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Said Wilma, "Last week I believed If your family is small, you will star, Said the eager young bride to her groom, "Oh Mayday!" cried May with some urgency; When she told me that I'd made her pregnant, A damsel in Venice once smiled Doctor, your advice we will follow, Is this a joke or a fact? I'm afraid I've misled you, dear Jayne. Her Hubby just sighed and said, "I'd So she practiced her oral techniques, Now you see why they're dejected; Somewhere in the African landscape, There is no such apprehension He expected his lust would be realized Wanting children, a couple one sat "My husband, don't get all so riled; There once was a virgin of London, A shower for baby next week. This tough question needs consideration It ain't much fun being a foetus; There once was a maid from Kentucky Our most existentialist teens So they go on exerting their wills, Though warned that Joe Doakes was a dastard, "I'm pregnant", she said with a sob, Imprudent and unwed May-Bette, I've not been around for a while, After month three, I know it will go. The baby caused quite a sensation, Though Mary would MATRICULATE An improvident girl from Syosset A lecherous student of Leeds, There was a young girl from New York, A pregnant ex-virgin of Canning Oh pity a maiden named Dwight I suggested that we should play doctor An eminent Harley Street doctor The lady vicar in Wyre Piddle A babe in our town named Miss Sawyer, An amateur lovely from Shaster Said an amorous husband of Red Deer, Begged an unwilling maiden named Mae, An innocent girl said, "Lumme Mum! There was a young baker called Harry, The passionate Lady McTidd A fun-loving sinner named Mort There was a teenager from Malta; The milkmaids of old County Clare, The Freudian girl from Madrid When she asked him where babies come from, The sheriff's young daughter I knocked up, A careless young girl of Bangkok Mary, my ex-fiance's bad. A farmer who's very well known, An expectant young maid of St. Thos. There once was a young farmer's daughter, The bed was reduced to a rubble, In one sphere, Britain is top; (Rushing their panties to drop)(Eager each hymen to pop!)
A sweet farmer's daughter, Elizer The spoils belong to the victor! There was a young lady named Audrey Our encounter, last year, in December, A lass on the road to Goleen "The Chef got me pregnant, good grief!" A pretty young maiden from France The mother of three named Lenore,
I had slipped and had somehow conceived.
My prayers were a myriad,
And I then got my period,
And now, for a while, I'm reprieved."
--- Anon
And trips you can take, near and far.
It is not simple luck,
Just make sure you don't fuck
Yourself out of a seat in your car.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2318
"I'll be pregnant quite soon, I assume?"
But would you believe,
She failed to conceive,
She had hundreds of chances, but blew 'em.
--- Ed Potts P8511a
"Please help me, this is an emergency!
I'm having a kiddie!"
(The silly old biddy;
She's 90, quite nuts and a virgin see?)
--- Anon
I answered in tones most indignant:
"You've been playing the fool
In that old muddy pool.
I think, my dear, you're just stagnant."
--- Tiddy Ogg
And said, "To remain undefiled,
Steer clear of man's menace...
It's not only in Venice
That a gal can be gotten with child!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 879
In despair we do not want to wallow!
We just can't conceive,
It's hard to believe,
'Cause I've always been careful to swallow.
--- TuttaGioia a
You want a baby to cement your pact?
Have your gone raving mad
In your quest to be "Dad".
Do you lim a joke on the sex act?
--- Jayne
I quoted a lady from Spain,
Who found normal sex
Just far too complex,
And involving her vulva profane.
--- TuttaGioia
Be quite willing to take it in stride,
If orally you'd
Show more aptitude,
And stop biting me while I'm inside.
--- TuttaGioia
On bottles, bananas, and leeks...
She fellated the lot,
And now she has got
A permanent bulge in her cheeks.
--- TuttaGioia
It's not what the two had expected...
They were wrong to assume,
'Twixt larynx and womb
Was a passage that inter-connected.
--- TuttaGioia
A person showed a pregnant shape.
