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My computer's got Win 95; Hey, girls! (And you guys who are gay) Windows is also a loss; If you think I don't like Bill Gates, Of computers I have only three, When you thought it could never get worse, Win 95, it is true, I had Windoz working quite well, My computer is only the best, In safe mode, I've dug through my cache, I'm now getting access from cable; On Windows I never was keen; If you don't want computers to dive, Let chaos around you unfurl, Y2K makes computers act strange. At the end of 1999, at midnight, Come 2000, time's technical junction, Humankind an ingenious lot? Mr Holmes said, "It's quite elementary, There was an old man, Father Time, The millenium's not far away; The century's there in disguise, Millennial predictions gave fright; Y2K, is there some way to slow it? As 2000 comes ever closer, We coded and coded all night, So now that 2000 is here, Well, I did get me quite a few yucks Some forty-odd years ago, It really's no matter how long. As for 2001, it is so; He'll be bonging, least that's what he said, Aren't you and I the lucky one, The end of an era approaches, The apocalypse's nothing to fear, The next thousand years will unfold, Every chest filled with glorious hope, Exploration of infinite space, This millennium for jubilation, The firm had a collective thrill A millenium date-buster named Lidgetts, There once was a firm called Defiance, The cash you have stashed should hold out The new century has come. Now allayed Y2K will bring on a mob scene; A year ago, byte-heads cried wolf; Y2K, and isn't it grand? The millennium's not really here, It's not that I'm not a good sport, The year 2000 as some define, We'll have such a problem with dates, How remorselessly time seems to flow Some in 999 had the fear The year 2000 arrived, Concern for the New Year now stems A distant descedant of Nero Millenium bug-hunter Bill I have to work double shifts As the start of the century's near, We may have the 2000 bug, A Millennium bug named Curly, Symposium sessions Y2K Said she, "I find Christmas enthralling There was a young lady from Maine Said young Joseph to beautiful Nadya, I'm limp and totally sated. A milliner maiden in Sankey,
I think DOS should be revived.
New programs may run,
But old stuff is done;
Important records can't be archived.
--- Jordon
Technology now leads the way.
If you masturbate
Using Win98,
You'll come where you want to today.
--- Anon
It's second-rate mainly because
Made by too big a crew,
It was never thought through,
And was built on a nightmare called DOS.
--- Kevin Moore
Or his expensive, incredible rates,
You just might be right
'Cause it was just last night
I spent rebuilding from 95 mistakes.
--- SlvrBear
Two pentiums and a 486 you see.
The two on 95
Both have a crashed drive,
The one on 3.x is for me.
--- SlvrBear
Things have gone from bad to perverse.
Proudly dubbed "95",
It eats RAM alive,
As it increases Microsoft's purse.
--- Kevin Moore
Is a system that is like unto glue.
It pastes and sticks things
In incredible rings,
Wherever you don't want it to.
--- SlvrBear
Thought one more tweak would be swell.
Now I sift thru the ashes
Of multiple crashes
Of my Win98SE shell.
--- Anon
But Windows is still just a test,
Of resources and memory,
And in overall summary:
Bill Gates should be stabbed in the chest.
--- Jordon
After windows went down with a crash.
From folder junk piles,
I've rescued my files,
And reformatted windows from ash.
--- Goin2later
So far my new modem is stable.
With the software installed,
My CPC's firewalled,
So hackers can't feast at my table.
--- Travis Brasell
Now XP is on my machine.
But how can they call
This a firewall,
When really, it's just a smokescreen?
--- SFA
Start planning ahead to survive.
In eight thousand years hence,
It won't make much sense
For a four-digit date, only five!
--- H Myers TP9804
And not to get caught in the whirl.
Maintain outlook bright,
And on New Year's night,
Remember to be a good girl!
--- Daniel Ford
The dates will be all out of range.
Hey, What's all the fuss!?
It'll only cost us
Fifty billion kajillion and change.
--- Dave Boss
All the bytes and the bits will take flight.
P.C.s piled on the floor
Will function no more,
To the abacus dealer's delight.
--- Prof
My computer may face Extreme Unction.
But what I most query
Is, will I be merry,
And thus prove I'm still able to function.
--- Stanley Bashkin
With our computers, I rather think not.
We shall cause our demise;
Armageddon arise,
When we once again hit the year dot.
--- Friar
And the proof is all evidentiary.
In the files, under year,
Two bytes don't appear,
They've been stolen -- the crime of the century!
--- Terry Miller
Said, "Brother can you spare a dime?
My years are two-digit;
The dollars to fix it
Equate to the largest known prime!"
--- Graham Hannington
Get onto your coding today.
Fix it or fudge it;
The Boss won't begrudge it,
If everything works on that day.
--- Robyn Croft
But, alas, we all know that time flies.
When 99's past,
We'll all learn, at last,
That using four digits is YYYY.
--- Neil Bloomfield
Said the end of the world was in sight.
But the bug Y2K
Must have led them astray;
Lets thank goodness those assholes weren't right.
--- Tom Patton
And if not, will we really blow it?
Perhaps some young heroes
Can conquer the zeroes,
And save us this world, as we know it.
--- Island Singer TP9901
Will computers crash? What will occur?
Will all systems fail?
Will we wind up in jail?
Are your taxes paid? Yes sir? No sir?
--- Ystap
To make all the dates work just right.
And because of our code,
The world didn't explode
On December 31st at midnight.
--- Matt Horan
It appears we have nothing to fear;
Our computers still ran
And no shit hit the fan --
It is simply another new year.
