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Tom looked from his sick-bed obliquely;
"It's Monday, and I'm feeling bleakly
Unwell; it's a shame,
It's always the same
Each senight," moaned Thomas Swift weakly.
(senight - half a fortnight)
Said Mary, as Tom put his hand on The carpet Tom bought without care. "Oh Mary, that gave me a scare, "I'm camping with Debbie in Kent; "I'm bored with this etching and scoring "A flat tire is really not fair, "For reasons I really don't know fully, Said Tom, "When my daddy would go, Sweet Katie was waiting supinely, Young Deb sat adrift in a sleigh Dear Tiddy, My reply I've not taken lightly, "I wish we could do us some ballin', "Our love-making had me elated, In Dee's massive hooter so fair, Approaching me, Kate on knees bended, "Old Ogg has a masters degree "In Wales, where the mountains are steepish, At the wake poor Tom did collide "No husband to warm up my bed. Your bowels will always move loosely; She drew her beloved to bed; "Though 'missionary' leaves me quite sated, Tom recently saw Mary's pinkie, "My Daisy and I had been slated, Since the steno was one of the fairest, The BSC gave their permission, (BSC - broadcast standards commission)
"The secret of sheep fornication, Those berries Tom ate were corroded, "My secret has long been concealed; "No women have ever been gypped "Be quiet; the vicar's in bed "For 56 years I've been wed When questioned, his face turned bright red; "I've got a small problem that's awfully Young Debbie dripped honey deliciously "I was training dogs" said Mellors tamely, "I'm looking my best," Tom said smartly. "A contrivance my Granny used nightly, "For hours, you have laid there in bed, The sunshine he set out to seek, On the boat, Tom searched for the head Deb climbs onto Tom when they boff. "Oh dearest" his girlfriend had purred, At first, he just stared somewhat dumbly; Tom gazed on her form with breath bated. "The Venus de Milo is charming; Though the statue, from age had much yellowed, The dirt that fell off when we move her, "I'm wondering, not-at-all speciously, Perhaps there's a word that displays The prisoner stared at him blankly, "Why no Can't you see I'm be-skirted?" While Tom was inserting his tool That sentiment, now, I'll endorse, Tom's iron balls are a-knockin', In reading these posts, I've been gleaning, A pun such as these is a "swifty", As Tom brushed his teeth on the fly, Much later that same day, with Seth, Tom caught all the fish for his date; Said Deb, as she stood on her head, Indifferently's just the right word, "Last night in the garden I tried Those one petaled flowers, I fear, Your theorems on blooming statistics Admittedly, Tom's superstitious
--- Tiddy Ogg
Her knee, "Get off Swift or you'll land on
Your back. You have tarried
Too long, I am married."
A finger she showed with abandon.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"There's only enough of it there
To cover the landing,
But not where I'm standing."
Said Tom, with a very blank stare.
--- Ericka
The tire at the front's losing air.
I'll go get the jack,
And the tire in the back...
That's flat too," Tom said, with despair.
--- Tiddy Ogg
She thinks I'm a harmless old gent;
But wait 'til tonight
When I turn out the light
Under canvas," said Tom with intent.
--- Peter Wilkins
This page, over which I am pouring.
I think I'll make tracks
As soon as I packs
My picture," said Thomas, withdrawing.
--- Archie
Out here in the midst of nowhere.
I'd hitchhike to town
But no one's around.
I'm screwed!" said Tom, without despair.
--- Ericka
When I'm betting to win, place or show, fully
Expecting my wager
To pay moneybags, major,
The horse won't giddap," said Tom woefully.
--- Hugh Clary
I'd ravish my Mom, head to toe."
Tom's friend asked, in shock,
"How'd she suck your cock?"
Tom answered, "Apparently so."
--- Travis Brasell
Her negligee open divinely,
When I walked through her door.
"I hope you have more
Than eight inches," she fancied, benignly.
--- Hugh Clary
With Tom on a cold winter's day.
"While we are off the road,
Howzabout I get blowed?"
Asked Tom of the gal, by the way.
--- Brian Belge
But as happens to me fortnightly,
I've run out of words.
My efforts are turds.
