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A lady of leisure named Rank, There once was a man named Jillette, A hereafter's not there, so say I. The rascally old atheist Feld A Christian says, Go Jesus, Go! Creationists want equal time, "Few in colleges and their vicinity They say up in heaven is God, Churchmen have ruled us by guilt. Agnostic folks share a proclivity A teen from Caracas named Cruz, Dawkins, a god among dons, The clerk in the courtroom so wise Believers think there was a flood Abraham for his wife did pimp, "Apostasy", what the hell is that? (IHMO? - In my humble opinion - Deex)
A blasphemous bastard named Skougaard Wise men from the East all receive a Quite frankly, the magi did err Dear God, you're insipid and stale, The fabric of heaven's been torn, Salome's wish was to bed There was a young fellow called Cary, Saint Peter was once heard to boast Jesus Christ Almighty 'The Last Temptation Of Christ' Cain, Balthasar, and Meryl In the Bible we have an account Christ was the king of the Jews, There died an old man of Moldavia, Lot with one daughter did screw, Tell me: Is it only me? A New Ager stood in a vortex A whirlwind of energy started. Though your God-slant on blasphemy's crass for me, Christians know only one rule, There was a young bugger called God For Christians I have naught but pity Jesus wants all of your mind Bob Tilton sent me some mail When all the disciples had gone, The Pope has ideas about sperm, That Holy Ghost has some trick, A wicked stone cutter named Cary, That Jewess, the famed Virgin Mary, Herr Siegfried, the handsome young Hessian, Pro-lifers are really Utopians There was a young girl called Maria, A young Jewish student from Spain, Galileo was found a misfeasor A good catholic woman from Ghent Catholic girls will put out Gentle witch finder, Bishop de Tour, Told a cleric his catholic delegate, A cherub is one cherubim, Catholic youth much enjoy self pollution, Once a lad has confessed to a priest, As kindly old Father Penniction The priest makes an offer vicarial: Martin Luther, when challenged, confirms Have you heard of the murderess, Finn, Confession is for the pure-souled: A wee little miss from Lamont, There was a young princess named Alice There once was a lady from Kent, Fish-eating was not that attractive;
Whose sense of morality stank,
Mocked the teaching of Jesus,
Became richer than Croesus,
And laughed all the way to the bank.
--- Armand Singer P0402
Whose views on the Lord were all wet.
"I don't believe that guy;
They're just clouds in the sky.
And I'm not finished sinning just yet."
--- Anon
There's no afterlife only goodbye.
What we have here is swell,
But we're not going to dwell
Way up high in the sky when we die.
--- Mimi
Would espouse a position he held.
"To begin was 'the Word'
And its 'truth' I've abjured,
Since, from the start, 'the Word's' been misspelled."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0511Q
While an atheist argues, God no!
But rather less caustic
Is someone agnostic,
Who just says, Oh, I wouldn't know.
--- Anon
So our children with myths can begrime;
While they bury the truth
Which they find so uncouth,
That we came from primordial slime.
--- Robert Moore
Believe either in God or the Trinity,"
Observed Dean Macree.
"The professors, you see,
Are reluctant to share their divinity."
--- A N Wilkins P0211
And this really strikes me as odd.
Because there's no evidence
Of His divine providence,
Just humans with reasoning flawed.
--- Robert Moore
It's the bedrock upon which is built
An elaborate scaffold
(Which just leaves me baffled)
Of lies which they push to the hilt.
--- Robert Moore
For secular Christmas activity.
They'll party all day
And not bother to pray,
And probably eschew the Nativity.
--- Anon
Didn't know which religion to choose.
He decided on none,
And to simply have fun,
Seeking pleasure through women and booze.
--- Cap'n Bean P0110
Says that all religions are cons.
And now is the season
To fight them with reason...
You first...Those bastards have bombs!
--- Jarmo
Requests every witness to rise,
Then to solemnly swear
That the truth he'll declare,
With his hand on a book full of lies.
--- Albin Chaplin P9105a
(Brought about by God's thirst for blood),
And all of them creatures
Plus most of earth's features
Attest to the truth of this crud.
--- Robert Moore
Because he was such a great wimp.
Despite God's protection,
The Pharaoh's erection
Was serviced by Sarah till limp.
--- Robert Moore
Something fun to do with your twat?
IMHO no one should die
Or poke out his eye,
Because of a religious dispate.
--- Anon
Had a horrid contempt for the true God.
One Sunday, in chapel
With his balls he did grapple,
And buttered his penis with rhubarb.
--- G1159
Stange call, and set off in a fever,
To Bethlehem's stable,
And what are they able
To see...just a golden retriever.
--- Tiddy Ogg
With bountiful dyslexic flair.
It is rather odd
That "dog" became "God"
And "bitch" "Mother Mary" so fair.
--- Randog
If you're liking that dodo's travail.
It's gobbledygook,
So it's time that you took
Some hemlock - or try this cock, tail.
--- Anon
God's left. Is he dead? Shall we mourn?
Don't get in a tizzy,
He's just very busy,
With Gabriel blowing his horn.
--- Anon
John the Baptist who spurned her instead.
So she bumped and she ground,
Till he finally came 'round
And was 'persuaded' to give her some head.
--- Robert Moore
Who got fucking the Virgin Mary.
And Christ was so bored,
At seeing Ma whored,
That he set himself up as a fairy.
--- Norman Douglas L0999
That he'd had all the heavenly host:
The Father, The Son,
And then--just for fun--
The hole in the Holy Ghost.
--- G1091
Crept inside my nightie,
Bit my tit
And made me shit,
Jesus Christ Almighty
--- VOL 5
Has scenes where Jesus viced.
To keep pure this man,
The movie lets ban
Or have some scenes circumcised.
