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A candid Professor confesses Quite absent of mind is Prof Brown, Vast knowledge, says Prof, sets you free. A vain old Professor of Greek The retired English Prof, Dr Sound, A meticulous young dean named Lester, The students of Yale all agreed A professor who flunked his whole class, An English professor named Yentl, A complacent old Don of Divinity, Said the Skidmore prof, "I'm not vicious, A foxy professor, by proxy, A Professor of English named Ford A prof at Mills College named Wilde, An English professor named Greene Though our students are quite pulchritudinous, Said a learned Professor named Pluck: A profligate professor named Pease We provide the finest instruction A misanthrope teaching at Vasser, One semester, a young prof named Innis, Researching concerns educational, A sex-crazy prof in LaJolla A distinguished professor from Swarthmore There was a college prexy. Have you heard of Professor McFigg, A heartless professor named Goff There was a young studish professor A scholar at Syracuse U. At the archeological site, My computer thinks I cannot see, For the ST I don't give a toss, Have you heard of the poor agent Purser, A young man who feared he was neuter, The weeds have grown back since I hoed 'em; Newton sees Apple fall down. A slick talking pirate name Bruce, The Macintosh made lots of news There was a young lady named Kate I agree, it is very much cuter, There are errors you will likely repeat There once was a king of cogsci, The computer is our way of life, A computer, to print out a fact, (GIGO - garbage in, garbage out)
There's a bio-computer, you know, There was a computer that cried An Aussie programmer of Ipswich, There are thousands of brands of computers, She was reading the Kama Sutra My Mum has a Mac II to type letters, There is this weird codger named Wooters, I tried to push Explorer four There once was a female computer, Computers were clearly elated My computer can probably render A computer named ILLIAC-4 Sir Arthur's new PC machine The only thing MIPS can agree on An ousted young worker named Phil It's a dangerous time of the year. My computer was caught in a net, The powerhouse -- 166! Infringing IP mountaineers There once was a hacker named Cyrus In these days of A.1. and Byte, (defunct computer mags) There's a vulture who sit on my screen
That the secret of half his success is,
Not his science, as such,
Nor its marvels so much,
As his bright irresponsible guesses.
--- Thomas Thorneley
For which he's achieved some renown;
He put jam on his fly,
Kissed the streetcar goodbye,
And, hopping his wife, went to town.
--- Armand E Singer 31
He says don't believe all you see!
But I can't be doubtin'
When he whips it out 'n'
The old boy is hung to the knee.
--- Ericka
Would boast, "I am surely unique.
The rude hoi-polloi
All cause me no joy."
So he formed himself into a clique.
--- Ron Rubin
From a family rich and reknowned,
Held a soiree today
In his out of the way
Estate, he named the Complex Compound.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0401
Took a girl to his rooms and undressed her.
Then took out some charts,
And compared all her parts,
With the norms for the current semester.
--- John Ciardi
From one course they had to be freed.
The professor Yale hired
Quite strictly required
They know how to write and to read.
--- Warrick Elrod
Was arrested for having the brass,
In this modern milieu,
To adhere to the view:
"If you don't do the work, you don't pass."
--- Cyber Geezer A
Whose salary won't pay the rental,
Once complained, "It's not right,
And when comes that last night,
I won't like the light nor go gentle."
--- Armand E Singer 847
Made boast of his daughter's virginity.
They must have been dawdlin',
The students of Magdalen,
It couldn't have happened at Trinity.
--- Anon, Cambridge 30'sL0829A
But short skirts bring visions lubricious.
When I look down my class
At those acres of ass,
I come in my pants. It's delicious."
--- G2228
Who -- accused of Red heterodoxy --
Plead, "There isn't a shred
Of evidence," and said,
"Orthodoxy . . . Now that's my doxy."
--- Stu Lucas P9601
Was writing a quote on the board;
However in haste,
He left out a space --
THE PENIS MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD.
--- Irving Superior P8311A
By the sweet smell of sex was beguiled.
Losing all moral scruples,
He laid forty girl pupils,
And left thirty seven with child.
--- Grand Prix Lim 88 a
Wrote a novel so grossly obscene,
He was sued for divorce,
Lost all credit, of course,
And was promptly promoted to dean.
--- Michael Weinstein P8311
There's a thing that is always eludin' us:
Though we pinch and we leer
And seduce them with beer,
Our conduct is unturpitudinous.
--- Ninian Smart
"Look, I've read every erudite book
By Descartes and Kant,
But what I most want
Is a wild Rabelasian fuck!"
--- Michael Horgan
Conquered coeds with sonsumate ease,
And while most would succumb
On the spot, there were some
Whom he had to seduce by degrees.
--- David Rochford
In education, deduction, seduction;
The first two designed
For the function of mind,
And the last for a different function.
--- Larry Payne P8311
Was implored by a nymphet to pass her.
The ill-tempered old grouch,
Threw her down on a couch,
And bounced on her antimacassar.
--- G1623
Taught two hundred coeds what sin is.
Not bad, I acknowledge,
For a small country college,
But not worth recording in Guinness.
--- John Ciardi A
Some prof found a method rotational,
And tried it on lasses
Who took his sex classes:
Results nothing short of sensational.
--- Armand E Singer 454
Has a habit that's sure to annoy ya.
His amusable beds
Are chockfull of coeds--
He's a sexual tank and destroyer!
--- G2394
Had a date with a sexy young sophomore.
As quick as a wink
He stripped to his dink,
But he found that the sophomore'd got off more.
--- G0196
A female, sensual and sexy.
