To test whether species of flowers
Incorporate magical powers,
Compile their predictions
And count contradictions
'Tween loves-me-not and affairs gone sour.
--- Travis Brasell

You may be, dear, too optimistic,
Considering the problem logistic.
This statement compleete
Show the depths of deceit:
There's lies, damned lies, and statistics.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I may be too naive and young,
But didn't this Tom have a tongue?
And fingers-of-three
Have never failed me,
Despite being rather well hung.
--- Cubmeister

Well now, that story's so sad!
But I don't want you to feel so bad.
You should keep your hands
Away from the glands
Of Sis Chris, my pinky-less lad.
--- Ericka

"The incontinent cat's been 'round here;
I smell the sharp scent of urea.
He's scratched and he's dug
And he's pissed on the rug,"
Said Tom Swift with onomatopeia.
--- Tiddy Ogg

"This room I will have to vacate,
For the smell will take time to abate,
With the stench of the urine,
From that stinking feline,"
Said Tom Swift with censure innate.
--- Murphy

When 'Arrested Again' was reported,
He had grimaced, his visage distorted,
"Those cops were a joke,
'Cause I've stopped using coke!",
The actor Rob Downey had snorted.
--- Anon

At least Bob Downey didn't forge
His way to the top and engorge
His ego at cost
Of freedoms dear, lost
Like nearly tongue-tied "Snortin' George." (see Dubya)
--- Cyber Wizard

They say he's paid plenty of fines
And too often in lockup reclines.
But they're forced to admit,
Though he staggers a bit,
He's never forgotten his lines.
--- Cyber Wizard

"Too long have I dillied and dallied;
It's time that my courage I've rallied;
I'm going away
And getting me a
Sex-change operation," Tom sallied.
--- Hugh Clary

His girlfriend thought that rather follied,
'Cause his pecker 'giant' kept her jollied.
So she raised, in protest
Her voice 'gainst the cut-fest,
"What's with me if you should become dollied?"
--- Ulla

"If the problem's concerning my dingus,
The pleasures of love will still bring us
Together," said Tom,
With unshaken aplomb,
"For I've taken the name, Connie Lingus."
--- Hugh Clary

The Magi together conferred
And decided their loins they would gird.
"This sweet cicily's old,
So wouldn't just gold
And frankencense do," they demurred.
--- Hugh Clary

"But surely we must recompense
The child or we may cause offence.
You two are so sad,
And now I'm getting mad,
You're skinflints," thus cried Frank incensed.
--- Tiddy Ogg

"You wise guys have come very far,"
Said Joseph, "By following a star;
We sure like these presents
You've brought to us peasants;
We hope you will bring us some myrrh!
--- Travis Brasell

Tom gazed at his daughter's appearing
On stage to strip, with eyes tearing.
He wept as his cock
Got hard as a rock,
And was proud how he'd done her uprearing.
--- Travis Brasell

But she flinched when her father appeared,
With a glint in his eye that she feared.
Nervously she bared all,
With her back to the wall,
'Cause she hated the way she'd been reared.
--- An Admirer

She screamed and she yelled in his ears,
"You've owed my allowance for years!"
Though it was an affront
To pay the young cunt,
He paid her in full in arrears.
--- Brian Belge

Tom's daughter began her slow grind,
Then heard him say, "I'm in a bind,
I need money bad!"
Said she, "Too bad, dad!
Like always, you'll come from behind!"
--- Travis Brasell

A colonial girl, sweet and sainted,
Was by war-striped young Indians tainted.
Later, asked of the ravages,
She said of the savages,
"They aren't as bad as they're painted."
--- Isaac Asimov P9510

An imperialistic Ms, sweet and couth,
Was by body-painted aboriginal youth,
Gang banged, though when queried,
She remarked, "I am worried
Their self-esteem suffered since I was aloof."
--- Arthur Deex P9510

