A cocky young man from Toledo
Was embarrassed by his lengthy torpedo.
Gym shorts -- implausible!
Biker's -- impossible!
And don't even mention a speedo!
--- Stiffy Joe

Some swim suits are quite a disgrace.
One can hardly remember a face.
Nearly everything's bare;
(As much as they dare)
And imagining's quite commonplace.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

Sixteen, in bikini, behold her!
She posed for her mother, who told her,
"You look very cute,
But if I'd worn that suit
At your age, you'd be five years older."
--- Jerry Nordal P0410

For swimwear, I live by this credo:
I'll not wear a thong or a speedo.
Because if girls saw me,
They'd all want to paw me;
I don't want to make them stampedo!
--- Travis Brasell

There was a young girl in Havana
Who wore only a yellow bandana.
It would just barely hide
Either breasts or backside,
So she looked like a half peeled banana.
--- Lims For The EruditeP0205

A bird-watcher down on Par Sands
Was confused and could not understand,
How the birds he was spottin'
Could get such a lot in
A bathing suit made of two strands!
--- Cornish Times contest '97

Her wee NATATORIAL suit
Was noticed by male friend astute;
It barely covered
The spots that he'd lovered
And left him with yearnings acute.
--- Chris Papa

I look forward to summer; It's grand!
With the ocean, the sun and the sand,
And toothsome young lasses
With nearly bare asses;
I bet that I get some, off hand.
--- John Miller 0254

Campbellford's know for its river.
"The" restaurant serves only liver.
But boy, are they sweet,
The girls that you meet;
Those tiny red thongs make me quiver.
--- Dudesdead

A girl on the beach with face sweet;
I watch as she makes her retreat.
When viewed from the rear,
It's perfectly clear
That thongs should be on a girl's feet.
--- Ron Sartain

There once was a man from Toledo,
Who came to the beach in tuxedo.
He got on the sand,
Then stripped it off and
Realized that he'd left off his speedo.
--- Jon Gearhart

As the World Monarch, one of my creedos
In Ohio, Spain, both Toledos,
"Obese men are shot dead
With one round in the head
For appearing in public in Speedos."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9808

There was a young girl called Elyse;
On the beach always wore a one-piece.
With a figure like hers,
She drew whistles and purrs,
And brought many young men to their knees.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

I once wore my jock to the beach
(With nowt but my boots -- foot in each,)
Where, at a convention
For 'Hanging Prevention,'
I gave a long, helluva speech.
--- Anon

At fashionable beach resort, LIDO,
It seems to be gigolo credo
To convince each Miss
Of what she would miss,
If he's not soon out of his Speedo.
--- Daniel Ford

A dashing young lady named Hood
Wore a bathing suit made out of wood;
But the sun was too hot
It burnt the darn lot,
I was there, jolly good, jolly good!
--- Benny Hill

She was a beauty -- and photogenic,
To men she was pyrogenic.
When out on a shoot
For a new bathing suit,
She was an attraction most scenic.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Arnie strolled on the beach near the bay,
Enthralled by nature's display.
Blue water, white sand,
On the beautiful strand,
And the practically bare T and A.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0411

There once was a guy from Toledo
Who strained as he put on his speedo.
He finally suceeded,
But later conceded,
"The damn thing, it kills my libido!"
--- Anon

Damn Speedos turn certain parts bluish,
Especially if tight and quite newish.
To make things worse yet,
Once they are all wet,
The white ones will show if you're Jewish.
--- Frank Fazed a

I really don't like public pools
With perving against all the rules.
For every hot lass,
Five blokes will walk past,
With speedos shrink-wrapping their jewels.
--- Loz

As for my part, Heaven just knows
I love seeing guys in Speedos.
Wouldn't mind indulging
In what ever is bulging,
Delighting in whatever grows.
--- Ardens

I just love the surf and the sun;
The beach offers all kinds of fun.
And guys wearing Speedos
Improve our libidos --
Summer's hot, in more ways than one!
--- Kaylin Brandon

