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An old elephant wanted to go It was "Baaa!" my sheep cried as she ran. Thanks to leaving the tailgate ajar, A zoo-keeper cleaning-out cages, He placed the dead Chimp on his cart, He rolled along to the old lions pen Deep emotions are sturgeon inside me; The donkey-horse offspring's downhearted; A turkey once took a bad fall, Tuscan goats, by some strange stroke of luck, If all the gnus in the London Zoo There once was a person called Morrow, A kind-hearted dog-lover named Vince Here's a verse no one's thought of before. A Russian success was unfurled A certain young fellow, named Bobbie Note well the hod carrier's post, In my gut, where it makes a left twist, An Aussie, whom women neglect, A slight-of-hand artist named Wares Two weevils sat on the professor -- Two bugs on a bush in Chamblee There once was a zookeeper, Edward, Herpetologist J. Wilson Murtle There once was a cow from St. Joe On the farm, I would often arise A fine young hen, now that's a catch! It all started with the introduction A jokester had only just started As the smoke from her stove billowed black, With the brightest of all worldly views, There once was a farmer named Kline, I have a cute frog that is sick; With the door to the hen house askew, Joe is an old farming dude, A king by the name of Old Noah, As a purist and author, I groaned. You don't know the difference, admit, The farm girl, a lady of class, When there's any talk of love or of hate, Those who toil in aquaria find Is it true about mice what they say: All that rapping and tapping, you know, Raccoons often try about face, Two rats were pursued by some cats, Map reader in a jungle camp, Please indulge me in one further thing, dear; A girl will complain when men fault her; To make a sheep dip with an old A famous film maker extols Looking down at the mess, I had frowned, There were two hunters named Sayers STAGFLATIONS have no antler part; As I set pen to pad for a doodle A cure for those bugs that eat cloth, To Spooner an "ism" absurd-- On the roof of the barn of Jess Crane, Pursuing his pup through the fog, An animal breeder from Leigh The Dill River salmon don't sleep. A fellow who works at the zoo Said the wife of old sheepherder Flynn, Uncle Dave, an old family friend, One that I once thought was funny, As proof he would order a drink, She said "Let me see your ID."
To New York with some wild oats to sow;
The worst of vacations
With wrong expectations,
When he went to an antique trunk show.
--- Tom Patton
Was a wolf in the fold or a man?
She just wanted attention,
But I gave condescension;
"Ewe only do that 'cause ewe can."
--- Naomi J Kahn
I've a sheep and a goat in my car,
A thing used for spying,
Another for tying.
Eye, kid, ewe, knot. Look - there they are!
For hardly a day's-worth of wages,
Found a dead Chimpanzee,
Just as stiff as can be;
That's 'flat-line' on all the heart gauges.
--- Anon
And continued with his zoo-keepers part.
He went to the Finches,
Which lay dead -- three inches, (high)
So to hide them, he'd have to be smart.
--- Anon
Opened the door, threw the carcasses in.
He sighed and thought, "Swell."
The Lion roared, "BLOODY HELL!
Tell me it's not Finch and Chimps again!"
--- Anon
Come perch on this swing beside me.
Walleye thought I'd never
Get hooked, not ever.
Don't throw me back 'til you've tried me.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
His career as a humorist thwarted,
'Cause his jokes were all swiped
By a robber who piped,
"A mule and his funny's soon parted."
--- Anon
From his perch and laid flat in a sprawl.
And next to his nest, he's
Left one of his testes,
More commonly called a fowl ball.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9511
Were transported to Rome via truck,
Where on Rome's seven hills,
They gave tourists great thrills,
As in fountains they'd busily muck.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0209
Disappeared forever,
You'd have to say
That's the end of the gnus,
And now it's time for the weather.
--- Ron Ellin a
Who cried in a voice full of sorrow:
"I had a pet hare,
But now he ain't there...
Ah well, hare today, gone tomorrow!"
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Said, "For my dog, I've spared no expense,
But the bill from the vet
Has left me in debt --
'Twas a heartworming experience!
--- Observer
When you see it, don't show me the door.
Though it might make you squirm
Would a male pachyderm
Be offended if called, Herby Vore?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0212
As dogs into space they had hurled.
But they took many bows,
When they sent up ten cows --
'Twas the herd that was shot 'round the world.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2826
Rode his steed back and forth in the lobby.
When the clerk said: "In doors
Is no place for a horse."
He replied, "But you see, it's my hobby."
--- Anon
A vocational berth, nethermost.
One would better aspire,
On as angler to hire,
And then might, as cod harrier boast.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9902
Two worms had a delicate tryst.
She spoke to him shyly,
He answered her wryly,
"But only, dear, if you encyst!"
--- John Miller
Has written a book on his treks
To the outback to screw
A young kangaroo,
Which he titled, The Joey of Sex.
--- Anon
Can cut rabbits in half, he declares.
A remarkable trick
That some people think sick,
Though to others he's just splitting hares.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8811A
The small one became the aggressor.
When it bit through his hide,
The professor, he died --
Though it was of two weevils the lesser.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2755
Were about to be sprayed by McGee.
The small one said, "No,
You must let me go.
I'm the lesser of two weevils, you see."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose faith, it was never but headward.
Of his own accord,
He put trust in the Lord;
It helped as he's a-shoving leopard.
--- Doug Harris P0605
Said, "Ogden Nash touted them fertile.
Clumsy reptiles they be;
They procreate you see.
I resent then your mocking the turtle."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0101
Where green grass made her belch, don't you know.
But the bovine was plucky,
Went off to Kentucky,
Ate bluegrass. She mooed indigo.
--- Don Moore P9206
Quite early, erection full size,
To pick a young hen
From out of the pen,
And award her a pullet surprise.
