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I'm displeased when my son's school marks sag. A masterful Master of Magdalene (Magdalene College of Cambridge)
I've been far away, 'hitting' the books. There was a young man at Cornell A student in Psych 102 There was a young student O'Doul, A cox to his tutor at Jesus (Jesus College of Cambridge)
A medical student named Elias, A daredevil student named Drake, After flunking out twice with a D, There once was a test that I took The Lone Star State has first rate rootin'. A latinist, guild Corpus Christi, (Corpus Christi College of Cambridge)
Joe is whiz-bang at quantum mechanics, Today's college students? Forsooth! A young choral scholar at King's (King's College of Cambridge)
Of the hacking that'd ever been done, A classical student named Dewey, (thrasonical - bragging, boastful)
I'm the sort that a genius just begs An oversexed Scholar of Sidney, (Sidney Sussex College of Cambridge)
In hacks it is always implicit College majors these kids often double; There was a young student named Jones, A scholarly man from Fort Lee An erudite fellow named Totten A certain young freshman named Zeke A student who goes to Purdue A graduate student named Zac At the Hah-vard elite BusAd School, The Newbies on campus matriculate A virile young collegiate of Anza A rather poor student named Gowdy, There was a youngish student named Troy; At the Pan-Hell Olympics last week, A degree reveals much of its keeper: Pessimistic but brilliant young Drassis, A horny young fellow named Tuck, In Tulsa, a prior bed-wetter The tri-Delts are under a cloud. I opted for Freud 101. A prominent A&M teacher A Natural Science Professor There is a professor named Martin, To a college professor named Coe A sciolist teacher named Pete (pretender to
learning) There was a professor of Brooley, (eidoz - something intuited - Websters III you suck - McW)
There was a poor pliant Prof. An assistant professor named Ddodd, On sabbatical, English Prof Blending Bela, I really did try Here I sit like a taciturn clam; A brainy professor named Ned, A professor who hailed from Podunk, There was a young fellow named Guesser At Oxford Lord Sillery Smart The professor talked much about rhodium The professor was out near Pike's peak, A professor named Alistair Quett Our Department they say is the best -- Our German prof, Doktor von Struss, The math prof, notes Polya with glee, A learned professor from Fife A clever professor of Blean Said an English professor named Ringo, "This year," said an old dean named Snow, When they fired a professor named Glass
Though he's not quite drug free, I still brag.
So what, he sells pot?
He does not sell a lot,
And he never has once burned the flag.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9508
Sent down a promiscuous lordling.
He said, "Lord Lewdd Keeps
In the same set as Pepys--
That's no place for keeping a bordel in."
--- Harold C Bibby
My advisor said, "My boy, it looks
Like your oral's subverted,
Your grammar's perverted,
But then sir, I may be mistooks."
--- Eric Hinds
Who had a deep sinking spell.
When he saw his grades,
He said: "I'm in Hades;
I've died and gone straight to hell".
--- William K Alsop Jr
Could not decide just what to do.
Answer C seemed the best
For each question on the test,
In which A was false and B was true.
--- Mikhail Lyubansky
Who decided that he would quit school.
When he was asked why,
He looked up in the sky,
And said: "I guess I am just a damn fool!"
--- William K Alsop Jr
Said, "Sir, from all reading release us;
If to books I keep going,
I lose time from rowing,
And that, Sir, would greatly displease us."
--- Harold C Bibby
Who woke as Professor Zacharias
Announced as his treatise:
"I think diabetes --"
Yelled "Beat us? They can't even tie us!"
--- Anon
Took his pals on a trip to the lake.
But he fractured his leg
Jumping off of a keg;
Now he knows why they call it spring break.
--- Robbabe
A student of meteorology
Threw in the towel
And hari kari'd his bowel,
On the dome, Building 10, MIT.
--- Arthur Deex
With the help of a hidden test book.