--- Irving Superior P8810
Thought they'd give this long journey a whirl.
Cain was pooped and not able
To reach Bethlehem's stable,
So they faxed him, "My God, it's a girl!"
--- Nancy Henry Kline P9607a
Of problems we have to surmount.
All our fucking behavior
Comes from Jesus the Savior,
In his sermon he gave on the mount.
--- Albin Chaplin P9009
And believers call this the good news.
But good news, it ain't,
Christians know no restraint,
They also don't know it's refuse.
--- Robert Moore A
Well known for his bawdy behaviour.
When the priest thought him shriven,
And fitted for heaven,
He cried, "Go and bugger the Saviour!"
--- L1486
And the next night, the other one too.
Though it's claimed he was drunk,
To that, I say BUNK;
He was not addle-minded, he KNEW!
--- Robert Moore
Or is it clear for others to see;
To expect a machine
To compose is obscene,
And borders on high blasphemy.
--- Buttmonkey TP9901
Whose power transformed and, in short, ex
Trasensorily
Made him, full of glee
See visions through his frontal cortex.
--- Randog
This is file xkl
His coiled kundalini imparted
A serpentine motion
That caused a commotion
Inside of his bowels when he farted.
--- Randog
It's not a great gas for me, blasphemy.
I do not show disdain
For the truth, so it's plain
You need not say a blasphemy mass for me.
--- David A Brooks
Regarding one touching one's tool:
They know God gets madder
If when voiding your bladder,
Your heart rate goes up and you drool.
--- Robert Moore
Who put a young virgin in pod.
This amazing behavior
Produced Christ our Savior
Who died on a cross, the poor sod.
--- Dylan Thomas P8810a
Because they lead lives that are shitty.
A criminal God
Threatens Hell and the rod,
Which are then meted out by committee.
--- Robert Moore
To destroy and remake to his kind.
But I'm warning you,
If that's what you do,
All you'll have in your skull is a rind.
--- Robert Moore A
Which promised that God would not fail
To make my day sunny
When I send him money;
Shouldn't scumbags like this go to jail?
--- Robert Moore
The Savior was quite put upon.
He heard the vagina
Of M Magdelina
Had held Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John.
--- Dick Potts P8511a
And he wants for us all to affirm
That cum shots are Holy,
But I reply drolly,
That sperm is a germ from the worm.
--- Robert Moore
Whereby he makes babies sans dick.
No need for the poking,
And gruntin' and stroking;
Besides he's been told "It's too thick!"
--- Robert Moore
Drilled holes in divine statuary.
With eyes full of malice,
He pulled out his phallus
And buggered a stone Virgin Mary.
--- Anon
Said, "Oh God, my quim's got all hairy!
To hell with virginity!
I'll fuck the whole Trinity!
I'm tired of vice solitary."
--- L0877
Represents a new height of repression.
He gets off his rocks
Just by screaming, "A pox
On the whole Apostolic Succession!"
--- G2365
And they follow whatever the Pope begins.
So I hope it's not libel
But I've heard that the Bible
Is pro-choice in the Book of Fallopians.
--- Don Moore P0110
In her village, she was called "pariah."
Many came to befriend her;
Said they would defend her.
At the stake she'd been sentenced to fire!!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who lived during Ferdinand's reign,
Was burned at the stake,
Then dunked in a lake,
By a clerical error; that's plain.
--- Phil T
By that Cardinal Bellarmine geezer;
It was not for his balls,
That Pisa recalls,
But the fact he was thumbing his sneezer.
--- Anon
Knew doctrine and just what it meant,
But dear Hubby's weenie,
Nicknamed "The Zucchini,"
Was not what she gave up for Lent.
--- Armand E Singer 961
For just about any old lout.
They'll do anything
While they pray for a ring;
You could say they were fucking devout.
--- Jim Weaver Collection A
Merely wished to make the relapsed pure.
To that end he'd be seen
Torching them on the green.
Ninety-nine was his best daily score.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0110
"I've discovered an error that's delicate:
In the rites of a priest,
The pages were creased,
And the word that was written is 'celebrate'."
--- Anon
A seraph is one seraphim,
I know which is which
But this is the hitch:
I can't tell a her from a him.
--- Lims Unlimited
And they patronize cheap prostitution.
How lustful they are
In motel and in car!
But confessors will grant absolution.
--- Ward Hardman
One advantage is plain at the least;
Since he fancies a lass,
This will safeguard his ass,
And he'll not be pursued by that beast!
--- Ward Hardman
Mouthed his perfunctory benediction,
He thought, "It appears
After all of these years,
This religion biz is contradiction."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0501
Good life in the afterworld aerial.
And his motto: Don't Sin.
He gets fat -- you get thin.
You will get for your pains, decent burial.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1110
In no vague or uncertain terms,
Theses he won't be mending!
So they promptly condemned him
At a miserable Diet of Worms.
--- Danube
Who killed her spouse? "Why?" asked his kin.
"I'd have suffered remorse
Had there been a divorce,
For divorce is unpardonable sin."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9805a
The repentant are highly extolled.
But if I would confess,--
Oh, God,--what a mess!
It's better by far to withhold.
--- Vassar W Smith P9304
Was taken to church by her aunt;
Not once did she err
Till she caused a big stir,
By sneaking a drink from the font.
--- Lims Unlimited
Who lived in a ten-acre palace;
When she wanted a drink,
She would take a long slink
And sip from the Eucharist chalice.
--- Limber Limericks
Who would not come out, save for Lent.
The rest of the time,
She always felt fine;
She was lending herself to a gent.
--- John T and Donna Burt
The Pope made the ruling inactive.
The souls in purgatory
Were not in their glory;
The ruling was made retroactive.
--- Albin Chaplin
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