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My darling I put up for sale There was a young girl of Lapland Herpetologist Marjorie Blake, A Mexican girl from Point Reyes, Birds with a bump tend to bleat, (pregnant women) There was a young lady of France, Well, life on that hill was tempestuous, There was a young lady of Welling, A sweetly developed young creature, You know young Yolanda from Yately, Said mother, "I'm telling your, Rose, In Hawaii a lady named Cass There was a young girl named Collette My frat brother dated a dummy There was a young lady from Thrace, "Your blunder is no less than heinous; A popular girl at Penn State The daughter was pleading her case: There was a young lady of Louth, There was a young lady named Kate, "There're reasons for why I can't lace `em, A sorry young woman named Mid, There was a young lady from Sway, Now Sway is just one place of masses, "I went there with Shirley from Burley," There isn't much more to relate; A moral I'm tempted to proffer: A sizzling nympho named Whitely I have a sister named Mellie Was she waatching a sitcom or game show; (SRO - standing room only)
Groused pregnant TV fan, Ms Head, It's nice once your belly starts swelling, Eight presidents' names end with Son; So now, doesn't Prez equal Liar? I promise that I'll do my best (Barry Goldwater Presidential Oath)
"Were you born in a log cabin, stranger?" Two big men who were sadly disgraced, When the journalists sounded the knell Each President's rep that is creamed, No cause ever to ask Mamie's pardon. Dear Mamie, don't worry your head, My sweet Betty, don't be so cynical; In the days of mild Jerry Ford, There once was a Jerry named Ford, A lady thought Franklin D. R. A memorial to Franklin Roosevelt, It was on the 7th of December, "There was one surprise, to be sure," "The depression will ruin us? Oh, never!" Though a Roosevelt fan I was not; (Bill Clinton)
The sex of the rex in the White House (twenty years before Clinton)
That sodden old Ulysses Grant I promise that I'll not condone When women to vote were just starting, Said Hoover, "I don't understand 'em. There was a young girl from Vancouver, There was a young man from Vancouver Our President-Elect may say, Andrew Jackson's wife had 'neath her frock James K Polk is most famous for Thomas Jefferson earned our remembrance A new sex scandal headlines scream -- The Sage of the famed Monticello Then Camelot came to us all Said one member of this Great Society, It's a wide spectrum: lusting in heart, We all heard our weak leader say
In order to cover my bail.
There is hardly telling
Her tummy is swelling;
She loves to have a good nail.
--- Anon
Whose belly began to expand.
She cried, "It's a baby!"
Her boyfriend said, "Maybe--
From now on we'll do it by hand."
--- G1677
Didn't know what precautions to take.
Dated several new guys;
Now her belly will rise,
Done in by a sly one-eyed snake.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0605
Missed her period of seventeen days.
Cried she, "My first screwing,
She is my undoing,
I scarcely can lace up my stays."
--- G1707
When blokes fail to give them a seat.
But it can be quite tough
To tell who's up the duff,
And who just had too much to eat.
--- Jarmo
Who went to the palace to dance.
She danced with a Turk
'Till he got in his dirk,
And now she can't button her pants.
--- L0927
With all of these parties incestuous.
John sees Mary Ellen,
Whose belly is swellin',
"Jim-Bob," says he,"'s been too impetuous."
--- Anon
Whose praise all the world was a-telling;
She played on the organ
Of J. Pierpont Morgan.
Small wonder her belly is swelling.
--- Edwardian Leer 084
Developed a crush on her teacher,
Who developed a lump
That developed a bump
That is now her most prominent feature.
--- John Ciardi
Lamenting she'd lacked lingam lately?
By the old Dog And Partridge,
I shot off my cartridge...
Her belly's now gaining girth greatly.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Your waistline most certainly shows
A prominent bulging
From overindulging
In sex and related no-nos.
--- Armand E Singer 119
Had a belly that swelled up a mass.