An average student, if male,
Would oftentimes fail,
Unless he slept with that sexy prexy.
--- Isadore Lippman P8402
That awful male-chauvinist pig?
All the coeds he screws,
Feeds them reefers and booze,
And teaches them semen to swig.
--- G0878
Had real quickie sex with some soph;
From ten-till to eight
He'd plumb his poor date
And call such affairs "on-and-off."
--- Armand Singer
Who decided to play the aggressor.
What he wants and expects
From the girls he selects
Is a whispered, subservient, "Yes, sir."
--- Isaac Asimov
Had trouble researching the gnu,
But managed to score
With note twenty-four:
Enlarged it became volume II
--- Armand E Singer 661
Doctor Dave wasn't terribly bright;
He boffed a grad student;
It was most imprudent;
But the young ones are still nice and tight!
--- Anon
That he thinks he is smarter than me.
If I trip on a rug,
It might pull out the plug,
And accidents happen to me.
--- Larry Dahl
And the Mac's famous front end is dross.
For the Arch' and Amiga,
I've never been eager,
Because I'm addicted to DOS.
--- Alexander Baron
Whose auction luck wouldn't get worser?
In the midst of a sale
His computer did fail
And his bids were erased by his cursor!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file wsm
Fed his vital facts to a computer.
The machine, like a flash,
Typed, "Forget about gash --
You'll be Fag-of-the-Year as a fruiter."
--- G1021
Lawns have grown tall since I sowed 'em.
Wife's getting scrappy;
To keep her happy,
Turned off my computer and modem.
--- Observer
As he watches he says with a frown,
Support, it is lacking,
And it needs more hacking.
There are better computers in town.
--- Roger Moore
To steal code, had a plan to seduce
An Apple II+.
Now Bruce wears a truss,
And was jailed for computer abuse.
--- Anon
By being so easy to use.
But now it's so dressy
And complex and messy,
That running it gives me the blues.
--- Kevin Moore
Assessed by computers first rate.
The computer had blundered,
She was had by a hundred,
Ere a man did choose Kate as a mate.
--- Albin Chaplin
If the brain was indeed a computer.
But I'm sorry my friend,
For a problem to mend,
Takes a bottle of wine and a tutor.
--- Nawahl Razak
If you type while you're stroking your meat.
Men who play with their cocks
See that FATAL ERROR box...
Hit Control, next press Alt, then Delete.
--- Bob Birch P0206
Who thought all others small fry.
He claimed there's no blank;
A view he could bank;
What he claimed, however, was lies.
--- Anon
At our work, in our homes and in strife.
In planes, ships, and car,
The computer's gone far;
It's now used to match man with a wife!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
But this output can be
No more than debris,
If the input was short of exact.
--- Gigo P9602
Which some say is likely to grow;
You just plant a seed
For whatever you need,
And reap whatever you sow.
--- Anon
Because it's hard drive had just died.
And down to the urge
Of a large power surge,
Its processing chips were flash fried.
--- Terry Wilson
Had a habit of making her hips twitch,
And that stopped her PC.
The repairmen agree
That something had made the tube's chip switch.
--- A N Wilkins P8611
Each of which has its own rooters.
And each rooter bristles
If yours has more whistles
Or klaxons or sirens or hooters.
--- Barrie Collins
While lying atop the computra.
When she drooled on the screen,
The repair man, serene,
Said, "Careful it don't 'lectrocute ya!"
--- Ericka
But don't mock it or you will upset her.
Very outdated
And quite antiquated,
And the computer isn't much better.
--- Tim
Who seeks to build quantum computers.
He's wagered two bits,
He'll prevail without cubits,
But he finds he has many disputers.
--- Jonathan P Dowling
Out of this machine's little door,
But the computer
Said to reboot 'er,
And I'd just broken the CD drawer...
--- Anon
Who thought everyone should salute her
For being the best
On every test,
Including her work as a tutor.
--- William Walker
When a PC courageously stated
That men have no place
In the silicon race,
And that rocks are more closely related.
--- Larry Dahl
A universe lacking in gender.
The point of creation
In this simulation
Is something I fail to remember.
--- Larry Dahl
Had a rather tough bug in its core.
It chewed up the cards,
And spewed yard and yards
Of illegible tape on the floor.
--- Anon
Is slick as a dyke's vaseline;
And like a whore purring,
The thing just keeps whirring,
While spewing out limericks, obscene.
--- Mark Levy P9601
Is to build chips that glow brighter than neon.
But now its OK
Because we bought Cray,
We can dip the whole system in Freon.
--- Jamie Riotto
Was taught to obtain a new skill.
Though he had the best tutors,
He could not beat computers,
And poor Phil went to bed with a chill.
--- Albin Chaplin
Thunder and lightning are near.
My modem went PHUT!
From the net, I am cut.
A flash in the wan brings no cheer.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
So I dragged it to the family vet.
He put it on its side,
Looked into its drive,
And said, "I think we've already met!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
I've never seen such an odd mix
Of wires and drives,
That buzz like behives,
And hang every time something clicks.
--- Nik Synytskyy
Made prospecting their new careers.
By panning for gold
From a river they sold,
When they were still called engineers.
--- Anon
Whose computer developed a virus.
To get some surceases,
He chopped it to pieces,
And went back to using papyrus!
--- Al Willis T9710
A computer controls day and night.
It can make a heart beat,
Book your flight and a seat,
Is this done by design -- or by right!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
And smirks at that evil machine.
While that buzzard was lurking,
My hard drive quit working,
And I've commented loud and obscene.
--- John Miller 0162
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