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I'll be there at eight -- do not doubt me.
If late, do not worry about me.
I'm leaving now, see,
To beat GMT.
One more thing -- don't start without me!
(GMT - Greenwich Mean Time)
When a man placed his hand on her thigh, A grouchy young girl name of Gail Said a guy to his girlfriend, "Virginia Before you check out, my dear Jillian, Young Simon is incredibly fickle; A horny young fellow was Beatty; You women who sit on the fence, For energy some folks eat snackies, There was an ex-Wave with a suite, "Standing by to be boarded. Repeat: etc., etc.
A simple young farmer of Bray I sympathize, E with your plight, Is the treat that you will eat my meat? At our last dance a young man named Schacht, Us Southern boys always hold dear My next-to-last visit to France, Serving food at the Little Dry Dock, To her boyfriend a lady named Hunt One lecherous leprechaun, Shawn, OK, I'm up, for goodness sake! There once was a girl from La Paz There was a fruitpicker named Mott, So come, girls; come join the affray, A lonely young man sees a lass Dear Lady, are you feeling down? When I took the duchess to tea, A most passionate spinster named Blum My medals and scars testify If hiccups have you in a pickle, Your limericks are somewhat gregarious Of ladies we're always away, If you're bold, if you're hot, then I'm willing The thought of your lips open wide, A massive erection I'm sportin', I met a young rabbit one day; Last night Jack said to his girl, So what if I'm old and disgusting; Oh yes, please talk dirty to me; If you've nothing but sex on your brain A Frenchman by the name of Pierre If you are ready to take a chance, A man in the town Picayune But my teasing is only in fun; Right now, I must have your love! I haven't been riding in years - A clever young fellow am I, Dear one, my darling delight, My feelings I cannot repress; Come here and jump into my bed; Oh God, love, I must have been dreaming; Don't leave me for such a long time; If you still want a knobbing, my dear, Just the thought of you's making me hum; Oh beautiful maiden like orchid, Once again, my head's in a pickle; My medical is paid up in full, An amorous fellow named Pratt A friendly young fellow named Nip, With petulance, Emily Sue There was a young man from Montrose, There was a young yeoman named Oliver, What's that out my window I see? I guess I should put on some pants, I'll open the door just a crack. Please come in and help me, miss; Oh, dear honey, thank God it's you! I've fallen and need assistance;
--- Petal
The young lady remarked with a sigh,
"You cannot have my heart."
Said the man, "We must part,
For I did not aspire that high."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0352A
Wrote, "You know you are welcome to tail,
But you hot-trousered bum,
You just wait till I come,
For I can't ship that part through the mail."
--- Grand Prix Lim 205
For ages I've courted to win ya.
Now my point of frustration
Has reached saturation --
This evening I gotta get in ya!"
--- Linda Marsh Coll G1627
Perhaps we could once get real silly an'
Have one last sweet roll
In clover, dear soul.
Tell me, may I put in my willian?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He asks all the girls for a tickle.
He asks once or twice,
If they'd make him feel nice,
And tickle the end of his prickle.
--- Anon
He called up his girl and said, "Sweetie,
In place of this bickering
I propose we start dickering;
I'll be over to sign a piece treaty."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0037
Would not even know that you're tense.
Till one day some guy
Who gives you the eye,
Is the victim of dire consequence.
--- Anon
While others take naps in their sackies;
To build up your strength,
You should take my length:
Rejuvenates swell now, by crackies!
--- Anon
Overlooking the bay. When the fleet
Steamed in from maneuvers,
She blinked with her louvers,
"Standing by to be boarded. Repeat:
--- John Ciardi
Met a lass in his hayfield one day.
Said he, "If you want,
We could share a croissant,"
For he'd heard about rolls in the hay.
--- Anon
Come here and I'll see you're all right.
The wherewithal's here
To tickle your rear,
And satisfy ladies all night.