--- Hugh Clary
With long sharp toenails, five to a batch;
So do take warning,
When in the morning;
"Don't mount your chickens before they scratch."
--- Anon
Of a way to halt their reproduction.
Newly found ancient stats
Show that years ago, cats
Were the first weapons of mouse destruction.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0309
His mule, when it broke loose and darted
Away out of sight.
The rope wasn't tight;
A mule and his funny's soon parted!
--- Prof M-G
A dazzed wife in Tibet cried, "Alack,"
To her husband, "Oh please,
Call and order Chinese,
It's a cinder! Oh, my baking yak!"
--- Bob Giandomenico P9410
Milne's bear is above, singing blues,
And friends eager to hear,
Ursine tidings of cheer,
They could all use a share of Pooh news.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9902
Whose piggies enjoyed a good rhyme;
When stricken with flu,
Lims would pull them through;
So it's true: A niche in rhyme saves swine!
--- Anon
My son hit his head with a brick.
You've heard of a pun,
Well, consider this one:
If he croaks, I'll be very heartsick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file xcl
A fox slyly found his way through.
And that rapacious beast,
After having a feast,
Left the farmer with no clucking few.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0412
Who's not in a real good mood.
The rabbits got in
Where his veggies had been.
And he can't stand hare in his food.
--- Janice Baker
Went hunting and stepped on a boa.
The snake coiled and faced him,
And then it embraced him.
Oh, he ain't gonna reign no moah.
--- Mrs G A Borth P9202
Use of puns is just barely condoned.
But intending to kill
Every bird on the hill,
You can't leave with no tern unstoned.
--- Limerick Man T9801
'Tween an owl, constipated a bit,
And a hunter who fails
To kill any quails:
The bad marksman will shoot but not hit.
--- Hugh Clary
Lost her fortune at dice, with one pass.
She was left quite bereft;
Just one donkey was left,
So she just had to peddle her ass.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0511Q
She starts talking of pigs, does my Kate.
She has tales galore
But the one I adore:
"Little piggy went to DEMARCATE."
--- Gunjan
They get bored. To escape from this bind
Or to lessen its toil,
They set a daily goal,
And keep one single porpoise in mind.
--- L C Fitzhugh P0112
"When the cat is away, mice will play?"
Since it's mice that I fear,
I will keep the pussy near
For I love to stroke fur anyway.
--- Anon
Which was sounded on E. A. Poe's "doh"
And helped him through the night
Into the morning light
Was made by the arcane quid Poe crow.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0103
Gnawing bullocks until there's no trace.
So when choosing this pest,
You must muzzle them lest
You are caught 'tween a raccoon hard place.
--- Anon
But drew to one side and said, "That's
Not the life for us guys,
We should hide out in pies!"
(They ended up being pie rats!!)
--- John Dohner P8804
Succumbed to a lion's jaw-clamp.
Reporter, they say,
Leo spit away,
Knowing 'readers digest, writers cramp'.
--- Chris Papa
For the bliss that our marriage could bring, dear;
I really beseech you.
Before Daddy meets you;
Don't be rude, doff your red nose-ring, dear.
--- Dr Limerick
Male chauvinists will try to alter
Her life then enmesh
A style 'kin to horseflesh --
Any wonder when she wears a "halter?"
--- Anon
Used dipstick, like yours, free of mold,
You must, with your hose,
Wash all of your clothes,
And dry 'em, but make the sheep fold.
--- Anon
The hire of trained dogs and his goal's
Not to mis-cast a breed;
He has further agreed
That he'll not use spare pugs in hound roles.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9410
And it wasn't the first that I'd found;
But instead of bemoanin',
I christened him 'Onan',
'Cause the bird spilled his seed on the ground.
--- Anon
Who divided their catch in two shares.
Many rabbits they shot
And they piled up the lot
And they spent the whole night splitting hares.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024=2780
With new man, Paul Harvey, they start.
So let us all hear
Some thanks to him, dear,
But please do not take it to Hart.
--- Gary Hallock
The rain left me with a wet noodle.
I had not a mac
To keep the rain back;
Went to get one and stepped in a poodle.
--- Anon
Is steal," said old Heinrich the Goth,
"A flatulent pony."
He's wrong, but only
A stolen roan gasses no moth.
--- Tiddy Ogg
It seemed that a very tall bird,
When it defecated,
Perhaps constipated,
Those watching would see a ball turd.
--- Irving Superior P9410
Perched a rooster through sleet, snow and rain.
Other barnyard fowl
Spoke of him with a scowl,
And groused about his being vane.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0506
A joker came by at a jog.
Observing the chase,
I thought, "Here's a case
Of the wag really tailing the dog."
--- Norm Storer P9806
Had a dog that was strange as could be.
When told, "But your hound
Makes a strange ticking sound,"
He explained: "It's a watch-dog, you see."
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
They've spawning appointments to keep.
But they soon get their fill
Of swimming uphill.
(We all know Dill Waters run steep.)
--- Ericka
Lacks even the teensiest clue,
As to why his peers shirk
His friendship at work:
He just keeps on asking, "What's gnu?"
--- Norm Storer P0007
Her patience, it seems, wearing thin,
"For dinner you're late,
It is cold on your plate.
Tell me, where in the flock have YOU been?"
--- Albin Chaplin
Tells tales all day without end.
He's never sure
We've heard them before,
So he tells them again and again.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Involved going to a bar to make money.
He bet everyone there
Though he looked old, he'd swear
He's a Minor, yet still gets served rum-my.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And drink it down quick as a wink.
Then say to the waitress,
"Excuse me miss.
Am I a Minor, do you think?"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
She looked and then laughed merrily.
"You're old enough to drink
You funny old dink,
But your name is Dave Minor, I see."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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