On closer inspection
And further reflection,
A Somolian had swallowed a grape.
--- Tom Patton
Of pregnancy that you might mention.
Part of the lure
Of a woman mature,
Is love without this suspension.
--- Annie Jay
When he hit on the lady who tantalized.
He said, "Hey, pretty legs!
How do you like your eggs
In the morning?" She answered: "Unfertilized!"
--- Al Willis P9705a
For a course on how to begat.
When the doctor expounded,
They stood up dumbfounded,
And said they could never do that.
--- G W Hanney
Our daughter was never defiled.
To prevent what you've said,
I have climbed in her bed,
Though the trip in the darkness was wild."
--- Anon
Who said to her lover, "I'm undone!
I've gon' in my chute
And I'm pregnant to boot--
Just see what your idea of fun done!"
--- G1930
What sort of gifts can she seek?
This is her fifth one;
That's quite enough, Hon!
Prospects for a gift are quite bleak.
--- Marlene Lewis
For the gift should match the occasion.
It should be something lasting;
For the mum? -- I'm just asking.
Give a voucher for sterilization!
--- Ulla
Those red-headed things come to boetus,
Each hour or two,
And spray us with goo,
And the stuff doesn't taste very swoetus.
--- Anon
Who thought being high-bred was lucky,
But she married a bum,
The silly Dum Dum;
Now he keeps her pregnant and clucky.
--- Bill Daking
Are impatient of lectures by deans,
On restraining desires
And banking the fires
That burn in their skirts and their jeans.
--- Big Little Playboy Lims
And they use neither condoms nor pills.
The results are most dire;
They become dam and sire;
Their parents must pick up the bills.
--- Big Little Playboy Lims
Who would rape her on getting her plastered,
Now, alas! Fannie's fecund
For she finally weakened,
And she'll soon have that dastard's li'l bastard.
--- G1646
"But with what, when, and how was the job
Done?" "The 'when' was December,
The 'what' was my member,
The 'how'? Let me show you", said Bob.
--- Anon
Had to shop for a basic layette.
When they told her the price
She gasped once or twice,
But she paid. And has more to pay yet.
--- John Ciardi
Been tired and vomiting bile.
The kid in my belly
Is giving me hell-y,
And making me feel rather vile.
--- Jayne
And my stomach it surely will grow.
Please forgive my low tone,
I don't mean to moan.
By month four I hope I'm aglow.
--- Jayne
And Lester was full of elation,
But it did seem absurd
That conception occurred
While he was away on vacation.
--- Ann Gasser P8709
In college, it would be her fate
Her parents to vex,
As major in sex,
And premature grandkids create.
--- Chris Papa
Had a baby while locked in the closet.
The noise of her labors
Brought out all the neighbors,
Which wasn't quite nice of her, was it?
--- G1724
One day had to pay for misdeeds.
When a man with a gun,
Said, "You'll marry her, son--
You must harvest, when you sow the seeds."
--- Anon
This is file wrl
Who plugged up her cunt with a cork
From a fifth of champagne,
Which she drank with disdain;
When it popped, it was heard by the stork.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1418
Said, "Sex is a thing that needs banning.
I gave in one day
When Jay begged for a lay,
But this bastard was none of our planning."
--- Grand Prix Lim 207
Whose lover seduced her one night;
Though she prayed to the Trinity
To preserve her virginity,
He knocked her up high as a kite.
--- Armand Singer
And cajoled and slowly sweet-talked her.
We went back to the shed,
Where her legs were widespread,
And then it was up that I knocked her.
--- Al Willis T9711
Had a visit from little Miss Proctor,
Who had to find out
Beyond any doubt
Just how far up her boyfriend had knocked her.
--- G1652
Had a swelling begin in her middle.
It wasn't Magog
But Rover the dog,
Who diddled her when she would fiddle.
--- Anon
Claimed nothing could vex or annoy her.
But the bastard I fathered
Got her all hot and bothered,
And I get nasty calls from her lawyer.
