Said Wilma, "Last week I believed
I had slipped and had somehow conceived.
My prayers were a myriad,
And I then got my period,
And now, for a while, I'm reprieved."
--- Anon

If your family is small, you will star,
And trips you can take, near and far.
It is not simple luck,
Just make sure you don't fuck
Yourself out of a seat in your car.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2318

Said the eager young bride to her groom,
"I'll be pregnant quite soon, I assume?"
But would you believe,
She failed to conceive,
She had hundreds of chances, but blew 'em.
--- Ed Potts P8511a

"Oh Mayday!" cried May with some urgency;
"Please help me, this is an emergency!
I'm having a kiddie!"
(The silly old biddy;
She's 90, quite nuts and a virgin see?)
--- Anon

When she told me that I'd made her pregnant,
I answered in tones most indignant:
"You've been playing the fool
In that old muddy pool.
I think, my dear, you're just stagnant."
--- Tiddy Ogg

A damsel in Venice once smiled
And said, "To remain undefiled,
Steer clear of man's menace...
It's not only in Venice
That a gal can be gotten with child!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 879

Doctor, your advice we will follow,
In despair we do not want to wallow!
We just can't conceive,
It's hard to believe,
'Cause I've always been careful to swallow.
--- TuttaGioia a

Is this a joke or a fact?
You want a baby to cement your pact?
Have your gone raving mad
In your quest to be "Dad".
Do you lim a joke on the sex act?
--- Jayne

I'm afraid I've misled you, dear Jayne.
I quoted a lady from Spain,
Who found normal sex
Just far too complex,
And involving her vulva profane.
--- TuttaGioia

Her Hubby just sighed and said, "I'd
Be quite willing to take it in stride,
If orally you'd
Show more aptitude,
And stop biting me while I'm inside.
--- TuttaGioia

So she practiced her oral techniques,
On bottles, bananas, and leeks...
She fellated the lot,
And now she has got
A permanent bulge in her cheeks.
--- TuttaGioia

Now you see why they're dejected;
It's not what the two had expected...
They were wrong to assume,
'Twixt larynx and womb
Was a passage that inter-connected.
--- TuttaGioia

Somewhere in the African landscape,
A person showed a pregnant shape.
On closer inspection
And further reflection,
A Somolian had swallowed a grape.
--- Tom Patton

There is no such apprehension
Of pregnancy that you might mention.
Part of the lure
Of a woman mature,
Is love without this suspension.
--- Annie Jay

He expected his lust would be realized
When he hit on the lady who tantalized.
He said, "Hey, pretty legs!
How do you like your eggs
In the morning?" She answered: "Unfertilized!"
--- Al Willis P9705a

Wanting children, a couple one sat
For a course on how to begat.
When the doctor expounded,
They stood up dumbfounded,
And said they could never do that.
--- G W Hanney

"My husband, don't get all so riled;
Our daughter was never defiled.
To prevent what you've said,
I have climbed in her bed,
Though the trip in the darkness was wild."
--- Anon

There once was a virgin of London,
Who said to her lover, "I'm undone!
I've gon' in my chute
And I'm pregnant to boot--
Just see what your idea of fun done!"
--- G1930

A shower for baby next week.
What sort of gifts can she seek?
This is her fifth one;
That's quite enough, Hon!
Prospects for a gift are quite bleak.
--- Marlene Lewis

This tough question needs consideration
For the gift should match the occasion.
It should be something lasting;
For the mum? -- I'm just asking.
Give a voucher for sterilization!
--- Ulla

It ain't much fun being a foetus;
Those red-headed things come to boetus,
Each hour or two,
And spray us with goo,
And the stuff doesn't taste very swoetus.
--- Anon

There once was a maid from Kentucky
Who thought being high-bred was lucky,
But she married a bum,
The silly Dum Dum;
Now he keeps her pregnant and clucky.
--- Bill Daking

Our most existentialist teens
Are impatient of lectures by deans,
On restraining desires
And banking the fires
That burn in their skirts and their jeans.
--- Big Little Playboy Lims

