I'm displeased when my son's school marks sag.
Though he's not quite drug free, I still brag.
So what, he sells pot?
He does not sell a lot,
And he never has once burned the flag.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9508

A masterful Master of Magdalene
Sent down a promiscuous lordling.
He said, "Lord Lewdd Keeps
In the same set as Pepys--
That's no place for keeping a bordel in."

(Magdalene College of Cambridge)
--- Harold C Bibby

I've been far away, 'hitting' the books.
My advisor said, "My boy, it looks
Like your oral's subverted,
Your grammar's perverted,
But then sir, I may be mistooks."
--- Eric Hinds

There was a young man at Cornell
Who had a deep sinking spell.
When he saw his grades,
He said: "I'm in Hades;
I've died and gone straight to hell".
--- William K Alsop Jr

A student in Psych 102
Could not decide just what to do.
Answer C seemed the best
For each question on the test,
In which A was false and B was true.
--- Mikhail Lyubansky

There was a young student O'Doul,
Who decided that he would quit school.
When he was asked why,
He looked up in the sky,
And said: "I guess I am just a damn fool!"
--- William K Alsop Jr

A cox to his tutor at Jesus
Said, "Sir, from all reading release us;
If to books I keep going,
I lose time from rowing,
And that, Sir, would greatly displease us."

(Jesus College of Cambridge)
--- Harold C Bibby

A medical student named Elias,
Who woke as Professor Zacharias
Announced as his treatise:
"I think diabetes --"
Yelled "Beat us? They can't even tie us!"
--- Anon

A daredevil student named Drake,
Took his pals on a trip to the lake.
But he fractured his leg
Jumping off of a keg;
Now he knows why they call it spring break.
--- Robbabe

After flunking out twice with a D,
A student of meteorology
Threw in the towel
And hari kari'd his bowel,
On the dome, Building 10, MIT.
--- Arthur Deex

There once was a test that I took
With the help of a hidden test book.
Veiled under a sneeze,
Which I can fake with ease,
When needed I'd take a quick look.
--- Phil T

The Lone Star State has first rate rootin'.
I hope that you won't be disputin'
That wood grows much stronger
And holds up much longer,
When Aggies some cow-poon are lootin'.
--- Randog Q

A latinist, guild Corpus Christi,
Of post-roman manners naught wist he --
For symposial sport
He swigged down the port,
And in the decanter then pissed he.

(Corpus Christi College of Cambridge)
--- Harold C Bibby

Joe is whiz-bang at quantum mechanics,
Astrophysics and compound organics;
Higher math doesn't throw him,
But with women, I just show him
A hot little number -- he panics.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8506

Today's college students? Forsooth!
I fear that not all are quite couth;
Although they will fight
If one says, "Might makes right,"
Are they sure that "Youth always makes truth?"
--- Norm Storer

A young choral scholar at King's
Looked just like a cherub, sans wings;
But he had a proclivity
For amorous activity
And other un-angelic things.

(King's College of Cambridge)
--- Harold C Bibby

Of the hacking that'd ever been done,
When Tech nerds wait to have fun,
The one that's most nifty,
Was the ballon on the fifty,
Harvard-Yale 0, MIT 1.
--- Feith

A classical student named Dewey,
Whose Latin and habits were screwy,
Addressed to his bag
This Thrasonical brag:
'Ego multas puellas futui.'

(thrasonical - bragging, boastful)
--- G2315

I'm the sort that a genius just begs
When his brain power has run out of legs.
I store endless knowledge
From my new City College;
Does your granny know how to suck eggs?
--- Doug Harris P0507

An oversexed Scholar of Sidney,
Subsisted on sweetbreads and kidney.
He gained first position
In Carnal Coition;
He had the right diet, though, didney?