--- Grand Prix Lim 153 a
Was begotten with child at the Astor.
Said she, "It's creation
Caused a major sensation,
But to me it's a minor disaster."
--- Grand Prix Lim 193
Breathing low to his wife, "Come to bed, dear."
Muttered she, "What the hell,
I might just as well,
'Cause I am a month late on my sched, dear."
--- Keith MacMillan 92a
"I beseech you, no romps in the hay!"
But her plea proved impractical,
Even anticlimactical,
And a wee one was soon on its way.
--- Armand E Singer 131
I fear I shall soon be a mummy, Mum.
Knobs yes, it was fun,
When we did what we done,
But he lied when he called it a dummy run."
--- G2708
Who asked his girlfriend if they'd marry.
She said, "Oh my dear,
I know you're sincere,
But it's not your bun that I carry."
--- Tim Sharp P9711
Is sadly awaiting a kid.
Says she, "To stay heirless,
One mustn't be careless--
Not even just once, as I did."
--- G1683
Whose girlfriend refused to abort,
Cried, "It's no laughing matter,
I can picture the patter
Of feet I'll soon have to support."
--- Armand E Singer 108
The army called him a defaulter.
He went AWOL and wild;
His girl's having a child.
Now they have to make plans for the altar!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Give strangers the come hither stare.
So men come from Cork
To bring them the stork,
By pounding their sweet derriere.
--- Anon
Had her ego submerged by her Id.
She relieved her frustration
With a well endowed Haitian,
But now the dear girl is with kid.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
He know she was willing but dumb.
So he put his penis
In her Mound of Venus;
Nine months later she was a mum.
--- Tom Patton P9604
So here I am trapped in this lock-up.
I'll never be free
For they all agree
That this was my costliest cock-up.
--- Frank
Was nailed by old carpenter Brock.
And it left her distressed
For in time she was blessed
With a sliver, a chip of the block.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1403
She sulks and she tells folks she's glad
That betrothal I spurned,
Just because I learned
That some other sucker's the dad.
--- John Miller
Quite suddenly needed a loan,
Not for tractors or seed,
Or new tools he'd need,
But to pay for some Wild Oats he'd sown.
--- Evelyn Bogen P9409
Sued her lover for breach of his pros.
"An example," she claimed
"And in principle, aimed
At protecting the rights of us mos."
--- Keith MacMillan 67b
Who learned a bit late that she oughter
Have studied what teacher,
Her mom, and the preacher,
Believed they had already taught her.
--- John Ciardi
That night I was bursting her bubble.
We got so excited,
Her ovum ignited
And gave us a lifetime of trouble.
--- Cubby
It seems we've the pick of the crop.
Of popsies pubescent,
Insistent, incessant,
They're begging their boyfriends, "Don't stop!"
--- Tiddy Ogg
Goes walking; this feller espies her.
Now there's no maybe,
She's having a baby.
The lesson: Avoid fertilizer.
--- Anon
It seems like some wise guy has tricked her,
Got motorized sperm --
That sneaky old worm --
Her standards should have been much stricter.
--- Marlene Lewis
Who was but a little bit tawdry.
But she was indignant
When she became pregnant,
She had been just a tiny bit bawdry.
--- Albin Chaplin a
Was a thrilling one, so I remember;
But our lack of protection
Was poor intellection;
The baby was born in September.
--- Cap'n Bean P9811
Met a baker with a drop of poteen.
Five minutes of lovin'
Put a bun in her oven;
The next time she won't be so keen.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
The cook wailed in sheer disbelief;
"But, how? Oh, I'm sick --
It happened so quick --
My god! From his one pound of beef!"
--- Anon
Was cajoled into taking a chance,
But a series of sins
Gave her triplets and twins
And a much dimmer view of romance.
--- Limber Limericks
On her knees was washing the floor.
Her inviting position
Gave her husband a mission;
She'll soon be the mother of four.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0305
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