She lay prone in the tropical sun;
Her green bathing suit covered one bun.
When the other turned red,
The wry lady said,
"Call me traffic light butt, just for fun."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508

Her shorts were a string with protection,
Her halter escaped my detection,
And she thought it cute
That so small a suit
Should give rise to so huge an erection.
--- Laurence Perrine P8303

Poor Alice hadn't a thing
To wear to the beach in the spring.
She went in and swam
Wearing only a yam,
And two Dixie cups and a string.
--- Anon

Flamingoes, storks, hooded cranes, each,
Has elegant vertical reach.
But none has the beauty
Of a swimsuit-clad cutie,
The long-legged bird on the beach.
--- Tiddy Ogg

The top of bikini is teeny;
Far more modest is the TANKINI.
My advice on this matter
Is to wear the latter,
If your bust looks like a pair of blini. (Russian pancakes)
--- Norm Brust

A voluptuous young chick from Umhlanga
Went down to the beach in a thong-a.
She emerged from the waves
To whistles and raves --
Her thonga was upon her no longer.
--- Gill Parker

I confess I did ogle the maids
And eventually removed my shades
When I saw their beachwear
Designed by Claude Pierre
Was three Band-Aids in soft pastel shades.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9703

That modest young lady, Yvette,
Is the belle of the sunbathing set;
And her suit has been made--
So her charms are displayed--
Of three beads and a square foot of net.
--- Prob Henry Miller P9701

Beautiful Julie McFeeney
Hit the beach in a skinny bikini.
It was terribly small,
Almost nothing at all,
And it just barely hid his small weenie.
--- MrMalo

On the beach, a young girl of New York,
Wore a swim suit that made mens' necks torque.
Though to call it a suit
Is a point that is moot,
Being just two Band Aids and a cork.
--- Don Moore P9703a

This is file wzm

In a bikini from old Martinique,
At the beach she looked really chic.
But after her swim,
It was hard to be prim
'Cause her suit had lost it's mystique.
--- Anon

There she swam in the sea of monsoons,
Being laughed and applauded by goons,
For the tides threw a twist
On the waters they kissed,
And the earth had acquired two moons.
--- Anon

I sit at the bathing suit shop,
Where the suits are a hundred a pop.
They look really nice.
I'd go for the price,
But they want sixty more for the top.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0505

I'm outside the store called Wet Seal
The signs say they give a good deal.
Busty models they show,
But how's one to know,
If the signs or the bosoms are real
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0505

My local says there's nothing wrong
With barwomen wearing a thong,
Though they would look cute
Inside a swimsuit,
The beer wouldn't taste quite so strong
--- Anon

Susie loves sunny days at the seaside,
Where her clothing's a touch on the wee side.
And a short clinging frock
Needs no key to unlock,
All the eyes on the guys on the quayside.
--- Val Burns P0608

The guys all beware of romance
With a young secretary named Nance.
They're afraid her Bikini
Will sizzle their weenie,
'Cause she's said to have very hot pants.
--- Pierce Evans

There was a young lady named Jeanie
Who wore an outrageous bikini;
Two wisps light as air,
One her and one there,
With nothing but Jeanie betweenie.
--- Ogden Nash P9404

If mom wore, at 16, a bikini,
Then at 17 she'd have had a bambini
Who'd now be 21.
And mom, full of fun,
Must be twenty-one plus seventeeny.
--- Arthur Deex P0410

Bikinis bestow, at their best
Additional shape to the chest.
But sometimes they hide
So little divide,
Their wearer's at risk of arrest.
--- Nick

Of swimming things NATATORIAL,
That bikini is not too sartorial.
Fabric skimpingly
Suits me swimmingly,
From my perch, a limb arboreal.
--- Daniel Ford

