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"Hey Nora!", cried George quite delightedly, But don't you stop reading just yet. It's a pleasure to welcome Fay back To his wife, said a fellow of Guelph, So fast was the girl of young Fletcher, The Browns have a daughter sensational I was snuggled up in his arms, An apprentice who had a fine tool, (cupper - cup of tea)
The Bell Telephone man, Mr. Gold, While screwing a girl, Mr. Pyle The new secretary, Miss Gold, There was an old doctor named Reese Toasting scones, a young housewife named Joan He had gone where he had hoped to get laid It's twenty-five minutes past three Just where is it you get these notions, A frustrated lover named Hale, There was a young fellow named Hutch If by "Dawn's Early Light" I butt her; A peculiar young lady named Piltz An unhappy bride named Suzanne The Sutra I thought I'd attack, I knew this young guy young and trite There was an old fellow of Lynn The Indians whom we call Sioux I envy the birds and the bees There was a tall gorgeous Valkyrie, An old business man, name of Prater A violinist named Luc Pompidou There was a young man who, on May Day, From the X-rated movies I've seen 'Cause nothing from nothing will come, A respectable girl from Toronto Said McNee to his lady, Miss Arden, We'll never be that age again. Earl hadn't had sex in forever, Earl hadn't had sex in forever; I confess, I am drawn by the thoughtery At the moment Japan declared war, A lisping young lady named Beth My boyfriend thinks I'm just plain mean, I wasn't raised in a stable! An excessively socialized bitch, Consider the birds and the bees; "Come lover, I fancy a squeeze." I've been busy with my meditation You may be more subtle, you miser; Since I'm in a generous mood, "I'm going to be late," cautioned Dawn "I'm gonna be late," warned Edwin, "I'm going to be late," cautioned Dawn, I'm dating this girl named Jen; Sometimes we overrate My dear, it is true, I suppose; I've noted the fragrant bouquet Come on then, my dear, you old stud; Young Glen, playing 'neath an old tree, Then all of a sudden, "Ker...plock", "That creature will ne'er again flutter," Dad said then, to mischievous Glen, As the two of them walked thru the door, With Dad's recent words in review, As we climb 'neath the duvet so snug, A carpet square for you to chew, The sky is cobalt blue tonight; I'm looking at all the scenery
"Come quickly -- my things all excitedly!
Let's do it once more
Like we did it before
In the forties." "Oh George, not tonightedly."
--- Peter Wilkins
You'll miss this and could get upset.
She'd always abstain
When there was no rain,
But fain when her tarmac was wet.
--- SFA
For since raped in an alley attack,
She no longer objects
To a fun game called sex;
So we play days and nights in the sack.
--- Grand Prix Lim 114
"This erection is not for myself."
But she said, "Let it wait,
For I don't feel too great."
So his hard on, he put on the shelf.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0183
He never was able to catch her.
What accomplished the trick
Was the time she got sick,
She was had as she lay on the stretcher.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0696
Who's given up sex recreational.
A new leaf she's turned;
Her bridges she's burned;
Her sex life's entirely vacational.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0503
Indulging myself in his charms --
And then the phone rang.
Gosh, shoot, shucks and dang!
I guess I should get three alarms.
--- Anon
Was thought by his girlfriend too cool,
Since, when he was up her,
He broke for a 'cupper',
Since that was his union rule.
--- E O Parrot
Was fucking a lady, so bold.
When he heard the phone ring,
So he pulled out his thing,
And he placed the young lady on Hold.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0699
Was fucking along in great style.
But the phone gave a ring
So she pulled out his thing
And she put him on Hold for a while.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0306
Was fucking her boss young and bold.
She was blowing his thing
When the phone gave a ring,
So she put the young fellow on Hold.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0172
Who was screwing a harlot in Nice.
In the midst of it all
He received a rush call;
He returned for the rest of the piece.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0750
Smelled them burning up -- then the phone
Rang and in burst
Horney hubby. Which first?
The scone, or the the phone, or the bone?
--- Michael Weinstein P8606
By a wealthy young woman named Jade.
But the butler, Jose,
"Our mistress's away;
If you wish, you can screw her maid."
--- Cap'n Bean P9912
In the morning and silly old me --
Wakened rudely -- she snored --
Sits by my keyboard,
Thinking: sex is never for free!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
About women and their emotions?
With a face like sandpaper,
You need a good scraper,
Or there'll be no tongue licking motion.
--- Anon
Whose date failed to come to the dale,
Cried, "I'm touched by the greenery,
Which I see in the scenery,
But where in the hell is my tail?"
--- Armand Singer
Who never did get very much.
For it took him a year
To get going in gear,
And he always was slipping his clutch.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2121
"Don't touch me" is what she will utter.
But then I don't mind,
Because I will find
That by "Twilight's Last Gleaming", I'll rut her.
--- Joe Long
Delights to be diddled on stilts.
Men are all wild to try,
But she's up so damned high
That before you can reach her, it wilts.
--- Grand Prix Lim 820 G2457
Told her spouse of a week, "Listen, Man...
I've repeatedly said
I LOVE screwing in bed...
But please stop while I go to the can!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 673 A
So contortedly opened her crack.
With knees spread apart,
I then thought I'd start.
Oh Damn - I've now put out my back!
--- Anon
Whose buttocks had gone awfully tight.
Though he'd flex and he'd push,
So sealed was his tush,
He could not screw his girlfriend that night.
--- Caleb Sevcik
Who had never committed a sin,
But when the old Pharisee
Went over to Paris, he
Said, "It's never too late to begin."
--- Anon
Were many, but now they are fioux;
When I asked a young chief
For the cause of that grief,
He said, "We're too lazy to scrioux."
--- Alsops Foibles
Who have nookie whenever they please.