--- Anon
And why aren't you able, My Sweet?
I'll show you mine burst,
If you show me yours first;
If you don't, I will just have to beat.
--- Anon
Was admired by the girls for his tact.
When he wanted a lay,
He would bow low and say,
"May I have your next sexual act?"
--- John Ciardi
Our womenfolk, making it clear
To them when we say,
"I love you!," the way
A real woman's longing to hear!
--- Anon
By some crazy wild quirk of chance,
I met with Henri
Who invited me
To take part in the Tour de Pants.
--- Anon
I was asked by a girl, "Do you stock
Grouse, Pheasant, or Duck?"
I replied, "No such luck,
But you're welcome to try my Gamecock."
--- Mad O'Rourke's Pub P0204
Said, "Don't ask me to fuck, it's too blunt.'
So he said to her, "Dear,
I need screwing, I fear.
Would you care for a prick up your cunt?"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0211
Fucks colleens from dark until dawn;
With true Irish blarney
This lad from Killarney
Let's guile do his thing, lacking brawn.
--- Armand E Singer 650
Stop yelling, you'll make my head ache.
Now my eyes are open,
What is it you're hopin'
To do now that I'm wide awake?
--- Anon
With tits much too big for her bra.
At the sight of her chest,
Most guys will request,
"Voule vou coucher avec moi?"
--- Squeaky TP9807
Who said to his girl, "You know what?
Let's get in to some grapples,
And I'll sample your apples,
For if not, I believe they will rot."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0271
For we know that you, too, like to play.
Tell us guys what you need
And you'll get it ... indeed;
All your dreams could come true in a day.
--- Anon
Full of poise and resplendent with class.
Her demeanor, so prim,
Quickly actuates him
To approach her and then make a pass.
--- R G Trepanier
No nookey? There's no need to frown.
For a nominal fee,
I offer you me.
Keep laughing! I mean as a clown!
--- John Miller
Boldly I put my hand on her knee.
She cried "Heavens above,"
I said, "I know my love,
But I must be at work by three."
--- Frank E Day P9001 a
Found a lad who was eager but dumb.
With her hand on his knee,
She said, "Come and see!"
He replied, "Don't you mean 'see and come'?"
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
That I'm truly an athletic guy.
My personal best
Is too good for the rest;
Quit stalling and give me a try.
--- Anon
You need, girls, a clitoral tickle,
And if your own digit
Won't perk up that widget,
Then give me a call and my dick'll.
--- Anon
But mostly they're simply hilarious.
You wit much amuses
As we 'hic' and we boozes.
We're you're audience, so please be aware of us!
--- Tiddy Ogg
Especially, dear Wobbly, when bare
And happily flouncing
Then lustfully bouncing
With breasts swinging 'round in the air!
--- Archie
To stuff all the cooing and billing
And get to the juici-
Est bits of you, Lucy,
Before my spontaneous spilling.
--- Peter Wilkins
Is gorging my manhood with pride.
So please say no more;
I'm here at your door,
And anxious to come right inside.
--- Anon
This is file xfl
So come here and hop on my horton.
Come on, do the twist
So I won't hurt my wrist;
Oh honey, my eyesight's distortin'.
--- Anon
I asked her if she'd like to play.
She wrinkled her nose,
And jumped on my hose.
Oh dear! What will Hugh Hefner say?
--- Tiddy Ogg
"May I please take the first whirl?"
Jill sipped for a minute,
But soon Jack was in it;
Jill had a long leisurely twirl.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Nostalgia's what keeps me still lusting.
My brash Jumbo Jim,
Would seek your sweet quim,
For a quick dip to keep it from rusting!
--- Anon
I imagine you on a spree.
Give me a quick shot;
I get extra hot.
When you will give it to me free.
--- Anon
And you're desperate to come yet again,
You can sit on my digit
And wriggle and fidget;
I doubt you'll have cause to complain.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Asked an American girl for an affair;
She said, "'Twould be nice,
But just once or twice,
And as long as you don't muss my hair."