(Sidney Sussex College of Cambridge)
--- Harold C Bibby

In hacks it is always implicit
The deed may be slightly illicit.
If intrusion is bearable,
And the damage repairable,
The Newspapers surely will bless it.
--- Tim Maloney

College majors these kids often double;
With joie de vivre many will bubble.
Even boozing and screwing,
They know what they're doing;
Get diplomas without too much trouble.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209

There was a young student named Jones,
Who'd reduce any maiden to moans,
With his wonderful knowledge
Acquired in college,
Of nineteen erogenous zones.
--- Anon G0100

A scholarly man from Fort Lee
Descended headfirst from a tree;
He appeared to be dull
As he shattered his skull,
But out came a Litt. D. degree.
--- Limber Limericks

An erudite fellow named Totten
Was a summa cum laude at Groton;
When asked what he'd learned,
He said, "I've discerned
That most women like to be gotten."
--- Lims Unlimited

A certain young freshman named Zeke
Was scrawny and slight of physique.
Yet Co-eds went wild
Whenever he smiled;
Such was his romantic technique.
--- Nick D Kim

A student who goes to Purdue
Got shit-faced and went out to screw.
He fucked the majority
Of a sorority
And got the old housemother, too.
--- David Miller

A graduate student named Zac
Was said to be great in the sack.
One inch of his boner
Put girls in a coma,
And two gave them epiliptic attacks.
--- P8708

At the Hah-vard elite BusAd School,
Eager grads look around, and they drool;
Old grads go meet Bubba;
Young lads shout: "Boy! Hubba!
New room's at the trough; man, that's cool!"
--- Anon

The Newbies on campus matriculate
In hopes of finding, they calculate,
A sweet little cookie
Who'll share some nooky,
As through the bushes they perambulate.
--- Daniel Ford

A virile young collegiate of Anza
Stumbled on to a real love bonanza...
A sorority house
Made him weak as a mouse
In a wild, week-end sextravaganza!
--- Grand Prix Lim 319

A rather poor student named Gowdy,
At heart is salaciously rowdy.
Though he never gets A's,
His magnificent lays
Make his dates rate him magna cum laude!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a youngish student named Troy;
At college he was a playboy.
His results at term end
Lost him many a friend;
He changed from a wild one to choirboy.
--- Arthur Pattaffy Q

This is file wum

At the Pan-Hell Olympics last week,
The second prize went to a Deke.
Amid mounting applause,
From the third-place Psi Taus,
He laid eighteen girls cheek to cheek.
--- John Ciardi

A degree reveals much of its keeper:
BS is a real Bull Shit heaper,
MS on the name
Means More of the Same;
PhD is Piled Higher and Deeper.
--- Jerry Nordal P0112

Pessimistic but brilliant young Drassis,
On a scholarship, took Oxford classes.
And since he's been through,
He now seems to view
The world through Rhodes-Scholared glasses.
--- Martin B Smith P8308

A horny young fellow named Tuck,
With a coed was really in luck,
By the end of the day,
Tuck had gotten his way,
For she ironed his shirts for a buck.
--- Anon

In Tulsa, a prior bed-wetter
Grew up to be a big debtor.
He gambled in college,
And friends all acknowledge
His fame as "The Sooner, The Better".
--- Macsam

The tri-Delts are under a cloud.
When their housemother, Mrs. Van Dowd,
Either quit or retired,
They seem to have hired,
A stripteaser--which isn't allowed.
--- John Ciardi

I opted for Freud 101.
This class MASTURBATING was fun.
But due to the froth,
With ladders and cloth,
We cleaned off the ceiling when done.
--- Irving Superior

A prominent A&M teacher
Was arrested for striking a preacher.
The preacher accused
That a co-ed was used,
In the gym, on a rickety bleacher.
--- Anon

A Natural Science Professor
Confessed that he was a cross dresser:
"Oh! it's 'au naturale'
To dress up like a gal --
I come naturally by it, oh, yessir!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8503

There is a professor named Martin,
From whom I'm about to be partin',
And on my way out,
He may hear me shout,
In your face I'd sure like to fart in."
--- L0721

To a college professor named Coe
It seemed in a dream much as though
He was lecturing then
To his students, and when
He awoke it was actually so.
--- A N Wilkins P8311

A sciolist teacher named Pete (pretender to learning)
Taught sophisms, with lots of heat.
His students all passed,
But their knowledge, half-assed,
Made getting through life quite a feat!
--- Sam Shaffe P8806

There was a professor of Brooley,
Who said mind was matter or nearly.
This contempt for the eidoz,
Though common in Cnidos,
Disturbed the New Forest unduly.

