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As long as you girls are curvaceous, Let's rendezvous, babe, at my barn A lad from far-off Transvaal A smart-aleck hick named Jack Cass Propositioned by Buddy McClure, CPA Cornelius Drext, There was a young fellow from Brighton I did it. I stood in her garden But although once again I'm in traction, That dumb ass! Aw, who'd hate a chick A lecherous salesman named Leeth A horny, uncouth little runt Instead of a charity box, "I would", to his date murmured Dick, To assure yourself getting a slice, A cinema star who got famous, Now you are really in luck; At the Bell was one hot, Latin mama, There was an old man of Montbello Oh vandal of velvet and vice, There once was a girl from South Philly Resisting of course my intention I'm a horny, insensitive lunk, I'll eat it with all of the trimmin', The ladies all think I'm a prick, A horny magician called Ed I called him a randy old goat. A Scout helped a lady go through We're running along through the grass, An everglades chick I did woo, So let's all agree and not scoff, There once was a man named Magruder, Then, a cop who was walking his beat, I called out into the ether, Believe me my dear, there's no boasting; You'll never have to strip your own clothes When I saw this young girl from Nebraska, There was a young man of Hoboken Said old Dick to a quite famous beauty, At a party a girly named Speers Most lines don't require much luck, Said Charlie, "I tell them let's fuck!" So's I can strip you of your scanties, A lecherous fellow named Babbit, A horrid old lady of Summit, There was a young man named Mick, I must say I got quite a shock, There was a young fellow named Louvies, A man asked my wife, "May we fuck?" I'm a single young man, quite sincere, A confirmed multilinguist, I fear, I also can't think when I'm crooked; Can you recommend a good bitch? My girlfriend won't give me a look in; For a billion dollars I'll play A philosopher, finding a stone- Rose's are red; it is true. I won't deny I like quim-eatin', Last night a phone call obscene A towering boor named Infernal (opposites cure opposites)
A rapacious young man named McGee Here's Jon, who could never think straight; There was a young lady of Clare There once was a young man so horny, "Oh dear," gushed a poet named Pitts, A workman who dwelt in Wyre Piddle Though your head may look like a 'tater,
Who cares if you're thick or sagacious?
If uplift you dream
Of, just rub in my cream;
Unlike duct tape it's proven efficacious.
--- Anon
And roll in the hay till a yarn
Is spun for the telling,
And we are both yelling
And neither of us gives a darn.
--- Anon
Was lustful, but tactful withal.
He'd say, just for luck,
"Mam'selle, do you fuck?"
But he'd bow 'till he almost would crawl.
--- L0115
Often whistles at dollies who pass.
Of some the reaction
Gives him great satisfaction,
For they often go down in the grass.
--- Grand Prix Lim 119
A titsome blonde love with allure
Said, "You seem to lack zing,
But I've got a hot thing,
So my answer to you, Bud, is SURE!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 239
Consulted by a dame, oversexed.
"Help me, goddamn!
To screw Uncle Sam!"
He said "Yes if I can be next!"
--- Marsha Magee TP9806
An elderly spinster did frighten.
He held her by the wrist
Then said, "Cease and desist,
For lovin's much better than fightin'!"
--- Albin Chaplin
And shouted, "Come fuck!" She said, "Pardon?"
And flashed me a smile
But I splashed half a mile;
Not ideal for maintaining a hard on.
--- Anon
I can't get enough of your action;
It won't put me off you,
I'll have you and boff you,
And give you complete satisfaction.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whose name is "Cowcutie?" Now pick
Yourself up and start
All over and dart
To my place and straddle my dick.
--- Anon
Would always feel girls underneath.
The young ladies down South
Gave him busts in the mouth,
While up North, he got cracks in the teeth.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1880
Treated girls in his manner so blunt.
He would talk to them, not
Because friendship he sought,
But because they were owners of cunt.
--- Al Chaplin P0302
For good causes I use my sox
To collect public money.
