant," Tiddy said drily.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And shopped (if at all) apprehensively.
But now I don't fuss;
I don't worry or cuss;
I just spend it," said Thomas ex-pensively.
--- Peter Wilkins
But Tom got a gun; "It is loaded,
So don't think I'm bragging.
You keep up your nagging,
I'll shoot off hour head," Tom exploded.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And fears of inflation confounded.
So heed this alert
And to Euros convert;
It's the right thing to do," Tom expounded.
--- Peter Wilkins
Ringing night after night got so old,
The priest gave me praises,
But never pay raises...
So I quit my job," Tom extolled.
--- Observer
"I don't want to get paddled, Miss Wankleigh!
Though you say it's romantic,
You're making me frantic
And fearful," said Tom, freaking spankly.
--- Anon
Tried ending it, often quite knavely.
"One day she just might
Do everything right,
Then we'll have to dig," said Tom gravely.
--- Archie
They wrote all their fairy tales primly,
For kids, short and tall,
And I seem to recall
They were brothers," reflected Tom grimly.
--- Henry Hurst
Dear Tom, I will ask you one quest-
Ion: my habitation
Is here. Our relation-
Ships...?" "Um, Mary hostess..." Tom guessed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I was stressed when the doorbell was pressed.
Since I wanted the quiet,
And when people came by, it
Meant company's coming," Tom guessed.
--- Hugh Clary
Your ticket, my dear, you've omitted.
But as you're so sweet,
I'll find you a seat.
So come along in," Tom admitted.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And the gardener recently died;
Our nanny has fled,
While the cook's gone and wed
The butler!" Tom helplessly cried.
--- Ericka
Dividends have been low lately.
That isn't funny.
Wanting more money,
Tom spoke to the banker I-rately.
--- Tom Myers
I'll murmur sweeet nothings, my dear.
I'll be yours 'til cars
Can fly to the stars.
It's true, whispered Tom in Cyn's ear."
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'm growing yet more and more tensed.
They smell really bad,
They're making me mad
With anger," cried Tommy, incensed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Tom goes to the church, and is fired
With fresh mental power.
He climbs the tall tower,
And ideas soon come...Tom's inspired!
--- Tiddy Ogg
Put blackouts not sheers, up for flirtin'.
Whether draped, tucked, or pleated
Or just old bedsheeted,
Neat coverings are IN!" Tom ironed curtains.
--- Cyber Wizard
So I hate when they quite often tread
To my door for a stay,
And I pray for a way
To avoid it," said Tom in kindred.
--- Hugh Clary
"I can't quite decide to buy bread
Or milk or birdseed.
I don't know what I need --
I'm useless," Tom listlessly said.
--- Ericka
"Now ladies and gents, I'm unable
To find us a stall
For this poor horse at all,"
Said Tom in a manner unstable.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Tom shuffled and said aphrodisiacally,
"I've only one gal,
And she's a penpal,
So I've not," he said metaphysically.
--- Tiddy Ogg
They run amok when I'm in bed!
I want you to know
I won't read Hugo!
I hate him!", Les miserably said.
--- Ericka
For this coffin," cries auctioneer Paul.
"Is that six I hear?"
Came a voice from the rear,
"Five fifty," Tom morbidly calls.
--- Tiddy Ogg
This part as a frog does belittle
My talents and so,
I can't say yes or no
To that role, sir," said Tom non-kermit-al.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"Though I don't wish to sound quite so formal,
What's the cause of that bulge?
Are you well? Please divulge!"
"Worry not," said Tom stiffly, "It's normal."
--- Scott
By RCMP royal command.
"Those caught in the act
With fingers intact,
Will lose 'em", Tom murmured, offhand.
--- Anon
That Doctor Doolittle is dead.
I won't be tryin'
To pet that lion
Again." Tom offhandedly said.
--- Ericka
Sum it up just as fast as auld Ned.
Take six and add four;
Or eight plus two more;
Is half a score," Tom often said.
--- Ericka
Bent down, from his back came a crunch.
"I reckon as I know
How old Quasimodo
Got his," murmured Tom on a hunch.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Is ordained by nature, genetically.
"From that, without doubt,
The word 'buzz' came about,"
Said Tom, onomatopoetically.
--- Murphy
This is file xol
I decided to pour in a splash
Of brandy, but rot!
The pan was so hot,
It ignited," said Tom, with panache.
--- Hugh Clary
The fry-pan caught fire in a flash.
His wife shouted "Hon?
What the Hell have you done?"
"It exploded," said Tom with panache.
