For boxers are loose and they show
Quite a bulge in my pants when I grow;
And those thongs, I suppose,
Are for posing one's hose
And leave zero protection below.
--- Peter Wilkins

No matter what you start to wear,
When I catch you, your ass will be bare;
And so will your pole
Once you and I roll
In the hay, on the floor, everywhere!
--- Ardens

Those briefs would be best if you doff,
Before we begin to boff
Over here, over there,
Bent over the back stair,
Until it goes finally soft.
--- Arden

A Frenchman by name of Pierre
Had a bulge in his underwear.
His girl said, "What's this?"
He replied, "You mean dis?
I sink eet is called Debonair!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A strapping young man from Connecticut
Got a lesson in sexual etiquette:
It's not titillating
While you are X-rating,
To be nipping away at a petticut.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a professor from Yale,
Who searched for a fresh piece of tail.
He found in his class, (classes,)
A young piece of ass; (Both girl and boy asses,)
Now he's spending his spare time in jail.
--- G1082A

They persist without ands, ifs or buts,
For with tenure they stay in their ruts.
At their best they're inane;
Nonetheless they remain.
They're known as academia nuts.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0012

A classical Master of Arts,
Told his wife he was still keen on tarts.
Said she, "That's just dandy,
To think you're still randy.
You still know your principal parts."
--- Anon

"American History X"
Blurs a great issue complex;
It lacks the tight focus
On racism's locus,
Its origin, cause and effects.
--- Acetous

They argued all night in the dorm
The importance of content and form.
Art cried, "Art is formal!"
Dick replied, "You're abnormal!
Any whole will content if it's warm."
--- Larry Payne P8311

Beaver College, in the suburbs of Philly,
Found recruitment a battle uphilly.
Its name, inter alia,
Means girls genetalia
And on diplomas, it sure did look silly.
--- Dr Limerick 11-20-00

The King's School in millions will score
While Gov'ment schools are quite sore.
How dare they all cry
With throats that are dry,
And like Oliver ask for some more.
--- Archie

Despite all of Trinities cries,
There's nothing new under the skies;
For boys will be boys.
They had the same ploys
In Golding's "Lord of the Flies".
--- Archie

I once scored some Government "lolly"
Quite wrongly, I found out, by golly.
I'm now called a thief
Unlike Peter Reith.
Oh God, I wish I was a pollie!
--- Archie

The stocks of Pete Reith are now low;
It seems he may soon have to go.
But who pulls the strings?
Is he in the wings?
Has another Pete had a low blow?
--- Archie

The professor was all dressed in blue,
And out looking for someone to screw.
But a lady in red,
Gave him such good head,
That he came so unscrewed, now he's through.
--- Anon

An engineer from MIT
Found he could not complete his degree.
"If I can't integrate,
Then I can't graduate.
My advisor will never agree!"
--- Jane Swanson

Said boarding school principal Fife,
"My kids have the time of their life;
Our program's sensational,
All coeducational,
Though sex in the classroom is rife."
--- Armand E Singer 631

If false credentials are part of your game,
Do not seek work at Notre Dame.
They're sniffy and snooty
About their sacred duty,
To hold the coach solely to blame.
--- Dr Limerick 12-14-01

We sit here again in Committee
Discussing our nitty and gritty,
In terms consequential,
All quite fundamental,
Delightfully itty and bitty.
--- Harold E Hoelscher P8907

My Grandmother fought for the vote,
Then my Mother bought gin off the boat.
Today, my dear Wife,
Says I've ruined her life,
And my Daughter's applying to Choate.
--- Anon

Congrats! You have dropped out of school!
And you think that it's totally cool!
Well, in years yet to come,
You will know it was dumb,
But enjoy all the freedom, you fool!
--- Cap'n Bean P0508

A professor of English at Pitt
Has a D. that's preceded by Litt.,
His wife is A.B.,
M.A., and M.D.,
And their son was D.D., but he quit.
--- Lims Unlimited

Now your through with scholastic endeavors...
To a new life as the old one severs.
It's never too late
To start fresh at the gate,
Though it took you two fucking-forevers!
--- MrMalo

When you graduate, we'll make a fuss.
Your persistance rates an A+.
Though you waited till later
To be a graduator,
As the saying goes, "Gaudeamus!"
--- Irish

If yours is the singular dream
To question the things that don't seem
So well understood,
Just pull on your hood,
And head for the fair Academe.
--- Rory Ewins

Beer barrels, babes, brownies, balloons:
I welcomed them all in platoons,
To the dorm where I bunked--
It's no wonder I flunked,
Or that now it's a place Dad impugns.