So they go on exerting their wills,
And they use neither condoms nor pills.
The results are most dire;
They become dam and sire;
Their parents must pick up the bills.
--- Big Little Playboy Lims

Though warned that Joe Doakes was a dastard,
Who would rape her on getting her plastered,
Now, alas! Fannie's fecund
For she finally weakened,
And she'll soon have that dastard's li'l bastard.
--- G1646

"I'm pregnant", she said with a sob,
"But with what, when, and how was the job
Done?" "The 'when' was December,
The 'what' was my member,
The 'how'? Let me show you", said Bob.
--- Anon

Imprudent and unwed May-Bette,
Had to shop for a basic layette.
When they told her the price
She gasped once or twice,
But she paid. And has more to pay yet.
--- John Ciardi

I've not been around for a while,
Been tired and vomiting bile.
The kid in my belly
Is giving me hell-y,
And making me feel rather vile.
--- Jayne

After month three, I know it will go.
And my stomach it surely will grow.
Please forgive my low tone,
I don't mean to moan.
By month four I hope I'm aglow.
--- Jayne

The baby caused quite a sensation,
And Lester was full of elation,
But it did seem absurd
That conception occurred
While he was away on vacation.
--- Ann Gasser P8709

Though Mary would MATRICULATE
In college, it would be her fate
Her parents to vex,
As major in sex,
And premature grandkids create.
--- Chris Papa

An improvident girl from Syosset
Had a baby while locked in the closet.
The noise of her labors
Brought out all the neighbors,
Which wasn't quite nice of her, was it?
--- G1724

A lecherous student of Leeds,
One day had to pay for misdeeds.
When a man with a gun,
Said, "You'll marry her, son--
You must harvest, when you sow the seeds."
--- Anon

This is file wrl

There was a young girl from New York,
Who plugged up her cunt with a cork
From a fifth of champagne,
Which she drank with disdain;
When it popped, it was heard by the stork.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1418

A pregnant ex-virgin of Canning
Said, "Sex is a thing that needs banning.
I gave in one day
When Jay begged for a lay,
But this bastard was none of our planning."
--- Grand Prix Lim 207

Oh pity a maiden named Dwight
Whose lover seduced her one night;
Though she prayed to the Trinity
To preserve her virginity,
He knocked her up high as a kite.
--- Armand Singer

I suggested that we should play doctor
And cajoled and slowly sweet-talked her.
We went back to the shed,
Where her legs were widespread,
And then it was up that I knocked her.
--- Al Willis T9711

An eminent Harley Street doctor
Had a visit from little Miss Proctor,
Who had to find out
Beyond any doubt
Just how far up her boyfriend had knocked her.
--- G1652

The lady vicar in Wyre Piddle
Had a swelling begin in her middle.
It wasn't Magog
But Rover the dog,
Who diddled her when she would fiddle.
--- Anon

A babe in our town named Miss Sawyer,
Claimed nothing could vex or annoy her.
But the bastard I fathered
Got her all hot and bothered,
And I get nasty calls from her lawyer.
--- Grand Prix Lim 153 a

An amateur lovely from Shaster
Was begotten with child at the Astor.
Said she, "It's creation
Caused a major sensation,
But to me it's a minor disaster."
--- Grand Prix Lim 193

Said an amorous husband of Red Deer,
Breathing low to his wife, "Come to bed, dear."
Muttered she, "What the hell,
I might just as well,
'Cause I am a month late on my sched, dear."
--- Keith MacMillan 92a

Begged an unwilling maiden named Mae,
"I beseech you, no romps in the hay!"
But her plea proved impractical,
Even anticlimactical,
And a wee one was soon on its way.
--- Armand E Singer 131

An innocent girl said, "Lumme Mum!
I fear I shall soon be a mummy, Mum.
Knobs yes, it was fun,
When we did what we done,
But he lied when he called it a dummy run."
--- G2708