A lady named Renee McFeeny
Bought, at a sale, a bikini.
But immersed in the sea,
It shrunk ever so wee,
And revealed what it shouldn't of Renee.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

As they lay in the sun at Chennini,
He said, "Surely a garment so teeny
And foreign to Venus
Should not come between us?
So why not remove your bikini?"
--- Harold C Bibby P9

The chief delectation of summer
Is that clothing becomes minimummer
And my wife's derriere
Is bikinied or bare;
Tights ensphering her rear don't become her.
--- Don Barnard

She lies on the slab sans bikini;
Not even her clogs or a beanie.
Where I'll give the old hag
Just one final shag,
While I picture her granddaughter, Jeannie.
--- John Miller

That ancient hag in her bikini
Droops down like well-cooked fettucini.
Were we to entwine,
I'd need more than wine;
"Hey waiter, a double martini!"
--- Randog

Beneath her black shirt, a bikini
Is worn by a girl from Orsini.
Because she's a fasc-
Ist, when her pink gash
Is filled, she cries, "Oh Mussolini!"
--- Randog

On beaches, I ogle the string
Bikinis, while loving the swing
Of boobies and buns.
But the best are the ones
That allow me to see the hole thing.
--- Hugh Clary

A bonny young girl name of Heather
Wears tiny bikinis of leather;
In fact she wears barely
Naught else and then rarely
The top and the nether together.
--- Anon

I will start with a delicate cough,
And then a polite little scoff.
'Cause in waves one day
As I was swam away,
My bikini just fell right off!
--- Anon

On the beach I confess stupefaction
At watching bikinis in action,
And I cannot be told
By the young or the old,
That the ocean's the major attraction.
--- Limber Limericks

A financial expert named Klein
Seeks out certain cute girls by design.
Each girl in a bikini,
Is where he plants his weenie.
He was trained to watch the bottom line.
--- Tom Patton P0408

A sheeny young Genie named Sweeney
Once invented a magic bikini
For seduction, I'm told,
But the idea was old,
First thought of by Harry Houdini.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

That opera diva's bikini
Burst open while she sang Puccini.
The big breath she took
Sheared off the top hook,
And out spilled the breasts of this queenie.
--- Randog

That soccer mom in her bikini
Is aged to perfection. This Jeannie
When out of the bottle,
With hands on my throttle,
Brings thrills that out-do Lamborghini.
--- Randog

Just look at that girl's red bikini!
Her waist is so perfect and teenie.
I love how it sits
On her hipses and tits.
All I need now's a dry gin martini.
--- Anon

Among the social indiscreets:
Bikini's holding just half the teats.
And wisps of hair
From the bottom-wear,
And threadbare where the cheek/cheek meets.
--- Irving Superior P9804

Your stylist is just an old meanie
For shaping your locks like a 'beanie'.
But when you go swim,
Your cute little quim
Will flatter your teeny bikini.
--- Travis Brasell

Until last year I loved my linguini,
More that fitting into my bikini.
Diet's caused a decrease;
Now I wear a two piece;
True bikinis are too teeny-weeny.
--- Jenni Saqua

She barely holds up her bikini;
Her breasts and her hips are too teeny.
But soon she'll inflate;
I'll watch and I'll wait
Till she's ready for roasting my weenie.
--- John Miller

When Janet took off her bikini,
I saw that her titties were teeny.
But still I inflated
When she blithely stated,
"Come wield your baton, Toscanini!"
--- Randog

That college gal in her bikini
Prompts growth to my pocket zucchini.
Her curves so bewitching
Cause plenty of twitching,
Then coax hot wads from my stiff weenie.
--- Randog

My anorak was Idid Amin's;
My corset was H.M. the Queen's.
My large wonderbra
Once belonged to the Shah,
And these are Bill Clinton's jeans.
--- Bill Wall

There once was a man from France
Who liked to take off his pants.
He pulled down his shorts
And showed all his warts,
And that's when we saw all the ants.
--- Lims For Year - 01