--- Norm Storer P9603

"Universities," said Dr. Link,
"Are one thing, but clearly, I think
You can say that a college
Is a fountain of knowledge,
Where young people gather to drink."
--- A N Wilkins P8311

A young Newfie lad from Argentia
Had mail-order-college dementia
As he told it to me,
He got his degree
And a dose of the clap, in absentia.
--- John E Mayhood P0800

The professor was fucking Miss Claire,
On the floor, on the bed, on the chair.
Though he graded her poor,
He admitted for sure,
The potential for learning was there.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2948

Now at college, a girl just can't win,
What with studies and sex and bad gin.
And it's just the last straw,
When the Dean says, "Withdraw!"
When it's him that's been sticking it in.
--- Anon A

As an L. S. E. graduate said,
"As a student, of course, I was red;
But now I'm with Shell
Let the proles go to hell!
My pension is safe till I'm dead."

(L. S. E. - London School of Economics)
--- Paul Jennings A

There was a young student of Queens,
Who haunted the public latrines.
He was heard in the john,
Saying, "Bring me a don,
But spare me those dreary old Deans."
--- G1033

This is file wxm

A lawyer at Trinity Hall
Said, "At the Old Bailey, recall,
The Code Napoleonic
Is thought quite moronic;
And yet it's respected in Gaul."

(Trinity Hall of Cambridge)
--- Harold C Bibby A

An architect, planning at Downing,
Said to the surveyor, "The crowning
Conceit of my brain
Has gone down the drain;
And all but the lawyers are frowning."

(Downing College of Cambridge)
--- Harold C Bibby

Love of college and deep love of class,
Dartmouth times, from our hearts never pass;
Memories each of us keep,
In our dreams as we sleep,
Moved to weep by our youth's hourglass.
--- Joel Ash P0607

I'm sitting here in history class,
Sitting next to my favorite lass.
The Profs an old goat,
But she's taking notes.
She, unlike me, has to pass.
--- Anon

When Socrates under a tree
Taught Athens his philosophy,
His texts were unedited,
His school unaccredited,
And he hadn't a higher degree.
--- Laurence Perrine P8311

An engineering student from Cheshire,
Found college life under pressure,
When social events
Became so intense,
There was hardly time for leisure.
--- Pooh Rogerson

A disconsolate coed, Miss Berm,
Her failure in math did confirm.
She had plans for an "A"--
Fuck the prof every day--
But the prof could not finish the term.
--- Albin Chaplin P9603A

Leered the dean to the coed, "My dear,
I'm intrigued by your boobs and your rear!
When I've got you in bed,
I expect you to spread--
We've an open admissions rule here."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

At Wellesley, Vassar, and Smith,
A common and recurring myth,
That a masculine member,
Helps students remember,
Was found without substance or pith.
--- Anon A

A scholarly maid from Fort Lee
Has a Ph. in front of her D.,
Her husband is blessed
With a key on his vest
And an L.L. in front of his B.
--- Lims Unlimited

A scholarly life has its feats,
Its virtues, its triumphs and treats.
One may work over pages
For ages and ages
And still play at night between sheets.
--- Larry Payne P8311

A youth who afflicts Essex Fells
Can yell University yells,
From Abilene's Hail
To the Frog-Call of Yale;
He also puts poison in wells.
--- Morris Bishop P8804

A diploma from Princeton's a crutch,
A degree which will pass in a clutch.
For you most always can
Tell a Princeton man.
You can, but you can't tell him much.
--- Stu Lucas P9603