There was a young baker called Harry,
Who asked his girlfriend if they'd marry.
She said, "Oh my dear,
I know you're sincere,
But it's not your bun that I carry."
--- Tim Sharp P9711

The passionate Lady McTidd
Is sadly awaiting a kid.
Says she, "To stay heirless,
One mustn't be careless--
Not even just once, as I did."
--- G1683

A fun-loving sinner named Mort
Whose girlfriend refused to abort,
Cried, "It's no laughing matter,
I can picture the patter
Of feet I'll soon have to support."
--- Armand E Singer 108

There was a teenager from Malta;
The army called him a defaulter.
He went AWOL and wild;
His girl's having a child.
Now they have to make plans for the altar!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

The milkmaids of old County Clare,
Give strangers the come hither stare.
So men come from Cork
To bring them the stork,
By pounding their sweet derriere.
--- Anon

The Freudian girl from Madrid
Had her ego submerged by her Id.
She relieved her frustration
With a well endowed Haitian,
But now the dear girl is with kid.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun

When she asked him where babies come from,
He know she was willing but dumb.
So he put his penis
In her Mound of Venus;
Nine months later she was a mum.
--- Tom Patton P9604

The sheriff's young daughter I knocked up,
So here I am trapped in this lock-up.
I'll never be free
For they all agree
That this was my costliest cock-up.
--- Frank

A careless young girl of Bangkok
Was nailed by old carpenter Brock.
And it left her distressed
For in time she was blessed
With a sliver, a chip of the block.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1403

Mary, my ex-fiance's bad.
She sulks and she tells folks she's glad
That betrothal I spurned,
Just because I learned
That some other sucker's the dad.
--- John Miller

A farmer who's very well known,
Quite suddenly needed a loan,
Not for tractors or seed,
Or new tools he'd need,
But to pay for some Wild Oats he'd sown.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9409

An expectant young maid of St. Thos.
Sued her lover for breach of his pros.
"An example," she claimed
"And in principle, aimed
At protecting the rights of us mos."
--- Keith MacMillan 67b

There once was a young farmer's daughter,
Who learned a bit late that she oughter
Have studied what teacher,
Her mom, and the preacher,
Believed they had already taught her.
--- John Ciardi

The bed was reduced to a rubble,
That night I was bursting her bubble.
We got so excited,
Her ovum ignited
And gave us a lifetime of trouble.
--- Cubby

In one sphere, Britain is top;
It seems we've the pick of the crop.
Of popsies pubescent,
Insistent, incessant,
They're begging their boyfriends, "Don't stop!"

(Rushing their panties to drop)(Eager each hymen to pop!)
--- Tiddy Ogg

A sweet farmer's daughter, Elizer
Goes walking; this feller espies her.
Now there's no maybe,
She's having a baby.
The lesson: Avoid fertilizer.
--- Anon

The spoils belong to the victor!
It seems like some wise guy has tricked her,
Got motorized sperm --
That sneaky old worm --
Her standards should have been much stricter.
--- Marlene Lewis

There was a young lady named Audrey
Who was but a little bit tawdry.
But she was indignant
When she became pregnant,
She had been just a tiny bit bawdry.
--- Albin Chaplin a

Our encounter, last year, in December,
Was a thrilling one, so I remember;
But our lack of protection
Was poor intellection;
The baby was born in September.
--- Cap'n Bean P9811

A lass on the road to Goleen
Met a baker with a drop of poteen.
Five minutes of lovin'
Put a bun in her oven;
The next time she won't be so keen.
--- Linda Marsh Coll

"The Chef got me pregnant, good grief!"
The cook wailed in sheer disbelief;
"But, how? Oh, I'm sick --
It happened so quick --
My god! From his one pound of beef!"
--- Anon

A pretty young maiden from France
Was cajoled into taking a chance,
But a series of sins
Gave her triplets and twins
And a much dimmer view of romance.
--- Limber Limericks

The mother of three named Lenore,
On her knees was washing the floor.
Her inviting position
Gave her husband a mission;
She'll soon be the mother of four.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0305