Not for them all this wooing
And billing and cooing,
I'm having to do with Louise.
--- Anon
Who found her admirers grew leery.
When they climb to the spot
Where the action is hot,
They cannot dip in; they're too weary.
--- Isaac Asimov
Was fucking a whore in Decatur.
He was reaching his peak,
When the ceiling did leak,
So she gave him a rain check for later.
--- Albin Chaplin
Lived alone, with his pet kangaroo.
When Poulene would drop in
For a few rounds of gin,
He was uncertain of whom he should screw.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Declared to his wife, "This is playday!"
And her answer was, "John,
You are putting me on; (?)
We always have waited till payday."
--- Limber Limericks
I have learned I was terribly green.
From the first time I kissed,
There were ten years I missed
'Cause I first got laid at nineteen.
--- Jay Marshall P8606
Speak now, or forever keep mum.
Just don't start complaining
When your sex life is waning,
Because of the smell from your bum.
--- Dan Parslow
Told her lover that if he should want to
Keep getting it nightly,
He'd better damn sprightly
Put a ring on her finger, and Pronto!
--- Alex Heydon P0402
This is file xem
As they strolled back and forth in the garden.
"Your reluctance to fuck
Is a bit of bad luck.
What a hell of a waste of a hardon."
--- Anon
When stirrings and longings begin.
Who knows what the cost
In joy that was lost,
Because we refused to give in.
--- Larry Davis P8502
And eagerly planned the endeavor.
His wife said, "Good God!
Just look at that rod!
'Twill thrill me when-, where-, and however.
--- Vie
He couldn't wait for the endeavor.
But his wife, less raring
For his red herring,
Responded, less enthused, "Whatever!"
--- Vie
Of an evening's licentious debauchery,
But the wife's back in town,
With her temper's renown,
So I'm really not sure if I oughtery.
--- Anon
A sailor was fucking a whore.
He said, "After this poke,
'Long and Hard' ain't no joke;
This means months till I get back ashore.
--- L0119
Was saved from a fate worse than death
Seven times in a row,
Which unsettled her so,
That she quit saying "No" and said "Yeth".
--- Anon L0811
For moaning and pleading: "Please clean!
Take that trash to the dump,
Or no girl will you hump.
Everything in the fridge has turned green!"
--- Menopausal
So you'll have to wear clothes to the table!
Your willy's a sight
Better saved for the night;
I put up with as much as I'm able!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And a wierdo not wearing a stitch.
Maybe just not a match
'Twixt the caveman and snatch,
Despite giving each other The Itch!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
How they do it with consummate ease;
Lacking all inhibtions
And monthly conditions,
Unlike my ex-girlfriend Louise.
--- Anon
"It's the wrong time of month", said Louise.
Or, "A headache I've got."
Or, "You want me to WHAT!?"
Or, "I'm cold." Or, "I'm going to sneeze."
--- Anon
(How's that for an odd explanation!)
Reflecting on Buddha,
With beer and some Gouda,
To ease my sexual frustration!
--- Anon
However, you're surely less wiser.
My "straight's" forwardness
Makes ladies undress
And pay me for a time on my geyser!
--- Anon
Please keep your small tuppence for food;
I'll send you, cost-free,
(Yes, this one's on me!)
Some belles who are nude, rude, and lewd!
--- Anon
"But don't wait for me while I'm gone.
For fun while you're waiting,
Just try masturbating
And when I arrive, I'll jump on."
--- A Reimer P9107
"But don't wait for me to begin.
For fun while your waiting
Just try masturbating,
And when I arrive, I'll jump in."
--- Arthur Deex P9107
"But don't wait for me when you spawn.
Don't be apathetic,
Be auto-kinetic,
And when I arrive, I'll jump on."
--- Martin Wellborn P9808
I tell my love again and again.
I'll kiss her cheek;
Sometimes she'll squeak.
She the closest thing to heaven.
--- James62 a
A female we've yet to mate.
You should scratch that itch,
And as for your bitch,
I've had her and she ain't that great.
--- MrMalo a
I've been watered by more than one hose.
But this flower's still pink
And ready to drink;
And still smells as sweet as a rose.
--- Carol
That comes from the bed where you lay.
But Joan's pruning shears
Is heightening my fears,
And keeping my ardour at bay.
--- SFA
Plant some of those roots in my mud.
Why not volunteer?
I've no share to fear,
But you can nip me in the bud.
--- Ericka
With a rock, smashed a small honeybee;
Observing the deed,
Dad said, "You will need
To go for a year without honey!
--- Anon
A butterfly's smashed with a rock.
A nonchalant giggle
Is making Dad wiggle,
"Cause he's overwhelmed by the shock!
--- Anon
Glen heard his Dad angrily mutter,
"For being so cruel",
His father said, "You'll
Have to go for a year without butter!"
--- Anon
"It's time , son, that we should go in.
I'm hopefully guessin'
That you've learned a lesson,
And you'll not do these things again!"
--- Anon
They saw a cockroach on the floor,
But Mom, being quick,
Said, "Those things make me sick",
And she stomped it three times, maybe four.
--- Anon
The young lad knew just what to do,
With an impish grin,
Then whispered young Glen,
"Shall I tell her Dad, or will you?"
--- Anon
And you ask me again for a hug,
Then turn over and sleep;
With frustration I weep
For I'd rather be munching your rug.
--- Peter Wilkins
I will gladly donate to you.
If you get ignored,
Or simply get bored,
It will give you something to do.
--- Marlene
Tiny stars pierce the quick fading light.
The full moon is blue;
My mood is blue too.
My sweetheart and I had a fight.
--- Marlene
And admiring nature's greenery.
Wishing he'd come home,
I'm here all alone,
While he's camped out in some beanery.
--- Marlene
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