But if she's a honey,
I whisper, "Come delve in my jocks."
--- Anon
"Amuse you by flicking my Bic;
But my fuse has been lit,
So I'd deem it more fit,
To enthuse you by dipping my wick!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Proposition all dames at least twice.
If your whispers and hugging
Don't start one to slugging,
Your second attempt may prove NICE.
--- Grand Prix Lim 839
Grabbed a waitress to feel what a dame is.
"Let us eat, let us drink,"
The ham said with a wink,
"And make Mary, if that's what your name is."
--- Don Moore P0204
I won't wrap you in the tape, duct.
For others have burst
At the size of my wurst,
But you will enjoy our first fuck!
--- Archie
So I asked of her, "¨Como se llama . . . ?"
Before crying, "Carajo!"
As I dropped my last taco . . .
(. . . but she fed me hers later en cama).
--- Anon
Who met a young girl who said, "Hello."
"Well, enough has been said,
Let us both get to bed.
I'm a man of few words," he did bellow.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0270
With breasts so perkily nice!
Your lustful gyrations
Make for phallic elations.
Oh, why won't a ten-spot suffice?
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who quit Greenpeace cause she thought it silly.
I said, " Don't worry, Gail,
If you still want to pet a whale,
Just undo my zipper and free willy!"
--- Anon
To rudely or otherwise mention,
My kind invitation
Is borne of frustration
And bothersome underwear tension.
--- Anon
Who thinks foreplay all hooey and bunk.
Bend yourself 'cross that chair,
With your ass in the air,
And I'll spackle your cervix with spunk.
--- Anon
The same way that I like my women.
I'm cock o' the walk
So get on my stalk,
And I'll get down to slammin' that quim in
--- Anon
But calling me names will not stick.
If me you can handle
By holding a candle,
Come over and get on my wick
--- Anon
Was leching his helper and said,
"This hard-on, my dear,
I shall make disappear,
If you get on your back in my bed."
--- David Miller
Then he chuckled deep in his throat,
"You bet I am, dear
So, get over here --
There's bits of my body in bloat."
--- Anon
A busy street crossing in Kew.
She said, "Can I repay
Your good deed for today?"
Said the Boy Scout, "Just give me a screw."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2333
When Charlie falls right on his ass.
"Hey, Babe," the jerk said,
"Come here. Gimmie head!"
The damn guy just ain't got no class.
--- Anon
One evening; My tool really grew.
Driving down a dark road,
How I drooled as I crowed:
"I'm going to Tampa with you!"
--- Allen Wolverton
Or criticise, whimper or wrath,
We give you the eye,
You raise your skirts high,
And show us the good stuff straight off.
--- Tim Fisher
Who lived with a stripper and wooed her.
She said it was rude
To get wooed in the nude,
So Magruder got ruder and screwed her.
--- Anon
Came upon this virgin young treat.
He, being wise
Said "Don't mind the size.
I'll now show you who's got the meat!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file wll
Lusting for my Thweet Peether.
Ith it really you?
Have you come to do
Me? (Or just some heavy breather?)
--- Ericka
I'm dying to give you a roasting.
My hormones won't rest
Till I'm on your chest,
And my glockenspiel you are hosting.
--- Anon
Unless you're a stripper, I suppose.
So come on and shake it,
And all, please, off take it,
And then my thirst slake it with those! (*)(*)
--- Anon
I was seized with the urge to unmask her.
As to how she would feel
If I asked her to peel,
I admit Idaho -- but Alaska!
--- Keith MacMillan A075A
Who was well known for being outspoken.
When a girl said, "What next?"
He would say, "Let's get sexed."
And within half an hour, he'd be pokin'.
--- Isaac Asimov
"I think that it's my bounden duty
To give you the measure
Of my tip for your pleasure --
And by "tip" I don't mean a gratuity."
--- Isaac Asimov
Found everyone else there, were queers.