At a dance, she did blurt,
When she wore a grass skirt,
She encountered a snake in the grass.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1406
Who struggled to pay off a debt.
But things got out of hand,
And her waist did expand.
She assumed it was something she et.
--- Albin Chaplin
Whom one might mistake for a mummy.
Was she sick? dead? or well?
His friends couldn't tell
Till she started to swell in her tummy.
--- Laurence Perrine P9003
Whose corsets grew too tight to lace.
Her mother said, "Nelly,
There's more in your belly
Than ever went in through your face."
--- L0936
Your carelessness really does pain us."
Her mom added, "Nelly,
There's more in your belly
Than ever got in through your anus."
--- Ogni Gioia a
Had started to put on some weight.
Her mother said, "Nelly,
There's more in your belly,
That ever was put on your plate."
--- Bluebird a
"Okay, so my corsets won't lace;
But why so abusive?
The facts aren't conclusive --
I really am stuffing my face.
--- Armand E Singer 531
Who returned from a trip in the South.
Her father said, "Nelly,
There's more in your belly,
Than ever went in at your mouth.
--- Norman Douglas L0935
Who found she was putting on weight.
She requested a diet.
Said her doctor, "Sure, try it.
But your intake is more than you ate."
--- John Ciardi
Come on, my dear mother, let's face 'em;
I eat too damned much,
Little Debbies and such,
When I get the blues and can't chase `em."
--- Armand Singer
Who found herself swollen with kid,
Wailed, "The problem arose
When he tore off my clothes --
I kept saying 'no', but I did."
--- Armand E Singer 152
Who came home disheveled one day;
To Ma, filled with dread,
The gal sweetly said,
"To the treacle mines I've been to play."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Where legend from mouth to mouth passes,
And one such gives fame
To Sway, is the claim
Of mines, viz pits filled with molasses.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Said Nancy, who'd learned to lie early.
But we know, dear reader,
'Twas Bill Smith, the bleeder,
Who'd firtled the pearl of that girlie.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Our Nancy starts putting on weight.
Like so many lasses,
It weren't the molasses
That caused her young form to inflate.
--- Tiddy Ogg
If boys sticky things to you offer,
Please put in your mouth,
Not spots further south;
You're safer as sucker not boffer.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Demanded a workover nightly...
One invagination
Promoted gestation...
Now she's like a swole mole, and unsightly.
--- Grand Prix Lim 828 a
Who had sex while watching the telly.
The baby's past due,
But what can we do?
You should see the size of her belly.
--- Al Willis
It's something we all want to know?
Unless 'twas a re-run
It accounts for the bun
That is just waiting for a SRO.
--- Saint
Who never joined ranks with the wed,
"`Twasn't watching the telly
That distended my belly,
But viewing the damned thing in bed."
--- Armand Singer
And people are constantly telling,
"It isn't that sore!"
But I've been there before,
In nine months I'll surely be yelling!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Two Johns, but of Jacks only one;
One Harri, One Madi;
Poor Nix was the bady;
Jeffer wrote, and Wil bested the Hun.
--- Arthur Deex P9302a
This is file wpl
George B., he let taxes go higher.
And old Ronnie R.
Lied his share by far.
Let's hold all their feet to the fire!
--- H Welchel
To protect this great land - East to West
From treason and fraud
At home and abroad...
Earl Warren, you're under arrest.
--- Arthur Deex P8411A
He was asked by an old Texas Ranger.
The president sighed,
And promptly replied,
"No friend, I was born in a manger."
--- A N Wilkins P8411a
Did much good in the world that they faced.
Wrongs ego wrought,
SOBRIQUETS sought,
Tricky Dick and Slick Willy embraced.
--- Elois
For Cal Coolidge, that taciturn swell,
And announced he was dead,
Dorothy Parker is said
To have asked how the doctors could tell.
--- A N Wilkins P8912
Sends a message as if it were screamed;
If you take this position,
We'll dig ammuntion,
So you might as well never have dreamed.