A psychology examination
Was in need of some elucidation.
The questions were curious,
The students were furious
With themselves, for their procrastination.
--- Mikhail Lyubansky

Time has flown since our class graduated;
Many days, many ways celebrated;
Drinking, ill-fated sex,
Yearnings still rated X,
Expurgated soirees whence we dated.
--- Joel Ash P0607

The department is run by committee,
And I say it's all quite a pity.
Like canvassing the vote
In a land quite remote,
When the election is held in the city.
--- Terrance Boult

A zoology major named Pease,
Begged her prof for a couple of B's.
He toyed with her C,
Then showed her his D,
She was finally bedded with E's.
--- Anon

A cute little coed named Jean
Evoked the dismay of the dean,
By flooding the college
With intimate knowledge
Of subjects perverse and obscene.
--- Robert Thompson G0624

The college athletes are all Brothers --
They refer to each other as Mothers.
When they're not recruiting,
They're sure to be shooting
Baskets, cocaine, or each other.
--- Arthur Deex P8607a

In the second full week of semester,
MLK Day's a mutual rester. (Martin Luther King day)
'Cause a student who's off
Cannot pester a prof,
And a prof has no students to pester!
--- Prof M-G TP9901

A porter of Gonville and Caius
Said, "No lady visitors, please!
For I fear they would hear
What's not fit for their ear--
These medics swear worse that bargees."

(Gonville and Caius College of Cambridge)
--- Harold C Bibby

A factor that frequently wrecks
Careers academic is sex.
A poor first degree
Means no PhD;
Take care as you share RediBrex.

(assume it is breakfast food)
--- Nick

"The co-eds are soon back at school,"
Said the senior, beginning to drool.
"There'll be tail by the bale
For every young male,"
He thought while massaging his tool.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209

A young coquette, courting in Cat's
Proceeding beyond friendly pats,
Said, "You'll find that my breasts
Are beneath tatted vests.
Pray take out my teats from my tat(t)s."

(St Catharine's College of Cambridge commonly call Cat's)
--- Harold C Bibby

College students complain of frustration
When professors without inspiration
And not overly bright
Assign thenm to write,
"What I Did on My God Damn Vacation."
--- A N Wilkins P8709

"I did not," said a frosh from Moline,
"Call the business school head a sardine
At the rally. Instead
What I actually said
To my buddy was, 'Look! That's our dean!'"
--- A N Wilkins P8311

The graduate students of Drexel
Are certainly going to excel.
If there's no engineering,
There'll be sweet-ing and dear-ing
If science won't do it, then sex'll.
--- Isaac Asimov

A doctorate-hunter at Darwin
Wrote a thesis: 'Did Persia's Great Shah win
The fight at Ras Khaim,
Or, as some scholars claim,
Did the Sultan of Old Zanzibar win?"

(Darwin College of Cambridge)
--- Harold C Bibby

The which's, the why's and some that's,
Yes-buts with a tit for all tats,
Are dominant themes
In participant schemes
Intellectually straining at gnats.
--- Harold E Hoelscher P8907

Decades of drinking stale ale,
And my organs have started to fail.
But now I'm elated,
My body's donated,
And soon I'll be going to Yale.
--- Anon

Mispronouncing's a sure thing to bore us,
So let's shout it out, all in a chorus:
Please don't talk like a twit
When you chat re: your clit --
It's not clit-orris, girls, it's cli-TOR-iss.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8311

And, when that news has risen to greet us,
Newt, you'd speak of the conjugal feat; hus-
tle off to your OED
And you'll find that it's said
Not as koi-tus, my dears, but ko-e-tus.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8311

A coed from U. South Dakota,
Collected a clutch of male scrota.
The hairy old hide,
She opened and dried,
And the contents she used for pelota.
--- G2511

The girls who attend BYU, (Frigham Young University, Utah)
Would not know what to make of you!
Too manly, by half,
Now please do not laugh;
There man-eating cougars starve -- True!

(there, men are men and half the women are too!)
--- Marty