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A game of Majong in his bed A spermatozoa called Roy, He said, as he buttoned his pants The way of a man with a maid They tell of the seamstress, Miss Treadwell, An obstinate Scotsman, felt lackin' She offered a bit of the other; Now daughter, I know it's mean forcing Waggish Pharmacist Billy Bob Wren, The inside trader's not feeling great; Ladies on top bring you joy; Of trees, the young girls he would teach; The worst day that he ever had: Whenever old Betty felt sad There once was a girl from LaPaz, And seeing was all that we did; Said a carefree young maiden named Scott, Said a gloomy young lady named Bloomer: Do you hope your new-century babe'll A newlywed bride named of Karen, They say thay cute lass, Tori Spelling The young only child, Tiffny Mills, There was a young lady named [ (Bracket) The Scots are the most potent fucks, Heartfelt sighs straggled out of Miss Day Jerome and his wife Cindy Meyer "We long for a bundle of joy, Now you must visit us when fertile, "You may have to visit a lot, Now this is a very sad tale! A ninety-pound loser named Leamon A woman's so keen on a sequel She won't be producing a sequel A sequel is usually inferior My dear lovely cousin, Miss Jane, There once was a girl that I knew; If you think she just wants you to pay You would have no need for protection, So, what was the result of this screw? Please lay off of Bessie for now; "Make a baby," demanded Miss Lopp; Raged pater familias Grant 'Twas enough to make grown people mope; In bedrooms, in sexual relation I did follow that ancient tradition, There once was a mother called Beth, "I don't want those sperms impregnating "Praise to God from whom all blessings flow," Said an innocent bride name of Huff, When a friend told a typist called Eve, If the life on this earth is a treasure, Out of love for my newlywed Claire, An innocent fellow named Mike A sterile old loser named Shipper, A cautious young fellow named Artha, A girl can now go and have fun An unwilling young father reflects He leered and drooled, "Babe, you're the one Well, I pack a cannon what's bigger, Not my figure, sweetie, I'm sure, An over-cautious young gal of Red Wing In this nation where arrogant greed Said wise homos Bill and George Bly, Young Ann was a lady of grace, In Hohokus a girl named O'Rourke There was a young maid of New York (pseudocyesis - involuntary simulation of pregnancy)
Sounds a safe form of sex; but it led
(So it seems from your plight)
To another delight;
I would guess he meant Poker instead.
--- Anon
Swam for inches, and then to his joy,
He met a nice egg,
And started to beg,
"Let me in and we'll make a nice boy."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Soon your sisters will all become aunts;
Thought I'd sooner the others
Would also be mothers;
Could you make introductions, perchance?"
--- John Miller 0130
Will lead her from virgin to crad-
le: God's marvelous plan
Starts on a divan,
With a guy who just wants to get laid.
--- John Miller 0275
Whose needle the boys would all thread well.
When her monthlies were late
And she didn't mend straight,
She filled all the fellows with dread well.
--- Martin Wellborn P9212
Of companionship ready for packin'.
"Don' wan' me nae lass, so
I be off tae Glasgow,
An' knock up me mate Phil McCracken."
--- Anon
I gave her first one, then another.
But after the fun,
I'm now on the run,
For one thing has led to her mother.
--- Frank Sfa
Confinement, But Babe, you've been horsing
Around with a guy
Much darker than I.
You know how I hate this outsourcing.
--- John Miller
Makes such pages at at six, two and ten.
"Will Loretta McGee
Come to the Pharmacy?
You need to pee on your stick again."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0410
He was caught trading after hours (late).
There is other lateness, too,
Caused by a night he'll rue;
The period of his secretary, Kate.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0312
If pregnant, it will be a boy.
The other way around,
There is a girl bound
With brand new parents to annoy.
--- Jojo
The oak and the ash and the beech,
And there in the willow,
With leaves as a pillow,
Some seed he would plant into each.
--- Anon
Afraid he might be going mad,
Had Doc check his dimple.
Said Doc, "Well, it's simple --
The truth is you're pregnant, poor Chad!"
--- Marlene Lewis
She'd send for a strapping young lad.
After drinks and a bite
And a very good-night,
She'd send home a possible dad.
--- CM
Whose sexual ooohs and aaahs
At the time were quite pleasing,
But now it's just wheezing;
She practicing up on Lamaze.
--- MrMalo a
Any feelings we carefully hid
In the dim house of God.
There was only a nod
And some prayers that there'd not be a kid...
"I don't care if I'm pregnant or not;
It's simply ridiculous
To be so meticulous --
If kids come I'll poison the lot."
--- Armand E Singer 678
"I do hope this lump is a tumor.
I'd be very dismayed--
Since I did once get laid--
To find I'm with child by my roomer."
--- Grand Prix Lim 896 G1640
Be born with that First of Jan label?
Then experts relate
April 9 is the date
To reserve for romance if you're able!
--- Prof M-G
Who feared lest her womb might prove barren,
Collected some sperm
From dear hubby's worm,
And parked it to hatch in friend Sharon.
--- Armand E Singer 609
Got Birthday humps in her home dwelling.
And it may be deduced
That this action produced
Some attractive (and lucrative) swelling.
--- John E Mayhood P0001
Was convinced one of life's greatest thrills
Would be to have a brother.
"No, no way," said her mother,
"But I'm taking your birth control pills!"
--- L C Fitzhugh P0111
Who raised such a hidious racket
Over one missing . (period)
But her reasons were myriad,
For she took the wrong pill from her packet.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1962
So beware when your clothing he shucks.
When he tosses his caber,
You'll end up in labor,
After months of those morning up-chucks.
--- Archie
"Am I pregnant?" She cried in dismay?
Did I wander in time,
Out of culture and clime,
End ensnared by a troubadour's lay?"