(eidoz - something intuited - Websters III you suck - McW)
--- C E M Joad

There was a poor pliant Prof.
Who faced with a student trangr.,
Sank down on his knees
And begged, "If you please,
Treat me as your cruel oppr."
--- Harold C Bibby

An assistant professor named Ddodd,
Had manners arresting and odd.
He said, "If you please,
Spell my name with four 'D's",
Though one was sufficient for God.
--- Anon

On sabbatical, English Prof Blending
Worked at his grammer text long pending.
With a deadline to meet
It remained incomplete,
Since it lacked an adverbial ending.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0501

Bela, I really did try
To understand how, what, and why.
But I'd concentrate more
On your modeling lore,
If only you'd do up your fly.
--- Anon

Here I sit like a taciturn clam;
I am bored by this doctoral exam.
While this stuff may be true
And quite possibly new,
Frankly, I don't give a damn.
--- Harold E Hoelscher P8907

A brainy professor named Ned,
Dreamed one night of a buxom coed.
He grabbed her and sucked her,
And scuttlebut fucked her,
But the action was all in his head.
--- G2172

A professor who hailed from Podunk,
And was rather too frequently drunk,
Said, "Sometimes I think
That I can parse pink:
Let me see, it is pink, pank, and punk."
--- Anon

There was a young fellow named Guesser
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser.
He finally, one day
When it vanished away,
He became a mathematics professor.
--- Desmond MacHale

At Oxford Lord Sillery Smart
Was considered to be an old fart.
He was primly precise,
While condemning all vice,
And would faint if approached by a tart.
--- Warrick Elrod

The professor talked much about rhodium
And then he expounded on sodium.
His arms he did flail
Until he turned pale,
And then he fell off of the podium.
--- Al Willis

The professor was out near Pike's peak,
And stood up in a large crowd to speak;
Got a tear in his eye,
When he noticed his fly,
Had been opened since he last took a leak.
--- Anon

A professor named Alistair Quett
Said, "Three things I always forget.
There's all my friends names;
And the times of my trains,
And the third one I can't recall yet."
--- Anon

Our Department they say is the best --
We pass every A.C.E. test. (American Civil Engineer?)
There ain't none of us lazy;
We publish like crazy --
So how come I'm getting depressed?
--- P Chernoff

Our German prof, Doktor von Struss,
Is not one to play fast and loose,
But at faculty do's,
Having sampled the booze,
He's been known to try a sly goose.
--- John Ciardi

The math prof, notes Polya with glee,
Says A but then clearly writes B.
What's worse, he or she
Meant neither -- but C.
(All the time the correct term is D.)
--- Michael Weinstein P8506

A learned professor from Fife
Lived in a dream all his life.
As a matter of course,
He kissed his old horse,
Then went out and he saddled his wife.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

A clever professor of Blean
Designed his own washing machine.
It gurgled and rumbled
And bubbled and tumbled,
But it never got anything clean.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Said an English professor named Ringo,
"I prefer mindless evenings of Bingo;
I correct student papers,
Sneer at British lit. shapers,
And I don't understand Joyce's lingo."
--- Armand E Singer intro A

"This year," said an old dean named Snow,
"The faculty seems rather slow
To laugh at my wit,
But I don't care a bit.
My jokes all have tenure, you know."
--- A N Wilkins P8311

When they fired a professor named Glass
Who taught Latin. The top college brass
Said they couldn't deny
That he was a nice guy,
But he just didn't have any class.
--- A N Wilkins P8311