Veiled under a sneeze,
Which I can fake with ease,
When needed I'd take a quick look.
--- Phil T
I hope that you won't be disputin'
That wood grows much stronger
And holds up much longer,
When Aggies some cow-poon are lootin'.
--- Randog Q
Of post-roman manners naught wist he --
For symposial sport
He swigged down the port,
And in the decanter then pissed he.
--- Harold C Bibby
Astrophysics and compound organics;
Higher math doesn't throw him,
But with women, I just show him
A hot little number -- he panics.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8506
I fear that not all are quite couth;
Although they will fight
If one says, "Might makes right,"
Are they sure that "Youth always makes truth?"
--- Norm Storer
Looked just like a cherub, sans wings;
But he had a proclivity
For amorous activity
And other un-angelic things.
--- Harold C Bibby
When Tech nerds wait to have fun,
The one that's most nifty,
Was the ballon on the fifty,
Harvard-Yale 0, MIT 1.
--- Feith
Whose Latin and habits were screwy,
Addressed to his bag
This Thrasonical brag:
'Ego multas puellas futui.'
--- G2315
When his brain power has run out of legs.
I store endless knowledge
From my new City College;
Does your granny know how to suck eggs?
--- Doug Harris P0507
Subsisted on sweetbreads and kidney.
He gained first position
In Carnal Coition;
He had the right diet, though, didney?
--- Harold C Bibby
The deed may be slightly illicit.
If intrusion is bearable,
And the damage repairable,
The Newspapers surely will bless it.
--- Tim Maloney
With joie de vivre many will bubble.
Even boozing and screwing,
They know what they're doing;
Get diplomas without too much trouble.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209
Who'd reduce any maiden to moans,
With his wonderful knowledge
Acquired in college,
Of nineteen erogenous zones.
--- Anon G0100
Descended headfirst from a tree;
He appeared to be dull
As he shattered his skull,
But out came a Litt. D. degree.
--- Limber Limericks
Was a summa cum laude at Groton;
When asked what he'd learned,
He said, "I've discerned
That most women like to be gotten."
--- Lims Unlimited
Was scrawny and slight of physique.
Yet Co-eds went wild
Whenever he smiled;
Such was his romantic technique.
--- Nick D Kim
Got shit-faced and went out to screw.
He fucked the majority
Of a sorority
And got the old housemother, too.
--- David Miller
Was said to be great in the sack.
One inch of his boner
Put girls in a coma,
And two gave them epiliptic attacks.
--- P8708
Eager grads look around, and they drool;
Old grads go meet Bubba;
Young lads shout: "Boy! Hubba!
New room's at the trough; man, that's cool!"
--- Anon
In hopes of finding, they calculate,
A sweet little cookie
Who'll share some nooky,
As through the bushes they perambulate.
--- Daniel Ford
Stumbled on to a real love bonanza...
A sorority house
Made him weak as a mouse
In a wild, week-end sextravaganza!
--- Grand Prix Lim 319
At heart is salaciously rowdy.
Though he never gets A's,
His magnificent lays
Make his dates rate him magna cum laude!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
At college he was a playboy.
His results at term end
Lost him many a friend;
He changed from a wild one to choirboy.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q
This is file wum
The second prize went to a Deke.
Amid mounting applause,
From the third-place Psi Taus,
He laid eighteen girls cheek to cheek.
--- John Ciardi
BS is a real Bull Shit heaper,
MS on the name
Means More of the Same;
PhD is Piled Higher and Deeper.
--- Jerry Nordal P0112
On a scholarship, took Oxford classes.
And since he's been through,
He now seems to view
The world through Rhodes-Scholared glasses.
--- Martin B Smith P8308
With a coed was really in luck,
By the end of the day,
Tuck had gotten his way,
For she ironed his shirts for a buck.
--- Anon
Grew up to be a big debtor.
He gambled in college,
And friends all acknowledge
His fame as "The Sooner, The Better".