--- LadyJ
Though Ike made one try in the garden
At fucking young Kate.
His biographers state,
He never could get a good hard on.
--- A N Wilkins P8912
The troops will be properly led.
I'll sleep like a log
And dream there's no fog.
My driver just tucked me in bed.
--- Frank Fazed
At golf I have reached my pinnacle.
I love your devotion
But please show emotion;
Some drinks would make you not so clinical.
--- Frank Fazed
Decorum and calm were restored.
He did nothing hateful,
For which we are grateful,
And terribly, terribly bored.
--- Anon
Who suggested he might climb aboard,
The campaign express,
If asked, but I guess,
The suggestion was largely ignored.
--- John Ciardi
Was worse than an ogre or Tsar.
But now when she reads
Of his numerous misdeeds,
She thinks he was also bizarre.
--- Warrick Elrod
Who did well with the cards he was dealt.
Depression when he was new,
The scourge of World War II,
He bent but he never knelt.
--- H Kleidman
That Franklin D. took out his member.
He said, like the bard,
"It will be long and hard,
Pearl Harbor has given me something to remember."
--- L1604
F.D.R. said. "I started this tour
Of duty quite sad.
I'd found things as bad
As I had been saying they were."
--- A N Wilkins P8912
Declared Roosevelt. "Through my endeavor
You'll just be beset
With a National Debt,
For ever and ever and ever."
--- Vassar W Smith P9304
I never really liked him a lot.
But old Franklin R.
Was better by far
Than this miserable bastard we've got.
--- Popsicle TP9806
Was standing erect as a lighthouse,
And the band grits its teeth
Playing "Hail to the Chief" --
After all, it is such a polite house!
--- Hugh Oliver A032B
Once shit-stained the crotch of his pant.
Went south with a negress,
Mistook cunt for egress,
And plundered her, one inch askant.
--- Anon
Politics with a bourgeois tone;
From now on you'll see,
You must vote carefully --
The life you save may be your own.
--- Martin Wellborn P8501
Passions conquered; good sense was left smarting.
Who'd the ladies elect?
Well, who did you suspect? --
Handsome Warren Gamaliel Harding.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8411
If they really want jobs, they can land 'em.
If a work-seeking tyke
Has no luck on a bike,
He can double his chance on a tandem."
--- Gerry Hamill
Who was raped by President Hoover.
(A two-liner)
--- Anon
Who claimed to have buggered Herb Hoover.
'Tis plain, whether he
Was fucker or fuckee,
'Twas a most impolitical maneuver.
--- G1073
"Though George from England broke away
And Abe set the slaves free,
Alas, unlucky me!
I've got the problems today."
--- Irving Superior P9301
A pudendum the size of a crock.
When her doctor asked why,
She could only reply,
"It's Old Hickory's dickery, Doc."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8912a
His false campaign vow, Fifty-four
Forty or fight!
And his work to incite
The Mexican-American War.
--- Election 2000
And brought honor in all his descendants,
When he said, pulling lockets
From two of his pockets,
"Look here, I declare, in de pendants..."
--- Larry Hollister
Tom fathered many, 'twould seem.
Using his plantation
To further procreation,
Jefferson needs OJ's DNA dream team.
--- Frank Petersohn
Was known as a tolerant fellow;
But the wenches he mastered
Bred more than one bastard,
For lack of some vaginal jello.
--- Norm Storer P9204a
But good leaders just had to fall.
Martin, JFK
And Bobby they slay,
Then Nixon and Reagan did pall!
--- Anon
Upon seeing my scar, quite untidy:
"Would they still all be smiles
Had the problem been piles?"
Gave the press a good laugh. Impropriety!
--- Frank Fazed
To monkey-shines with Gary Hart.
But the public is slow
To accept crowning blow,
Jack Kennedy to Clinton imparts.
--- Daniel Ford
Its "All the way with LBJ."
We cursed him for that;
The words fell so flat
The sea came and took him away!
--- Anon
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