"It's writer's block." Tom said, contritely.
--- Ericka
But it doesn't seem likely, Miss Sprollen;
Though it earlier stood
Just as tall as it could,
It's subsided," Tom noted, crestfallen.
--- Hugh Clary
But now that the passion's abated,
My poor little dicky
Is all wet and sticky,
And drooping," said Thomas deflated.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Poor Thomas once struggled for air;
"Can't breathe...(mutter, croak...)
I need...(mumble oomph choke...)
Spluttered Tom in the depths of Dee's pair.
--- Peter Wilkins
Pulled zip, and my member ascended.
"Oh fuck me," she trilled,
"I'll be thrilled and quite filled."
So I did, and she was so distended.
--- Anon
In sheep...he's a true devotee.
I think that the trick
Is that, he's so quick,"
Announced Tom fastidiously.
--- Observer
There's sheep flocks on valley floors, deepish.
I sure must admit
I like a ewe's clit
In my fingers," said Tom, feeling sheepish.
--- Tiddy Ogg
With Joe, so he thought he'd confide:
"I tell you, by heck, Joe,
I'm not a gay necro!"
Tom, gravely, in dead earnest, cried.
--- Ericka
No boyfriend to give me great head.
No brother to call.
Looks like I am all
Alone.", Mary guilelessly said.
--- Anon
The toilet bowl filling profusely
With fecal material,
If you breakfast with cereal
Of rolled oats and dried fruit," said Tom Muesli.
--- Hugh Clary
Her clothing she sexily shed.
"So do me!" she cried.
"It's no use -- I have tried.
I'm impotent," Tom softly said.
--- Ericka
The others are much underrated.
So once in awhile,
I'll try "doggie-style",
Tom Swift, then, indifferently stated!
--- Observer
And he dove, with his head, not his wrinkly,
But his lips' aim, I fear,
Was off, hit her rear...
"It smells," mumbled Tom indistinctly.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To wed, but my love soon abated,
When I caught her in bed,
With both Gus and Ted,"
Young Tom, lackadaisically, stated.
--- Anon
Her employers had oftentimes harassed.
"I hope no one sees
Me with pants 'round my knees,"
Considered James Bond's boss, embarrassed.
--- Hugh Clary
For Tom to begin his transmission
Of real hard-core porn,
From midnight till morn;
Come watch Tom's nocturnal emission.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Is: constantly keep observation.
You must watch your rear
Lest the male should appear,"
Said Tom fearing ramification.
--- Tiddy Ogg
So there in his pants he unloaded:
"Oh damn, I can't stop
This shit! Bring a mop
And bucket right quick!" Tom exploded!
--- Travis Brasell
I've had 'em in barn, pen, and field.
For, I have a fetish
For flesh, young and wettish,
And calves fit the bill," Tom revealed.
--- Observer
By me during sex for I've slipped
My dick in their asses
With multiple passes
A lot!" Tom rebuttingly quipped.
--- Travis Brasell
And giving young William some head.
Disgraceful I say,
But I guess we should pray
For him," Tom reverentially said.
--- Peter Wilkins
To Ruth -- but last night she dropped dead;
I hope she's in Hades!
Now I'll fuck the ladies
At Maude's place!" Tom ruthlessly said.
--- Anon
This is file xnl
"Who led that young ewe to your bed?
What perverted person
Would your morals worsen?"
"'Twas Tiddy," Tom sheepishly said!
--- Observer
Disturbing to mention, Miss Boffleigh;
Now you've gotten undressed
It's time I confessed,
I'm impotent," whispered Tom softly.
--- Hugh Clary
All over her nipples capriciously.
"I'll give you a boff
If you lick it off,"
She said. "Yummy!" said Tom syrup-tit-iously.
--- Peter Wilkins
"And one bit my leg," he said lamely,
"So in next Sunday's soccer,"
(As he started to fock her,
"I'll struggle to play," he said gamely.
--- Tiddy
"I'll chat up that woman who's partly
Dressed in that bar."
"For a good time, you are
In luck. Come upstairs," she said tartly.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was both heavy and quite unsightly.