Cried the frail with a wail
As she sat on her tail,
"I ain't been propositioned for YEARS!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 102
So remember one thing when you're stuck:
The ultimate goal --
Get your dick in the hole.
You can try, "Hey c'mon, let's fuck!"
--- Anon
Said I, "But don't you get struck
By the girls you insult?"
"It's a worthwhile result.
Sometimes I fallen in luck."
--- John Miller
Those wonderful silky smooth panties,
And lick you up slick
'Fore I slide in my dick,
And you ride 'til we both have the ranties!
--- Anon
Asked a girl if she'd fuck it or nab it.
Said she, "From long habit,
I fuck like a rabbit,
So I'd rather cohabit than grab it.
--- L1369
Every time she got laid, had to vomit.
And although she would groan,
When her man got a bone,
"Give it here", she would say, "and I'll gum it."
--- L1617
Who wanted a girl suck his dick.
Seated next at a bar,
Said, "I know who you are!"
And placed her lips on his prick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When I opened the door to your knock,
And there you were standing
Quite nude on the landing,
With lipstick all over your cock.
--- Michael Horgan
Who tickled his girl in the boobies,
And as she contorted,
He looked down and snorted,
"My prick wants to get in your movies!"
--- L1609
"I'm flowing. Your cock let me suck.
You can knock up at will
My daughter--maid still--
And cream off my sons, just for luck!"
--- Clement Wood G0744
Asking you to accompany me, dear.
The journey, of course,
Will be on a horse;
You in front, and me in the rear.
--- Anon
Finds conditions for flirting severe.
A girl scarcely knows
The resonse to a beau's
"Bitte, couchez avec mich, my dear."
--- Isaac Asimov
A few licks was all that it took, kid.
And now that I'm straight,
Please bend for my eight
Inch missile that longs to be fooked.
--- Anon
I've gotten the seven-year itch.
My balls are all blue
And loaded with goo.
I need to get inside that niche!
--- Coolbreeze
Her dildo takes care of the fuckin'.
Are there any spare cracks?
I must empty my sacks
And if not, hows about a good suckin'.
--- F Ormatsee
Any game, or a roll in the hay.
I'm low on my cash
And hard in a flash;
Beauty's only a lightswitch away.
--- Anon
Blind whore in a tropical zone,
Said "Miss, if you please,
Dine down on your knees,
Al fresco, and nibble my bone!"
--- Anon
And Violet's are probably bue.
But your nipples my love
Are like Heaven above;
Can I suck them and give you a screw?
--- PeterW
And also my zurd likes quim beatin'.
My jism will fly
Into your fur pie;
You'll not complain as I'm compleatin'.
--- Anon
Was left on my answer machine.
The sounds of him breathing,
But no number leaving,
I think that is really so mean.
--- Anon
Sported organs of sex internal.
When an insensitive lass
Did take him to task,
He replied, "Contraria contrarilis curantur-al."
--- Anon
Who was out on a big screwing spree,
Said, "Let those who don't fuck
Take a quick quiet duck --
The rest better pass it out free."
--- G0651
His raging hormones...now sedate.
And RanDog once randy,
Thinks offering his candy
Will put me in some frenzied state.
--- Anon
Who was hotly pusued by a bare
And tumescent young buck,
Desirous to fuck
The depths of her sweet derriere.
--- Hugh Clary
He couldn't say anything corny.
He said, "I'm not joking,
I'm due for some poking.
Come play with my thing that is thorny.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"Your cunt shakes me loose from my wits;
Since time out of mind
I've craved your behind,
And oft lusted after your tits."
--- Armand Singer
Met a maiden and posed her a riddle.
"I find I'm afire
With carnal desire:
My poker is hot -- is your griddle?"
--- Harold C Bibby
And your ass couldn't be that much greater,
I'll flip you around,
Shove your face to the ground,
And pork you from now until later.
--- Anon
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