--- Macsam
When their housemother, Mrs. Van Dowd,
Either quit or retired,
They seem to have hired,
A stripteaser--which isn't allowed.
--- John Ciardi
This class MASTURBATING was fun.
But due to the froth,
With ladders and cloth,
We cleaned off the ceiling when done.
--- Irving Superior
Was arrested for striking a preacher.
The preacher accused
That a co-ed was used,
In the gym, on a rickety bleacher.
--- Anon
Confessed that he was a cross dresser:
"Oh! it's 'au naturale'
To dress up like a gal --
I come naturally by it, oh, yessir!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8503
From whom I'm about to be partin',
And on my way out,
He may hear me shout,
In your face I'd sure like to fart in."
--- L0721
It seemed in a dream much as though
He was lecturing then
To his students, and when
He awoke it was actually so.
--- A N Wilkins P8311
Taught sophisms, with lots of heat.
His students all passed,
But their knowledge, half-assed,
Made getting through life quite a feat!
--- Sam Shaffe P8806
Who said mind was matter or nearly.
This contempt for the eidoz,
Though common in Cnidos,
Disturbed the New Forest unduly.
--- C E M Joad
Who faced with a student trangr.,
Sank down on his knees
And begged, "If you please,
Treat me as your cruel oppr."
--- Harold C Bibby
Had manners arresting and odd.
He said, "If you please,
Spell my name with four 'D's",
Though one was sufficient for God.
--- Anon
Worked at his grammer text long pending.
With a deadline to meet
It remained incomplete,
Since it lacked an adverbial ending.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0501
To understand how, what, and why.
But I'd concentrate more
On your modeling lore,
If only you'd do up your fly.
--- Anon
I am bored by this doctoral exam.
While this stuff may be true
And quite possibly new,
Frankly, I don't give a damn.
--- Harold E Hoelscher P8907
Dreamed one night of a buxom coed.
He grabbed her and sucked her,
And scuttlebut fucked her,
But the action was all in his head.
--- G2172
And was rather too frequently drunk,
Said, "Sometimes I think
That I can parse pink:
Let me see, it is pink, pank, and punk."
--- Anon
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
He finally, one day
When it vanished away,
He became a mathematics professor.
--- Desmond MacHale
Was considered to be an old fart.
He was primly precise,
While condemning all vice,
And would faint if approached by a tart.
--- Warrick Elrod
And then he expounded on sodium.
His arms he did flail
Until he turned pale,
And then he fell off of the podium.
--- Al Willis
And stood up in a large crowd to speak;
Got a tear in his eye,
When he noticed his fly,
Had been opened since he last took a leak.
--- Anon
Said, "Three things I always forget.
There's all my friends names;
And the times of my trains,
And the third one I can't recall yet."
--- Anon
We pass every A.C.E. test. (American Civil Engineer?)
There ain't none of us lazy;
We publish like crazy --
So how come I'm getting depressed?
--- P Chernoff
Is not one to play fast and loose,
But at faculty do's,
Having sampled the booze,
He's been known to try a sly goose.
--- John Ciardi
Says A but then clearly writes B.
What's worse, he or she
Meant neither -- but C.
(All the time the correct term is D.)
--- Michael Weinstein P8506
Lived in a dream all his life.
As a matter of course,
He kissed his old horse,
Then went out and he saddled his wife.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Designed his own washing machine.
It gurgled and rumbled
And bubbled and tumbled,
But it never got anything clean.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
"I prefer mindless evenings of Bingo;
I correct student papers,
Sneer at British lit. shapers,
And I don't understand Joyce's lingo."
--- Armand E Singer intro A
"The faculty seems rather slow
To laugh at my wit,
But I don't care a bit.
My jokes all have tenure, you know."
--- A N Wilkins P8311
Who taught Latin. The top college brass
Said they couldn't deny
That he was a nice guy,
But he just didn't have any class.
--- A N Wilkins P8311
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