--- Esther Koch P0102
Went looking for wombs they could hire.
"I'm barren," she said,
"Take Jerry to bed,
And make my dear hubby a sire."
--- Anon
So cuddle with Jer, don't be coy...
There must be coitions!
No in vitro additions...
It's our Faith, that a phallus deploy!"
--- Anon
Otherwise it won't be worthwhile.
And bring a cute teddy
To get Jerry ready;
He'll select the position and style.
--- Anon
But if you behave as you ought,
And conceive with my honey,
There'll be lots of money,
So give it your very best shot!"
--- Anon
In spite of their efforts, seems they'll
Await not a babe
But an oldster called Gabe...
A bondsman who's come to post bail.
--- Anon
Is sore at his wife -- is he steamin'?
He claims, "I'm no dummy,
That bulge in your tummy
Is due to some other guy's semen."
--- Armand E Singer 745
Of her genes, she really don't sleep well,
Until she has mated,
And thus has created
An offspring to talk to as equal.
--- Danube
Unless her wood-growing technique will
Bring forth a long trunk
That spews out some spunk,
Whose egg-piercing clout is birth's prequel.
--- Randog
This is file wsl
But a man getting in her interior
(That is, in her pants)
Means there's always a chance
Of a sequel that's male, and superior.
--- John Miller
Would like to get pregnant again.
She's seeking smart donors
With sizeable boners.
She's hoping we'll all pull a train.
--- Anon
We made love a time or two.
But during one erection,
We did not use protection,
And now I know not what to do.
--- Oliver Closhoff
For a good time and roll in the hay,
Have a pregnancy test.
To put matters to rest
Have her take the other test...DNA.
--- S C Saint
From becoming a dad or infection.
Had you asked our Les
For a loan of his Bess,
To screw her without disinfection.
--- Petunia
A disease? Is she eating for two?
It's not so darn bad,
Just being a dad.
'Bout the other, I haven't a clue.
--- John Miller
She's mom to a new baby cow.
The baby is bald;
Dolly, she's called.
I've had to take up with a sow.
--- Les Stewart
He quickly obliged -- wham, bam, pop!
"Where's the baby?" said she.
"It takes nine months," said he;
"Then why in the world did you stop?"
--- Ed Potts P8606a
"No wonder you find you're enceinte;
Your daughters believe
Until you conceive,
Why worry, 'I'm sure that I shan't.'"
--- Armand E Singer 767
Several tries, still the doctor said "Nope."
But when sis said, "You bet!
I've a small womb to let,"
It gave Paul and Angela new hope.
--- Rob
In all fifty states of the nation,
At this moment we'll find
Boys and girls of one mind...
To add to our vast population.
--- Grand Prix Lim 527
April Fool's Day without inhibition.
Told my love I was preg-
Nant -- He near swooned and stag-
Gered like hit! That went past my ambition.
--- Anon
Who named her new baby boy Seth.
He was born with a rash
And a walrus mustache.
They say she was tickled to death.
--- World Bst Drty Lims P0101
Me!", Shirley complained extricating
Herself from my pump;
Then she gave it a thump
Causing bruises and instant deflating.
--- Anon
Sang a thankful young girl, Wanda Jo;
Since her menses came late
After only one date
With some guy she'd just gotten to know.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8707
When questioned by mother, so gruff,
"No, I won't have a baby,
There's no if, and or maybe
I just can't seem to swallow that stuff!"
--- Albin Chaplin
"Your boss is too good to believe.
You can't type, you can't spell,
Why's he pay you so well?"
She answered, "I cannot conceive."
--- Gordon Harper
And man is to treasure this leisure,
He must plan each new birth
Lest he plague the whole earth;
He must do far more fucking for pleasure.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2340a
I decided to gift her an heir.
But she cried in disdain,
As my work proved in vain,
And the present got caught in her hair.
--- Bill Daly
Mistakenly married a dyke.
As she's one of the "boys"
He will not know the joys
Of diapering his own little tyke.
--- Armand E Singer 931
Desired to sire a wee nipper;
His sex was erective
But sadly defective;
Solution -- adopt Jack the Ripper.
--- Armand E Singer P9902
Spent time at the Vineyard called Martha.
He poked every local
Feminine yokel,
And never became a fartha.
--- Barry
Without any fear of a bun
Being baked in her oven
After some lovin',
Which probably took place on the run.
--- Ardens
And makes this remark about sex:
"It's great for a pastime,
But this is the last time,
I'll get caught with its after effects.
--- Grand Prix Lim 623
I want in the sights of my gun."
But he's shooting blanks
And so she says, "Thanks,
For not filling my oven with bun."
--- Marlene Lewis
And all it wants is your hair trigger.
If you're off the pill,
One bullet won't kill,
But surely it will ruin your figure.
--- Frank Sfa
No matter how you set your lure!
You'll probably figure
That I've got no trigger --
For I am disgustingly pure.
--- Marlene Lewis
Told her fellow, "I won't take your thing!
I'd rather have rabies
Than a passel of babies,
So don't get my rear in a sling!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 660
Is only exceeded by need,
And crime is in fashion,
The ones with compassion
Are those who decide not to breed.
--- Ann Gasser P9501
"We knew what's expected; we try;
The Bible says `do it,',
Too bad - nothing to it.
We fruitcakes just can't multiply."
--- Armand Singer
Who never had egg on her face.
When she did break an egg,
It would run down her leg --
In fact that was often the case.
--- Neal Wilgus P8208
Explained to her friend from New York,
"Nowadays I'm eschewing
The sex I was doing,
Since I learned kids ain't brought by the stork."
--- Grand Prix Lim 317
Who believed she'd a gift from the stork.
But thanks be to Jesus.
It was pseudocyesis,
So now she goes back to her work.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
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