--- Peter Wilkins
Called Tom from way up in the attic.
"It grabs every bit
Of crud that you spit,"
Said Tom, in a tone quite phlegmatic.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And I have to confess most contritely,
"The Raven"'s too long
With a meter too strong
For enjoyment," Tom mentioned politely. (Poe-lightly)
--- Hugh Clary
He hithered and thithered and yondered.
"It won't float a barge,
But is this thing large
Enough for a lake?" Tom pondered.
--- Ericka
"I do think you're acting impurely."
But Tom found he'd leaked,
Before she had peaked,
"I'm coming," said Tom prematurely.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Of doom, and disaster, and hence,
I'm all in a flurry,
And twitching with worry,"
Said Tom, in the present tense.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And with his last breath, out he gasped:
"I don't think it's straw
That's stuck in my craw.
Just what are those berries," Tom rasped.
--- Ericka
That law that he shouldn't have uttered
On rotating toast,
"It bugs me the most
At breakfast," said Tom, then rebuttered.
--- Archie
'Cause my singing voice is inspired!
I've asked this before;
Can't believe they want more;
Should I do it?" our Tom reinchoired.
--- Cybe R Wizard
But was later reborn, in rotation,
As a hillbilly lad
In coveralls clad...
That's right, it was reintarnation.
--- Hugh Clary
Nor fruitcake, nor chocolate, nor bed;
Once again this year.
Not scotch and not beer!
Not me!" Tom relentlessly said.
--- Ericka
From the Page on which he had parked.
But his frolicsome nat-
Ure had smudged his John H.
"I'll sign it again," Tom remarked.
--- Brian Belge
And near misses happened there nightly.
Tom Swift is a saint,
"I'll get me some paint,
And shine them up," Tom remarked brightly.
--- Tiddy Ogg
This communication resource.
Oh, what a huge pain
To telegraph again!
But I will." he said with remorse.
--- Ericka
A load of new gear, most imported."
A pipette and flask
Made elsewhere, I ask?
"Ain't it a shame," Tom retorted.
--- Tiddy Ogg
'Cause I had all my layers assorted.
The sous-chef came along,
And mixed them all wrong.
I'm really ticked off," Tom retorted.
--- Theater Gypsy
By lightning shafts it was bolted.
"Now listen here, friend,
This will be the end.
I'm fed up with you!" Tom revolted.
--- Archie
But from my despair I have rallied,
For I have a new gal,
And her name is Sal,
Begone, faithless woman!" Tom sallied.
--- Anon
Loving women both slender and portly,
But my fatal endeavor
Was the fact that I'd ever
Gone to bed with that nun," said Tid shortly.
--- Ericka
"I think it's the plum, that I found"
He tried to spit out
The plum in his throat
And then he shot the plum on the ground.
--- Anon
In the Gulag, I always worked quickly,
Building banners of wood
That cold winters withstood
In Siberia," hammered Tom sickly.
--- Hugh Clary
As Tom staggered in from outside.
"You're ugly, it's clear;
But tomorrow, my dear,
I'll be sober," Tom Swiftly replied.
--- Peter Wilkins
When the anagram contest is scored,
Were there just a way
'Model import' to say.
Can anyone help?" Tom implored.
--- Hugh Clary
To admire his garden, reborn.
"How terrible! How crass!
Someone's stolen my grass!"
Cried poor old Tom, looking forlorn.
--- Anon
And soon Tom Swift looked very hollowed;
But this explains why
Tom flew in the sky;
It happened each time that he 'swallow'ed.
--- Travis Brasell
Has humor enough to uplift me;
And good enough verse
That I'm not adverse,
To hasten to welcome Tom swiftly.
--- Anon
I've decided, no more of it, truly.
If I'm caught once again,
My promise is plain:
To hang down my head," said Tom duly.
--- Hugh Clary
To places their clothes had been heaped:
"Oh girls, do not rise!
I assure you my eyes
Are covered completely," Tom peeped.
--- Hugh Clary
Then stabbed his left buttock instead.
Said, "Now you know, hoss,
Just who is the boss."
"Well touche!" Tom sordidly said.
--- Ericka
So lets not a court case incite. All
Done with your shit?
I'll get rid of it."
Our young Tom exclaimed, unbridaled.
--- Anon
Just based on the way you are dressed.
Your clothes aren't the fashion,
And I have no passion
For wrinkles!" said Tom, unimpressed.
--- Marlene Lewis
"This meal has the taste of dry bones.
Don't give the chef compliments
For such lack of condiments,"
Tom said in unsavory tones.
--- Anon
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