An Apache who lived in a hogan
Enjoyed making love to his brogan.
His friends did deride
But he had his pride;
A curt "Fuck Shoe" became his slogan.
--- Puff Adder

Any Apache who had half a life
Was pillaging and wielding his knife.
They'd take lots of loot,
But ne'er screw a boot;
They'd bugger the sodbuster's wife.
--- Hungarian

Advice from a spinster named Crowe,
Be wary of places you go.
Since man, you will find,
Has rape on his mind,
And it's best to be raped by a pro.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1329

Confronted by trousers agape,
And having no chance to escape,
Still Juanita refused,
But was bitten and bruised
By a guy who draws blood while he rapes.
--- Anon

There was an old maid of Hoboken,
Who sued an attacker outspoken,
Who had threatened to rape her,
But robbed and escaped her;
Hence his verbal agreement was broken.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1351

An old time Egyptian named Tut,
Would lure young lads to his hut.
Hit 'em on the head
And flip them on the bed,
And give it to them in the butt!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

My father (now dead) was so cool.
When told I'd had sex at my school,
For the very first time
And only a dime!
Till told "It's Headmaster Raoul!"
--- David Miller

When the great Genghis conquered new land,
His troops would kill off every man.
Then he'd give all the women
A dose of Khan semen,
So now we're all part of the clan.

There once was a man from the Cape,
Who one day committed a rape.
She said, "You dumb shit,
You can't fuck a bit;
And you're beating my box out of shape."
--- Christopher Powles

In Roma the lexis for rapis
Is sternum -- instantus castratus.
If rapor a dum-dum,
And rapos secundum,
Organum then decapitatus.
--- Irving Superior P8111

A man from Cape Breton we find
Who is honored as one of a kind,
Since he saved on the Cape
A young maiden from rape --
He undressed her but then changed his mind.
--- Hugh Oliver 24b

Said a ruined old roue of Barnstable,
"I believe it entirely demonstrable
That no matter how shaped,
Any girl can be raped,
Provided you deal with a constable."
--- Conrad Aiken

This is file xml

To victim says rapist, pants down,
"Don't stop me from going to town;
Common sense suggests, Molly,
That resistance spells folly.
Relax while I puncture your noun."
--- Armand Singer

Though most men at his age still alive
Have lost all of their sexual drive,
Thomas Parr in a scrape
Was convicted of rape
When he was at least ninety-five.

(Thomas Parr was supposed to have lived over 140 years)
--- A N Wilkins P8507

There was a young lady of Waste
Who fled from a man in great haste.
She fell as she fled
And addled her head--
Sometimes she still dreams that she's chaste.
--- Archie

John Leslie is handsome and cute,
Not being a guilty sex brute.
But now he's confused me,
'Cause his hand was not the
Appendage what's been in dispute.
--- Anon

It seems that some tart called Ulrika
Had claimed that he'd forced in his dicka,
To help sell her book.
He's cleared, but it took
Some time; she deserves a good kicka.
--- Anon

Said assault expert Anna K. Brown
(Her expression half chuckle, half frown):
"The rape rate depends
On how one defends --
You run faster skirts up than pants down."
--- Armand E Singer 391

A wild-eyed young whore from the Cape
Had a customer up and escape
Without shucking out money.
"Man," she cried, "It ain't funny...
That's what you call financial rape!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 196

There was a poor victim named Tabor,
Repeatedly raped by a neighbor,
But as hell hath no fury
Like an all-female jury,
He drew thirty years at hard labor.
--- Armand E Singer 982

Said lawyers for client Bill Little,
"He's innocent - grant an acquittal;
His prick's in no shape
To pull off a rape;
It's fragile as fresh peanut brittle."
--- Armand Singer

A certain young cad named Maloney
Committed an act of feloni-
ous nature or worse;
He raped his kid's nurse,
And that, my friends, is no baloney.
--- Armand Singer

The boss screwed the neighborhood whore
In back of the store on the floor.
She sued him for rape;
He did not escape.
That whore now owns more than the store.
--- Travis Brasell