But the news is fantastic,
They now come in plastic;
Less weight," Tom tinkled, politely.
--- Murphy
The baby, now, needs to be fed...
The poor thing's been screamin'
While you lay there dreamin'",
Young Tom titillatingly said!
--- Anon
So bent himself double to peek.
"Good Heavens! I knew
It just had to be true,"
Remarked Tom, with his tongue in his cheek.
--- Peter Wilkins
With a growing feeling of dread.
When the captain replied,
"Aim it over the side!"
"Too late!", Tom uncannily said.
--- Ericka
She grips him so tight he can't doff.
Once while she clung,
She said Tom was dung.
He told her just where to get off.
--- Brian Belge
"Would you shave all the hair off my bird?"
When he looked at the patch
That she had on her snatch,
"Well, if you insist," Tom deferred.
--- Hugh Clary
Then he started in not at all glumly.
She got smooth and more moist;
Then his tool he did hoist.
Tom said, "Love, you look more and more comely!"
--- Allen Wolverton
Delights carnal anticipated.
His pants off, he ripping,
"Too late, it's a-dripping,"
Tom prematurely ejaculated.
--- Tiddy Ogg
We must get her moved, free of harming.
The crate though, won't hold her;
We'll chop at the shoulder."
Said Tom, in a manner disarming.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Their love of its beauty'd not mellowed.
When they lighted some bark
For a view after dark,
"The fire's going out!" Tom had bellowed.
--- Hugh Clary
Needs clearing, and men, that's a cue for
A suction machine
That will make things pristine.
Just study and watch this manoeuvre. (man Hoover)
--- Tiddy Ogg
But is there a word you've capriciously
Come upon in your prowls,
That has all the vowels
In order?" Tom questioned facetiously.
--- Ericka
The vowels arranged in those ways.
I think I'll eschew
Such words. They are too
Much," Tom abstemiously brays.
--- Ericka
While scratching and smelling quite rankly.
You won't let me see
Your photo ID?
Is your name Frank Lee, Tom asked frankly.
--- Ericka
Cried Frances to Tom as she flirted
With bum in the air.
"So you are! And I swear
I shall screw you right now!" Tom asserted.
--- Peter Wilkins
In Frances, bent over the stool,
He said with a yell,
"I'm coming like hell!
'Cause I'm hung like a horny old mule."
--- Squat
But Tom was a little more coarse:
"I'm like that Italian,
With balls like a stallion,"
Croaked Tom, growing swiftly more hoarse.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As poor lovely Frances in stockin's
Is screaming in pain
From his mighty large vein.
She wasn't expecting his cock in.
--- Squat
For the use of one name, there's leaning.
In the lims I've perused,
"Thomas" often is used;
Is there any significant meaning?
--- Murphy
Named after a hero whose nifty
Utterances were read
By many. He said:
"I am nean. (Tom was thrifty.)
--- Tiddy Ogg
In the crowded loo at the 'Y',
Someone bumped his arm.
"S'okay, there's no harm."
Tom said with a gleam in his eye.
--- Ericka
(His fishing buddy until death),
He swallowed a lure.
"Quick! Get me a cure!"
Gagged out Tom, with baited breath.
--- Anon
Not worried that he might be late.
For at his fishing hole,
'Catch of the day' was sole.
What else, when he used master bait?
--- Ericka
With her thighs horizontally spread,
"Can we do it this way
For the rest of the day?"
"Well okay," Tom indifferently said.
--- Peter Wilkins
If you're mounting and screwing your bird,
In the way you describe;
Makes your end bits all vibe,
But what do you do with the curd?
--- Richard Jean
Plucking petals to find a new bride.
But the weeds that I got
All said "Loves me not,"
Poor Tom lackadaisically cried.
--- Ericka
Told Tom what he wanted to hear.
Thus to hear was his wish,
Something "love me not"-ish;
That precise phrase tended to appear.
--- Nawahl
Depend on your hypotheistics,
That the count of the petals
Is randomly settled;
But what if the flowers are fixed?
--- Nawahl
To think daisys can answer his wishes;
But you can't reject
H-naught; he's correct.
Your argument's too meretricious.
--- Nawahl
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