--- Cap'n Bean
Hacking sloppy old software that sucks.
Fixing up Y2K
For pretty good pay,
And I could use few thousand bucks.
--- Anon
There were things we didn't know;
Like Y2K
May someday,
Cause our computers to blow.
--- Anon
The year 2000 is wrong.
That's when this one will end
My misinformed friend.
Wait for 2001 to go B-O-N-G!
--- Arden
But for postponing boning, say "No!"
I just can't wait that long
Before bonging my gong --
So both New Years Eves, BONG I'll go!
--- Arden
Meaning "banging", I think in its stead.
But they're sure not the same,
The bong tickles your brain,
While the other one tickles your head.
--- Mike
Getting ready for calendar fun!
The night will soon be
A countdown you see;
A bimillenary Millennium?
--- Maggie
This is file wlm
Fresh thoughts that this turning point broaches:
All hail a new spring,
For the joy it will bring;
Time to shed tired ways and reproaches.
--- Joel D Ash P0900
For the end of the world is not near;
Many changes no doubt,
As new ideas sprout,
And the limits of man disappears.
--- Joel D Ash P0900
With wonders untold to behold;
The advancement of life,
No more endless strife,
Threshold of an age of pure gold.
--- Joel D Ash P0900
Peace and progress as we learn to cope;
The ascension of art,
The expansion of heart,
Opportunities boundless in scope.
--- Joel D Ash P0900
Truth and beauty pervades every place;
Past dreams coming true,
Renaissance heights anew,
Brotherhood that we all will embrace.
--- Joel D Ash P0900
Sweet virtue achieves adulation;
Omnipresence of love,
Lasting flight of the dove,
All rejoice in a global elation.
--- Joel D Ash P0900
Regarding the Y2K ill;
It will work out fine,
They'll go back in time.
One hundred more years they can bill.
--- Anon
Who tried all known "hard" and "soft" widgets,
Said, "Not well does this bode --
There's no space in this code,
For adding those two blasted digits!"
--- FCA TP9804
Who had an unholy alliance
With the 2-digit date;
You can guess their fate --
It sure doesn't take rocket science!
--- Karen Basiulis
In case that the banks are all out.
But worry? Not me!
I feel very carefree!
I refuse to take part and pout.
--- Maggie
Is angst stirred by the fear-monger trade.
All you chickenshit souls
Can come out of your holes --
This old world has not been Y2K'd.
--- William N Nesbit
We'll dump Pentiums in the latrine.
We'll all go berserk,
And nothing will work,
And our eyes will be 19/19,
--- Tom Patton
Billions wasted on the Y2K goof.
So now we're all wary
And don't find them scary,
Without a whole boatload of proof.
--- Election 2000
There's consulting all over this land,
For old fogeys like me
(And we don't work for free!)
Fixing software only we understand.
--- John
For we still have another whole year,
Until 2001,
When the century's done,
The the NEXT thousand years will appear.
--- Cap'n Bean
But millennial parties abort!
While the plans for next year
Will bring everyone cheer,
The current century's one year short.
--- Tom Patton P9912
"A millennial year." Asinine!
19 centuries yes
Plus one a year less
The 20th has just 99.
--- Tom Patton P9912
If we don't solve it before it's too late.
Just two missing digits,
But we really must fix it;
Other projects will just have to wait.
--- Carl Elkins
Towards that brave dawn of two oh oh oh.
As I see the picture,
The rich will get richer
And, oh yes, some computers will blow.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
That their own world would end the next year.
Just as with Y2K,
We wonder today,
Will our whole high tech world disappear?
--- Irving Superior P9902
And all of my systems survived.
My suppliers went bust
(Who I thought I could trust)
And my company's share price has dived.
--- Richard Yendall
About Y2K dread mayhems.
This madness forbid,
Do as Romans did,
Think of the time as 2M
--- Chris Papa
Planned to be the millenium hero.
But he fiddled around,
With time winding down,
And soon found his years turned to zero.
--- Len Sokol
Said "Boss, we've just got until
The end of the year
To get these bugs clear.
But at this rate, we never will!"
--- Gary Smith
Checking processors, phones, and lifts.
I've looked everywhere
With no time to spare,
'Cause two zeroes is really the pits.
--- Phil Barnett
What names for that year will we hear?
Will we say "Oh-Oh"?
With all the bugs, No!
We may call the year "Uh Oh", I fear.
--- Lawrence J. Krakauer
The CEO said with a shrug.
But I won't shed a tear,
I retire next year,
So I swept the thing under the rug.
--- Roger Thomas
Had the whole world all in a whirly.
Said the people "Oh dear!
When we saw you were here,
We got excited a whole year too early".
--- Anon
Are all the rage for sages to say,
That they know the reasons
For wanting the seasons:
Dark ages stemmed from Problem Y1K.
--- Daniel Ford
With carols and gay deck the halling.
So sweet, come with me
And we'll trim the yule tree --
We'll hug and we'll kiss after balling."
--- Bob Giandomenico P8712
Who said, "I am having a pain
Down here in my middle,
I think I won't diddle
With Oscar the butcher again."
--- Limber Limericks
"It's many long years since I hadya."
Said she, "You're a rat,
To talk about that.
Why can't you keep secrets, you cadya?"
--- Isaac Asimov
Passion has finally abated.
With our sweat I am drenched,
And my thirst has been quenched.
I'm feeling narcotically sedated.
--- Petal
Said, "Let us have not hankey-pankey!"
But after a while
She said, with a smile,
"For what you have given, I thank 'ee."
--- Harold C Bibby
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