From duty we cannot escape
And TV our children must shape.
But all that the boobs
Get, in front of the tubes,
Are some courses in violence and rape.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2562

They have simplified law for the gentry
Who want everything elementary.
Now rape's an offense
That makes much better sense:
It's a subclass of illegal entry.
--- Norm Storer P9706a

A comely young coed named Crassar
Was raped twice a day while at Vassar.
She hoped to get peace,
But attacks did increase,
When she levied a fine for trespasser.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0098

Said a certain young woman named Valerie
When raped in the National Gallery,
"Oh, well, it's my fate,
But at least I lost weight,
Now for lunch I can add one more Calorie."
--- Isaac Asimov P9803

There was a young lady named Sentry
Who claimed to be raped by some gentry.
But the judge said, "Dismissed!"
When he looked where she pissed,
And saw no signs of forcible entry.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0753

In the library, stuffy Miss Boyes
Was raped, but she maintained her poise.
Though her arms waved about
There was nary a shout --
She respected the rule against noise.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0056

My uncle bought me a Mustang,
To troll, with my pals, for poontang.
We got us some pie,
But "Gang Rape!" they cry.
So now I'm thirteenth on the chain gang.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The most depraved person is Hurst,
Whose deeds are among the world's worst.
He once screwed a nun
At the point of a gun
To see which of the three went off first.
--- David Miller

There was a young wee Irish lass,
Fell asleep in the meadow after mass.
She woke up and discovered
She was naked but covered,
By a very large man in the grass.
--- FCA

To choose is a basic-held freedom
For girls to decide just who'll breed 'em.
But during a rape
Some girls will just gape,
Lie passive, play deaf, and be dumb.
--- Tucker D Ott P8910

"Sam, are you sure I should plead
'Not guilty?' I thought we agreed
Since they caught me on tape
But aren't yet yelling 'rape',
A plea bargain was more what I need?"
--- Anon

There was a tan miss from Zambezi,
Whose twat was capacious and cheesy.
She was always in scrapes
From perpetual rapes:
Like all girls, she raped pretty easy.
--- G1730

I'd never hope for something horrid
From some sweaty pig with face florid.
Rape's not about fun,
No way that it's done.
I'd rather a love affair torrid.
--- Anon

To the lawyer, lady named Newsome
Gave the facts on her rape by a twosome.
Said the lawyer, "'Nough said,
Let us both go to bed,
And review all the details so gruesome."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2208

The girl that was caught by Akeem
Was threatened with rape, but her theme
Gave him cause for dispair
For she said, "I declare,
If you badly perform, I will scream!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1924

There was an Old Man of Bohemia,
Whose daughter was christened Euphemia;
But one day to his grief,
She was raped by a thief --
A side to his life quite seamier.
--- Edwardian Leer 025

A simple old lady named Jane
Was ravished and beat with a cane.
She recovered at length
And regained all her strength,
And she searched for the same man in vain.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2131

A horrified girlie named Greep
Found she had been raped while asleep.
Cried she, "The rape's frightful,
Copulations's delightful!
And to miss it, asleep, makes me weep!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 927

Now we all know the town Aberystwyth
And that infamous mill to make grist with;
But when the miller's son Jack
Threw her flat on her back,
She sure should'a used force to resist with.
--- Armand Singer P0209

Woe is poor Sister Patricia,
Alone with the Shiite Militia.
Through gaps in her burqa,
They constantly furqa
Most intimate feminine fissure.
--- Peter Wilkins

While most any female may be rapeable,
The fact still remains, inescapable,
If you rule out the bags,
And the broken down hags,
It leaves such a small percent capable.
--- Grand Prix Lim 893

A randy young fellow named Mark,
Nabbed for statutory rape in the park,
Was heard to exclaim
When his day in court came,
"A statue? Oh well, it was dark!"
--- Karen B