--- Anon
Come on then and widen that stance.
While you're feeling upstairs,
I'll take you unawares;
Fondling your piece de resistance.
--- Marlene
Lay restlessly watching the moon.
As the cats came to life,
He remarked to his wife,
"I perceive they are playing our tune."
--- Hugh Oliver A070B
Can I call you my sweet honey-bun?
If you're keen, I can offer
The best, if you proffer
Your kittie with panties undone.
--- Anon
I need it, when push comes to shove.
Just can't pace the floor,
And my palm's too sore.
The real thing I'd like a bit of.
--- Chris Papa
I've forgotten my lessons, I fear.
May I saddle your horse,
And go once 'round the course,
And do my rehearsing right here?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who thought, "Why not give it a try?"
But the lady I'd met
Wasn't ready just yet,
So she poked me right square in the eye.
--- Rich Grise
How I've craved for your body tonight.
Now you're back in my arms;
I'll succumb to your charms,
As I hold you against me so tight.
--- Peter Wilkins
Now I'm stiff as a board; I confess
That I cannot wait long.
Will you play with my dong
As I rip off your panties and dress?
--- Peter Wilkins
I've no time to be giving you head,
For I'm urgently throbbing;
You're in for a knobbing;
No foreplay; I'll screw you instead!
--- Peter Wilkins
I'd waited so long I was steaming;
My knob was on fire
With a desperate desire.
I was practically screaming and creaming.
--- Peter Wilkins
Till the walls in the bedroom I climb.
When my knob is pulsating,
I can't be kept waiting;
I need you, my lover sublime.
--- Peter Wilkins
Just be careful; don't fondle my spear.
For I need you so much,
That you'd just have to touch
And I'd come in a second, I fear.
--- Peter Wilkins
Oh my God, I'm about to succumb.
Now I'm closing my eyes,
For the sight of your thighs
Is enough...Oh my god!...Now I've come...
--- Peter Wilkins
Then come up to bed as I bid.
I shan't and I don't,
I can't and I won't,
But she did, and she's now got a kid.
--- Tiddy Ogg
People can be oh so fickle.
I said to this dame
"Come on, play this game.
We can start with a slap and a tickle."
--- Aussie Owl
So come here you luscious armful.
We'll test the frailty
Of your "Reality",
And see if you're slinging the bull!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Told a comely young wench of Sand Flat,
"After kissing and hugging,
How about us two frugging?"
She cried, "You can speak plainer than THAT!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 786
Who delighting in choosing to strip,
Would pull off his clothes
And say, "I propose
This way to begin our friendship."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Complained she had nothing to do;
Her boyfriend then smiled:
"Would you be beguiled
By an everyday, ten-minute screw?"
--- Norm Storer P9912
Who said to a girl, "I propose
That since time is short,
For affairs of this sort,
We begin by removing our clothes."
--- John Ciardi
Who met a svelte blond, Susan Taliaferro.
They had a long talk,
As they took a walk,
Then he made a pass, touching all of her.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Why, someone is visiting me!
Blond hair and green eyes --
What a lucious surprise!
But who in the world can she be?
--- Anon
Or should I just take a chance,
And open the door
To see for sure,
If she's come here seeking romance?
--- Anon
Oh, damn! Now my pecker I've whacked,
With the knob of the door,
Making my knob throb sore,
And I've fallen right down on my back!
--- Anon
I'm sorry to meet you like this.
It's quite embarassing
And I need some care-essing;
Right here, on my spear, you can kiss.
--- Anon
Wasn't sure what I would now do.
If a stranger you'd been,
What would happen then?
If she'd fled, I'd surely be screwed!
--- Anon
To get me up will take persistence,
For I'm hurt quite a lot.
If you'll show me your twot,
I'll get up without much resistance!
--- Anon
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